I tell you what else pisses me off: Perceived News

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter



The worst type of headline by far is the type that asks whether or not we should be outraged: "Were Glenn Beck's Comments Sexist?" or "Is that Billboard Offensive?". If you are not totally totally outraged within .0005 seconds of hearing it, it isn't shocking or offensive. Outrage is never the result of sitting around like Rodin's Thinker then, in light of all the evidence you have weighed, you are outraged and offended.

What these headlines are really announcing is, 'Slow News Day!' or, 'We're trying to make a scandal for you, America, but we just don't have the materials. Stay tuned!'. It's petty, it's lazy and it isn't a story. It's like a fat lady in bikini, we know what you're wanting to do, but you don't have the goods necessary to do so, let's go with Plan B.

The headline I hate the second most, I'd categorize under then heading of, "uhhh, I don't know. Everyone is talking about him/her/then, so I thought I'd put them in a headline". Case in point: That missing Jonas Brother, Justin Bieber.

Today the Huffington Post had a story that I didn't click on called something like, "6 Justin Bieber Quotes That Remind us he is Still a kid". My first reaction was to be insulted that my home page's editor assumed that I sit back and 1) think about that guy and, 2) while I am thinking about him I think, "man, it seemed like yesterday he was a squeeky-voiced, annoying corporate automaton with a laughable hair(non)cut trying to sell black music to white girls and who seems to be all over Twitter and everywhere else. But now he is so grown up and adult-like. I guess I should just admit he's a grown man now. Doesn't he have a PhD or something? Wait, is he older than me??"

There is no way anyone at the Huffington Post cares about that guy. And they should be positive zero of their readers do too. Their editor got lazy again and thought, "Well, I mean his name is everywhere. I guess we'll put him on our page."

Stop. That kinda thinking is the difference between him being another, predictable, dispensable, cyclically-occurring, and a media sensation. As soon as there is a void in the tween demograhic someone will fill the void- New Kids on the Block, NSync, Backstreet Boys, Hanson, Justin Timberlake, Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, etc. There is never a vacuum because that's Disney money out the window. There is always one, and it's currently his time for another two years.

It's like the Ecuadorian president. Sure we know there is one at all times, and I'm sure people closest to there find it to be a big deal, but that doesn't mean I need to start caring. The HuffPo got lazy and said, "well we don't care. And you probably don't, but if you do, here's some stuff on this annoying guy your daughter screams over." I don't call that news.

The job of a newspaper is to say, "Hey guy on the street. While you were working we searched around and unearthed this story. You will want to read it because it affects you and you'll be better for this knowledge." not, "Hey, here's this lame-o story. If you care. I mean,I don't personally care, but you might cuz everyone's talking about it. I don't know."

That's called Infotainment and it makes our country dumber. You know how our country's kids are stupid and so are nearly all adults? That kinda crap is why.







That's how I roll.