Friday, January 9, 2009

Things With Blagojevich are Impeachy Keen, Thanks for Asking.


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



R. Blagoj. (as Linda Cohn would call him) just became the first Illinois Governor to get his get impeached on.

Do I expect R. Blagoj. to just lay down and do nothing about this? Heck no. If history, or the photo below, has taught us anything it is that R. Blagoj is a fighter.




kinda reminds me of this






Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Truer Words Have Never Been Written in the Chicago Tribune


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Today's Tribune runs an editorial that says the following:

"So let's get back to the only issue here: This state and the U.S. Senate have every reason to avoid the taint of a U.S. senator....."

And you know what? Those words are as true today as they were during much simpler times. I like that.

Bees on Cocaine Dance With More Passion


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


That headline wasn't any kind of euphemism. Yesterday the New York Times reported on a study that found that when bees were given cocaine, they do their food dance more often. When bees find food, they come back to the hive and do a dance to alert the entire hive of their find. But they dance only when they find a lot of food that could benefit the entire hive, not just everytime they find any amount of food.

This report found that coked-up bees are more likely to dance, even if they discover a quantity of food that isn't "dance-worthy" under non-cokey circumstances.

The point of me posting this: To show off that I read the New York Times yesterday.




Man Caught With Gun at O'Hare Airport!!!


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


But he is not Arab, so there's no need to worry. Just a random wacko and not a sign of increased terror level. Whew. That was close.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Watch for Flash Flooding From the Olentangy River


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



An estimated 53,715 students are expected to be doing the Cry and Wap into Columbus, Ohio's Olentangy River after the humiliating defeat Monday night's Fiesta Bowl. The National Weather Service has issued a Flash Flood Warning effective once the Cry and Wap residue finds its way into the Olentangy, causing levels to rise drastically.

January is, once again, Cry and Wap time in Columbus, Ohio, thinking about what could have been for the Buckeyes football team.






Dear THE Ohio State University,


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


After Texas is finished having it's way with you, don't forget to fluff the pillow a few times to get your teeth marks off.

You suck,

T.R. Slyder





Sunday, January 4, 2009

FINALLY: a Decent Excuse to Show These Pics Again!


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Lynndie, you personify female sophistication. Classy, educated, dignified, ethical, pulchritudinous, an underlying air of sexual coyness, confident, accomplished, and cosmopolitan. You make me thank God and Baby Jesus everyday for making me a heterosexual male.

To paraphrase Billy Joel, "She lead prisoners of war around on leashes, that much, she'll tell ya/she had a cigarette hangin' from her mouth as she double-pointed at their exposed genitalia/She also forced inmates to form pyramids while naked, that ended badly/And her Commanding Officer is her baby-daddy/She did time/For war crimes/But she's always a woman to me"

P.S. You were interviewed in The Guardian on Saturday.


I will never forgive you if you don't read the interview, but in case you don't, I'll provide my favorite tidbits. Or, as tween girls say, "my faves".

-Lynndie lives in her hometown still and lives in an adjacent trailer park lot to mother. She also spends a lot of time trying to not run into old high school acquaintances. Hmmmm. Just a thought, she is living in the WORST CITY IN THE WORLD to do that in. Every single city in the entire planet is better to do that in. If you don't want to see them, maybe you should live in a different city. Something to think about. That's like saying "I really, really hope I don't see any animals today." Then walking into a zoo and being upset that you saw animals again there.

- As a convicted felon, Lynndie is not allowed to own a gun, which means that she cannot participate in one of her favorite hobbies, hunting. About having that that right revoked she said, "That pissed me off; made me so mad." What she liked about hunting, she says, was "the going out, being in the woods. Time to think, being out in nature. I love it. Now I can't do that." Now, I'm may not be renkowned naturalist, but I am nearly positive that you can be in nature, think in nature and, yes, even love nature without a gun. A gun is designed to destroy, maim and kill, it is not some kind of medium, that when held, allows one to enjoy, the otherwise unenjoyable nature. In fact, it is designed to destroy things in nature.

- When referring to a fellow female, Abu Ghraib U.S. solider, Megan Ambuhl, who was not convicted of any wrongdoing, who, despite allegations she participated in mistreating inmates, never appeared in any photographs, , England says, "She didn't plan that. It just happened. She wasn't clever. She's a pothead. She was just there. She wasn't in a lot of photos because she didn't want to be. She would just walk away." Um, that sounds a lot more clever than smiling and giving a thumb's up. Like, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot more clever.

- Oh wow. This part isn't just awesome, it's "aweshome". Lynndie's Commanding Officer that KU'd her, was two-timing her the whole time with Ambuhl, picture at right. What a saucy little number, she is.



Frank Lloyd Does it (W)Right




By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I had a friend in town this weekend and did some touristy stuff in Chicago, so I figured I'd pass it along.

On Saturday I took a tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's 1909 Prairie House, The Robie House. The house is in the Hyde Park neighborhood which was primarily known as the neighborhood that houses The University of Chicago, but is now better known as the neighborhood that Barack Obama lives in. It's an intellectually-funky neighborhood and is definitely worth the trip.

The tour of the house was well worth it, but oddly included only four rooms of the house. Due to Chicago fire codes, a business is not allowed to operate their business in any building that is 1) over two floors tall that, 2) has only one staircase. So if the tours were conducted on all three floors, they would be violating the Chicago firecode. Further truncating the tour was the restoration of the building that put a few rooms off limits to us. Despite the access limitations, I still thought the tour was worth it. They compensate for the lack of display availability with tour guides that are extremely knowledgable and pasisonate about their jobs, and also excessively friendly.

The tour consisted of the foyer, living room, dining room and kitchen. The foyer had 7-feet-high ceilings and felt rather cramped, which is a signature of a Wright house. I learned that he wants visitors to not be able to see any of the house upon the first step inside, so that when they arrive to the family room they see the entire space and have a eureka/awe-inspiring moment.

The living room and dining room were essentially the same room and were separated by a long, flat fireplace that doubled as a partition between the two rooms. The tour guide showed us all the smallest details, and how every conceivable detail about the house was designed by Wright. What struck me the most about the tour was how consumed with details Wright must have been. He designed not just an astounding house, he designed the "art-glass" (like stained-glass, but only with the majority of the window being transparent, and the colored glass serving only as embellishment) windows and every house he designed has it's own pattern, he designed the rugs that also have a pattern unique to each house, he designed the mouldings that go around each light fixture like a laurel wreath, he designed ALL of the furniture for the house and made the owners agree to never change the furniture and that they must leave the furniture in the house if they move, he even designed dresses for the lady of the house to wear to match the architecture and decor.

It sounded reminiscent of a "Bridezilla" only like a male, architect version. But the house was remarkable.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Found This Out The Hard Way


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


If you Google "Peyton Manning Mustache", the above pic appears on the second page.

Like, Peyton Manning's Team


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Now that Brett Favre is retiring (you heard it here first), all of the latently gay football mancrush
talk will now hing upon Peyton Manning. He'll be the dude that it's just assumed everyone kinda loves or respects on some level.

Also, if I had Photoshop, I totally woulda Photoshopped gay porn into Peyton's phone in that picture.

Why Won't You Share Your Love With Me?


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Easily the best commercial in the Commercial Game today is the McDonald's commercial where the dude sings, "Girl, you got a 10-piece please don't be stingy"

Above in the photograph is a noteworty McNugget. It's the only McNugget in history that isn't either an oval, or in the shape of Indiana- a true culinary marvel.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

India. Moustaches. Police.


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I think I'm the only blogger with the balls to break a story that the BBC originally aired in early 2004. I just break news like that.

The article says that the Indian government basically subsidized moustaches for their policemen, believing that they command respect.

I would pay money to be there for a budgeting meeting and hear, "Deepak, this station is hemorrhaging money. We have to cut back the perks. I even think we're going to have to cut the budget for moustache incentives. We simply pay to much more for moustaches. According to the FT, we have grossly overpaid the current global rate for moustache cultivation. If we want to be among the world's most savvy, sophisticated and financially viable police forces, we will simply have to pay less for moustaches."



Editor's note: I called them "moustaches" because when a foreigner has a 'stache that awesome, you have to call it a "moo-stache".

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

This Probably Makes Me a Bad Person

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Ok, so I copied and pasted this directly from today's Chicago Tribune.

On the print edition, this article appears on page 19, which is effectively, page 3 of the business section. As a teaser for this article, it appears on page 1 of the business section, with the author's photo and the headline "Do Diet Pills Really Work?"

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: I think I know how she is going to answer that.

I appreciate the author not sending me any hate mail after this posting. She truly is the bigger person. Truly.


Diet aids may slim only your wallet

Kayce T. Ataiyero Kayce T. Ataiyero Bio | E-mail | Recent columns


The new year is almost upon us and so are those annual resolutions to lose weight. But if you're thinking of using an over-the-counter diet aid in your battle of the bulge, many experts say you might want to think again. In many cases, they say, you can do just as well on your own.

Medical experts say there are few studies on the effectiveness of most over-the-counter appetite suppressants, metabolism boosters and other diet aids. Those that have been conducted, such as the one published in 2004 in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, concluded the evidence that they actually help people lose weight is not convincing.

Depending on the pill—and your body chemistry—you might see slight results, but it's not likely to be much better than those you would get from diet and exercise alone, experts say. And there are risks. Some pills act as a diuretic, resulting in water loss rather than fat loss. Others contain stimulants to boost energy, which can cause problems for people with heart conditions, diabetes or high blood pressure.

In addition, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration recently issued a health warning to consumers about tainted weight loss pills that contain undisclosed and potentially dangerous ingredients. A list of these products can be found at chicagotribune.com/dietmed.

Experts recommend consulting your doctor before taking over-the-counter diet aids or undergoing any diet and exercise plan. Howard Eisenson, executive director of the Duke Diet and Fitness Center, said he does not recommend using over-the-counter diet products at all.


"I can tell you that I, and I believe most weight control experts, do not favor the non-prescription products out there," he said. "They don't meet the twin tests of both effectiveness and safety."

The same goes for the products being peddled on infomercials, promising massive weight loss with no effort, experts say. If you're sitting close enough to the TV to read the fine print, you'll see that most of them are not approved by the FDA. That means there's likely no independent evidence that the product is effective or even safe, experts say.

"In a nutshell, I think people are throwing their money away," said Amy Virus, a registered dietitian with the Center for Obesity Research and Education at Temple University. "There's no 'lose 20 pounds' pill. Any time you see one of those crazy claims, definitely question it."

When I made an inquiry about non-prescription diet aids to the Consumer Healthcare Products Association, which represents manufacturers of over-the-counter drugs, a spokeswoman referred me to the makers of the products.

Chris Pugh, a spokesman for PatentHealth, the maker of one appetite suppressant—Apatrim—said the company stands behind the product's claims. The Web site says that Apatrim is "willpower in a bottle" and that all of the people who took the pill in trials lost weight or inches without diet or exercise.

There's also an asterisk directing you to the disclosure that those statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

"The claims we make on the Web site are backed by clinical studies," Pugh said. "We strongly believe in the product."

For now, experts say there's only one FDA-approved over-the-counter diet pill: Alli. Alli blocks the body's absorption of fat and has been proven to help people lose weight, experts say. The makers of Alli say it can boost weight loss by 50 percent if used in conjunction with a low-fat diet. And therein lies the rub.

Alli, like many other over-the-counter diet aids, requires that you eat right and exercise. If you make the mistake of thinking that the pills give you license to pig out on cheeseburgers and pizza, they won't work. And with Alli, you'll be treated to unpleasant side effects such as uncontrollable bowels if you eat too much fat.

Even with prescription diet pills, experts say, diet and exercise are a must. Dr. Donald Hensrud, a Mayo Clinic diet guru, said consumers often have unrealistic expectations for both over-the-counter and prescription diet aids. Hensrud said that, in both cases, the results are often modest and likely attributable to changes in eating habits and physical activity.

"It gets down to the basics. The basics are challenging to apply, however," Hensrud said. "When people are faced with a difficult challenge, it's human nature, they want to find that magic bullet."

So, there's no getting around that whole diet and exercise thing. But you knew that. And if you had the discipline to do that, you wouldn't need the pill in the first place. I mean, didn't you make this same resolution last year?

Stop The Presses Again! Tom Cruise Holocaust Movie Wasn't a Major Success!!!
















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


You know how you can feel vicariously offended for people, even though you were not directly offended? Like if you hear a guy saying outrageously sexist things to a woman, a guy can still think "Wow, I'm not even a woman and I'm offended."? As an honorary Jew, that's I feel about the marketing of Valkyrie.

The movie "stars" the biggest joke-of-a-leading-man in recent memory, takes place in a foreign country- yet contains no foreign language or even accents, and deals with the genocide of the Jewish people. Ok, so all that information doesn't mean that it was marketed toward the Jews, it just makes it a period-piece. Fair enough. Only it was released on Christmas Day! Jew Movie Day. So their sales pitch was "Hi there, Jew. How are you? Good. Listen, got any plans for Christmas? Oh great. Have I got a movie for you! It stars a laughably awful actor, and is a period piece. The period is when Hitler tried to annihilate every single last one of you. The movie will contain no real suspense, since you already know how the war ended. Plus, since it's about genocide and is a total downer, that will go well with you wishing you could be celebrating Christmas like all of your other friends! That way, when everyone is celebrating material excess, you can re-live the attempted extermination of your relatives! Now does that sound great, or does that sound great?? See ya in the theaters on the 25th!"

Seriously, what about this movie is watchable to ANYONE? Much less to a Jew. On Christmas.

Hollywood trying to sell that package to the Jews would be like if one of your friends hooked up with your mom, then having me say "Hey there, for only $10 I'll have Gilbert Gottfried narrate the story of how your friend totally nailed your mom!"


STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!: Israel and Hamas Still Are Not Getting Along!!!!!!!!!!!!


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I don't find the Israeli/Hamas conflict to be funny in any way. But I do find it funny that the media expects me to jump out of my seat and convulse with shock that they're feuding again.

Let's think about the word "News". The root word here is "new". In fact, "the news" is the polar opposite of "the olds". So when something happens, that is literally one of "the news". If I were to report that I am respirating, books have words, or that squid continue to live in the ocean, that would fall under the category of "the olds". We already knew that.

When Hamas and Isreal are at odds with one another, or a peace accord is broken, or one bombs the other, that is literally not "news". That's "olds". Other similar such pseudo-news: California wildfires, The Cubs come up short in October, Tom Cruise acts bizarrely, the San Diego forecast looks sunny, etc. I am familar with what a "slow news day" is and how it can affect the news coverage that day, but lets try to remember what the word "news" actually means.






Rod Blagojevich is Now More Awesome Than Ever


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Nut Blag did it again! Mr. 7% Approval Rating just went ahead and appointed a Senate successor to Obama's seat, anyway. Despite being told by everyone that matters, that they'd reject anyone he was stupid enough to name to the Senate, Blagojevich appointed Roland Burris to the Senate.

This strategy was 4-fold for Hot Roddy.

1- It maintains Blago's staunch stance of denial. He thinks that if he can close his eyes, the problem will go away. Making an appointment anyway is consistent with his ethos of "Ok, I am under investigation, but I still have a job to do. I won't just sit around all day with my feet up, waiting to be found guilty."

2- Since Roland Burris is black (and yes, he has a mustache), this engraciates Blagojevich to the African-American community, which has historically been a key demographic for him. Which is odd since Rod has no chance of ever gaining an elected office again.

3- Burris is a safe pick. He was the Illinois Attorney Gengeral a few years ago, and has a clean record and basically has as little controversey around him as one can have. So in essence, Blagojevich is defying the Senate to shoot this pick down.

4- It just makes Rod more awesome.


Rod, you're the best. Around. Nothing is ever gonna keep you down.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Little Message for the Holidays

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com






Monday, December 22, 2008

Dear Uninspired Advertisers,

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Dear Uninspired Advertisers,

HBO, I'll give you a pass since you originated the line, "It's not TV, it's HBO." fair enough. But Wendy's, what made it ok for you to say "It's not fast food; it's Wendy's?" You are indeed, fast food. You're great fas tfood, but you're fastfood. And now Ford is getting in on the played-out act with, "It's not a truck; it's the new F-150". So what exactly is it then? A hatchback? Oh right, it's not just "a" truck, it's an unoriginally marketed truck.

Got it.

That clarification brought to you by T.R. Slyder.

Polekat $lim Hates Him Some Coldplay

By: Polekat $lim



"Yet another reason why Coldplay sucks"

If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you've probably realized there are quite a few things in life that make me want to start huffing a bag of glue just to bring myself to a level where I can understand the motives of some.....

Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention Coldplay as one of those things. To me, nothing represents the Jetta-driving I-Pod-slinging, Starbucks-addicted conformity of post-college yuppie-wannabe-ness than a band of whiny Cockney pansies. Yeah, I said it. The only thing in my life that was all yellow was the issue of Rolling Stone featuring these losers.... after I pissed on it.

So it looks like the flag-carrying saviors of the metrosexual revolution have made a pretty obvious mistake and it may cost them dearly. No, it has nothing to do with Chris Martin marrying "the biggest slut in Hollywood" (Inside joke, thank you Josh Hartnett) or naming your kid "Apple", but a mistake that I hope will take these poseurs back across the Atlantic and away from my earholes permanently....

See, if you listen to Coldplay, you may have never heard of a guy named Joe Satriani. But to those of us in the guitar-playing community, he is looked at with the reverence that an aspiring actor would give to a Brando or Newman. Satch has been one of the GODS of virtuoso guitar for the better part of three decades, creating beautiful instrumental works and dropping jaws to the floor while Chris Martin was whining for a nipple instead of.... well, whatever the hell he whines about in every song....

Anyway, It would appear that "Viva la Vida", the biggest single off of this years most downloaded album..... was plagiarized.... allegedly. Now Satch is suing Coldplay for plagiarism and "seeking a jury trial, damages and 'any and all profits' attributed to the single, which he believes incorporates 'substantial original portions' of his 2004 instrumental If I Could Fly." (News.com.au). Right about now, I'm wondering if Chris Martin is regretting comments like, "We're definitely good, but I don't think you can say we're that original," and "I regard us as being incredibly good plagiarists." (Rolling Stone June 16th, 2005).

If that doesn't make you pause during your Venti Choca-Frappa-Mocha-Al-Pacino, then watch the video below and determine for yourself.



Personally, I hope Joe can take these fuckers for millions and grind their career to piano shattering acrimonious end that makes Milli Vanilli smile. For the record, this isn't the first allegation regarding these douchebags plagiarizing other artists' work, but the first that I actually gave a damn about. I mean, it's one thing to suck, it's another to rip off a legend and still find ways to suck doing it.....

Don't be stupid, don't listen to Coldplay...



Editor's Note: For all the current and potential Polekat $lim groupies out there wondering where Polekat gets his unique style of awesomeness, wordsmithing, yet with a discernible undercurrent of gritty sexuality, the answer is he inhabits a city with all of these people. Kinda makes sense now, huh?

How to Come out Without all the Hassle of Coming out


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


In August, and on another website (with point #2), I mentioned how for a generation of kids, coming out of the closet is much easier now that American Idol exists. If you are a young gay kid, you're probably anxious about coming out of the closet and wish you could do so in piecemeal fashion, so no one is really shocked. I posited that trying out for American Idol was a great first step.

Giving an interview like this is another effective way to put out that vibe. I'll withhold the name of the male quasi-celebrity and let you read this recent interview with him. Let me know if you think this interview was to lay the foundation for a fabulous coming-out party in the near future.


Where is the best place to people-watch in the city? Trader Joe's. I love watching couples to see what each of them puts in their grocery basket. You see who is the health-conscious one and who has the sweet tooth. I find that fascinating.

What is your favorite local dive bar? KGB [in the East Village]. But who knows—with this economy, the Four Seasons could be a dive bar in four months.

What would be your dream address? Where does Beyoncé live? I'd pick next door to her.

If you were throwing a house party, which past or present New Yorkers would you invite? I'd have Regis Philbin be my greeter and Rachael Ray would cook. I'd invite Fiorello LaGuardia, a great Italian-American who wasn't in the Mob. The cast of Gossip Girl would drop by just for fun. And I'd suck up to Graydon Carter, so I could get into the Waverly Inn.

Who is the most famous New Yorker you have programmed in your cell phone? I don't have any famous people. How about Scarlett Johansson's colorist? Her name is Edita.

If you were mayor, what would you change? I'd make every vehicle a hybrid. Theater would be free on Monday nights. I'd oversee the school lunch programs and allow cigar smoking in the city. But, fortunately, it looks like Bloomberg has a job for life so I don't have to worry about any of it.


Point taken, interviewee. Point taken. The interviewee is none other than this gay guy.



Spoiler Alert for the movie Valkyrie


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I know the movie hasn't been released yet....BUT... I know how it ends!!!

I just got off the phone with someone who isn't a total fucking moron, who also knows a minimal amount of world history, and [SPOILER ALERT:] Hitler doesn't get killed by his own guys (e.g. Tom Cruise) in Valkyrie!!

Can you believe it??!! I thought for sure with all of Tom's megawatt star power that he would have gotten to Hitler, but I guess that isn't how it happened. Before knowing that I was so excited to see Tom Cruise play a German officer that spoke English and didn't even have a German accent. I can't believe I'm no longer excited to learn my world history for a Tom Cruise movie.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Apparently I'm Late to the Party

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I was going to flaunt my brilliance about how Zooey Deschanel looks like Katy Perry. And as I was typing in Zooey's name into Google, Google suggested "Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry..........180,000" So I won't post their similarities and pretend I'm unique. Which, sucks because I think they're both attractive. You'll have to click the link to enjoy the bounty.

What's up With Kenny Mayne Showing Skin on ESPN.com??

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Um, go here. Then tell me what you estimate the demand level to be for the white, inner-thigh of a has-been, sarcastic, relic from a once-edgy sports monopolist.

Once you answer that, please repeat for "upper arms", and "outer thigh".


You scroll down to see if your opinions resemble those of the author....











On a scale of 1-10, the author's demand for the following: 0, 0, and 0, respectively.

P.S. You don't know shit about horse racing.



Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Little Gordon Ramsay

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com





Part 2.


Part 3.





Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Where Awesome Happens Lookalikes 19.0- Jesse Jackson Jr. and Herschel Walker

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
























Christmas Cheer

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

The first one's video can be seen here. But the audio and still frame can be found here.




This is also a doozey. The Holidays are all about Günther.





Und zees von. More Günther.





You are also obligated to check out How The Grinch Stole Kwanzaa.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

WhereAwesomeHappens Love Child Investigation 9.0

Encore presentation.

The Worst Governor In 50 Years. Rod Blagojevich.




By T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

We at Where Awesome Happens have proof that Steve Carell and Former US Attorney General Janet Reno had a love child. The proof is, of course current Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.




































Let's hope Blago's fear isn't to be in the blogosphere. Hello-ooo.



Other lookalikes:

Roger Clemens and Uncle Joey's Puppet, Woodchuck

David Wright and Steve Eigenberg

Jane Velez Mitchell and Adam Rich

Amy Poehler and Cindy McCain

Louis CK and Jim Cramer

Stephen Colbert and Jamie Gold

Dana Bash and an Afghan Dog

Brandon DiCamillo and Paul Scheer

Bristol Palin and Shawn Johnson

Fred Thompson and a Shar Pei Dog

Steve from Married With Children, and Calvin's Dad, from Calvin and Hobbes

Buck Martinez and Carl, from Billy Madison

Brandon DiCamillo and Paul Scheer

Mauro Renallo and Seth MacFarlane

Charles Barkley and Bald Bull

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A Doozie of a Triva Query

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Can you name the only 4 schools to have produced both a United States President AND Super Bowl-winning Quarterback?


The schools, presidents and QBs appear below. I heard this during the Army-Navy game on Saturday.















Michigan-
QB: Tom Brady
President: Gerald Ford

Navy-
QB: Roger Staubach
President: Jimmy Carter

Stanford-
QB: John Elway and another one I forgot
President: Herbert Hoover

Miami University
QB: Ben Roethlisberger
President: Benjamin Harrison


You could parry the trivia question down further by asking what school has a Super Bowl winning QB, and a president, that share the same first name.




Saturday, December 6, 2008

Manny Pacquiao-s, Oscar's fudge-uiao. Or something. What I mean is: Pacquiao won the fight

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



The fight isn't over yet, but I am calling it already. Pacquiao beats De La Hoya. Pacquiao wins. You heard it here first.

update: Yup, I was right. Here's Oscar's face.



Friday, December 5, 2008

How Long Until We See These at Giants Games?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



















Why wouldn't you want your very own Plaxico Burress/Cheddar Bob Jersey? Getting Giants #17 with the name CheddarBob on it just feels like the right thing to do. If you are a real Giants fan, you gotta sack up and get this for the Holidays. It would go very well alongside the Ron Mexico Falcons jersey in your closet.


Monday, December 1, 2008

Big Asian Spender


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Who paid $200,000 for this 2.37 lb. White Truffle. Some Asian Ho. No seriously, Stanley Ho from Hong Kong bought it.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Where Awesome Happens Holiday Cause: Fighting Childhood Obesity

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


As a youth I was lucky to have avoided childhood obesity. My parents did a great job of providing healthy meals and teaching us kids about nutrition. It also helps I was interested in playing sports and staying physically active, but I realize that my parents had a much bigger hand in my childhood fitness than I did. Sadly, it seems that nowadays it seems that fewer and fewer kids are as lucky as I was in that regard. I frequently see children in public that, as a kid, would have been considered chubby, but today just appear normal.

Countless Psychological studies link childhood obesity to everything from low self-esteem and decreased life-expectancy to earning less money as adults. Since I primarily blame the parents for childhood obesity, and given how ignoring nutrition and exercise can manifest itself later in life, I am determined to fight childhood obesity.

When it comes to fixing such a widespread problem, everyone has an opinion. Some people feel that the best way to do this would be to adopt Switzerland's banning of marketing to children, others would prefer to see health classes taught at the elementary school level, and those are just two of the myriad of possibilities.

The Where Awesome Happens strategy? I will let these videos speak for my favorite way to fight childhood obesity.




















You'll just have to pretend this guy is an obese kid, cuz this is really hilarious.



Two Ways to Express Displeasure Over the Thanksgiving: The Florida Way.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


If you find yourself fatigued with the giving of too many thanks over the weekend and you wish your guests didn't stay so long, here's an idea: Chase out dinner guests with a machete. According to Annette Jenkins of Tampa, Florida, it works.


Or if you are displeased at how a friend of T.R. Slyder is trying to surreptitiously take phone pics of you and your unsightly partner in Orlando, here's an idea: Shoot him a look like this one.


Her favorite sport may be softball, but that look indicates a willingness to play hardball if necessary.

More Stuff I Don't Understand


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Why do some people's voicemail messages say things like, "Hi, you've reached Angela, sorry I'm not here to take your call..."

Isn't that kind of an oxymoron? In fact, didn't the caller do the exact opposite of reach Angela? That's about as logical as saying "Not to change the subject, but..." then proceeding to change the subject.


Saturday, November 29, 2008

All I Want For Christmas


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



This year I am asking for only one thing. I want Miami University Head Mens's Basketball coach, Charlie Coles to FINALLY come out with his own line of Charcoal. When your name is CHARlie COLES, and you coach in the obesity belt of the midwest, you just have to do it. You have to. As a proud alum I'd gladly buy it exclusively. Do the right thing, Charlie.

Give Joe Biden Credit

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Remember when Joe Biden predicted that if elected, Barack Obama would "tested" by some kind of terrorist activity? Then every political commentator chalked it up Biden being a motormouth, and thought he was stupid? While it maybe wasn't the savviest political manuever, he was absolutely correct. So whatever intelligence Biden and Obama are receiving must be a bit better than the intelligence that brought us into the Iraq War.

I hope a mainstream news outlet will revisit his prediction and give him at least some credit for being plugged in. I happen to think the truth is a savvy political manuever. Good call, Joe Biden.


Plaxico Got His Cheddar Bob On

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Remember this scene from 8 Mile?



















I guess that would make Eli Manning like Eminem. Wow, I never thought I'd say that. But there is no longer any denying it. Great work, Cheddar Plax. Thanks for comin' out.

Plaxico Burress Back in the Lead for Dumbest Ass In NFL

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


As I intrepidly reported last week, Ohco Cinco was, for a time, the dumbest ass in the NFL. But Plaxico Burress has shot that theory (and himself in the leg) to hell. He shot himself while in a club. I really hope this is the song that plays when his name is announced.

Just to be sure, lets make a list of all of the stupid things you see here.

1. Handling a gun in public
2. Handling a gun in a club, where you're likely drinking alcohol
3. A high-profile person doing #s 1 and 2
4. Handling a gun and pointing it at any human being, yourself included
5. Pointing the gun at a human being while at a club
6. Discharging a gun in public
7. Discharging a gun that is pointed at another human being, yourself included
8. Being a professional athlete and discharging a gun in public while it is pointed at your leg


This is the funniest celebrity shooting in a bar since Johnny Paycheck, singer of "Take This Job and Shove It" shot a man in the head over a dispute over which tasted better: turtle meat or deer meat.

You know on YouTube, when you search for something like a music video, and you see like 990 versions of moron teenagers doing their impressions of that video? I think that's what Plax was trying to do. He was making his bling'd out, club version of this YouTube classic where a police officer accidentally shot himself in the leg while teaching elementary school kids about gun safety.




And this blogger says well done, Plaxico. You are one of the stupidest people I have ever heard of.


Umm...Maybe They Should Stop Calling Them "Door-Busters"

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com









As this Washington Post article states: "...'out-of-control' shoppers desperate for bargains broke down the doors at a 5 a.m. sale". In other words, these shoppers took the phrase "door busters" literally, and they busted down the door and killed a guy. Nothing says "Holiday Spirit" like a little early-morning murder in the name of saving $15% on a Sony PSP so your kid can get more obese.

That's what you get for trying to greet Black Friday Wal-Mart bargain hunters at 5 a.m. in Long Island: murdered without dignity. Good job Long Island weirdos.


Friday, November 28, 2008

The Research is in: Orthodox Jews Like Silverback Gorillas.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




But then again, everybody loves Kwan the Gorilla at the Lincoln Park Zoo.