D-bag Scavenger Hunt

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Now that the first day of the Major League Baseball season is over, be on the lookout for played-out D-bag behavior on the second day of the MLB Season.

It is what I call Statistical Extrap-loitation, combining, of course the words "extrapolate" and "exploit", while at the same time giving a veiled tip of the hat to Blaxploitation.

Anyway, it's where someone "hilariously" extrapolates a players first game statistics over the 162 game season. For instance, Alfonso Soriano hit a home run today. Tomorrow some D-bag is gonna be at the water cooler and say "Yeah, did you see Soriano went long? Christ, at this rate he'll finish the season with 162 home runs!" then he open his mouth to illustrate hilarity has just been achieved, and he'll ravenously look the other three water-cooler dwellers in the eye for comedic approval. My friend Hairy (a nickname due to excessive bodily hair) made the "look of approval" famous, but even he never succumbed to the temptation of Statistical Extraploitation stupidity.

The ideal breeding ground for Statistical Extraploitation is of course, a huge first game offensively- Like two homeruns, or 5 RBI or 3 stolen bases. I was busy watching the NCAA game, so I'm not sure if anyone fits the bill, but all it really takes is a home run, and plenty of them were hit on Monday.

Keep an eye for Extraplotative D-Bags. You'll find 'em. And when you do, tell 'em TR Slyder says they're an unoriginal Douchebag.