Showing posts with label Hole in the Wall. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hole in the Wall. Show all posts

Friday, September 19, 2008

Hole In The Wall Running Diary

By: T.R. Slyder,

Have you guys seen the adverts for the Fox show Hole in The Wall? God knows I did and without even seeing an episode it was aleady in my top 10 favorite shows of all time. Since I missed the first two episodes I decided to see if I could find them online and I did at the link in the first sentence. If you'd like to join me in watching it, you'll probably have to DL their software thingy but it takes like 10 seconds.

All times show are the time on the show's clock.

:12: Ah that fat black chick. She's what got me hooked. If I've learned anything watching (lots and lots of) Jackass and America's Funniest Home Videos, it's that black women have the most amusing reactions to surprises. I don't even think that's an un-PC statement, since video evidence (i.e. "science") supports it. And within that demographic, fat women in the 20-40 year old range consistently are the funniest. And this show is promising some of them? Of course I will (I like to thrown in the "I will", assuming that there was an implied "..if you will." at the end of that sentence).

:50: If you have epiliepsy this intro probably isn't for you.

1:18: The host just said "It's the crazy Japanese Game Show..." if he can say that, then I can say what I said at the :12 mark, I figure.

2:00: The first team is comprised of little people! Hell yes. You know I'm in. Hottie host Brooke Burns is wearing a low-cut top and is leaning over to interview them. Little people must have the best cleavage views, I swear. I can't believe I never thought of that before. Wow, that's gotta be nice. The discipline it must take for them to maintain eye contact literally in the face of cleavage, must be damn near impossible. If I wake up as a little person tomorrow, I'm gonna put on some sunglasses and hit the streets the minute I wake up. I don't care if it's raining or still dark outside, I'm going out in public ASAP. I'm jealous of them; some guys have all the luck. Their team, Small n Mighty, also brought out their team mascot, a friendly-looking pitbull named Hercules.

2:57: Their opposing team, Flex Appeal, is comprised of female bodybuilders. Awesome. I hope the casting director for this show adopts me. This is genius. Wow, these broads are stereotypes. Bronzed skin and deep-voices. They're like 3 Chyna clones.

4:20: The catchphrase for this show (a la "You're Fired", "Let's play...The Feud", and "Come on down!!") is, "It's time to face the hole". It's said whenever the wall starts approaching the contestants. Look for that line to come to an adult film store near you very soon....The little dude from team Small and Mighty didn't clear the first wall.

5:50: The dudechick from team Flex Appeal passed the first wall. This show is a doozie already.

6:30: Round 2 is upon us. It's the same as Round 1, but they have two teammates going at the same time......neither dude for team Small n Mighty made it. Thanks for coming out fellas.

8:49: Awful strategizing by the bodybuilding chickdudes. I won't go into detail about what they should have done, but rest assured they didn't do it. They both failed.

10:18: Round 3 uses all three players at the same time. It's time for all of team Small n Mighty to face the hole....terrible, terrible, terrible. Three little people wind up in the water (isn't that a nursery rhyme or child sing-along or something?). They came up a little short. I wasn't going to go the hole posting without one cheapshot/pun. That's my one.

12:07: Two of the chickdudes failed and one made it. The one that made it had it the easiest task of the three by far- she just had to lay down. Apparently there is no partial credit in Hole in the Wall, and they failed. So even though one made it successfully, they earned zero points for the round. Score is still 1-0, Ladymen.

14:12: Round 4 gives partial credit. The wall approaches the contestants at twice the speed, but each surviving contestant earns two points for their team. Time to face the Hole (T2FTH for future reference) For the chickdudes who lead off Round 4.....They all got humiliated. They're really awful.

15:25: The host gets in on the cheapshots(!). Upon seeing team Small n Mighty huddling up before their round he says, "It looks like Small and Mighty are making a little plan." I like this host; everytime I feel like I just said something offsides, he follows in kind and bails me out, much like how average chicks love hanging out with at least one buttass ugly chick so she seems sexy by comparison. The on-the-floor microphone gets in their huddle and we learn that their plan is "ok, everyone makes it through". Genius. That plan sounds a little obvious. Helloooo!!.... T2FTH....SWEET! one of the dudes makes it through! Small n Mighty wins!

16:42: That was pretty anti-climactic, I'll be honest, but it wasn't a waste of a time.

17:35: What's this? What's this you say? Bonus Round for $100,000??!!! I will. I'm not all that optimistic for them though, they're pretty damn awful at this game.

18:30: The Bonus Round is "The Blind Wall". They pick one contestant to face a wall wearing opaque goggles and he has to blidly pose based upon what his teammates tell him. What a great idea!! I will say this: If he does lose, it certainly won't be for lack of focus on Hercules'' part. He's determined and ready. The crowd is asked for their silence..... T2FTH......ha ha, not that close at all. But still fun to see him get smashed.

21:30: And....Scene. All in all that was kinda awesome.