12 Brands That Won't Survive 2010

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


This article is a real doozie. The title is pretty self-explanatory, it lists 12 companies that expected to go bankrupt in the next year. Thank God one of them is Crocs. They are

1. Avis/Budget rental cars.
2. Borders Bookstores
3. Crocs- (thank you!!!)
4. Saturn
5. Esquire magazine. (I really hope not. That's my favorite magazine)
6. The Gap
7. Architectural Digest Magazine
8. Eddie Bauer
9. Palm
10. Chrysler
11. AIG
12. a general one stating, "the travel industry is in the crapper"

T.R. Slyder Plagarized on Huffington Post

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I just read an article on the Huffington Post, about how Americans are shocked that ugly people can have talent. That sounds eerily familiar to the article I posted yesterday saying the exact same thing.

The point is, I'm awesome.

Maybe the Best Television Show Possible- Now with 100% More Sanjaya

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I just read that joining R. Blagoj. on I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here are Heidi and Spencer, Janice Dickinson, Dog the Bounty Hunter and Geraldo Reviera.

If R. Blagoj. is allowed to participate this is already in my top 3 favorite reality shows of all time, joining The Joe Schmo Show and Kid Nation.

UPDATE: It just got better. SANJINA is going to be on it too!!!! Sweet God and Baby Jesus.
I no longer think the lord works in mysterious ways. This is a very blatant testimony that he wants us to be happy.

Wait...What? Robby Albarado Just Lied on National Television.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I realize no one cares about this, but you'll have fun following along and calling out a liar. Jockey Robby Albarado is a very talented rider and was recently on one of my favorite television shows. But he just lied to America and I have to pull his card.

Please follow along and click here to watch an episode of the Animal Planet show called Jockeys. As you can assume, it's about horse racing jockeys. I was watching it tonight and noticed at the 7:13 mark, jockey Robby Albarado discussing him and his super-horse Curlin.

Now, Curlin is an outstanding horse, and one of my favorites. He's among the top 10 best horses of the last 25 years, maybe 30. The problem I have with the clip is that his jockey lies about him for some stupid reason. As I mentioned, it's at the 7:13 clip where his jockey says, "I'm Robby Albarado, I ride Curlin today in the Classic. We won the Preakness stakes, we just came off a win in the Kentucky Derby, we won the World Cup in Dubai, we won the Breeder's Cup Classic last year..." It's all right there at the link. I typed it out correctly. Curlin did win the Preakness, World Cup and Classic. But um, he did not win the 2007 Kentucky Derby.

Curlin and Robby Albarado came in third.


Robby's error cannot be confused with Robby himself winning the 2008 Derby, because he didn't not win that either. Kent Desormeaux did aboard Big Brown. This whole thing is just bizarre.

T.R. Salutes- The Chicago Accent

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Little is known about the Chicago accent. What little is known to most people about the Chicago accent is due to "Da Superfans" sketch on Saturday Night Live, the one that made "Da Bearss" a household phrase.

As a Chicago transplant of 4 years, I have yet to find very many great examples of the Chicago accent, or pockets of the city where it thrives. There seem to be a few commonalities with the instances in which I have heard it: It was from someone who seems to be decidedly blue collar, never in a northside neighborhood, oftentimes this person either worked with, or was talking about food and/or alcohol, and they are infinitely more prevalent at White Sox games than at Cubs games. Lastly, one of their tip off words that they have the accent is that they pronounce Chicago as "Chi-caw-go". Subtle, but noticeable. They are also great people 100% of the time. As far as I am concerned the gold standard (and fitting every criterion I listed) is below. He's a little bit Wisconsy, but the best I've found on YouTube anyway.




That dude can be seen here as well.




This one isn't all bad, the description in the margin by the poster of the video is useful as well.


This is a parody, but a doozie of a parody.


This one is a doozie. You can tell she has the accent when you hear the "A" sound.

T.R. Slyder's Theory of Qualitative Absolute Value

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Quick Algebra refresher: The Absolute Value of a number is just it's value away from 0. It's really easy. 7's absolute value is 7. 19's is 19. Etc. This gets "tricky" with negative numbers. You just take away the negativeness. -37's absolute value is 37. You know how it works. Not complicated.

My previous column regarding crap is a great example of my Theory of Qualitative Absolute Value. My theory It combines mathematical absolute value with the axiom (I didn't make it up, but don't know did) "The opposite of love is not hate; it's apathy." Videos like "I aint got no panties on" are awful, and probably score about a -10 on the, -10 to 10 scale. According to my theory then, that video is a 10. And I agree.

Things can be "awesomely bad" or so unfunny that they are hilarious. What you don't want is something that elicits no response from you. Something that just isn't funny, but not SO unfunny that it's funny. For instance, on the -10 to 10 scale, if you hear a joke that's sooo bad it's a -8, that's WAY better than hearing a joke that's a 2. For instance a 2 would be like: "Why did the chicken cross the road?", and a -8 would be "A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his groin. When they bartender says, 'Say buddy, you know you have a steering wheel attached to your, uh, pants, right?' the Pirate replies, 'Arrrgh. I do. It's drivin me nuts". Sure the -8 is worse, but it's also way better.

Same way how old, b-level horror movies where you can see the boom mics in the shot are way better than that movie with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz eloping in Vegas.

I hope this posting encourages you to go out and do something dumb today.

T.R. Salutes: Crap Rap

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

None of this are remotely worksafe, dignified, decent or respectable. In other words, they are awesome.


Gangsta Boogie



The Stanky Leg


Burbans and Lacs



I Got That Fire, by Juvenile


Any TR Slyder Scholar worth their salt knows that only one video could close out this list. Waxamill got that crap rap game on lock, kid.

NHL Playoff Tradition Upheld in Hollywood

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Nice to see Tom Cruise is complying with NHL postseason tradition. Here he can be seen with his playoff beard. I didn't even know he liked hockey. I

Carlos Marmol: Vroom Vroom Pahty Stoppa

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Glad to see you back as the Cubs closer, Carlos Marmol. You are the consumate Pahty Stoppa.

The Latest Person We're Supposed to Care About

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Um, you guys go ahead and care about her; I'm not gonna. I guess she is on English Idol or something. I hear her next song will be her interpretation of what Sojourner Truth has taught her, and will be called "I Aint a Woman".

She is a very handsome woman.


Update: I was going to pride myself on not seeing/hearing her sing until a friend sent me the link without describing it. So I clicked on it, then realized it was too late. I had to watch a link a friend sent, so I watched it. She's very talented. So then I was thinking, 'Ok, she's talented. A lot of people are talented, but aren't internet sensations. What makes her a sensation?" Then I realized it: She's a-hole ugly.

And don't call me an asshole for saying she's ugly. The entire reason she is a sensation is because of our underlying ehtos or, "Wait she's really, really ugly, but....she's also talented.....what? Holy shit. I need to send this to my friend!"

When I think of other people with famously big voices, Whitney Houston, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, Mariah Carey, Amy Winehouse, etc. They're all pretty attractive. In fact, I doubt a female can get signed to a record contract unless she's very attractive. So the shock with this woman isn't that she can sing, it's that she can sing despite being ugly. We aren't celebrating talent, we're celebrating that a woman can have talent in spite of being ugly. Phrased differently, her buzz is in direct proportion to our bigotry.

Real classy guys.

Now That's a Rabbit

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I plagarized this from the Chicago Trib

(Getty photo by Sean Gallup / January 15, 2006)

Karl Szmolinsky, who raises a breed of rabbits called giant grays, shows Robert, an 8.5kg giant gray who is 74cm long and has ears 25.5cm long, in the backyard of his house in Eberswalde, Germany in 2006. Szmolinsky sold eight giant grays to a delegation from North Korea that wanted to raise the breed as a source of meat for the North Korean population. Szmolinsky said his rabbits reach a maximum weight of 10.5 kg (23.1lbs.).


North Korea? Maybe that's what Kim Jong Il was eating when he was Illin'.....

TR Salutes: Swearing Journalists on Live Television

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Here's what I learned from this gentleman's broadcast. (it's NSFW. Take that, CD in Tampa!!)


1) If you're reporting live on the Chicago Blackhawks vs. Calgary Flames for Rogers Sportsnet, don't assume that you can re-tape a segment just because you fumbled your words.

2) It's also illegal in Canada to say a word that ends in, well, "-ocksucker" on live television.

Talkin' Derby

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Don't worry, I plagarize yet again today. This document is much easier to decipher here than it is below. It's a juxtaposition of the Derby Prep races from 2008 to 2009, and was compiled by Daily Racing Form editor-in-chief, Steven Crist. He took the data from this useful page. (sorry this chart looks like crap, I had a super difficult time with it. I'd recommend just clicking the first link)

2009 winner	BSF	Race	BSF	2008 winner

. Friesan Fire 93 LeComte 95 Z Fortune . The Pamplemousse 96 San Rafael 98 El Gato Malo . Saratoga Sinner 96 Holy Bull 88 Hey Byrn . Pioneerof the Nile 94 RB Lewis 93 Crown of Thorns . Friesan Fire 96 Risen Star 90 Pyro . General Quarters 100 Sam Davis 85 Fierce Wind . Chocolate Candy 90 El Camino Real 88 Autism Awareness . Old Fashioned 93 Southwest 96 Denis of Cork . Quality Road 113 Fountain of Youth 98 Cool Coal Man . The Pamplemousse 103 Sham 86 Colonel John . I Want Revenge 113 Gotham 98 Visionaire . Friesan Fire 104 Louisiana Derby 95 Pyro . Pioneerof the Nile 90 San Felipe 92 Georgie Boy . Win Willy 102 Rebel 99 Sierra Sunset . Musket Man 90 Tampa Bay Derby 93 Big Truck . Hold Me Back 97 Lane's End 92 Adriano . Quality Road 111 Florida Derby 106 Big Brown . Musket Man 98 Illinois Derby 102 Recapturetheglory . I Want Revenge 103 Wood Memorial 93 Tale of Ekati . Pioneerof the Nile 96 SA Derby 95 Colonel John

. Papa Clem 99 Arkansas Derby 103 Gayego . General Quarters 95 Blue Grass 92 Monba . . 98.7 AVERAGE 94.4

Point being that this year's crop is much faster than last year's. Last year's trifecta was Big Brown, Eight Belles and Denis of Cork. Eight Belles is not featured on this list (being female, all of her Derby preps were against other females). Denis of Cork beat his 2009 counterpart, whereas Big Brown, the Derby winner and overwhelming favorite "lost" to his 2009 counterpart, Quality Road, who likely be the second or third favorite this year. Colonel John, the winner of the 2008 Santa Anita Derby and (if my memory is correct) was about the 2nd, 3rd or 4th betting favorite in the Derby finished way back. The Derby was his first race on dirt, much like it will be for the 2009 Santa Anita Derby winner, Pioneer of the Nile. One of my biggest knocks on Pioneer of the Nile is my fear that he is the 2009 Colonel John.

Should be a great Derby.

Check out These Sumbitches: The art of Mark Wagner

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/galleries/million_dollar_babies/

This website shows a few pieces of Mark Wagner's awesome Dollar Bill Collages. The bigger you can make this pic the better. The website has larger, more detailed pics, but these at least give you the idea.

Here are two more, but I recommend getting a much better look at them by clicking on the link, then clicking "next" to the upper right, or lower right of the image. My re-posts do not do them justice.





UPDATE: This link is much more comprehensive to see Wagner's art.

TASTELESS: Hollywood to Make a Movie About the Somali Pirate/US Hostage Crisis

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


And it's going to be rated Arrrrrrrghhhh.


You probably saw the joke coming, but I thought I'd break it out.

More Rod Blagojevich Awesome Happened

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


The Chicago Tribune is reporting that in 2007 then-Governor Blagojevich sent Lou Piniella a handwritten letter giving him some managerial advice. You can see the note if you click on the link. You are the best, Rod.

Grammar Call Out: Messin With Texas Edition

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Texas Governor Rick Perry said the following today, while riling up some retard Texans.

"There's a lot of different scenarios," Perry said. "We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we're a pretty independent lot to boot."

1) I would love "to boot" you and nearly all of your people, Governor.

2) Who do you think pays the FEDERAL troops to secure the boarder you suck at securing? Why people from Iowa or Minnesota don't send you jars of their own pee for wasting their federal dollars on you is a mystery to me. You bitch about higher taxes, but your porous border is partly responsible.

3) Let's have a look at what "unique" means.

Main Entry:

unique

Pronunciation:

\yu̇-ˈnēk\

Function:

adjective

Etymology:

French, from Latin unicus, from unus one — more at one

Date:

1602

1: being the only one : sole unique concern was his own comfort> unique copy. Suppose I lost it? — Kingsley Amis> unique factorization of a number into prime factors>
2 a: being without a like or equal : unequaled unique — Robert Coover> b: distinctively characteristic : peculiar 1 unique to California — Ronald Reagan>

Looks like it means its the only one of its kind. So how then, could something have varied degrees of one-of-a-kindness? Something cannot be more one of a kind than something else. Looks like the


4) If you seceded and we imposed trade sanctions, you'd beg Mexico to adopt you. Only it wouldn't much matter because your borders still wouldn't be remotely secure and the border would be blurred beyond recognition anyway.

5) "Government thumbing their nose"? Where do you think our last president was from? And you guys STILL suck. Obama's being in office for three months ruined your state?

6) What part of "largest tax-cuts in 40 years" mean to you? Well, other than "the president is black"

7) Keep talking ignorantly tough. All this secession talk is really scaring us into sympathy. No seriously.

I Just got Snubbed by the Bob Ross of Horse Racing.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Wow. Talk about feeling low! That's like having Mr. Rogers tell you that you're queer or something. Check this out. Steve Haskin, my favorite KY Derby Reporter is having a live chat today on www.TheBloodhorse.com. It was funny timing because I visited the website randomly, and noticed the chat was to begin in like 1 minute. (This is eerily reminiscent of Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber when he sees the sign in the bathroom stall to be there at a certain time for Hot, Manly Love, and as he checks his watch, he realizes it's exactly that time, then he almost gets BF'd against his will in the restroom.)

So I log on and ask the first question, which I thought was clear and legit. Seabass Mr. Haskin viewed it differently.

4:01	BH Staff: Steve welcomes everyone to this live chat. He will be responding to your questions and comments shortly.

4:03	[Comment From Willliam Coyle] Hey Steve,

4:03	[Comment From Jeannie] Hello Steve,

4:03	[Comment From T.R. Slyder] Steve, where do you draw the line in your Derby Dozen separating the top tier from the second tier? Thanks, and keep up the great work! -TR in Chicago

4:05	SteveHaskin: T.R. Not sure what you mean. I draw the line at No. 12, unless I do a baker's dozen on that particular week

And there you have it. Thanks for coming out, Steve. Now I know how Dr. Kevin felt when his uncle hilariously snubbed him at Thanksgiving.

So I learned that, though you rank 12 and oftentimes 13 horses in your "Dozen" the talent discrepency separating each is precisely uniform, even if you can't separate 12 from 13. Got it.

Anderson Cooper: "It's hard to talk when you're teabagging"

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

He says it at the end.

Blagojevich Hoping to be on "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here"!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


He wants to be on the has-been reality show, "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here" but he needs permission from a Federal judge to do so, due to his currently being in a federal corruption case. You can read about it in today's Chicago Tribune.

That guy is the best.