Moose Sighting at Saratoga Race Course

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

The story about it is here. It doesn't sound like there many exciting details- a female moose was found near the race course, so authorities opened the doors to the race track to quarantine the moose and keep it out of harm's way. A few years ago a fox was found in the stables of the harness track across the street, and now a moose.

Saratoga is a wild, wild place.

Update: The Saratogian shed some more light on the moose- including her late-night on Broadway last night. Seriously.

T.R. Salutes: The Double Entendre Styling of Def Leppard cerca 1987

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I can't decide if this line is the best double entendre, the worst, or just the most English. In fact, it's a bit of all three. I guess I'd have to draw a Venn Diagram with all three circles overlapping, to make a visual aid for it.

Anyway, in Pour Some Sugar on Me when the singer asks the sexually-symbolic question, "Do you take your sugar one lump or two?" (3:29 mark below)



(Also, how lame is the wrecking ball motif? I guess that's supposed to be sexually symbolic as well. If you're gonna go with a construction/heavy machinery/demolition theme, I'd go with a jackhammer, personally, but that's a post for another time).
A line that wussy has no business being in any rock song, much less screamed catharticly, like it is in the song, and its just a poor metaphor- I mean, does anyone prefer the one metaphoric "lump" over two? (that was probably the wost line of my blogging career, but you know what I mean). Plus, I've never even heard that line outisde of Bugs Bunny asking Yosemite Sam that, before bonking him on the head for each requested lump, and watching a lump sprout on his head after said bonkings. Further-furthermore, if anyone ever asked that question in the throes of passion, they'd get laughed out of the bedroom.

As buffoonish as that line is, it's still my favorite Rock lyric of all time, and probably the most fun one to sing in the shower.

(See Also: My theory about Absolute Value that made possible my liking of that lyric)

Advice for College Graduates

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I've been interested in the news of the fallout regarding the Iranian presidential elections. And I've noticed that roles of on-air news journalists seems to have shifted a bit in recent years.

For those journalism graduates who aspire to be an on-air news reporter- my advice to you is to practice reading Tweets from Iran, and looking at stories from iReport.com and commenting on them. That's what today's news consumer demands- reading Tweets. I mean any simpleton can go to Iran and get the stories on their own, but how many people can actually log on to Twitter.com and read 140 characters or less? Not many, that's why CNN and MSNBC are SOOO important these days- they have all those super computers at their headquarters to sift threw all of those Iranian Tweets.

So if you're an aspiring newsperson, you'll want to bone up on typing "Iran" into a Twitter search engine. No one ever said it would be easy. And yes I did say "bone up" two sentences ago.

Get Ready for Some Extreme Blogging....

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I'm just gonna link to an article. Is that awesome blogging by me or what? Damn I'm good.

Vestigial baseball nutsack, and frequent user of the historical, autobiographical narrative, Joe Morgan lied on air again.

Another good Phil Mushnick article rightfully criticizing ESPN. I also like it because it mentions the Reds losing to the Royals and facing only 80 pitches.

The Telegraph is running a headline "Lloyds Bank hit by Obama Tax Purge". After my initial gasp of distress, I realized that "Lloyds Bank" and G-Unit rapper. "Lloyd Banks" are two different things. THANK GOD. I don't know what I would have done if Obama were gettin twisted in Lloyd's paper chase.

I'm Sick of Abe Lincoln

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Ever since Barack Obama started talking about Abe every 11 seconds, no one has shut up about him. Furthering the incessant talk about him is that 2009 is the 200th year since his birth, and I live in the Land of Lincoln. In the past 12 months, Smithsonian Magazine has written so many articles about him, that I seriously considered writing them a letter to complain about the Lincoln saturation.

But the worst was still to come.

Today Abraham Lincoln threw out the first pitch at the Cubs game to promote the Abraham Lincoln-themed summer reading program at the Chicago Public Library.

Up yours, Honest Abe. Or more to the point- up yours, people who keep talking about him. Enough already.

And in the spirit of fairness, I just talked about him, so up mine too. But at least I was complaining about him.

More Dumb Crap I Hate

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I've noticed sports talking heads are guilty of this most often. They'll be talking about an emerging young player, for instance, and they'll say, "The sky is the limit for him. In the next 3 or 4 years, he could be among your Peyton Mannings, your Tom Bradys, your Ben Roethlisbergers or your Brett Favres."

So now I'm the owner of multiple Ben Roethlisbergers? When were there more than one of these players? Does that sound/feel right coming out of their mouths while they're saying it? It's dumb. It's crap. And I hate it.

Lookalikes Volume 21.0, and 22.0- Basketball Edition

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Pau Gasol and an Ostrich and Sasha Vujacic and Russell Brand. Let's take a look.

More Banksy Awesomeness

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




Picture Gallery of the Exhibit

Read more about it in the BBC.co.uk's article

Another video about the exhibition

Speaking of NWA

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Gentleman. Ever get sick of all those female anthems by the chick artists? Single Ladies, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, What it Feels Like For a Girl, etc. (I can't think of any more, but I assume there are more). You probably wish there were a Man's Anthem, don't you? Well it just so happens that brother Ice Cube recorded one a long time ago. Is it safe for work? If you work a vulgarity factory yes, otherwise, probably not.

My White Ass Hadn't Heard This Until....Well, Until I Heard it it, I Guess.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

A lot of people assumed that I'd rhyme the words "Buckshot" with "Why the fuck not?" on a gangsta rap track before Ice Cube would. It turns out my supporters were wrong. Check out the proof here. It's Snoop Dogg feat. NWA, which is pretty rad. As you may be able to guess- it aint safe for wizork, nephew.

Is Today's Hip Hop Fashion as Bad as it was in the Early 90's?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

It seems like ever since Kanye started dressing like a nutsack, a lot of lesser Hip Hoppers had to follow suit. Kanye started wearing stupidly, fluorescent hi-tops, then others did. He started wearing stupid Ray Ban Wayfarers, then others did. He started wearing the Budd Holly glasses, then others did. It's all stupid. I don't get it.

In 20 years when those hip-hoppers' kids see those pictures and say they'll have a conversation like this:

Offspring: Dad, you looked like a huge loser. What a terrible outfit!
HipHopDad: Well, yeah, but it was ironic! I KNEW it was stupid but I wore it anyway as if to defy anyone to make fun of me.
Offspring: Ok. But I'm sure people did make fun of you still, right? Not everyone from that era looks like a dork on purpose. Why were you one of the only ones doing it?
HipHopDad: I guess I thought I was being some kind of fashion rogue and not giving in to the usual sartorial conformity of the time- at least I wasn't rocking the oversized t-shirt, stupidly baggy jeans and a gaudy chain with an unbent-billed hat cocked to the side.
Offspring: So in essence, what you're telling me is- in order to rebel against the status quo, thereby taking the moral/fashion high ground- you dressed stupidly on purpose? You felt in doing so that you were thumbing your nose at comformity? But you still looked like an idiot and you knew that full well, and you felt you could somehow leverage your success as a musician actually defy people to speak out about you looking like a complete dickbag?
HipHopDad: I'd like to think it was more complex than that, but essentially, yes.
Offspring: Wouldn't it just have made more sense to wear something that, 1) you actually thought you looked good in, and 2) was something non-comformist-like that no one else was wearing at the time (e.g. not wearing hightops, way farers, buddy holly glasses, etc.). Essentially, weren't you guys just doing what hipster were doing, and getting made fun of for doing, 10 years ago?
HipHopDad: I guess I never thought of any of that. I was doing a lot of drugs at the time.

*End Scene*

It's one thing when Kanye dresses horrendously, but it hurts to see this trickling down to the teeny bopper R&B guys. Now its starting to look like a trend.


So as per my headline, lets take a look for ourselves to see how this era compares with the Cross Colours Early 90's Era, an era I always thought would be the standard bearer for bad fashion in one music genre, but it may have some modern-day competition, much to my dismay/amazement (dismayzement?). This is about to get ugly.

Lovechild Investigation 11.0- Julia Roberts + Amy Sedaris = Kyra Sedgwick

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com








+

Where Awesome Happens Public Service Announcement

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I've decided to make childhood obesity my new cause. Once I decided on a cause, I read a lot of literature on the current statistics, causes, potential cures, etc. The overwhelming conclusion is that the most effective way to fight childhood obesity is with better nutrition, smaller meal portions and increased physical activity. Any type of physical activity helps- walking, sports, bike riding, skateboarding, etc.

Then I saw a video on YouTube that confirmed the conclusions of the experts so conclusively that I couldn't help by laugh aloud: skateboards are extremely effective for warding off the advancements of childhood obesity. Have a look.




UPDATE: I was writing this entry, and at the bottom of the entry I have to type in the "Labels" or "Tags" for this article. So I was gonna type in "childhood obeseity" and once I was partway through, my server suggested "Fighting Childhood Obesity" since it had been used previously. I didn't recall using it, so I checked out the article where it was used. It's eerily similar to this one.

This proves that I've still got it!

Put Down the Haterade and Hater Tots....

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

My High School was listed as the 1090th best High School in the US.

Conspicuously, the nearest high school to where I live was 107th, second in the State of Illinois.

Coincidence? Probably.






In other TR Slyder Alma Mater news, I'd like to salute Max Goodman.

In the July 2009 issue of Esquire Magazine (on newsstands now with Bar Rafaeli on the cover), Mr. Goodman wrote into the style Q&A section called "Ask Nick Sullivan", and Mr. Goodman asks,

"Like many 19-year old college students, I spill on myself a lot. When liquor is involved, it
gets bad. What are the best fabrics for going out?"

-Max Goodman
Oxford, Ohio.

Glad to hear the traditions at Mother Miami are alive and well. My recommendation would be to avoid dark alcohol and mixers, Max. Gin and Tonics, Vodka Tonics, and Tequila ought to do you proud. You may also think about selecting darker clothing. Some would glibly suggest that you try to cut back on your alcohol intake, but not me, fellow RedHawk. Not me.


UPDATE/Editor's Note: When you do a Google Image search with keywords, "Miami University" in quotation marks followed by "Drunk", the first picture is of Bagel and Deli, the pic displayed above. Good work for getting it right, Google! You really do understand Miami U.

Great 6 Furlong Race for Fabulous Strike on the Belmont Undercard

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I just felt like showing this race. It happened Saturday in the True North Handicap, 5 races before the Belmont. It was fractions of a second off of the Belmont track record for 6 Furlongs (which is 6 8ths of a mile and is considered a sprint). From a visual standpoint, I think sprint races are the most exciting horse races to watch. This was a world-class effort by the winner, Fabulous Strike.

Ideas for new Sections of the Newspaper

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I can't speak for every newspaper in the country, but I know the Chicago Tribune has recently undergone a few structural changes. Last year they changed from the broadpage format to the tabloid format. Before that they also tweaked and consolidated a few of their sections. I've complained before about the monotony of news in the, well, news, about how there are some "news" stories that don't qualify as "news" anymore and could more accurately be described as the "olds". Headlines like "Middle East Peace Talks Fail", "Demonstration in Gaza Turns Violent", "North Korea Reaffirms its Pro-Nuke Stance", "Democratis find Rush Limbaugh's new Rhetoric Objectionable", "MSNBC Anchor/Jon Stewart Dismisses Claims of FoxNews", etc.

I think it's time that the newspapers and news websites, in conjunction with their new infotainment ethos, just sack up and reformat their sections.

CNN.com currently lists the following tabs atop their homepage: Home, World, US, Politics, Crime, Entertainment, Health, Tech, Travel, Living, Business, Sports, Time.com.

Well lets start with the first need: The Travel section needs to go. I'm not sure how long that's been a tab of theirs, but it's vestigial at this point- perhaps a holdover from more prosperous times. All the travel-related stories I see or hear are all about the ailing Travel Sector of our economy- hotels are slashing rates and hardly keeping their heads above water, Vegas is withering, airlines are struggling, people are now partaking of "staycations", etc. And you know where I hear a lot of these stories? On CNN. So lets do away with that tab.

For the "World" tab, that name is too inclusive. Why not just be accurate and title it, "Angry Arabs, Mexican drug-ring stories, North Korea, China, War".

"Politics" can be "Capitol Hill Name-calling and Pictures of the Obamas"

"Crime" can be done away with or retitled "Wall St. Scandals", "Entertainment" should stop misleading us and just be titled "Celebrity's Personal Lives and Movie Earnings", "Tech" can be renamed "Google, Apple, Microsoft and Video Games", the tab titled "Living" can be titled- "Home Decorating, Obesity-reduction tips, and Thrift", and what functions as the "Business" tab ought to be called "How the NYSE Did Today and Green Energy".

They could also add a tab for "Television 'news'". When did the happenings of American Idol, Dances with the Stars and Jimmy Kimmel's monologue become "news"?

Another tab that too many news outlets employs is Twitter. I've harped on this before, but it didn't seem to help. The opinion of Frankie357 in Bismarck, ND. is not news. If I wanted his opinion I'd go to his Twitter account. For CNN to pass of his reaction to news is lazy at best. Shouldn't they assume that I care more about my own opinion than his? The Daily Show voiced something yesterday that I've been saying for awhile- why would I follow CNN on Twitter? If I like CNN, how about I follow them on CNN? Same with bloggers. You're lucky I follow you on your tv show or website, don't ask me to follow you on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and every other website du jour. Pick a medium, make it the best you can and that's it. Don't half assedly run 77 different media outlets.

Like most societal calamaties, we have corporate greed to thank. Not content for a mere niche audience or target demographic, every single news outlet had to become a Wal-Mart of news- One Stop Shopping. Why go to a hardware store, grocery store, record store and sporting goods store when you can get all those things at Wal-Mart in one stop? News outlets adopted that mindset and asked- why read a newspaper, People magazine, Forbes, Sports Illustrated, The Onion, Perez Hilton or watch Late Night TV, Sports Center, Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, or follow anyone else on Twitter? We've got all of them right here! Why get what you actually want when you want it, when we'll shove crap down your throat that you don't care about?? We'll tell you what to care about! Sure you can go to a nice steakhouse and have a great dinner, but who wants just one kind of cuisine? What you SHOULD want is to get a little bit of every kind of cuisine-that we choose, put it in a blender, and choke down an unpallateable shake! That way you aren't missing out on anything. That terrible taste that you're tasting is the feel of ignorance leaving your body!

Americans are getting stupid enough on our own, we don't newspapers, print journalism and news websites to help lead the way.

Ohhh, We've Got a Race Now.....

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Looks like there is some competition for Nancy Reagan and Mr. T. finally. It comes in the form of two very worthy adversaries- George Bush Sr. and a chick in a bikini.

For what you ask? Best Republican Geezer Lap-Candy. The entrants are:

The Champion: ..... ............... ................ ................. The Challenger:



























Who wins?

TR Salutes: Schoolhouse Rock

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

You all know what it is. Here are a few.

Lolly Lolly Lolly Get Your Adverbs Here


Conjunction Junction


I'm Just a Bill


Interjections


The Preamble

Yes, I'm Showing the Brett Michaels Clip

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Thank God and Baby Jesus he didn't feel it with all of that Botox in his face.

Is There a Big Ass Chain Expert in the House? Fortunately Yes.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

What midwifes are to doctors, or tornado chasers are to meteorologists, I am to chainologists. Actually I have no idea what any of that meant, but I'm trying to establish my credibility within that medium.

This Big Ass Chain of T-Pain's was brought to my attention by my sister, Sarah Slyder. This chain is funny for a few reasons.

1. It came to light a few weeks after this Wall Street Journal article which effectively plays the fiddle while Hip-Hop's Blingopolis burns. The part I found most interesting was when a source told the reporter that a lot of huge bling we see nowadays is fake. So now that the economy is in the tank, a hip hop autotune singer who just pecker-slapped by Jay-Z in his new single, whom I've heard of about 4 times is rocking a cartoonishly large chunk of bling.

2. As TR Slyder scholars know full well, one of my favorite hobbies is to brandish my phallus of logic and urinate on a parade of stupidity. I'm going to do that again here. As you'll see the chain very explicitely claims to be a "Big Ass Chain". But is it? I am not questioning that the pendant/medallion/bling/thing-hanging-on-the-chain is indeed, "Big ass" But is the chain iteself that big? Or is it the thing on the chain?

If I tie a piece of dental floos to a cruise ship, would you say, "Damn! That is one huge piece of dental floss!!", or would you more logically say, "Wow, you've got something Big Ass on the end of your dental floss!"? I really hope you'd go with the later.

Had his pendant thingy said "Big Ass Pendant" or "Big Ass Thing Hanging on a Chain" I'd have no issue what that whatsoever. If you want to see a Big Ass CHAIN, check out some rappers in the late 80's


















And Nas recently
So if T-Pain's chain is "Big Ass" what does that make those chains?

Sometimes I wonder if T-Pain really is the savior of the English language. *sigh*.