Fatness in the News Today

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Tim Magazine asks Why Are Southerners So Fat?

Today's Chicago Tribune had a link saying, "1 in 4 Illinoisians Declared Fat", which brought you to the page I linked. The link has a different headline, but the teaser from Tribune page had me thinking.

I wonder if they were declared obese like from medical testing measured against a standard definition for obesity, or if someone dressed up like a king with a red, velvety cape, a crown and scepter and walked around Illinois "declaring" people obese right off the street. The "King" could make it sound all regal, and use a stuffy British accent to make his very loud and bold public declaration, preferably starting with "Hear ye, hear ye...". I hope they also announced the date in super long form like, "It is on this 9th day of the 7th month of the Solar Calendar, in the year of our Lord that is the Two thousand and ninth, the I do declare, under auspices of the Queen, myself and the Incorporated State of Illinois...."

Then maybe he could boldly proclaim his rationale for his declaration, "Due to a buttocks that is reminiscent of a sack of wet laundry, triceps that could feed a cannibalistic tee-ball team, and waist line that would not fit inside of an inner tube, I, the King, declare you obese!"




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