Saturday, July 3, 2010

Show me the Size of Your A-hole, Miroslav Klose!

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Miroslav Klose's post-goal celebration could be a cryptic message denote the size of his rectum.

Pay attention particularly at the :59 second mark. It essentially deciphers Klose's code. Here is one of my favorite sketches from Upright Citizen's Brigade:

Upright Citizens Brigade
Bosco's Foot
Futurama New EpisodesIt's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaRussell Simmon Stand-Up Comedy

here is the hand gesture German striker Miroslav Klose makes after he scores:


Oh, by the way, here is Klose coach, Joachim Low picking his nose and eating it.


The comedy sketch above was edited. In the actual episode, after Bosco threatened to put his foot in their a-holes, Moses came out and asked if they like tricks.

Upright Citizens Brigade
Moses' Tricks
Futurama New EpisodesIt's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaRussell Simmon Stand-Up Comedy

That's how I roll.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Y AX Y ?

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

The actor who plays Rex Known Do (in Napoleon Dynamite) and Lawrence (Office Space) + Bud Dry = Shweeet.

That's how I roll.

How Could You, Crazy Legs Conti??

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

There is a conspiracy theory that calls into question the legitimacy of Crazy Legs Conti's achievements in competitive eating.

It's awesome/fucking terrible.

You'd think you could trust someone named Crazy Legs.

That's how I roll.

Uhhh, That Isn't Surprising. Like, at all.

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

CNN is reporting some kind of irregularity while someone was trying to dock at the International Space Station.

Something went wrong during a Space Docking(NSFW text) ? This news comes as no surprise to any visitor of Even success in Space Docking is still, really, really wrong.

Least surprising news ever.

That's how I roll.

Great Sports This Weekend

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

1. As the English announcer says, Saturday features a soccer match betwixt, "Argenteener and Jaminee." or Argentina and Germany. That will be a doozy. For Germany. The result will forever send the debate between which God likes more: Sausage or Chimichurri. Today's Brazil/Netherlands game taught me that God prefers marijuana and tulips over thongs and tan accelerator.

2. Brock Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin. You aren't going to drop $60 for it on Pay per view? What's that? You're going to go to Twitter and search, "watch ufc116" and going to find an illegal, free feed on the web? No way, me too. I'm picking Carwin to upset Lesnar due to ring rust. He is a long shot, so a safer bet would be to bet that I learned the phrase "ring rust" about two weeks ago. It's true.

3. I Want Revenge makes his long-awaited debut start since his injury that had him scratch on Derby Day in 2009 as the morning-line favorite (only because Quality Road wasn't entered). He is the 7-5 favorite in Belmont Park's Suburban Handicap (Gr.II) on Saturday where he takes on a 2-1 Regal Ransom, among others.

Here he is kicking hiney in the aforementioned Wood Memorial.

That's how I roll.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

If God is so Good, Why Is Mark Brunell Brizoke?

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Ex-NFL QB Mark Brunell filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy.

A few years ago my friend, while working for a high-end suit company, was at a store when Mark Brunell came in and my friend was dealing with him. He said Brunell is as Jesus-tastic as one can be, and uses his perceived position with god to be an a-hole. My friend, who had zero reason to lie to me, told me this years ago and said that Brunell was 1. just a prick, and 2. would bless people. Like literally make the sign of the cross and act like he was bestowing some sacred gift upon them. It seemed like Brunell himself felt Christ-like and was gifting everyone with his sanctity- whether they wanted it or not. My friend it was condescending, unwelcome, creepy, annoying, unintelligent and just plain rude and annoying. Apparently everyone there found his pious philanthropy to be selfish and just making a scene and was acting like the most annoying Bishop of all time.

Apparently he forgot to bless his bank account. It makes one wonder why Jesus doesn't bankrupt every non-believer. Or why, if Mark Brunell truly did have a hotline to God as he seemed to feel he did, does he have zero legacy in the NFL.

How about this Brunell, how about anyone with an asset/debt ratio of LESS than NEGATIVE $19.2 mil, blesses YOU instead of you blessing them. Because, let's face it, Jesus obvious likes that person a lot more than he likes you. But if/when Brunell meets someone with debts of $19.201 or higher, he is then allowed to bless them.

Thanks for coming out, Mark.

That's how I roll.

Random Analogy

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Goldman Sachs: short selling :: seeing a crime: instead of helping, you grab a camera, take pictures then sell the pictures to the newspaper.

Agree or disagree?

That's how I roll.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Lookalikes v. 37.0 Carlos Tevez and Bubba the Cave Duck

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

It's not so much that they are a spitting image of one another, but whenever I see Carlos Tevez he reminds me of Bubba the Cave Duck. He has a certain, how shall I say, Land Before Time quality. You may need to keep an open mind for this one. Maybe they are more kindred spirits than lookalikes, but you get what I'm going for.

And Bubba, the red haired cave duck.

That's how I roll.

I Told You Germany was Awesome

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter
England : 2010 World Cup :: Tim Henman : Every Wimbledon. Wussy, yet rabidly embraced by fans which lead to unrealistic expectations, humiliation. Thanks for coming out. I'm done respecting Wayne Rooney's international game until he scores a World Cup goal. Or at least puts a decent shot on goal. I can't even recall a good scoring chance he had. England wasted EVERYONE's time this World Cup.

That being typed, Germany looked outstanding. I'm still sticking by them to win it all, and I'm still standing by Mesut Oezil looking like Peter Lorre.
Germany is still the most poised-looking team in the front third I have watched in this World Cup. They get eerily calm in the zone, stay patient and create great scoring opportunities. Even when the opportunity isn't great, Klose finds a way to push it past the keeper or Podolski just muscles it through. Youthful exuberance, power, finesse, skill, momentum, maturity, skill, they seem to have all the physical tools and their coaching has been unassailable thus far to boot.

England looked more like Lynndie England than England.

That's how I roll.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

The United States Led for 3 Minutes and 15 Seconds for the Entire World Cup

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

That isn't going to get it done. Unless by "it" you mean "the cry and wap", because it will certainly result in doing the cry and wap after the game is over.

That's how I roll.

The Skillz to Slang The Grillz v. 2.0

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

All American Grillz from CRO on Vimeo.

That's how I roll.

Dear Carlos Zambrano, You are Fat. Sincerely, TR Slyder.

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

-Carlos Zambrano is not even the best fat, Venezuelan-born pitcher on the Cubs named Carlos. Carlos Silva is. Zambrano isn't even the second best Cubs pitcher named Carlos: Carlos Marmol is better than him as well.

- He makes $19 million a year and is fat. That tells me literally everything I need to know about him. If he's going to have a meltdown, maybe he can melt down his waistline.

- If he got screamed at/punched every time he sucked on the field, maybe he wouldn't be a fat has-been.

-He was screaming at Derrek Lee. The same Derek Lee that has a World Series ring, THREE gold gloves and is an exemplary citizen and ball player. No one has saved more runs over Zambrano's career than Derrek Lee. To further the stupidity, Lee has been slumping all season long and really doesn't need to get screamed at by anyone, much less by the only Cub (other than Aramis Ramirez) having a crappier season.

- In 2009 Zambrano had to leave a few games due to muscle cramping. He doesn't like drinking water and would drink coffee and Red Bull before games. In other words, he would DEhydrate himself before playing a sport in the summertime while wearing pants and refuse to re-hydrate. He was being paid $19 million at the time.

-After punching his catcher in 2007, the catcher got traded.
- There is a 100% chance that he has the skid-markiest underwear of any Cub.

- Due to his sucking, he was relegated to the bullpen in 2010. Despite being paid $19 million (more than some team's entire starting rotation), he was not good enough to make his own team's starting rotation.

-In a related story, the Cubs have the highest average ticket price in the major leagues, despite being 9 games under .500 and in 4th place in the lowly NL Central. They are 8.5 games out of first place. And 7 games out of last place.

That's how I roll.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Lookalikes v. 36.0 Patrick Patterson and Roger Mayweather

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

NBA player (though not drafted yet at time of publication) and Floyd Mayweather Jr.'s Uncle/trainer look a lot alike.

That's how I roll.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Your Tax Dollars at Work

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

I use a service called StatCounter to track my web traffic. It tells me the basics like the # of visitors, their ISP, location, if they right-clicked any images and downloaded them, which website they came from to arrive here (e.g. Google), etc.

I track the traffic and to see which posts, if any, seem to be particularly popular, but I don't pay a lot of attention to that stuff overall. But today I found an interesting visit to my blog.

I noticed that the Internet Service Provider for this visitor was "United States Senate" in the District of Columbia. This wasn't shocking because I have gotten hits from them before, and the House of Representatives, and even the Supreme Court. But what was eye catching is that they arrived via Google because they Googled, "Dana Bash Bitch".

In 2008 I wrote this article about CNN reporter Dana Bash, but did NOT use the word "bitch" in my article. It's good to know that our Senators are worried about the important issues and not frivolities like warS, an oil leak, or recession.

That's how I roll.

Why The Common Vuvuzela Apology is Stupid

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Every conversation about the vuvezela I've heard from World Cup talking heads goes like this:

"Boy, those vuvuzela horns sure are annoying. But I guess that's the custom here in South Africa and we are guests to this host nation so we may as well get used to their customs. When in Rome..."

That rationale forgets what the word "host" at least SHOULD imply: graciousness and empathy. I live alone and I will be honest with you, when I am home alone I burp out loud. Have I ever audibly passed gas while no one was around? No comment. Sometimes When when I get home after a long day I take my shoes off right in my entry way and don't put them away until hours later when I feel like. It isn't unheard of for me to watch television in only my underpants. A lot of times when I shower I don't bring my change of clothes into the shower with me, but instead I walk from my shower to my room nude to find some clean clothes.

But I never do any of those things when a guest is over. That's part of being a host. If I were like South Africa, I would do all of those annoying things when I had guests over and when they look perturbed I would simply say, "You are in MY apartment, after all."

It reminds me of a story my cousin told me. He was at a Stop n Shop grocery store in Connecticut where he lived and several people there witnessed a grubby-lookin dude reaching into the fruit salad bar, taking out lemon wedges, sucking the juice from them, and putting them back in the container. When someone tracked down an employee to complain about this the response from the employee was, "Oh, he does that all the time.".

That's how I roll.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Awesome Joel Quenneville Graffiti on Diversey Ave.!

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Update: It was done by Nobody.. Literally, the name signed to the piece on the left side is "nobody." see for yourself here in a better shot I took today. I like the Odyssey reference in the title. Great work nobody! Can anyone email or tweet me some info on the artist? Thanks.

I was in a hurry and didn't have time to catch the name of the artist, but I will check it out again and post the name signed to the work. But this piece is fucking dope!

That's how I roll.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Solution to Flopping in Soccer

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Soccer players flopping/diving/embellishing/simulating (as the euros call it) sucks. Every single person agrees except for the players. This has been the case for as long as I have watched soccer and for some reason soccerophiles think it is an unfixable problem.

Here is how to fix it. Have a team of officials review the games immediately after they end. If a player's flopping resulted in another player getting unnecessarily carded, the offending flopper will have to sit out the next game (or a half of the next game).

Since the review of the play would take place after the game is over, as opposed to an official timeout like the NFL does, it wouldn't slow down the game any, which soccerophiles are afraid of. Also under my scenario, the punishment would fit the crime. If a player flops and a foul is called, no harm done (or very little). But if the floppee gets a card, then the flopper has inflicted some damage- especially if it is a player's second yellow card (double especially if both cards resulted from flopping).

My system's post-game review works well too because the call comes not from referees on the field, wherever they may be, but instead it comes essentially from Big Brother. A player is probably correct in thinking they can fool a referee who is 30 yards away, but they'd think again about flopping when they know that a team of officials with 45 different television cameras at various heights, angles and zoom capabilities and all day long to get the call right.

People behave differently when they know cameras are watching.

How would this system not work? Why would a soccer purist not support this?

That's how I roll.

John Wooden Wouldn't Approve of Obama's Handling of the BP Oil Leak

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

After John Wooden's death I saw a re-run of his interview with Tavis Smiley from 2005
(I wish I could embed the video, but I can't). Like I always am after hearing Wooden speak, I was impressed. My favorite part of the interview was at the 7:40 mark when Smiley asked him what is wrong with most leaders today. "I think many drive instead of lead", Wooden responded and Smiley asked him to clarify that a bit. Wooden needed a second to regroup his thoughts and think of a way to articulate a different way to phrase it. "The driver will stay behind with a whip saying 'Get going!', and a leader will be out front with a banner saying 'Follow me'."

I thought that was awesome. I thought about it today while reading more criticism of Obama's handling of the BP leak. All of the criticism really comes down to his oval office speech being more, "Get going", than, "follow me".

That's how I roll.

Friday, June 18, 2010

World Cup Corprolalia

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

- It seems like the 2010 World Cup is becoming a lot like the NCAA men's basketball tournament has been lately. Since kids are leaving college ball increasingly early, the smaller schools have pulled a lot more upsets. The reason is that the smaller schools graduate more of their players and that team is likely to have a cohesive team that is battle tested, has veteran leadership and oftentimes, has played together for a few years. When it comes to crunch time, the battle-tested, savvy veteran teams seem to be doing better against the favored, high-flying youngsters. It seems as though team cohesiveness really does count for something.

England's poor 2010 World Cup showing supports this theory. Algeria had no business tying them, but they did. One reason for England's slump is that they haven't played together. They're basically an all-star team and are playing against actual teams- albeit, teams that are less talented (so far). No professional soccer players play more games in a given year than English Premier League players. All of that club ball is cutting into National Team practices, film sessions, etc. A similar case could be made for France and Spain as well.

The upsets that have taken place have all benefited cohesive teams who lack multiple premier league players with club ball obligations, and victimized the teams with the most marquee talent.

- An investigation should be undertaken to look into how the referee in the U.S. vs. Solvenia screwed up as badly as he did. It looked like he had an interest in keeping the goal total low.

- I'm standing by Germany despite their wonky loss today. Miro Klose getting sent off like 10 minutes into the game kind of tinkled on their offense. So the kids got a baptism by fire and played on their own (kinda poorly). Michael Ballack would have helped there.

- England looks humiliatingly bad.

- One team has a dude named Shabalala. I really hope a racehorse gets named after him sometime soon because I would be way-too-interested in hearing Tom Durkin give him a stretch call.

- Mesut Ozil looks like Peter Lorre.

- Brazil's coach's name is Dunga and they have a player named Kaka. If fecal sounding names is a good thing, Brazil is a shoe-in to win the world cup.

- Is the tradition of holding hands with kids before the game really necessary? When did this tradition start? and why? and Whose idea was it? Unless they're Make-A-Wish kids, it's just odd.

- The announcer with the Scottish accent is just too hard to understand. Furthermore, two accented dudes in the booth can be a bit much. A jingoist, I am not, but it just takes more energy to decipher them and I'd rather focus that energy on watching.

- Despite England's struggles, I like their chances on Wednesday. The reason is that they're playing at Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium. Why is that significant? Because you can't spell "Mandelay" without the "Mandela". That link may be NSFW. It's for Mandelay cream (Man delay cream) that is the featured "male genital desensitizer" at

- I have learned a bit about the world from the world cup. I didn't know a few of these countries existed. Like, North Career, South Career, and South Africker,

- This English team might be wussiest English sporting entity since Tim Henman's annual Wimbledon collapse in the semis or quarters after getting all of England wussydom's hopes up because he beat a lower-seeded player and this could be his year! The first Englishman to win Wimbledon since Moses's dad did it. I love it when a stereotype comes together.


I thought of two more.

-Did U2 sponsor this World Cup or something? Enough of them already. It's bad enough they seem to do the Super Bowl every 3 years. And the Grammys. And any aid/relief telethons. Just enough. Not them. Not now.

-A while ago Jeff Van Gundy told a story about watching Rasheed Wallace during practice. During the scrimmage a foul was called on Wallace which he vehemently denied doing. Being a shooting a foul, the fouled player went to the free throw line and missed his first free three throw. Wallace then turned to the ref and said, "Ball don't lie." As if to imply that the ball refused to go in on an unjust call.

Well considering how France got into the World Cup and how they are doing now, I have to agree with Rasheed. Ball don't lie.

-THIS is bad as hell!!! I will tell you how it works, since it took me a minute to figure it out. You highlight the bubble to see which game the dot represents. (for this example I recommend going to Germany's 4-0 win over Australia on the bottom left). So you click on it and it takes you to a streaming twitter stream/feed kinda thing. Scroll down so you can see the moving time bar along the bottom to see which part of the game is being highlighted. The bigger the world bubble, the more mentions on Twitter that topic has had. So you can see the explosion of activity during goals.

That is a really, really cool concept.

That's how I roll.

Is Boston Contagious?

By: T.R. Slyder,, @AndyDisco on Twitter

You know Boston's two most famous sports chants are not pro-Boston, but are instead anti-opponent- "Yankees Suck!" and "Beat LA!"?

I was thinking about that during the US World Cup game when I heard the chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" and I wondered if we follow the Bostonian precedent it will only be a few years before we start chanting "Mexico Sucks!" instead of "U-S-A! U-S-A!"

That's how I roll.