T.R.'s Intervention: Bill Maher

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I'll make the opening brief.

Bill, I like Real Time with Bill Maher a lot. You're smart, challenging, forward-thinking, abrasive-in-a-good way, funny, and you conduct the show well also. I like you.

That being said, as a friend, I'd like to rely two other points. 1) I get that you smoke marijuana. 2) I get that you have sexual intercourse often.

I feel as though you felt points 1 and 2 were not understood by your audience and may, in fact, be a sense of insecurity for you. That could be why you feel the need to mention each at least twice an episode.

More germane to point two- your interview with Cameron Diaz was poor. It wasn't as bad as your interview with Sarah Silverman right after she broke up with Jimmy Kimmel where it was awkwardly obvious that you had her on your show just so you could kiss her fanny and attempt to sleep with her, but it was a close second. The difference being that your praise for Silverman, though excessive, was founded. But when you called Cameron Diaz a convincing/believable/great actress, then allowed her to carry on, letting her believe that she was intelligent, that was a lie. You're a discerning man of intelligence and taste. Therefore you can't NOT notice that her acting is substandard. You pandered to her because you wanted to have sexual intercourse with her. If you want to do that to/with her, I understand, but do it on your time. There's no reason to waste my time while doing it. When I make a bootycall, I don't call you on three-way calling and ask you to remain silent and listen.

You smoke weed, I get it. You have a libido, I get it. You have a show, I get it. Keep them separate or you might soon find yourself with only your libido and weed. I know you'd hate to see your career ruined by your libido like Mark Sanford, Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, and John Ensign.

Mark DeRosa is a Cardinal

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Great. What next? My dad is dating Courtney Love? Thank Baby Jesus and Jim Caveziel we've got Milton Bradley's anemic and anorexic lefthanded bat, temper, perpetually dilated pupils in the sunny outfield, and mental defifiency to show for DeRosa's absence. Thank god we got Milton for DeRo.

Lovechild Investigation 12.0- Amy Sedaris + Gwyneth Paltrow + Time = Ruth Madoff

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Who knew Ruth Madoff was related to Julia Roberts?


+




















+ time =

By Far The Best Article About Michael Jackson I've Read Yet

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This one kinda addresses everything, and appears to be very credible.

Fat Taboo

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I won't say the name, but a fat guy that I admired recently died. He was fairly old, and pretty fat, so his death isn't shocking. Had he been skinnier, this would have been a relatively early death. But he was fat, so it was understood.

Had he been a life-long smoker, I'm sure that would have somehow been snuck into his obituary. Maybe they'd say, "...a life-long smoker, he devoted his spare time to friends and gardening.", or perhaps, "He succumbed to a battle with cancer after being a longtime smoker.". Then after the broadcast of his death, countless parents would then turn to their children and say, "See, that's why you shouldn't smoke." and of course they would be right.

But he was obese. That eluded all the eulogies I heard. No mention of, "with blood-pressure of 180/140, he was a family man, especially in his later years.". I doubt many parents will turn to their kids and say, "See, that's why you should order the chicken salad with oil and vinegar dressing on the side, and not a cheeseburger with mayonnaise and french fries."

Why is that? How is that not fair game? Our society loves thinking that addiction (tobacco, alcohol, other drugs) is indicative of a weakness and is 100% the fault of the addicted party. But our society also seems to look the other way with obesity, as though it accidentally happened, or is somehow outside of one's locus of control.

Put more scholarly, addiction happens in active voice, obesity in the passive voice.

Dave suffered from obesity vs. Dave was decades-long user of heroin. It's never the inverse- Dave suffered from a heroin addiction vs. Dave was life-long obese man.

"After years of smoking 2 packs a day, Mr. Robertson died of heart failure." You hear hear that, but not, "After decades of eating unnecessarily fried foods, liberal use of cheese and a love of empty carbs, Mr. Robertson passed away." Not sure why that is.

Another example of this double standard is the simple test of saying it to someone's face. When you see a friend or relative light up a cigarette, it's ok to say, "When are you gonna quit that crap, man?", or, "Do you know how much money you waste in cigarettes?" or even the popular judgement-as-a-flirtation-vehicle, "You're too pretty to smoke." If you say any of those, you fall somewhere between being correct, yet out of line, and a good friend who has the guts to say what needs to be said. However, if your obese friend orders veal scallopini instead of grilled chicken and you say, "Why are you trying to get fatter than you already are?", or "So when will you be fat enough?","You already achieved obesity. How 'bout you tone it down some, huh?", or "Is it a heart attack or stroke you lust after?", you are soulless, petty, supercifial, mean-spirited, and just needlessly cruel. How is that less noble than the cigarette mini-intervention? What's the difference betwen, "Dude, you're drunk. You don't need another scotch." And, "You're obese, you don't need fried chicken."?

The only reason for the double standard that I can think of is the guilty-pleasure's impact on physical appearance. Fat people are fat, but addicts can come in any shape. Put differently, fatness is displayed outwardly. Since fatness is accepted as unsexy, when you bring that to light (as though it were previously unknown) you are, by definition, assailing someone's sexual attractiveness which is uncalled for. But it existed before you mentioned it. And if you mentioned it and it were untrue, there would be no harm in your inaccurate appraisal, much like you when you call me an ugly babboon with herpes, I take no offense. I'm not a babboon.

Ok, I don't have herpes either (ladies, you know my email address!).

So it is somehow offensive to point out what everyone else can plainly see. How does that work? If you call a 50 year-old female smoker, a "cigarette addict", she'll either say "Yeah. So?", "Duh?" or, "screw you". If you call an obese 50-year old woman, "obese", she will cry. The only reason I can see for that is related to sexual attraction. It feels as though you're saying, "People find me more sexually appealing than they find you.". But that's just as objective as calling someone a smoker or an addict. How is that less "called-for"?

Same people say obesity is an addiction to food. Some claim that it's lack of will power, while other's claim that it's a function of poor education and/or poverty. You're also likely to hear that it may be a genetic pre-disposition. Sometimes though, it's just related to stress- comfort food, ya know? Those don't sound very different from the reasons people get caught up in addiction.

If your 5-year old tells a stranger on the street, "eww you smoke! Gross!", it's mildly rude, but at the same time it's true and maybe, just maybe, the smoker will take it to heart. But if he tells a fatty, "eww you're fat! Gross!" you're child is rude, poorly controlled, and in need of better parenting. But is your child any less right?


Great people can be obese, and great people can be drug addicts. Those will forever be parts of human nature, and those do not make people bad people. Conversely, If you make fun of someone's acne, crooked teeth or economic standard- that's petty. But obesity and addiction kill people. That's why I don't think it's rude to say, "hey man, how about you just get a turkey sandwich on wheat and not a Philly cheesesteak?". Cheesesteaks kill people too.

YouTube Results

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Here is Rachel Alexandra kicking rear in today's 2009 Mother Goose Stakes. I went with "kicking rear" I could have went with any or all of the following: obliterating the competition, romping, blowing away the field, humiliating the other two horses, looking like a missle with a jockey on its back, giving anyone with a pulse goosebumps, inspiring ME to be a better female racehorse despite me being neither female nor a racehorse, etc.



Zenyatta's race isn't available yet. Here it is. This is what I like to call, "a strong late kick". She coulda won by more but chose not to. Kinda like in "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangster", when they say, "real gangsta ass 'n-words' don't flex much, cuz real gangsta ass 'n-words' know they got 'em." Also keep in mind that Zenyatta was spotting the field betwixt 13 and18 lb.s, which is darn-near unheard of.

Rachel Alexandra and Zenyatta Both Won

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I'll post the YouTube replays of both when they are available.

This article from DRF.com was encouraging.

(This article is also worth reading. It asserts that Rachel is ducking Zenyatta)

I copied and pasted the article below.



Headlines | Posted 6/27/2009, 5:47 pm

Moss wants Zenyatta to face Rachel

By David Grening

ELMONT, N.Y. - Don't rule out a Zenyatta-Rachel Alexandra showdown this year just yet.

Saturday morning, in an interview on the "Down the Stretch" radio show on Sirius XM radio, Jerry Moss, the owner of Zenyatta, said "there's a good chance" Zenyatta would leave Southern California to race this year and that he "would very much like" to see his mare face Preakness winner Rachel Alexandra.

Moss said no decision on Zenyatta's schedule would be made until after trainer John Shirreffs assesses how the mare comes out of Saturday's Grade 1 Vanity Handicap at Hollywood Park.

Zenyatta scored her 11th victory in as many career starts in the Vanity. Rachel Alexandra posted her seventh straight victory with a romp in Saturday's Grade 1 Mother Goose at Belmont Park.

"Obviously, we take it race to race," Moss said. "[Shirreffs] is going to need a week to see how she's come through this . . . then maybe we'll say something about where our next start will be, and it could be out of the state for certain."

Last Wednesday, in a conference call to preview the Mother Goose, Jess Jackson, the owner of Rachel Alexandra, said his filly would not race in this November's Breeders' Cup because it was being run over Santa Anita's synthetic surface. With the belief that Zenyatta would not leave Southern California to race this year, that appeared to put an end to any possible meeting this year.

But Moss's comments opened the door.

"If the two horses are ready and at the top of their form, I would very much like to see a race between the two of them," Moss said.

There are a number of potential places for them to meet. There is the $1 million Delaware Handicap at Delaware Park on July 19; the $300,000 Go for Wand at 1 1/8 miles at Saratoga on Aug. 2; or the $400,000 Personal Ensign at 1 1/4 miles at Saratoga on Aug. 29.

Moss added that he shares Jackson's negative view of synthetic racetracks.

"It's just that I'm a Californian, I moved out here from New York a long, long time ago," he said. "I like the people. This is where I live. This is where I race mostly."

Moss suggested that one reason he would consider shipping Zenyatta out of the state is to help make her Horse of the Year. She finished second to Curlin for that award last year.

"We want to win that this year if it's possible," Moss said. "The horses have got to perform, every step has got to be the right one.

"We hope both horses do well throughout the year and we can meet somewhere."

Update: This is really an update by I didn't want to make a new posting for something so small. I just noticed ESPN.com's horse racing page. I've been more of a drf.com and thebloodhorse.com kinda guy. I'm going to add ESPN's page to my list of links in the margin.

A List of Party Favors

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Do you have what it takes to be the next Michael Jackson? I'm not talking about singing or dancing capabilities- can you handle all these?


It's similar to a Long Island Iced Tea, but with pharmaceuticals instead- I call it the MoonwalkerThriller, it's delicious.

Urine Luck: I'm Writing About Horse Racing Again

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Saturday will feature some great horses, namely two I love talking about: Zenyatta and Rachel Alexandra. They will, however, be racing in separate races, much like they will be doing on Breeders Cup Day. Under different circumstances I would accuse Rachel Alexandra of dodging Zenyatta, but because the Breeders Cup will be run at Santa Anita over a synthetic race surface- which is Zenyatta's preferred surface, I don't blame Rachel's connections. With Rachel being a dirt horse, racing Zenyatta on her home track on her favorite surface wouldn't constitute a fair fight. Such a clash of the mare titans deserves a fair fight- and the unfortunate location of the 2009 Breeders Cup will be unable to deliver such a fight. It's unfortunate, but understandable.

Speaking of understandable, the 11 people who didn't understand why jockey Calvin Borel chose to ride Rachel in the Preakness, over Derby winner Mine That Bird, should understand today. Rachel is racing in a $300k race, while Mine That Bird will not be racing. She is installed as the 1-5 favorite in Belmont Park's Grade 1 Mother Goose (1 mile and an eighth) against 4 other, lesser foes.

13 minutes after the Mother Goose's post time, the undefeated Zenyatta will take on seven other horses in the Vanity Handicap at Hollywood Park (1 mile and an eighth). She is also the 1-5 morning-line favorite. I usually don't pay much attention to the weights that a horse will carry, but this race wouldn't allow me to ignore it.

You noticed how Zenyatta's race is called the Vanity Handicap. Not the Vanity Derby, or Vanity Stakes. The "Handicap" part is similar to a handicap golf tournament, but instead of using strokes to even the playing field, they use weight. The theory being that, they can even the field by making the better horses heavier and the less-seasoned horses lighter. Usually what that means is the big favorite carries 3 or 4 more pounds more than the rest, and the rest of the field varies by like 2 or 3 pounds.

Saturday's Vanity, however, is unlike any handicap I can recall. Zenyatta will be carrying 129 pounds (that's the weight of the jockey, saddle and added weight in the form of lead bars for the sake of adding weight). The next highest horse will carry 116, with the others carrying betwixt 111 and 114. I've never seen that much disparity before. I also cannot recall another horse carrying 129 pounds before- male or female, and Zenyatta is a female.

You can expect to see the races on this blog tomorrow once they're on YouTube. Prepare to be impressed again. I just hope these horses can somehow find a way to race one another over a neutral surface. For me that would be a dream match up. Much like some people dream of seeing a Cubs vs. White Sox world series, or a Kobe vs. Lebron/Shaq NBA Finals or Duke vs. North Carolina NCAA men's basketball finals, Zenyatta and Rachel head-to-head is my single biggest, currently possible sports fantasy.

UPDATE: Two horses in the Mother Goose scratched this morning. Rachel Alexandra will now be racing against only two other horses. Finally a trifecta I can hit! The most surprising thing about the 3-horse field is that its in New York and not California.

Update #2: This is a great, brief write up about Zenyatta and Rachel Alexandra and how it's unfortunate that they won't be facing eachother anytime soon.

Why Didn't I Think of This?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

There is nothing more practical than painting elephants to look like pandas.

Good Interview About Michael Jackson

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This interview is one that doesn't sugarcoat Jackson and tells it like it is- which has been all too rare in the death coverage. I hope VH1 replays their documentary on Michael Jackson that they did last year or two years ago. I think I'm the only person in the world that saw it, but it was very in-depth and really interesting.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Apple Stock Doing Well After Michael Jackson Got His Croak On

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Above is Apple's stock today (as of 2pm EST). Jackson's death has caused a downloading frenzy that has only helped Apple and Amazon, as mentioned in this article.

In other MJ news, The Sun is reporting that he died of an overdose of the morphine-like drug Demerol. I'm sure we'll be hearing much more about that in the days ahead. Primarily because the LIVE-IN DOCTOR that could not be found after Jackson's death.

Gay Exorcism

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

A preacher somewhere tried to perform a "Gay Exorcism" on a gay guy. This has given rise to a spate of copycat cons. To my heterosexual male friends- if a man approaches you and asks to "Suck all the gay out of you" do NOT agree to it. Trust me.

Which Michael Jackson Song Will you Cry and Wap to?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

For a briefing on the Cry and Wap, click here. Otherwise, the picture above ought to provide some incite.


We're all sad Michael Jackson died. The question is, which song will you cry and wap to while missing him? I have a poll in the margin for you to provide your answer.

If you selected the "I'll Cry and Wap to Another Michael Jackson Song" option please feel free to name your song in the Comments section below

Michael Jackson Now Drinking Jesus Juice Straight From the Source

(Photography courtesy of T.R. Slyder)
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Pretty weird.

And no, I didn't even have him in my Death Pool that I'm not in but made my draft list for anyway. I should have though.

UPDATE:
Word out of heaven is that Jacko asked to see the Lindberg baby upon his entrance to heaven.

Update #2:

don't forget to use this opportunity to drop the two best Michael Jackson jokes on unsuspecting people/victims:

1) Knock Knock
Who's There?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson

2) Q: What's the difference betwixt Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson B.F.s little boys.

(Editor's note: After the jokes you may want to consider going with a 'Hi-oooo', 'Hel-LOooooo', or a simple 'OW' accompanied by a leg kick. Trust me.)

Update #3: I'm listening to Black or White right now and just heard the part where the rapping dude says "I'm not gonna spend my life being a color" Since white isn't technically a color, I guess Michael Jackson lived by that credo.

The Best Failed Drug Test for a Player I Like

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I read this headline today on Tribune's website: "Cubs Soto Failed Drug Test During WBC",
Prompting me to recall this article where Cub-hating nepotist nutsack Thom Brennaman alleged that Geovany Soto's success was the result of steroids.

So when I read the headline the first thing I thought of was, "Oh God no. T-hom was right. F MyLife." So I click the link to see that Soto failed a MARIJUANA test. Thank God, Jesus, Baby Jesus, Allah, and Jim Caveziel. That made my day. I couldn't care less if a millionaire gets high in the offseason.

T-hom Brennaman still sucks.

Fox News Keepin' it Real

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I plagarized this from HuffPo.

Fox News incorrectly identified disgraced South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford as a Democrat, much like it did with the similarly (and hilariously) disgraced congressman Mark Foley.

Before yesterday I would have said that the odds of this coincidence's occurrence would have to be enormous. But after being inspired by a math-denying rebel, I no longer believe in mathematics.

Don't Hassle Either Hoff.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


It's common knowledge not to "Hassel" the Hoff- David Hasselhoff. It's also becoming evident that opposing pitchers would be wise to not hassle Micah Hoffpauir.

On Saturday, Cleveland pitcher Tomo Ohka tried to hassle him while he pinch it. The Hoff hit a go ahead, two-run home run. The Cubs went on to win by one run.

Today (Tuesday), Detroit reliever Joel Zumaya tried to hassle him on a 2-2 change-up. The Hoff deposited that one into the seats in right field. Two run home run and the lead in the 8th inning.

Wondering what position the Hoff was playing on Tuesday? DH. It stands for Don't Hassle.

A Rebel. Against logic.

(photography courtesy of T.R. Slyder)

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I had the pleasure of walking behind this politically-minded gentleman. He didn't strike me as the sharpest stud on the studded necklace of anarchy. It isn't that I'm out to criticisize his political opinion, but his way of visually demonstrating it.

I started at the top. He's anti-flag. Got it. Makes sense. Ok, let's see what we have drawn beneath it. Upside down flag. Ok, makes sense given his anti-flag stance. Fair enough. Wait, is that an X through the upside down flag? So he's anti- upside-down flag? Isn't that pro-upright flag, ergo, pro flag? But he's anti-flag!

Or is he SUCH an anarchist that he doesn't believe the basic algebraic tenet that two negatives make a positive?? So he's either stupid, or the biggest anarchist imaginable- so much so that he doesn't even believe in mathematics. Damn, that's hardcore.

Since I Write Using a Pseudonym I'm Just Gonna go Ahead and ask it

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Do black people like McDonalds more than mentally handicapped people like sweat pants?