By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, AndyDisco on Twitter
After reading about Floyd Mayweather's drubbing of Juan Manuel Marquez, I instantly hoped he'd fight Manny Pacquiao, like I think everyone else did. Then it reminded me of a subject I have never mentioned on here before- that I hope Rachel Alexandra races Zenyatta. Then I thought they should combine the two- the boxing match could take place in the infield, and betwixt rounds the horse race could run. That got me thinking- that could be the begining to the best sporting event possible. So I tried to think of other things to add to the festitivities. Since I don't want the name of the event to end in -palooza, I should probably call "TR Slyder Presents: Awesome"
- A barbecue cookoff could also take place in the infield (down wind from the boxers and after the horse race)
- Complimentary bacon and alcoholic beverages
- Everyone working the concession stands and all ushers are orangutans or chimpanzees.
- Free elephant rides
-Rod Blagojevich and Bernie Madoff dunk tank
- Celebrity prop bets. For instance Nickelback would promise to quit if Mayweather wins, and if Pacquiao wins, Megan Fox stops trying so hard. If Zenyatta wins, The Hills goes off the air, and if Rachel Alexandra wins, Billy Bush murders himself. If the two underdogs both win, Heidi and Spencer have a duel and draw at 15 paces- each shall be armed with dirty bombs that is lethal from 400 yards and in.
- Free corndogs for the kids
- Mike Ditka is the MC of the event, with Tony Sinclair as co-MC.
- Brendan Fraser and Frankie Muniz have a knife fight a la the Beat It video, on the Pacquiao/Mayweather undercard. Sanjaya can be ring girl.
- Tents will feature offshoots of Guitar Hero like Tuba Hero, Recorder Hero, and Ukelele Hero.
- Chesley Sullenberger, Ron Santo, the inventor of the Wienermobile, John Madden, Bob Knight, Joey Chestnut and Harvey Pack will be milling around the premise mingling while dressed as superheroes.
- Viking and Pirate Costumes encouraged (especially for people with jheri curls)
- Macarena every hour, on the hour
- Break Dancing lessons
- Whispy facial hair and jheri curl petting zoos
That's how I roll.