More Salvador Dali Coolness

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Ya know what goes well with a Salvador Dali YouTube clip? Weed.

Ya got some?

Who Wins the Better Sheep Riding Contest: Mini Goat or Kids?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




Or....




Answer: Humanity.


update: The Trib posted this article from the LA Times today about "Mutton Busting", or "little kid sheep rodeo" as you may know it.

Lookalikes 25.0- TJ Houshmanzadeh and a Pirate from a skit from Amazon Women on The Moon

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This is the first ever video look alike. Seahawks wide receiver TJ Joushmanzadeh and a pirate, played by William Marshall in Amazon Women on the Moon.

I Just Don't See It.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

How are white people considered to be corny, uphip, lame and lacking soul? Apparently they haven't seen this video.

This is Joey Travolta. John's brother. This video is the whitest thing I've ever seen. Joey Travolta makes this video look like a 2LiveCrew video.

Joey Travolta: White People's image :: Flava Flav: Black People's image

MICHAEL JACKSON DID THE WHITE MAN'S OVERBITE!!!!!!!!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Holy Moley Buttholey!!! I don't know what to say. I clicked a link saying that Michael Jackson was dancing to R. Kelly. I really like both of them, so I thought this clip couldn't miss. In fact, to my friend The Diamond in Denver, you could argue this would be the best video clip possible (maybe if Tiger were playing golf with the picture-in-picture feature).

So I clicked it and it sucked. But it did worse than sucked. The best dancer in history did the worst dance move in history. That's right. The White Man's Overbite. It's at the 1:05 clip. I don't even know what to think now. Does he suck? Are all White Man's Overbitters good dancers?

This sucks. Don't watch it.



I'm so confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. But I'm also angry. I feel lied to. I feel like laughing. Then laughing maniacally while I cut my hair off with a knife in the mirror then cut myself and taste my own blood, then laugh more, then go cry and fall asleep. But at the same time, I also don't really care because he's a molester and was probably too muscularly relaxed to do any real dance moves.

The point is, I'm ambivalent.

Destino: Salvador Dali and Walt Disney Collaboration

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I had no idea this existed. This is pretty effing rad.



You can read a bit about this surprising collaboration here.

I Accidentally Thought of This.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

You know those Sex and The City t-shirts that say "I'm a Charlotte" or "I'm a Samantha"? I think they should have a line of those shirts for the Facts of Life.

I still can't decided whether I'd rather rock the shirt that says, "I'm a Tootie" or, "I'm a Mrs. Garrett". But I'd totally rock one of them. Maybe I'd buy both and wear one over the other depending on my mood. Like if I were gonna rollerskate I'd go with the Tootie tee, but if I were gonna discipline a bunch of teenage girls in school uniforms I'd go with Mrs. G.

But if I were gonna smoke me a li'l good-ass weed, I'd probably go with "I'm a Tumpy"

My Favorite Michael Jackson Cover

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Amy Winehouse and Charlotte Church singing Beat It. (previously mentioned here).

Suggestion to Improve the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

The pregame introductions at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest are the best introductions in sports- whimsical, entertaining, and mildly educational. The antithesis of this is the introductions at professional soccer matches, especially in Europe, where the players walk out holding hands with children, then exchange flags, and a bunch of other pomp and circumstance that reminds me of the introductions on Iron Chef.

Soccer just needs to abandon all that foolywang, but I think the hot dog eating competition intros would be even funnier if they came holding holding hands with random Coney Island kids during the introductions as seen below.

Two Brassy Boys. Very Brassy.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I read this article on TheBloodhorse.com about the highly-touted 2-year old, Brassy Boy, returning to the races on Saturday.

**********
UPDATE: I'm dumb. The race is Tonight, July 3rd. NOT on Saturday. Post time is 6:24pm. Up until post time, you can get the Past Performances here.

TheBloodhorse article was the first I'd heard of Brassy(, Very Brassy) Boy. After checking out the PP's he underwhelmed me. For being 5-1 on the morning line, he's a little light in the Beyer Speed Figure department, and may just be a mud lover. But he does love the Churchill surface. Here's hoping he wins.
**********


I know what you're wondering- Does that remind me of any famous lines from a TV show on the Disney Channel from a few years go staring Shia LaBoeuf? Funny you should ask. Yes it does.

It's as 6:52 of Part 2. If you have the time, you should check out Part 1 though as well, the show, and this episode in particular, are pretty awesome.

Part 1


Part 2

Timothy Stephen Rogers of Reading, Massachusetts saw This Movie in the Theater

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Sadly, Mr. Rogers plays the same "stupid cop games" that our diminutive cop friend does as well. You'll see what I mean.

This Dude is my new Role Model

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Karl Pilkington.

YouTube Results

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Here is Rachel Alexandra kicking rear in today's 2009 Mother Goose Stakes. I went with "kicking rear" I could have went with any or all of the following: obliterating the competition, romping, blowing away the field, humiliating the other two horses, looking like a missle with a jockey on its back, giving anyone with a pulse goosebumps, inspiring ME to be a better female racehorse despite me being neither female nor a racehorse, etc.



Zenyatta's race isn't available yet. Here it is. This is what I like to call, "a strong late kick". She coulda won by more but chose not to. Kinda like in "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangster", when they say, "real gangsta ass 'n-words' don't flex much, cuz real gangsta ass 'n-words' know they got 'em." Also keep in mind that Zenyatta was spotting the field betwixt 13 and18 lb.s, which is darn-near unheard of.

Gay Exorcism

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

A preacher somewhere tried to perform a "Gay Exorcism" on a gay guy. This has given rise to a spate of copycat cons. To my heterosexual male friends- if a man approaches you and asks to "Suck all the gay out of you" do NOT agree to it. Trust me.

Mayor of Toledo Breaks up a Fight, Calls kid "Fatso" and "Tubby"

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Unfortunately this video is interspersed with commentary from a guy who feels important. But the rest of the video is still cool.




The mayor also got me thinking about the word "fatso". It's kinda been replaced by "fat ass", which is unfortunate, kinda like how the word "porn" has replaced the word "porno". "Fatso" is a great a word, but now sounds like a word from the 1950's or something. Same with "Tubby"- such an under-utilized putdown. It's nice to see a mayor in Ohio still has them in his verbal repertoire. Gotta love those midwestern sensibilities.

Artie Lange Roman Helmeted Joe Buck Last Night

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

And I'm all for it. Not content to merely get a job because of his famous father, Joe Buck had to cash in more than he already has (calls two sports on Fox- and their championships, endorses Budweiser) and have his own talk show. Get rich, or get your card pulled tryin'.

You can check out a synopsis of the fallout at SI.com here, and see it here on HuffPo, and a clip of it on Deadspin.

The long and short of it is that Artie hijacked Buck's new show on HBO. Am I supposed to be surprised by this? Artie, an occasional vitriolic-spewing drunk, was booked as a guest on the very much pro-establishment Joe Buck's first show. Isn't that exactly why they booked Artie- to appeal to that demographic and put out the "No, I'm not overly pro-establishment. I can mix it up with recovering addicts and edgy guys too! Just watch!" vibe? So why the feigned disappointed from the Buck camp? Buck tried too hard too appeal to ALL demographics, and one of them pulled his card, and make him look like a cash-grabbing doofus.

Before Artie, Buck had a segment with Brett Favre, then did a piece with David Wright, then had a segment with Chad Ochocinco and Michael Irvin. So Buck was really shooting for every demographic here- the huge star in America's favorite sport, Favre- whom everyone knows and most of middle America loves. Then David Wright, who most New Yorkers love, especially single New York women. Then he had on two brothers' brothers- Irvin and Ochocinco. So Buck was really hitting on all demographic cylinders- Middle-America football fans, black football fans, East coasters, women, and baseball fans. For his next segment he had an SNL guy (Jason Sudekis, Paul Ruud and Artie- now he's going for the "dude" demographic- the Deadspin readers, the college dudes, the stoners, and people more interested in pop-culture than in sports. Sounds like Buck and his HBO handlers went a bridge too far with the last group of guests. This is what happens when you stretch yourself too thin and try to interview people from every single demographic, whether you connect with them or not. When you cannot, you look like a cash-grabbing doofus.

It's also worth mentioning that Sudekis and Ruud are exceptionally witty individuals- had they chose to come to the aid of Buck and get land a few jabs at Lange, I'm sure they could have done so with some degree of success. Instead, they laid back and watched it unfold. It's like when you were little and see you a schoolyard fight and you figure you should break it up, then one of the friends of a kid in the fight, holds you back and prevents you from breaking it up, so the fight can unfold organically. Sudekis and Ruud kind of held their arms out and made sure no one broke up the fight.

I'm glad it happened. After Joe Buck and Troy Aikman were named Fox's #1 football announcing tandem I remember Buck being on Leno or Conan and talking about how he's overexposed and how he knows people must be sick of him. He was 100% correct then, and I can't think of why he took the offer from HBO. Oh right, money. He does the World Series, Super Bowl, Fox Sunday Baseball, regular season football, and Budweiser commercials and now he needs a show?

Since Buck got t his card pulled while tryin' to get rich makes one of his beer commercials even funnier. Back when Buck was only a humble two-sport announcer and pitchman he did a commercial that effectively called out self-promoting, schtick-oriented announcers who try to cash in on their catch phrases. Now it appears he was hoisted by his own retard, or whatever the saying is.

"Why would I want to play down to the fans or do something that doesn't come naturally?", he asks in the commercial. You mean you "naturally" hang out with Artie Langue and Chad Ochocinco and Michael Irvin? And you "naturally" endorse Budweiser on your own, so you just figured you'd get paid to do it? Again Joe, the answer is money. You did it for the money, and you got your card pulled tryin'.

T.R. Salutes: The Double Entendre Styling of Def Leppard cerca 1987

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I can't decide if this line is the best double entendre, the worst, or just the most English. In fact, it's a bit of all three. I guess I'd have to draw a Venn Diagram with all three circles overlapping, to make a visual aid for it.

Anyway, in Pour Some Sugar on Me when the singer asks the sexually-symbolic question, "Do you take your sugar one lump or two?" (3:29 mark below)



(Also, how lame is the wrecking ball motif? I guess that's supposed to be sexually symbolic as well. If you're gonna go with a construction/heavy machinery/demolition theme, I'd go with a jackhammer, personally, but that's a post for another time).
A line that wussy has no business being in any rock song, much less screamed catharticly, like it is in the song, and its just a poor metaphor- I mean, does anyone prefer the one metaphoric "lump" over two? (that was probably the wost line of my blogging career, but you know what I mean). Plus, I've never even heard that line outisde of Bugs Bunny asking Yosemite Sam that, before bonking him on the head for each requested lump, and watching a lump sprout on his head after said bonkings. Further-furthermore, if anyone ever asked that question in the throes of passion, they'd get laughed out of the bedroom.

As buffoonish as that line is, it's still my favorite Rock lyric of all time, and probably the most fun one to sing in the shower.

(See Also: My theory about Absolute Value that made possible my liking of that lyric)

Speaking of NWA

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Gentleman. Ever get sick of all those female anthems by the chick artists? Single Ladies, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, What it Feels Like For a Girl, etc. (I can't think of any more, but I assume there are more). You probably wish there were a Man's Anthem, don't you? Well it just so happens that brother Ice Cube recorded one a long time ago. Is it safe for work? If you work a vulgarity factory yes, otherwise, probably not.

My White Ass Hadn't Heard This Until....Well, Until I Heard it it, I Guess.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

A lot of people assumed that I'd rhyme the words "Buckshot" with "Why the fuck not?" on a gangsta rap track before Ice Cube would. It turns out my supporters were wrong. Check out the proof here. It's Snoop Dogg feat. NWA, which is pretty rad. As you may be able to guess- it aint safe for wizork, nephew.

Where Awesome Happens Public Service Announcement

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I've decided to make childhood obesity my new cause. Once I decided on a cause, I read a lot of literature on the current statistics, causes, potential cures, etc. The overwhelming conclusion is that the most effective way to fight childhood obesity is with better nutrition, smaller meal portions and increased physical activity. Any type of physical activity helps- walking, sports, bike riding, skateboarding, etc.

Then I saw a video on YouTube that confirmed the conclusions of the experts so conclusively that I couldn't help by laugh aloud: skateboards are extremely effective for warding off the advancements of childhood obesity. Have a look.




UPDATE: I was writing this entry, and at the bottom of the entry I have to type in the "Labels" or "Tags" for this article. So I was gonna type in "childhood obeseity" and once I was partway through, my server suggested "Fighting Childhood Obesity" since it had been used previously. I didn't recall using it, so I checked out the article where it was used. It's eerily similar to this one.

This proves that I've still got it!