Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Talking Derby

(pictured above is my Derby favorite, Quality Road as a baby. Note that he is standing what appears to be a quality road. Crazy, huh?)

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I've got some odds and ends to mention.

1. Old Fashioned was just retired.

2. Terrain will be running in the Derby. TR Slyder scholars will recall that he was my highest will-pay exacta-mate with Quality Road at $1,034. That leaves Papa Clem as the new highest will pay with QR at $1,016.

3. Another Derby defection means better odds for my homey Dunkirk to get into the Derby. Let's have a look at the earnings list, shall we?

4. Sorry, I insist. And again, the top 20 are Derby-eligible.

Kentucky Derby Graded Earnings for Major Contenders (through 04/13/09)
1 Mafaaz John Gosden N/A
2 Regal Ransom Saeed bin Suroor $1,200,000
3 Pioneer of the Nile Bob Baffert $1,193,250
4 Square Eddie Doug O'Neill $774,981
5 I Want Revenge Jeff Mullins $774,000
6 Papa Clem Gary Stute $760,000
7 Desert Party Saeed bin Suroor $641,667
8 Quality Road James Jerkens $600,000
8 General Quarters Thomas McCarthy $595,645
10 Friesan Fire Larry Jones $570,465
11 Musket Man Derek Ryan $485,000
12 Terrain Albert Stall, Jr. $448,330
13 Hold Me Back William Mott $438,000
14 West Side Bernie Kelly Breen $385,160
15 Chocolate Candy Jerry Hollendorfer $370,000
16 Win Willy McLean Robertson $230,000
17 Giant Oak Chris Block $169,256
18 Dunkirk Todd Pletcher $150,000
19 Charitable Man Kiaran McLaughlin $150,000
20 Flying Private D. Lukas $124,000
21 Mr. Hot Stuff Eoin Harty $114,000
22 Summer Bird Tim Ice $100,000
23 Join in the Dance Todd Pletcher $90,000
24 Just a Coincidence Nicholas Zito $75,000
25 Hello Broadway Barclay Tagg $63,860
26 Jeranimo Michael Pender $24,000


So that moves Dunkirk up to 17th/18th with basically, with 3 races left for the currently-left-out horses to try and win some quick cash. Most horses running will be horses that are ranked 21st and higher, since most eligible horses are opting not to race this close to the Derby. Conversely, the more a horse races, the higher the chances are that something can go wrong and send him off the derby trail. So we'll just have to wait and see about Dunkirk.


With the above list in mind, we'll take a look at Steve Haskins' latest installment of his Derby Dozen. You may notice that Mr. Haskins has listed two horses in the #12 slot. He must do some freelance baking, thereby authorizing him to utilize the baker's dozen. I'm sure whatever he bakes is delicious.

Steve Haskin's Derby Dozen

Updated: April 13th

1. I Want Revenge Jeff Mullins, Stephen Got Even—Meguial, by Roy

He's arrived at Churchill Downs for what promises to be an interesting two weeks leading up to the Derby. People are still talking about his Wood Memorial adventure, and at this point he looks like your Derby favorite.

2. Pioneerof the Nile Bob Baffert. Empire Maker—Star of Goshen, by Lord At War

Pioneerof the NileHe keeps being flattered by his vanquished foes' performances back east. Now all he has to do is go out there and show he's as good on dirt as they are. We should get some kind of clue from his Churchill works.

3. Quality Road Jimmy Jerkens. Elusive Quality—Kobla, by Strawberry Road

Quality RoadHis quarter crack problem at this point looks to be behind him after a solid :48 3/5 work. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Jerkens will give him one more work about a week before the Derby, then ship to Kentucky four days out.

4. Dunkirk Todd Pletcher. Unbridled’s Song—Secret Status, by A.P. Indy

The results from the past two weeks could not have worked out better for him, and he should have no problem making the Derby field. Thoro-Graph shows him pairing up negative 3/4's, which makes him a major threat.

5. Chocolate Candy Jerry Hollendorfer. Candy Ride—Crownette, by Seattle Slew

Chocolate CandyHe's on a strong pattern and Hollendorfer has him primed for a peak performance on Derby Day. But again, he still has to duplicate or improve his form on dirt. Only General Quarters will have more starts going into the Derby.

6. Friesan Fire Larry Jones. A.P. Indy—Bollinger, by Dehere

Friesan FireHe is now Larry Jones' only hope following the injury to Old Fashioned. Once again, there's not much you can say about him, going into the race off a 7-week layoff and no 1 1/8 miles races. But Jones is confident that's the way to go. Look for some big works from him.

7. Desert Party Saeed bin Suroor. Street Cry—Sage Cat, by Tabasco Cat

Desert PartyWith the Derby shaping up to be one of the deepest and most contentious in years, one way to eliminate confusion is to go to the horse who has existed all year in a different realm from the others and take a shot he's for real. He arrived early enough to acclimate and should be coming into the race in peak form.

8. General Quarters Tom McCarthy. Sky Mesa—Ecology, by Unbridled's Song

General QuartersThere is no denying this is a serious horse who is peaking at the right time, can handle any kind of surface, and should have no problem with the 10 furlongs. His tactical speed and ability to be placed anywhere make him dangerous. Will Coa go with him or his Tampa rival Musket Man?

9. Hold Me Back Bill Mott. Giant’s Causeway—Restraint, by Unbridled’s Song

Hold Me BackAny fans of his before the Blue Grass should still be fans after his strong runner-up performance, trying to close off a dawdling pace. He did come home his last eighth in :11 4/5. He was expected to regress slightly off his big comeback victory and now is ready for a big effort. Only question mark is the one dirt blot on his record.

10. Musket Man Derek Ryan. Yonaguska--Fortuesque, by Fortunate Prospect

Musket ManThe only reason he's behind General Quarters, despite having beaten him two out of three times at Tampa, is the difference in pedigree. While it looks like he'll continue to outrun his pedigree, his rival is almost a sure thing to stay. But it's hard to like one without the other. This is a potent Tampa one-two punch.

11. Papa Clem Gary Stute. Smart Strike—Miss Houdini, by Belong to Me

Papa ClemNo one was expecting him to rally from fifth in a race with only one true speed horse, but he showed a whole new dimension, aided by Old Fashioned's fast pace and a slow 1:03 come-home time for the final five furlongs. Third horse was coming off only two lifetime starts and recent maiden score, in which he earned a 78 Beyer, and was beaten only 1 1/4 lengths for all the money. So, it's hard to get a good gauge on this race.

12.West Side Bernie Kelly Breen.Bernstein—Time Honored, by Gilded Time

West Side BernieHe merits respect off his second-place finish to I Want Revenge in Wood Memorial, and he should be coming into the Derby in top form. But this is an exceptionally strong field with several closers more explosive than him.

12. Win Willy McLean Robertson Monarchos—City Fair, by Carson City

Sorry, once again I can't separate the bottom two. Although he didn't run badly in Arkansas, more was expected of him, and having a recent maiden winner with only two lifetime starts out-close him wasn't what you wanted to see. But a regression off a big effort going two turns for the first time wasn't that surprising; deserves another chance.

(TR's note- I accidentally deleted Win Willy's picture. I could have went back and copied, then pasted, but I know you don't care. If you do care, just click the link/headline)



Lastly, I'll post Mike Watchmaker's Top Ten 3-year olds. This list is slightly different because he ranks all three year olds, whether they are in training or not (e.g. retired, deceased, etc.)., and disregards whether they are heading to the Derby or not. Here is his list as of April, 8th.

1 - I Want Revenge (5)
A major revelation since moving to dirt
2 - Quality Road (1)
Handled 2 turns, a top rival in Fl. Derby
3 -Dunkirk (2)
Might be every bit as good as top two
4 - Friesan Fire
How much did slop help in La. Derby?
5 - The Pamplemousse (3)
6 - Pioneerof the Nile (7)
7 - Old Fashioned
8 - Hold Me Back (10)
9 - Chocolate Candy (new)
10 - Musket Man (new)

So it looks like Watchmaker has Pioneer of the Nile ranked much lower, as well as Chocolate Candy. I tend to agree more with Watchmaker. The rationale employed by Haskins is more historical- since Pioneer of the Nile beat I Want Revenge twice a while ago, and Papa Clem once, (on a synthetic surface) he must be pretty impressive. While, Watchmaker feels that Pioneer of the Nile had the advantage since they raced on a surfaces that IWR and PC relatively dislike, and when they meet on dirt, IWR will humiliate PoN.

So that's like if LeBron James' 30 year old cousin said that when he was 20, and Lebron was 11, he used trounce LeBron in 1-in-1. But since LeBron is now arguably the best player in the world, LeBron's cousin also has to be in the discussion for best player as well, since he beat him a couple of times a while ago.

Point being, Quality Road is the best. And Papa Clem is second best.

T.R. Salutes: The Ghettoblaster

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


THE best fad of the 1980's. Accept no subsitutes.

























F. Yeah!

StreetWise May Get Its Chapter 11 on


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



The Chicago Tribune is reporting that StreetWise, the news weekly sold by area homeless, may soon be forced to fold.

Upon hearing this I became sad because I think that its an innovative way for Chicago homeless to earn a little money and get back on their feet and feel productive. Plus, the paper itself isn't too bad, either.

My sadness was assuaged later, however, when I thought about never having to hear the annoying dude on the corner of Clark and Diversey in front of Walgreens screaming at me.

Wow/LOL/Gross/Better Her Than Me.


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



A 77-year old Japanese man just starred in a porno. The link isn't really safe for work. Or for anyone with a semblence of tact or dignity.

No word yet on whether the name of the porn translates in English to: Bombs Over Sag-Dad.

Cool Pig Photo


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


You're not allowed to say "Awwww" if you ate ham on Easter.

Lookalikes V. 20.0- Crystal McCahill and Erin Burnett





















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I can't believe I've done 20 of these now.

Crystal McCahill, Playboy's Miss May 2009, shown here in her mugshot for drunk driving, and CNBC's Erin Burnett.

Monday, April 13, 2009

T.R. Salutes: The Jheri Curl


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


This should come as no surprise to T.R. Slyder scholars. I never shy away from celebrating Jheri Curls. I wish there were a Jheri Curl Petting Zoo. That would be a good name for a punk band.






























































































































Kim Jong, Illin'


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


How screwed up do you have to be for this picture not seeming as weird as it should. Oddly, it just feels right.



T.R. Salutes: The Handling of the Captain Hostage Situation With The Somali Pirates























By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I loved it. LOVED it. The wars you inherited, but this was your first military crisis under your watch.

I knew this had to be an open and shut case. We simply had to say "You are filthy Somali Pirates. We are the United States Military. You do not kidnap us. It's extremely simple. We are not something that you fuck with. If, however,you attempt to fuck with us, we will leave your bodies cold and lifeless. Is any part or that unclear?"

I loved what we did to those punks. Like a friend of mine would say, "You run up, you get done up", or as Brother Tupac said, "you better back the fuck up, before you get smacked the fuck up"

I like how it was handled. No U.S. casualties, and a few causalities of the guilty parties. We had a captain with an AK-47 in his back, and some Navy Seals had a clear shot at the heads of those gun-wielding gorillas. Whoever those nameless SEALs are, you are heroes in my book, and I am thankful that you exist.

It sounds pretty simple to me- If I fuck with the U.S. I WILL get fucked up.


Some pirates forced an AK-47 into the captain's back. Then what happened? Their heads were blown off. I like it.










Sunday, April 12, 2009

I Read a Funny Joke in This Month's Esquire


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



It was told by this chick. Her name is Zulay Henao. Is it wrong that when I first saw her name I thought, "Henao, Henao, don't dream it's over, Henao, Henao, when the world comes in..."?

Anyhoo, the joke. I'll paraphrase it, since I'm not crazy about the exact wording of her version:









A guy gets arrested and read his Miranda Rights- Anything he says can and will be held against him in court.

He replies, "Breasts"




WhereAwesomeHappens Love Child Investigation 11.0

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Villanova coach Jay Wright + Fred Gwynne (Herman Munster and the judge in My Cousin Vinny) = Judge Alex.




























Best Movie Review Possible

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com






T.R. Salutes: The Power Glove


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Probably the coolest thing possible.





Grammar Call Out


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Today's lucky winner is the NY Post's Pagesix.com. Let's have a look.

KIM Kardashian and Brittney Gastineau were multi-tasking courtside at the Knicks-Pistons game the other night. "Kim texted the whole time, not paying attention, while Brittny looked for the cameras," our spy says. When the Madison Square Garden cameras focused on Kardashian and the crowd roared, Gastineau wasn't happy." (<---- what are those quotation marks doing exactly?) Later, our source reports, "they both went out the players' entrance and Kim again stopped to text. Brittny seemed desperate for attention, but the players were asking Kim what she was doing."



Great job guys.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Happy Easter



By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Happy E-Stir. Get it??!!!! I'm the best.





OH MY GOD

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I just read a few prominent news websites.......

Boston University's hockey team has not denied funding for the Somali pirates!

Nowhere did I read that they denied it!

That means they probaly funded them!!! Ho. Lee. CRAP.

Is there no end to their depravity?

JESUS.

Passing This Along As Well

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Alumni Mailing List has its priveleges.

Be on hand to welcome the only non-satanic NCAA Finalists in the the 2009 Men's Hockey Tournament! The only finalists who can enjoy the afterlife without getting BF'd by Satan! You know, some people's life decisions really disgust and saddens me (I'm looking at you Boston University, if, in fact, your hockey team is still affiliated with that school).


Congratulations to your Miami RedHawks, the 2009 Men's Ice Hockey National Champion Runner-Up.

Fans are encouraged to meet at the Goggin Ice Center to greet the team upon arrival in Oxford on Sunday, April 12, at approximately 11:30 a.m. ET (Oak Street entrance).

Check out additional coverage of Miami's NCAA tournament run at www.MURedHawks.com.

Miami University
725 E Chestnut St
Oxford, OH 45056

If you wish to be removed from this group's mailing list, click here

My $.03 Regarding the Derby Preps.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I'll just lay my cards right on the table. I made a Derby futures Exacta bet, and I can't help but see the race through that lens. Here's what I have.

18 Exactas with Quality Road on top, and 2 exactas with him on the bottom. Here are my bets with their will-pays. (all exactas have Quality Road on top, so I'll just list the place horse and the dollar amount it will pay for a $2 bet)

1. Charitable Man- $814
2. Chocolate Candy- 287
3. Desert Party- 233
4. Dunkirk- 104
5. Friesan Fire- 71
6. Hold Me Back- 554
7. I Want Revenge- 51
8. Mafaaz 937
9. Musket Man- 380
10. Old Fashioned- 162
11. Papa Clem- 1,016
12. Pioneer of the Nile- 107
13. Regal Ransom- 438
14. Terrain- 1,034
15. (ThePamplemousse- 231) will not be in Derby (that was not the case when I bet him)
16. (Theregoesjojo- 438)- unlikely to be in the Derby
17. Win Willy- 203
18. Any other horse not listed- 203.

finally, two other exactas with Quality Road on the bottom

1. Friesan Fire/Quality Road- $84
2. Hold Me Back/Quality Road- $739

let the record show that I made a mistake when betting the Hold Me Back/Quality Road exacta. I meant to bet I Want Revenge on top and just told the woman at the ticket window the wrong number. So I guess we'll see how that pans out.


Anyway, now that that's out of the way. I was happy to see how the Arkansas Derby panned out: Papa Clem won. I need him to 1) be in the Derby, and, 2) Be running well so he can come in seocond. He is my second-highest payout, so that's great news to me.

I didn't feel that anyone in the Arkansas Derby was a real Derby contender. As mentioned in an earlier posting, I feel that race was just a cash-grab for horses who weren't yet eligible for the Derby, but hoped to beat some low-quality horses quickly and then be deby-eligible as a result.

The odds-on favorite of the Arkansas Derby, Old Fashioned, didn't muster a win, but he did muster a shitting of the bed. I'm not even sure his connections will enter him in the Derby (he is eligible) after his putrid performances hin his last two races. It's tough to argue that he is not a sprinter at this point. Talented horse, not a lover of the Derby distance.

Oh, after writing that paragraph I checked on the DRF.com, and saw that Old Fashioned is out due to an injury. He won't be in the Derby for sure. I wish that horse all the best.

As for the other major Derby Prep, The Blue Grass Stakes at Keeneland: General Quarters won the race. I'd never heard of him either. He beat the favored Hold Me Back (who I accidentally had on top in one of my exactas) by a length and a half and is now Derby bound, possibly displacing the very exciting Dunkirk. What a dick.

The Blue Grass also featured a few other Derby implications, but I don't really care about talking about them. One reason is because it's overkill and I know that none of my zero readers like horse racing. The other is that this race was run on a Synthetic surface, so none of it necessarily matters anyway. It skews the definition of "Derby Implications".