Report From the Dirty Word Committee

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I think we're all familiar with George Carlin's 7 Words You Can't Say on Television. But do you ever wonder about the meetings that take place to decide which words are ok and which aren't? Just a bunch of stodgy executives in suits like, "I don't think 'bunghole' is all that big of a deal, honestly" or, "I'm ok with 'ballbag', 'scrotum', and 'sackface', but 'dick-bag' is clearly over the line". Does the moderator of this debate then have to submit a formal presentation to his boss? If so I hope it would look like this.



To: Chris Dickerson, Head of Dirty Words
Re: Final Report From the Dirty Word Committee
cc: Mark Rogers, Miguel Angel Robles, Joe Mama, Angie Daddy
Date: 9/18/08

My colleagues and I have determined through intensive research and respectful debate that 'poon' is in fact more offensive than 'cooter'. It was also the finding of our dedicated panel that the word 'plop' is a more pleasing synonym for exrement than are the following- 'doodie', 'dump', 'cable', 'chocolate hot dog' and 'logs'. Furthermore, this panel was unanimous in its belief that the euphemism 'beating it' should be banned from the airwaves, but that calling it "er E er E er E" is acceptable so long as it is not accompanied with a manual masturbatory gesture. In addition, it was a hotly contested topic indeed, but in the end, the majority decided that as far as synonyms for male genitalia are concerned "dingles" is more benign than 'hang-down' and 'dangle-atalia'.

The major findings yielded from our SWOT Analysis was that we face mostly threats, in the form of new words, phrases and euphemism to look for in the coming weeks and months. We would hate to have the next major swear word be broadcast on our airwaves before we were able to diagnose it as a swear word. It appears as though the largest area of concern within this field is that which deals with theoretical sexual positions and acts (e.g The Cincinnati Bowtie, The Dolphin, The Houdini, and the Iditarod Forrest Ranger). It is the recommendation of this panel that the subsequent committee exhaustively investigate euphemisms of that variety, as we believe those will be our biggest threat in the future. It is our fear that if this recommendation is not carried out, it would not only be a grave disservice to this committee, but it would also be a veritable Pasadena Mudslide to the company as a whole.


Dirty Word Committee VP,


T.R. Slyder