Polekat $lim Hates Him Some Coldplay

By: Polekat $lim

"Yet another reason why Coldplay sucks"

If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you've probably realized there are quite a few things in life that make me want to start huffing a bag of glue just to bring myself to a level where I can understand the motives of some.....

Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention Coldplay as one of those things. To me, nothing represents the Jetta-driving I-Pod-slinging, Starbucks-addicted conformity of post-college yuppie-wannabe-ness than a band of whiny Cockney pansies. Yeah, I said it. The only thing in my life that was all yellow was the issue of Rolling Stone featuring these losers.... after I pissed on it.

So it looks like the flag-carrying saviors of the metrosexual revolution have made a pretty obvious mistake and it may cost them dearly. No, it has nothing to do with Chris Martin marrying "the biggest slut in Hollywood" (Inside joke, thank you Josh Hartnett) or naming your kid "Apple", but a mistake that I hope will take these poseurs back across the Atlantic and away from my earholes permanently....

See, if you listen to Coldplay, you may have never heard of a guy named Joe Satriani. But to those of us in the guitar-playing community, he is looked at with the reverence that an aspiring actor would give to a Brando or Newman. Satch has been one of the GODS of virtuoso guitar for the better part of three decades, creating beautiful instrumental works and dropping jaws to the floor while Chris Martin was whining for a nipple instead of.... well, whatever the hell he whines about in every song....

Anyway, It would appear that "Viva la Vida", the biggest single off of this years most downloaded album..... was plagiarized.... allegedly. Now Satch is suing Coldplay for plagiarism and "seeking a jury trial, damages and 'any and all profits' attributed to the single, which he believes incorporates 'substantial original portions' of his 2004 instrumental If I Could Fly." (News.com.au). Right about now, I'm wondering if Chris Martin is regretting comments like, "We're definitely good, but I don't think you can say we're that original," and "I regard us as being incredibly good plagiarists." (Rolling Stone June 16th, 2005).

If that doesn't make you pause during your Venti Choca-Frappa-Mocha-Al-Pacino, then watch the video below and determine for yourself.



Personally, I hope Joe can take these fuckers for millions and grind their career to piano shattering acrimonious end that makes Milli Vanilli smile. For the record, this isn't the first allegation regarding these douchebags plagiarizing other artists' work, but the first that I actually gave a damn about. I mean, it's one thing to suck, it's another to rip off a legend and still find ways to suck doing it.....

Don't be stupid, don't listen to Coldplay...

Editor's Note: For all the current and potential Polekat $lim groupies out there wondering where Polekat gets his unique style of awesomeness, wordsmithing, yet with a discernible undercurrent of gritty sexuality, the answer is he inhabits a city with all of these people. Kinda makes sense now, huh?