Dear G20 Protesters in London,

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Come one guys, this again? We get it. You weenies do this every year. You don't like the G20 Summit, we get it. It's a lot less shocking when everyone expects it and cops in riot gear are awaiting you. You get "violent" in the street. And by "violent" I mean you break a window at a financial institution or an American-based fats fast food restaurant. Really epic shit, you guys. Seriously. And it's working, too. I just heard Gordon Brown say, "As much as I like your proposal, Mr. Sarkozy, I've just been informed that a scrawny man with a patchy beard and dreadlocks recently threw a rock at a KFC window a few blocks away. Therefore, I am unable to accept your plan." Power to the people!

You school-girls need to up your game or just stay home, eating fish and chips, watching a spot of footie on the telly, and making sure you don't brush your teeth while you listen to Oasis. Is saying, "Financial greed is rubbish! It's total bollocks, innit?" to a cop without a gun really that macho? Blow some shit up for once, get some molotov cocktails out, take some hostages, use a flamethrower or drive a hummer through a McDonalds or Barclay's window or just stay the hell home.

Go big or go home. Christ, FRANCE is better at rioting than you tosspots. You have the balls to celebrate the memory of Guy Fawkes every year, and call this rioting? He'd be ashamed of all of you. You either protest peacefully or you riot. You don't "half-arse" rioting.




Epilogue: As a solutions-oriented complainer, I offer you would-be-protesters a very useful heuristic for shocking people: I call it TR's Oh Ma Gaaaa Shock Heuristic. If you are not 100% that when a woman from the Southside of Chicago witnessed your shocking act would say "Ohhh ma Gaaaaat (i.e. God)" while covering her mouth, then it isn't truly shocking. Let this serve as a carrot to your ass.