Just Please Stop

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Forgive my ghetto stem and leaf graph, but you get the idea. A better version can be found here.
Each X represents a Major Tournament victor by Tiger Woods in that year (of a possible four). (The "I" is supposed to be a dividing line. I said it was ghetto.)

1997 I X
1998 I
1999 I X
2000I XXX
2001 I X
2002 I XX
2003 I
2004 I
2005 I XX
2006 I XX
2007 I X
2008 I X
2009 I


Tiger Woods missed the cut at the British Open. Before you accuse me of hubris- I think he's an amazing person/competitor/athlete. I think that he and Michael Jordan stand alone in their intense competitive spirit in the modern American sports age. *deep exhalation*

That being said. I'm sick of all of this adulation. I understand that sports make money thorough the marketing of stars, and he's a transcendent star in a mostly, yawn-inducing sport. But enough. From 2001-2006, he was on pace to shatter every golf record and sprint across the threshold of the Jack Nicklaus- "Best Golfer Ever" Finish Line and keep on sprinting, only to finish at an unachievable endpoint. But now, it looks as though he'll walk across that line, hands on hips, and will peter out not far after.

I'm sick of Tigermania. It's over. It was over, I was just the only one that admitted it. I still think he's the best golfer ever, just not by the same margin people used to think. He's very, very good. And that is all. No longer relevant are the questions, "Who will win this upcoming tournament- Tiger, or the field?". Maybe we should start paying more collective attention to who all entails this "Field" entity, since they've won 21 of the last 27 majors.

Tigermania has been overly-genuflective for a long time now, but it became unbearable over Father's Day weekend when I learned that Tiger is the only human to ever admire, much less love, his father. That notion was re-jack hammered into my skull a month later when Tiger hosted his own tournament, which he won. Tiger's cool, his dad's cool, you're cool, I'm cool. But please stop.

Nothing against Tiger- he's a great golfer and the guy loves his dad- both good things. But the old, unathletic whitey bastards who comprise the media are offensively all-too-eager to lick the floor Tiger spits on.

I'll say it. I'm glad he missed the cut at the British Open. I DO care who wins the British Open- even without him- Take that Jim Nantz, and everyone who has ever been on ESPN. I never pick Tiger over The Field. I am ok with golf, but not it's current separatist banter.

I admitted it long ago whitey media, you'd be wise to learn from me: The Tiger Woods that you think about while you tell teary-eyed tales, cross-legged, while sipping your white zinfandel in your Ashworth shirts, no longer exists. The man lives, still golfs and plays well, but allow me to be your own Friedrich Nietzsche, and sober you opiated mass: Your God Is Dead.

Oh, and do I need to apologize for being the only person in American that remembers that Tiger's Ryder Cup record is 7-11-2?

The WhereAwesomeHappens Homage to Popurls

(I chose that picture at Random from my WAH folder)

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

As I've mentioned before, and linked in my margin, the site http://popurls.com/. If you don't recall me mentioning it, you've seen my links to it before. Anyway, I thought I'd send a link from each of my favorite websites today.

HuffingtonPost (my homepage): Walter Cronkite (I almost typed "Croakite" but didn't) pics
runner up: Hot Rod Blagojevich gets radio host gig

Freakonomics: Swoopo seems kinda awesome.

ChicagoTribune: The Chicago rail system gets $$ and expects improvements

Gawker: Blind Items I read them everyday. It's a guilty pleasure, and I'm guilty. And pleasurable pleased.

DailyRacingForm: This weekend had some dominant performances

Deadspin: Erin Andrews Attorney speaks about a video that I didn't see that I wished I had, that was posted on a website whose editor I know. (It might help to read this one first)

TheYBF.com (note that it is NOT TheyBF.com. I was disappointed to learn that as well): YBF Exclusive Interview: Maxwell

DrudgeReport: A female dog is nursing abandoned Pandas in China.
(also liked: Cop doesn't like iPhone App that helps iPhone App users avoid cop checkpoints.)

FMyLife: Maybe women really are bad drivers.

BattingStanceGuy.com: The whole website

Jezebel: What if Pixar made the new Where The Wild Things Are movie?

BBC: Former Iranian President calls for release of jailed protesters
runner up: jogger attacked by a buzzard

Mediaite: Does the NYT hold Maureen Dowd to a different, lower standard?

Wired: 10 most dangerous foods to eat while driving.

The Big Lead: Pacman Jones Making it Rain Video

Indexed: Fireworks and Kisses, charted

FiveThirtyEight.com: The Global Obama Effect Considered, and Charted

The MemoryPalace: High Societies

TheDailyBeast: ArtBeast

WhereAwesomeHappens: Michael Jackson Did the White Man's Overbite
runner up: Chuck E. Cheese Band covering Usher

Mutton Busted

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

You know how I knew you were a failure of a parent? When I learned this was your kid.

Congratulations, Mutton of the world.

More Salvador Dali Coolness

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Ya know what goes well with a Salvador Dali YouTube clip? Weed.

Ya got some?

This is Kinda Awesome

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

You've never done anything this visually cool- offense (as opposed to "no offense").

You can check out more of your shortcomings, and more of this cool shadow art, here.

Thanks for Coming out, Berman.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


No one likes Chris Berman, so I'll just get right down to it.

1)TMZ has a funny video of Berman feeling snubbed because people wanted Evan Longoria's autograph, but no one asked for Berman's or genuflected at him or his celebrity status. It's almost like Berman forgot that Longoria was the 2008 American League Rookie of the Year and World Series participant, and Berman is the guy who's job it is to talk about him.

You can't blame Berman though- it isn't like he's a pompous ballbag or anything. I was always shocked when women wanted to date Liam Gallagher over Kurt Loder. Don't they realize that Kurt's job is to chronicle Liam?? What the hell?


2) Berman got called out trying to pick up an ESPY's trophy girl. Didn't she realize he's a fatter, balder, louder, and probably older, sports version of Kurt Loder???

Who Wins the Better Sheep Riding Contest: Mini Goat or Kids?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




Or....




Answer: Humanity.


update: The Trib posted this article from the LA Times today about "Mutton Busting", or "little kid sheep rodeo" as you may know it.

Another Great Matt Taibi Article on Goldman Sachs

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This time he's talking about Goldman's huge quarterly profits, and how they should be considered ill-gotten gains at best, and at worst, property of the US Government.

This article praises Taibbi's work and echos antitrust sentiment regarding Goldman.

update: This article about Goldman Sachs also makes some really interesting points. This one too.

Redneck Games

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

You had me at "Armpit farts". Click here for a slideshow of pics, including this one.

Told ya.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

When I thought in February that Facebook would eventually launch their own version of Twitter I was correct.

According to InsideFacebook, they have reason to believe that Facebook is working on a Twitter app thingy, where you can post a Tweet directly from your Facebook page.

If that's the case I guess my prophecy isn't 100% correct, since I thought Facebook would launch their own version of Twitter, but this is still pretty close.

Debate for the Ages: Hogzilla vs. Catfishzilla. Who ya Got?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

She caught that. She's 4'10'' and weighs 86 lb.s, it's 9'0'', 193. That is, if you believe a woman when she tells you her weight. Anyway, the point is, that's a pretty impressive haul for an a 11-year old. (you can read about it here). But what I am wondering is: Is it more impressive than this? Hogzilla, the Holy Grail of child-hunting booty, (that could be taken out of context).


Although since that pic was a hoax, it maybe isn't a fair comparison. It would be like asking if you think Usain Bolt can run faster than the Flash. The pic was Photoshopped, but the pig was still pretty damn big, just not as big in proportion to that kid as the pic would have you believe.

It's still too close to call. Maybe a juxtaposition will help clear it up.


I gotta go with the girl and the fish, since she had to use her own brute strength to haul it in, instead of just sit back and pull a trigger. She captured the fish and hauled it in alive by over-powering it, the kid just spotted it, then let modern ballistics do the rest.

Rachel Alexandra's Next Race Will Be The Haskell

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Rachel's is pointed to the August 2nd Haskell Invitational at Monmouth Park, where she will again race against the boys. The race is run at a 1 mile and an 1/8th.

The other horses that are being pointed toward the Haskell include Papa Clem, Summer Bird, Atomic Rain and Munnings. We know what Summer Bird can do at a 1.5 miles, but I'm sure that 1 mile and 1/8th will flatter his talents. Munnings is the same, but the opposite, so to speak. His success has come via sprint races, where the Daily Racing Form's Mike Watchmaker currently has him listed on his Watchmaker Watch as the 2nd best sprinter in the country. His best distance appears to be 7 furlongs (where he has posted Beyer Speed Figures of 108, 110 and 111 in consecutive races since May 1st, which are similar to Rachel's Beyers at 1 mile and 1/8th.) , and the Haskell will be at 9f. So he has the talent to stay with Rachel, it's just a question of if his talent can be stretched out over 9 furlongs.

Should be a doozie.

I Can? Why, Thank You.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

It Humbles me to Admit This/Ask This...

I'm sure you've all seen these Rogaine commercials that they play during sporting events. Sometimes while watching TV, and not wanting to change the channel, yet not wanting to watch commercials either- I'll just get up and do something quick for the two minutes during the commercials. Something menial like take my garbage out, or floss my teeth, or something. Anyway, so when the TV goes to commercial I'll stop paying attention to the TV and focus on what I'm about to to do. Then the first thing you hear in this commercial is very loud and abrupt. It's *silence, silence, silence, * then speaker belt out, "You can buff up...". So I hear that when I'm not paying attention, and I'm like, "Wait, did that guy just say, 'You can b@ttf&*k..'?" Then after listening to the next part I realize he didn't swear in the first part.

Oral Lookalikes: Sonya Sotomayor and Keira Knightley, as well as Brett Favre and Bobby Brady

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Sometimes two people don't look very similar but have the same shape mouth. Bobby Brady and Brett Favre, and Michelle Wie and Beaker come to mind (I thought I'd posted about Bobby and Brett before but a check of the archives indicated that I hadn't, so I included them below).
After seeing pictures of Sonya Sotomayor smiling today, I realized she had the Keira Knightley smile- where the corners of your mouth don't curl upward and they just wrinkle their nose and I imagine them to be making the sound you make in the back of your throat when you imitate taking a huge big out of an apple. The evidence:




























































If there's one thing TR Slyder knows, it's dude's mouths. Wait, that didn't come out right...

Lookalikes 25.0- TJ Houshmanzadeh and a Pirate from a skit from Amazon Women on The Moon

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This is the first ever video look alike. Seahawks wide receiver TJ Joushmanzadeh and a pirate, played by William Marshall in Amazon Women on the Moon.

I Just Don't See It.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

How are white people considered to be corny, uphip, lame and lacking soul? Apparently they haven't seen this video.

This is Joey Travolta. John's brother. This video is the whitest thing I've ever seen. Joey Travolta makes this video look like a 2LiveCrew video.

Joey Travolta: White People's image :: Flava Flav: Black People's image

Don't Ask Me To Hate This

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Big ups to Dr. Kevin for showing me this doozey, he is no quack when it comes to YouTube recommendations, that's for damn sheezy. Ostensibly, this is what the Chuck E. Cheese bands play after hours. Who knew they had so much range?



For those of you who enjoy singing alternate lyrics to songs, I'd like to humbly suggest substituting, "I wanna make love in this club" with, "I wanna make love to this butt".

MICHAEL JACKSON DID THE WHITE MAN'S OVERBITE!!!!!!!!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Holy Moley Buttholey!!! I don't know what to say. I clicked a link saying that Michael Jackson was dancing to R. Kelly. I really like both of them, so I thought this clip couldn't miss. In fact, to my friend The Diamond in Denver, you could argue this would be the best video clip possible (maybe if Tiger were playing golf with the picture-in-picture feature).

So I clicked it and it sucked. But it did worse than sucked. The best dancer in history did the worst dance move in history. That's right. The White Man's Overbite. It's at the 1:05 clip. I don't even know what to think now. Does he suck? Are all White Man's Overbitters good dancers?

This sucks. Don't watch it.



I'm so confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. But I'm also angry. I feel lied to. I feel like laughing. Then laughing maniacally while I cut my hair off with a knife in the mirror then cut myself and taste my own blood, then laugh more, then go cry and fall asleep. But at the same time, I also don't really care because he's a molester and was probably too muscularly relaxed to do any real dance moves.

The point is, I'm ambivalent.

New Link Added

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I go to this site a few times a day. Popurls.com. It's a news aggregator and shows the top news stories (or story for some) from a LOT of different news sites of just about every genre. It's kind of a snapshot of all the recent news goings on. It's also a great way to find random news that you maybe would be unlikely to find at your normally visited sites.

Another Plea to Techies

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

We all know that infomercials are really cheesey, and what I think is the single cheesiest component of them is the black and white "Before" scenes/pictures. They could maybe be called something like, "Life without our product" scenes.

You know what I'm talking about. There was one that stands out for me, it was for some kind of spatula that did it all, and they show an attractive woman smiling while flipping pancakes for her smiling kids. Then the "before" video was her with messy hair, in black and white, it was filmed like a horror movie on a hand held camera, and she was frying either fish or eggs in like an inch of oil and trying to flip it over, but it just broke apart, and the pieces flew over the pan causing oil to splash.

Anyway, my plea to the techies is for a compilation of all of these "Before"s. Beauty products are always great, I love how the before is always black and white, with frumpy clothes and they're alone in their room. Whereas the "after" has them in a cocktail dress on a date at a swanky restaurant.

Thechies, you ignored my plea to make a mashup of the Perez Hilton Getting Punched/Don't Taze Me Bro videos, but please do the right thing this time.