Upon Further Review, I Found Out Why USC Lost Last Night

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


After a stunning loss to Oregon State last night, I decided to conduct some research of my own in order to find out exactly what happened to USC. While more "credible" college football pundits took to reviewing game film, scrutinizing USC play-calling, and questioning defensive formations, I employed more oblique research. While the "credible" establishment still has not agreed on the cause of the collapse, I have: Mark Sanchez Booty is from Mission-of the A-hole, CA.

Even though his actual name is Mark Sanchez, I like to think that being the starting QB at USC adds an honorary surname of "Booty" to your existing last name, much how like when you join the Ramones, you change your last name to Ramone. The genesis of this theory was when QB John David Booty succeeded Matt Leinart at USC. Since Mr. Booty was filling some big shoes, the media was all abuzz about covering John David Booty, and fitting John David Booty into every news story in any way possible. You went from never having heard of the guy to hearing his name 75 times a day, and it's a name that sticks in your head. It was Booty overload.

(NOTE: My rule of thumb for naming kids has always been 1) Stick with 2 names and not 3, and, 2) If you absolutely must use 3 names, make sure none of those names is "Booty".)

Now that the John David Booty Era has drawn to a close, USC has ushered in the Mark Sanchez Booty era, and Mr. New Booty is from Mission of the A-hole, California. That's obviously why they lost last night to Oregon State. Good luck with that the rest of the season, USC.