Acronym

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I've read a few articles lately talking about our Planets. That's all well and good and they all mentioned different acronyms to remember our (formerly) nine planets. Examples include, and are certainly not limited to:

My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Up Nine Pizzas

Most Valentines Eat More Jello Scoops Up North (now that Pluto is gone, they didn't include a "P")

My Very Elderly Mother Just Sits Up Nights.

Etc.

There is one acronym that is far superior, and I've heard it only once before, so I feel like I can help by sharing it again. It's easy. It's effective. It's the best.

My Very Excellent Memory Just Served Up Nine Planets.

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, (Pluto). By far the best acronym ever for that. Just thought you should know.

Twitter? Really?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I haven't posted in a long time and thank you to the people that asked me about when I'd be posting again (Sarah, and Kevin by name).

I haven't had as much spare time as I had previously, but posts will come. And I promise a lot of videos from my when I watched midget wrestling with my friends.

But what I wanted to mention/ask in my first post back was, what the eff is up with Twitter? I just don't see that site ever taking off (moreso than it has already).

So it's a forum where everyone comments, but in less than 140 characters? So if another 9/11 were to (God forbid) happen, I could log on to Twitter to get Kevien Federline's reaction AND Shaquille O'neal's?? Wow. That sounds necessary. Why go read the New York Times, Chicago Tribune or DrudgeReport, when I can read a terse comment from a guy in Abilene, TX. Thank the lord.

It isn't that I am 1,000% positive that the model has 0% hope of success, but once webcams become more prevelent, if YouTube comes out with a 45 second-limit Vlog application to rival Twitter, how would Twitter compete? What if Facebook did the same thing? Big problem for Twitter. It's like if I start a company selling X and open a few shops selling X. Once Wal-Mart sells a passibly knock0ff of X, my company is done. If what Twitter is selling is people's real-time opinions, which I think they are, they are doomed. There are a lot of approximate avenues for that already, they just need to add a Twitter-like feature to their site. Isn't Facebook, and YouTube already an established, if extended, Twitter?

Hasn't Twitter reached it's ceiling already? How huge can that site really get? If you really wanted someone's commentary on a given topic, can't you just go that someone's own webpage?

To completely undermine everything I just typed- I'll admit I'm not a Twitter member, and not fully familiar with its product. But I have heard a TON about it recently, and I also heard a ton about Flooze.com, Pets.com and the Howard the Duck movie.

I'll go on the record as saying I'm the only guy to admit that I just don't see Twitter succeeding. I said it.

I had to Mention These Two Things

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com





1. The Steelers' Coach, Mike Tomlin in the post-game conference, while wearing the newly-made "2008 NFC Champions Pittsburgh Steelers hat" said, "I tip my hat to the Ravens...." yet failing to literally tip his hat, questioning the conviction of his statement.

2. While talking about the significance to African-American NBA players regarding Obama's nomination, Bulls Guard Ben Gordon said "You'd see some players write 'Omama' on their sneakers with the, you know, expl-, eplantion points after it.....you know it meant a lot to them."

I saw these within a 3 minute span tonight. I love athletics.

Page 9 of Saturday's Chicago Tribune

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Fantasy, reality collide at balls. So true. So true.

More Like The Jokee

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Getting your stuff laughed at is probably embarrassing enough, but having that be the headline in the newspaper must be even worse.

Trust me on This one. Just. Trust me.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Some internet sites are reporting on a VERY old picture of Madonna from before she was famous. This picture is soon to be auctioned off at Christie's and is attracting a lot of attention because Madonna is fully nude in the picture. Several of the websites reporting this story provide a link that shows the uncensored picture. Do NOT look at the picture. Just trust me. You do NOT want to see that picture. I used to think Madonna was as sexy as anyone else, and I DEEPLY regret looking at the picture. If you read this then look at the picture, I GUARANTEE you'll think, "Oh man, T.R. was right. I should NOT have looked at that. What was I thinking? I knew he wasn't lying, but I still had to look. Now I must warn the others before it's too late!" You can save yourself all that hassle just by simply not looking it. Trust me. It is very, very gross. So gross that you won't just find Madonna unsexy afterward, you may view all women as less sexy, and no photo is worth that consequence.

I'm not even trying to be funny. I'm not going to provide a link and say "Don't click here! Whatever you do, do not click right here!" Not trying to tempt you. Just do not do it. It's very, very simple.

We Have Lost A Giant Among Men....and Among Herve

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Ricardo Montalban died the other day. He is the only guy I know of who can boast of being Herve Villechaize's co-star. He was also in some Star Trek movies.

Which brings me back to Herve.



This is also Herve. And Weird Al doing his Howard Stern impression, apparently.



Herve is what some awesome people consider to be the best person ever. By the Distributive Property, the late Ricardo Montalban was awesome too. Since you remind us of Herve, you will be missed Ricard Montalban.

One Hell of a Model American

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


In a WhereAwesomeHappens Exclusive, I was able to get ahold of a few passengers and this is what they had to say...

"You're the best around. Nothing is ever gonna keep you down."
-J. Esposito

"Simply the best. Better than all the rest. Better than anyone; anyone I ever met."
- T. Turner

"I guess I'm just a lucky so and so"
-L. Armstrong feat. D. Ellington

"I was going down for the third time
My heart was broken, I thought that loving you was out of the question
Then I saw my reflection
Saying please don't let this go"
-G. Michael


"Nigga break some weed, I got a story to tell."
-B. Smalls

"Has it come to this? Turn the page on the day, walk away."
-M. Skinner

"Take a bow"
-M. Ciccone

"I think it's amazing."

-G. Michael

"...Somethin like a phenomenon"



-L.L.

Dear Fat Joe,

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Dear Jose Gordo,

I really enjoy your "collabo" with Li'l Wayne, "Make it Rain". While I am fully aware that you bill yourself as a "Don", and possess a staggering degree of street credibility, I must call into question your ability to identify people with an exorbitant amount of mettle. In your opening line you rap "Cr-Cr-Crack, Crack, Crack, Crack, Crack you hear the Echo, man I seen the best go, 'cause he ain't have that mettle."

Now if someone were to be "the best", wouldn't he, in all liklihood, have "that mettle"? Isn't that like saying, "That gentleman is the tallest guy on this bus. But 4 people are clearly taller."? Furthermore, if he is, as you assert, "the best" and he did indeed, "go", doesn't that call into question his besthood?

Even if the word "mettle" is intended to be "metal", symbolicly meaning "gun", your argument still doesn't hold water for the reasons I have stated. One cannot help but assume that "The best" would possess mettle and metal. For the best not to have mettle/metal sounds like quite the Shakespearean tragic flaw, indeed. So much so that I find it to be an unbelievable theoretical.

Since I do not wish to sound exclusively negative in this treatise, I will offer you some well-earned praise as well. Congratulations on liberally using the n-word, despite being Puerto Rican. No badge of urban acceptance shines brighter for a non-black than to use that hateful slur without being questioned for it by blacks. Not only that, but about a decade you parlayed that credibility into a thug-friendly dance craze known, not-so-cryptically as The Lean Back, where the thug leans back a little and calls it dancing. Choreographical genius.

You inspire all of us Fat Joe,


Lithe T.R.

Redundancy is not only repetitive, it's also verbose and repititive.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I just heard John Kerry, during today's hearing with Hillary Clinton, make reference to an "old adage". Are there any new adages? Another redundancy, I not only hate, but abhor, detest, and despise is when people say "safe haven". The word "safe" appears in the defintion of the word.

1.	a harbor or port.

2.	any place of shelter and safety; refuge; asylum

There is no sense in modifying "haven", because an unsafe haven is mutually exclusive. Unless of course you're going to make a new adage about a skinny fat person living in an unsafe haven.


update: While listening to Bill Simmons' podcast, I heard his guest Michael Lombardi refer to someone as being "prideful". That isn't a word. I hear people say that all the time. The word they are looking for is "proud".

Dear Giants Fans, You've Got Great New York Boobs

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com







Hilarious performance today, Gentleman. Another overly-hyped New York team, another funny post season result. Your movies Yankees and Mets.

Why Do They Bother Play College Football Games?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


So the college football season is over and there isn't a unanimous #1 team. Most people think Florida is the winner, but it is hardly an open-and-shut case.

What I am hearing a lot is something like this between two sports pundits.

Pundit 1: I think that Florida is the clearcut #1 team in the country. I ranked USC second, and Utah third

Pundit 2: I think Florida is good, but how you can you count out Utah? They beat some big schools and were undafeated. They literally could not possibly have a better record. How can you discredit that?

Pundit 1: Oh come on, Utah? You know that if they played Florida would beat them! They have Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin and Brandon Spikes and all those other fast guys. They would annihilate Utah.


And that's the problem. The season is OVER, yet people are still speculating. This doesn't happen with other sports. Isn't the point of the season to find a winner? You don't hear people interpreting which horse just won a race, or which team should win the NFL Championship. So if the rationale that people are using for the college championship is "Because I think Florida would probably beat Utah", why even play the games? Just sign your recruits, tell the media who your team is, have the almighty "the computers" be outfitted with an algorithm to quantify talent, and then tell us who won the season.

That makes just as much sense.

Things With Blagojevich are Impeachy Keen, Thanks for Asking.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



R. Blagoj. (as Linda Cohn would call him) just became the first Illinois Governor to get his get impeached on.

Do I expect R. Blagoj. to just lay down and do nothing about this? Heck no. If history, or the photo below, has taught us anything it is that R. Blagoj is a fighter.




kinda reminds me of this

Truer Words Have Never Been Written in the Chicago Tribune

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Today's Tribune runs an editorial that says the following:

"So let's get back to the only issue here: This state and the U.S. Senate have every reason to avoid the taint of a U.S. senator....."

And you know what? Those words are as true today as they were during much simpler times. I like that.

Bees on Cocaine Dance With More Passion

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


That headline wasn't any kind of euphemism. Yesterday the New York Times reported on a study that found that when bees were given cocaine, they do their food dance more often. When bees find food, they come back to the hive and do a dance to alert the entire hive of their find. But they dance only when they find a lot of food that could benefit the entire hive, not just everytime they find any amount of food.

This report found that coked-up bees are more likely to dance, even if they discover a quantity of food that isn't "dance-worthy" under non-cokey circumstances.

The point of me posting this: To show off that I read the New York Times yesterday.

Man Caught With Gun at O'Hare Airport!!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


But he is not Arab, so there's no need to worry. Just a random wacko and not a sign of increased terror level. Whew. That was close.

Watch for Flash Flooding From the Olentangy River

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



An estimated 53,715 students are expected to be doing the Cry and Wap into Columbus, Ohio's Olentangy River after the humiliating defeat Monday night's Fiesta Bowl. The National Weather Service has issued a Flash Flood Warning effective once the Cry and Wap residue finds its way into the Olentangy, causing levels to rise drastically.

January is, once again, Cry and Wap time in Columbus, Ohio, thinking about what could have been for the Buckeyes football team.

Dear THE Ohio State University,

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


After Texas is finished having it's way with you, don't forget to fluff the pillow a few times to get your teeth marks off.

You suck,

T.R. Slyder

FINALLY: a Decent Excuse to Show These Pics Again!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Lynndie, you personify female sophistication. Classy, educated, dignified, ethical, pulchritudinous, an underlying air of sexual coyness, confident, accomplished, and cosmopolitan. You make me thank God and Baby Jesus everyday for making me a heterosexual male.

To paraphrase Billy Joel, "She lead prisoners of war around on leashes, that much, she'll tell ya/she had a cigarette hangin' from her mouth as she double-pointed at their exposed genitalia/She also forced inmates to form pyramids while naked, that ended badly/And her Commanding Officer is her baby-daddy/She did time/For war crimes/But she's always a woman to me"

P.S. You were interviewed in The Guardian on Saturday.


I will never forgive you if you don't read the interview, but in case you don't, I'll provide my favorite tidbits. Or, as tween girls say, "my faves".

-Lynndie lives in her hometown still and lives in an adjacent trailer park lot to mother. She also spends a lot of time trying to not run into old high school acquaintances. Hmmmm. Just a thought, she is living in the WORST CITY IN THE WORLD to do that in. Every single city in the entire planet is better to do that in. If you don't want to see them, maybe you should live in a different city. Something to think about. That's like saying "I really, really hope I don't see any animals today." Then walking into a zoo and being upset that you saw animals again there.

- As a convicted felon, Lynndie is not allowed to own a gun, which means that she cannot participate in one of her favorite hobbies, hunting. About having that that right revoked she said, "That pissed me off; made me so mad." What she liked about hunting, she says, was "the going out, being in the woods. Time to think, being out in nature. I love it. Now I can't do that." Now, I'm may not be renkowned naturalist, but I am nearly positive that you can be in nature, think in nature and, yes, even love nature without a gun. A gun is designed to destroy, maim and kill, it is not some kind of medium, that when held, allows one to enjoy, the otherwise unenjoyable nature. In fact, it is designed to destroy things in nature.

- When referring to a fellow female, Abu Ghraib U.S. solider, Megan Ambuhl, who was not convicted of any wrongdoing, who, despite allegations she participated in mistreating inmates, never appeared in any photographs, , England says, "She didn't plan that. It just happened. She wasn't clever. She's a pothead. She was just there. She wasn't in a lot of photos because she didn't want to be. She would just walk away." Um, that sounds a lot more clever than smiling and giving a thumb's up. Like, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot more clever.

- Oh wow. This part isn't just awesome, it's "aweshome". Lynndie's Commanding Officer that KU'd her, was two-timing her the whole time with Ambuhl, picture at right. What a saucy little number, she is.

Frank Lloyd Does it (W)Right

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I had a friend in town this weekend and did some touristy stuff in Chicago, so I figured I'd pass it along.

On Saturday I took a tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's 1909 Prairie House, The Robie House. The house is in the Hyde Park neighborhood which was primarily known as the neighborhood that houses The University of Chicago, but is now better known as the neighborhood that Barack Obama lives in. It's an intellectually-funky neighborhood and is definitely worth the trip.

The tour of the house was well worth it, but oddly included only four rooms of the house. Due to Chicago fire codes, a business is not allowed to operate their business in any building that is 1) over two floors tall that, 2) has only one staircase. So if the tours were conducted on all three floors, they would be violating the Chicago firecode. Further truncating the tour was the restoration of the building that put a few rooms off limits to us. Despite the access limitations, I still thought the tour was worth it. They compensate for the lack of display availability with tour guides that are extremely knowledgable and pasisonate about their jobs, and also excessively friendly.

The tour consisted of the foyer, living room, dining room and kitchen. The foyer had 7-feet-high ceilings and felt rather cramped, which is a signature of a Wright house. I learned that he wants visitors to not be able to see any of the house upon the first step inside, so that when they arrive to the family room they see the entire space and have a eureka/awe-inspiring moment.

The living room and dining room were essentially the same room and were separated by a long, flat fireplace that doubled as a partition between the two rooms. The tour guide showed us all the smallest details, and how every conceivable detail about the house was designed by Wright. What struck me the most about the tour was how consumed with details Wright must have been. He designed not just an astounding house, he designed the "art-glass" (like stained-glass, but only with the majority of the window being transparent, and the colored glass serving only as embellishment) windows and every house he designed has it's own pattern, he designed the rugs that also have a pattern unique to each house, he designed the mouldings that go around each light fixture like a laurel wreath, he designed ALL of the furniture for the house and made the owners agree to never change the furniture and that they must leave the furniture in the house if they move, he even designed dresses for the lady of the house to wear to match the architecture and decor.

It sounded reminiscent of a "Bridezilla" only like a male, architect version. But the house was remarkable.