By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Um. This is the Indian remake of Thriller. It's maybe the best thing possible. Other than Erika, who showed this to me. When I first saw this I thought it was the best thing I'd ever seen.
So after I watched it and laughed my assneck off. I asked her if she ever hears foreign languages and then tries to think of the English approximations of what the person was saying. Just trying to assimilate the two languages, regardless of now non-sensical it is. She laughed at me and said no. I understood. Then she sent me this, and I about peed myself. If what you read at the :40 mark doesn't amuse you, we have have nothing in common and never will.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Erika is Awesome. Erika is the Best.
First Leg of Breeders' Cup Analysis
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
With the 2008 Breeders' Cup starting up this Friday at Santa Anita, I began my research last night and will continue it until the final race on Saturday. If you aren't a horse racing fan, you can stop reading now because everything I write will most likely be long-winded (as usual) and I don't feel like taking the time to explain all the jargon I'm using. Sorry.
The biggest question looming over the entire Breeders' Cup this year is how to handicap the "dirt" races, since this is being held over a synthetic track. Specifically the brand of synthetic used at Santa Anita is called Pro-Ride. The Daily Racing Form Official Breeders' Cup 2008 edition has a great article by Brad Free that provides a lot of insight about this new surface, how it compares to the old Santa Anita Dirt, and track biases observed so far. The tidbits I found the most useful were:
- "Favorites still win 28% of the time"
- "The most significant (speed trend) is that contested speed is in trouble, and lone speed is not as advantageous as it is on dirt."
- "Only 4 of the first 38 races at six furlongs were won gate-to-wire. And when two speed horses hook up, the outcome is predictible. Contested speed on Pro-Ride leads to certain defeat"
- Jockey Joe Talamo said "If you get out on the lead, walk the dog, you've got a real good shot, but if you go :21, :44, you're done."
- "Only 5 of the 38 races this meet at six furlongs were won from more than six lengths off the pace"
- "...most sprint winners were positioned just off the pace..."
- "Post position is always a factor. Posts 1 and 2 accounted for just 3 wins from 76 starters at six furlongs. It does not improve at 6.5 furlongs, or seven. Combined, the three distances have produced only 7 wins from 126 starters (5.5%) out of posts 1 and 2. To win from the inside, a sprinter must be good, or lucky"
- "Only 4 of the first 37 routes were won by the pacesetter."
So what to make of all of that is really anyone's guess. While Santa Anita offers outstanding horse racing, each of the fields for the Breeder's Cup will be bursting with world-class talent, no one should be shocked if that data is not compromised on Saturday. With all of the talent racing next weekend, they are surely capable of overcoming any track biases.
The good news is that the turf races are still the same old turf races they have always been. While Breeders' Cup grass races have undoubtedly been dominated by European horses, American horses have had success as well. What I have found is that ANY European horse can win on the grass here, but only the top one or two Americans in each grass are capable of winning. In other words, when American horses have won on the grass, it's been the likes of Kip Deville, or English Channel- the cream of the American Turf crop. While the occasional Singletary or Better Talk Now have also squeeked out BC Wins, American grass upsets are very rare, compared to European grass upsets.
After the prelinary thumbing through of the Form, it looks the only two cinches I can find are Zenyatta in the Ladies Classic (formerly known as The Distaff), and Indian Blessing in the Filly and Mare Sprint. Curlin is one step below "cinch" status in the Classic, and if Goldikova does run in the Filly and Mare Turf (her first preference is the BC Mile against the boys) she would also be a lock to win that race.
Other recommended links are the DRF's BC page here, The Bloodhorse.com and the two-part series on the bloodhorse.com featured here and here, respectively.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thursday Cognitive Exercise
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
This joke is courtesy of my cousin.
Q: What is brown and rhymes with "Snoop"?
A: Dr. Dre.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Weng Weng Wednesday- The Impossible Kid: Installment III of V
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
This is Part Three of my Five-piece Series of the 1982 thriller, The Impossible Kid. As you no doubt recall from week one and week two, our hero is working for the Malaysian branch of INTERPOL and has been assigned to prevent terrorists from liquidating a prominent industrialist that was kidnapped during week one's episodes. Last week saw Weng Weng infiltrate their training facility and beat up two men and a woman. I don't think he was ever on Hee-Haw, but he knows how to throw a ho down. After handing out that fresh ass-kicking, he went back to headquarters where he saved the life of the aforementioned industrialist, only to find out he was unappreciative of Agent OO's efforts. Gaining the trust and cooperation of the industrialist is vital, however it will be no small task. Hi-oooo.
Episode 5 shows Our Hero grappling with a Cobra, sneaking into a person's residence (after parking his motorcycle in front of the main entrance) under the cover night (while he wears a white shirt). It also features him taking target practice while wearing a red jumpsuit that would make a thrift store owner blush. Lastly, this 10 minute segment has more fake-laughter from a villain than any other 10 minute interval in the history of cinematography.
This is another film of Weng Weng's where he plays a little person, a role in which he is very convincing indeed. There are 10 episodes in all and we tackle two episodes a week, so here are episodes 5 and 6 of 10.
Things to watch for in episode 6: A Dr. Evil-esque fake laughter sequence, and how the sound-effect for Agent 00's mini-motorbike sounds eerily similar to a weed wacker, killer special effects ( "special" as in "retarded", not special as in "uniquely great"), and the most uninspired go-go dancing ever captured on film.
Got a Hankering For a Falsetto Sing-Along? I Do.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
If you like singing in falsetto as much as I do, you are certainly aware of this song. Much like how certain wines pair better with certain foods, the ideal time to sing this song is either in the shower, or immediately after the shower while you're getting dressed in front of the mirror. Just trust me on this one. I know from experience. Lots.
There are few maladies in life that a good falsetto can't take your mind off of. This song will show you why.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
If You Like Awesome Stuff...
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Then click here. Banksy, my favorite artist, has an exhibit in NYC of some new stuff that isn't just his traditional graffiti and paintings. Above is a pic from the exhibit. To see 5 others, just click the link in the first sentence.
Florida, Florida, Florida.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
I saw the headline and thought "Tell me this took place in Florida." and it did. A dude in Vero Beach tried to pay for his McDonalds with reefer instead of cash. Seriously. Here is a link to the goods.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Congratulations Dr. Kevin (last name withheld)!
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
You know what I'm talking 'bout, brah.
This is Technically Plagiarism
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
I love horse racing, and I love Chicago, so I decided to plagiarize this. Hawthorne Race Course, outside of Chicago is applying for a casino license. That means that in addition to featuring (a god awful quality of) horse racing, they would also be allowed to offer a more complete gambling experience, with full-fledged, Las Vegas-esque casino. Being that casinos are cash cows, this would also provide revenue for an on-site water park and hotel, with revenue leftover still to offer substantially increased purse money for horse racing. Increased purse money means higher-caliber horses. which drums up more local enthusiasm, which drums up more revenue. In short, adding a casino to a horse racing track increases the quality of racing and begins a self-perpetuating cycle of cash.
To read more about the Hawthorne-specific details, keep reading.
Hawthorne to bid for casino license
By MARCUS HERSH
STICKNEY, Ill. – The owners of Hawthorne Race Course and other investors will submit a bid to the Illinois Gaming Board for an Illinois casino license this week, and the Chicago-area racetrack would commence a $500 million redevelopment project if awarded the license, Hawthorne president Tim Carey said Monday.
Hawthorne could be transformed from a moribund Thoroughbred track to a vibrant entertainment destination under the plan. Besides adding a casino, the redevelopment calls for razing the current grandstand to make way for a casino hotel, a water park and suites, a subterranean music theater in the infield, movie theaters, and retail space.
Hawthorne and its partners will submit a bid for the license as an entity called Hawthorne Gaming LLC. The development project is named Champions Resort and Casino. Hawthorne Gaming will bid for a 10th Illinois casino license that has been in limbo since the Gaming Board in 2001 denied a license for a casino in Rosemont. Bids for the license are due late Tuesday afternoon, and the Board will hold a public hearing Wednesday to announce the bidders. Within 10 days, three top bidders will be announced, and the Board hopes to issue a license before 2009.
The principal partners in the bid will be the Estate of Thomas Carey, which owns the land on which Hawthorne sits; Joe Canfora of Merit Management, an Illinois-based national hotel and casino developer that has worked on two racino projects; and Ed Pilarz of Altium Development, another Illinois-based gaming developer.
Carey said that the village of Stickney, where Hawthorne is located, has agreed to all required zoning changes. Frank Kirby, president of the Illinois Thoroughbred Horsemen’s Association, said Monday that the horsemen’s group strongly backed the plan. The Illinois Racing Board, which has a regularly scheduled meeting on Tuesday, also is expected to voice its support.
Carey said the redevelopment would move forward in two phases. A dormant part of the existing facility could be “retrofitted” within a half-year to house a casino, Carey said. The project calls for a 40,000 square-foot casino would that would contain 1,150 slot machines, as well as table games and a poker room.
Legislation is in place that will direct 15 percent of adjusted gross revenues from the 10th casino to the racing industry, regardless of where it operates.
Hawthorne has selling points in its bid. According to Carey, 4.2 million people live within 30 minutes driving time. Midway Airport is four miles to the south, and downtown Chicago is about seven miles away.
“The more we talked about slots, the more we thought something needed to happen here over and above racing,” Carey said. “Racing as it exists here is not going to last much longer.”
Big Brown Retires in Predictibly Poontang-ish Fashion
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Big Brown was retired today after allegedly suffering an injury during a workout. This comes as no surprise to anyone familiar with Big Brown's bizarrely handled racing career. Since Big Brown's loss in the Belmont Stakes, the much-hyped Big Brown has avoided any race featuring a race horse with any chance to beat him. Big Brown is like the Kimbo Slice of horse racing, if Kimbo Slice were to have fought only 11-year old girls then retired before ever fighting a legitimate fighter.
You might say, "Wait a minute, he won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, for crying out loud." And you would be right, but the competition in those two races was at near all-time-low levels. Admittedly, that's not the fault of Big Brown, but it detracts from his achievement all the same. Secondly, with the advent of increased synthetic and polytrack surfaces, several horses were entering the KY Derby having hardly ever raced on dirt before. Not only was Big Brown's Derby and Preakness competition historically weak, but the weak horses were also racing on what was to them, a new surface. In none of the previous 133 Kentucky Derbys were any horses unfamilar with a dirt surface.
The timing of the "injury" and subsequent retirement are especially conspicuous. Big Brown was scheduled to appear in the Breeder's Cup Classic in two weeks, which is unquestionably the most competitive horse race in the United States, and arguably in the world. To revert back to the Slice analogy, that's like Kimbo Slice beating up on 11 year old girls, then telling the press he's sick of the rumors about fighting pushover opponents and announcing his plans to fight the best fighter available. Then two weeks before his first real fight of his career, he gets injured and retires. Real shocking shit, Big Brown.
In an attempt to preserve Big Brown's "legacy", his (greaseball) owner and (sleazeball) trainer, have done a disservice to race fans and to their horse. He will be remembered as a tremendous talent who was managed by two assholes, who never picked on anyone his own size, much less, beat them.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Chimpanzee
By: T.R. Slyder
A lot people said I didn't have the guts to post pictures of a baby tiger and chimpanzee playing. Take this Haters!!!!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Lookalikes 17.0 and Some Baseball Musings
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
First the lookalikes. Boston's Mike Timlin and underrated comedy actor, Matt Walsh.
Musings
1. Last year the Cubs got swept by a team (Arizona) that got swept (by Colorado) that got swept (by Boston). So as a Cubs fan, lets hope that LA can win at least one and this doesn't happen two years in a row. That would be a pathetic playoff legacy even for the Cubs.
2. Since Tampa Bay has a chance at winning the championship I'll go ahead and say it. If you would have told me in 1990*, "T.R., in the next 18 years, two different Florida baseball teams will have won a total of 3 World Series before the Cubs even appeared in one." I would have replied with "What? Florida doesn't even have a major league team."
* denotes= People love prefacing theoreticals with "If you would have told me X years ago..." But 1) no one ever does that in real life, and 2) if anyone did, you'd think they were the craziest person ever. Imagine if one of your friend called you right now and said "In 20 years you will be a zucchini farmer in Utah." then hung up. That would be kinda odd.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Now THIS is Random. Task.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Big ups to TMZ.com for getting footage of Random Task from Austin Powers in a UFC fight in 1994 getting repeatedly punched in the genitalias before tapping out while getting choked. A sequence of manuevers otherwise known as "A Saturday night for Justin Guarini".
Apparently Random Task is in the news again for being implicated (by way of DNA) to a gang rape a while ago. Classy.
This Also Is Awesome
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
If I don't spend the rest of my life as a biographer of this automobile, I will have lived my life in vain.
This Is Awesome
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Sadly, the first thing I thought of when I saw this was: It's like the kid is the Cubs and tree was an October choke. You could see the kid freeze and think "Oh shit. I am GOING to hit that tree!" about 4 seconds before he actually did. He froze and just got sucked in to the tree by unbridled fear.
Great parenting here, by the way. The point of buying your kid a helmet is so that you can fasten it so loosely that upon impact it will be in the yarmulka position, as opposed to covering his forehead. Since most impacts will be head-on, with the face and head thrust forward, it's nice to know that the crown of his head is protected in case something falls on it after his unprotected face gets obliterated.
http://view.break.com/586095 - Watch more free videos
I Love This Cover
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
As the kids say, don't sleep on the very end when Amy says "Charlotte Church!" I love Amy Wineheezy.
Chicago AM News
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
To quote R. Kelly: Belie'e me mang, this is how them playas do it in the Chi...
It's a slow Chicago newsday today.
The Chicago Marathon goes down tomorrow. Let's hope it isn't the debacle that it was last year.
Bar Louie in the West Loop has more rats than is permissible.
This hurt me very badly. On the inside. Walter E. Smithe, a Chicago furniture store made this commercial for when the Cubs won the World Series this year. If you are dying to know more info about it, click here, but it's pretty self explanatory. The video is below.
That's kind of it.
Do Your Thing, Florida
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Smile if you're from Florida AND you poured boling water on your husband's junk.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wait....PETA Doesn't Support People Eating Cats Now??
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
When did that happen? PETA must be in favor of bronchitis, because everyone knows that eating cat cures bronchitis! You learn that in like the first 20 minutes of three DVD-course that puts you on the path to opening your own voodoo practice out of your van. Everybody knows that.
Timeline of Adam "Pacman" Jones Incidents
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
As you may have already heard Pacman Jones got into a physical altercation with someone in Dallas last night. What a boob.
Other Pacman news:
October, 2003: On alleged role in a barfight: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence."
April 27, 2005: On allegation he punched a woman in the mouth at a club: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
July 13, 2005: On allegation of felony vandalism and 2 misdemeanor assaults at a club: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
Sept. 5, 2005: On allegation of involvement in a verbal altercation with a parking valet: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
February 2006: One allegations of felony and misdemeanor obstruction of justice charges outside of a Fayetville, GA. home: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
April 11, 2006: On alleged involvement in a drug that included 1,653 pounds of marijuana, 128 pounds of cocaine: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident drug deal that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
April 18, 2006: Regarding his presence at a gunfight at a gas station: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
August 25, 2006: On allegations that he spit on a woman and was verbally abusive toward her: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
February 2007: On his alleged involvement in a Las Vegas strip club shooting where a bouncer was shot: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
June 18, 2007: On his alleged involvement in a shooting in an Atlanta strip club: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
Jan. 15, 2008: On the allegation that he punched a woman in an Atlanta strip club: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
Oct. 9, 2008: On the allegation of getting into a fight with a team boydguard: Pacman Jones, "I was misunderstood regarding that violent incident that took place around me. I deny any involvement in it and my presence at the incident is pure coincidence. "
Sorry About my Lax Correspondance Lately, Guys.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
I know I've been a bad friend and have gotten really behind on getting back to people's emails. I figured this would be a good, centralized format in which to do that. I've been slacking, I know it, and I apologize. I know there's no excuse. To the people I most urgently need to reply to are:
Ecowas Bonanza, Bello Suraj, The Camelot Lottery Board, UK Online Lottery Promo, Irish International Lottery Board, Mr. Umary, Amaranth Wilson, Mr. Amed, Rev. Jones Maxwell Harth, Zanki Mumouni, Mrshellen Micheal, Monique Barro, UK Online Result Department, Mr. Louis, Lanson Hana, Hazel Akron, Mrs. Zhu Yuning, Global Promotion, George Congo and Mr. Musa Camara.
I am sooo sorry to let all of you down. I'm pretty sure I met all of you at that party a few weeks ago, sorry I was a bit tipsy and to be quite honest, I don't remember all of you individually, but I'd like to offer a brief all-ecnompasing relpy: How's Nigeria/UK? That is so awesome that you were left $10 million in that will, what a bummer you can't deposit it into your own account though, right? Thanks for thinking of me to help you with it! That's also so awesome that my email won the lottery! Talk about making money hand over fist. Wow. I'm so glad I met you guys at that party!
Your friend,
T.R.
P.S. I didn't get some of your emails until just now, for some messed up reason most of them went to my Spam Folder? WTF, right?
Chicago News: 10/9
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Trial for defrocked priest gets underway. He was originalyl defrocked by the diocese because he defrocked himself and de-pants'd a little boy. In light of all the sex-abuse scandals, I think it's time to change the euphemism of "defrocked" to "kicked out of priesthood" or something less pun-friendly.
Funny how after Blagovich gives free CTA rides to seniors, he has to raise prices for everyone else. Total coincidence.
While discussing the Icelandic Economy's near collapse, the Trib. outclasses several other media outlets and avoids the "Icelandic Meltdown" pun. Way to go Trib. When you pay the extra $.25 to buy the Tribune and not the Sun-Times, what's the extra charge for? Dignity.
Mayor Daley panders to the masses by expressing his desire to fire the lazy garbagemen featured in yesterday's shocking Sun-Times expose about lazy city workers. So PLEASE don't tell him that I was late in posting my Weng Weng Wednesday post yesterday!
When you publicly belittle a planetarium's projector, be prepared to deal with geek wrath! He's looking at you John McCain (through thick, heavily taped glasses with a strap around the back).
The privitazation of Midway Airport got its finalization on.
Bears DT Tommie Harries explains why he was habitually tardy to team functions, often fined, and injury-prone: Lack of Jesus, duh. Does that count as a sack for Jesus? I hope so.
Cubs and White Sox tv color-announcers share their feelings on their teams' early playoff exits. Ron Santo is disappointed and will wait until next year. Hawk Harrelson dealt with it in his own way: by lying to himself and not respectingthe Sox opponent. You can put "Denial" onnnn the boooooard, YES!
To Do Tonight: TV Re-Runs! A Very "Special" Halloween. An uptown neighborhood bar/lounge place will hold selected readings from Halloween Special favorites of yesteryear.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Chicago News: 10/8 Wrap up
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
The Shitty-Looking Coat Shooter surrenders. Apparently he started doing good about 3 days too late.
I hope you are sitting down for this one. Chicago city workers do not work all that hard. What next? Telling us that in fact 12 of the 14 street city workers standing around a 2'x2' pothole aren't necessary?
What happens at the end of your el train's line? RedEye's always on-point Kyra Kyles explores.
Cook County is all evicted-out. The renting-tenants of several Cook Co. properties which have been foreclosed will not face evictions if their landlord had failed to make mortgage payments.
Since it was a slow news day, this is where the Arby's are downtown. I visited my favorite one today that isn't on this map, that's a block East of State St. right by Loyola.
Weng Weng Wednesday
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
This is Part Two of my Five-piece Series of the 1982 thriller, The Impossible Kid. As you no doubt recall from last week, our hero is working for the Malaysian branch of INTERPOL and has been assigned to prevent terrorists from liquidating a prominent industrialist that was kidnapped during last week's episodes. This is another film of Weng Weng's where he plays a little person, a role in which he is very convincing indeed. There are 10 episodes in all and we tackle two episodes a week, so here are episodes 3 and 4 of 10.
I wished that every one of you watch all the clips, but I know you don't so I'll point out the highlights. It gets "real real" (as my hip-hop brethren say) around the 4:05 mark. And the kick at the 4:11 looks painful. His 6th, maybe 7th sense hilariously kicks in around the 7:05 mark. The 9:10 mark tells us that even wealthy, kidnap-worthy wealthy industrialists drive hatchbacks in Malaysia. The the last line of dialogue is "I know where Agent Double-O holds his karate exercises...." Yes please. Bring on Episode 4!
SPOILER ALERT: Weng Weng is also awesome in episode 4/10!
First of all, the cure for modern Clinical Depression begins at the :28 mark and lasts through 3:30. This is must see Karat-ay action taking place in the littlest dojo you'll ever love- to paraphrase the Peace Corps (how are "corps" and "core" pronounced the same? Good luck explaining that to a new English speaker). Also of note: Gratuitous boob action at 5:50.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Chicago 10/7 PM News Wrapup
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
"Blagojevich Denies any Wrongdoing" is becoming the most commonly seen headline since "Middle East Peace Talks Fail". You see that headline so often that eventually you wonder, "Does that even qualify as NEWs? Can't I just assume that's the case everyday?" In related news: Gravity is still fully in effect and the world's oceans remain wet.
FBI, let me help you out. Talk to every strip club within a 40 mile radius of Chicago, and have the strippers be on the lookout for a fat guy makin' it rain. The Playboy Bandit is at large!
The Midway Privitization bill was passed by the City Council committee today, clearing the way for "clear for takeoff" puns by the Sun-Times.
The weather be all rainy, an' shit.
Get your Kip Dynamite on and Loooove technology at Wired Magazine's NextFest in Millenium Park
It's Good Neighbor Night at B.L.U.E.S. on Halsted- anyone from the 60614, 60657 or 60610 gets in free to hear Willie Davis and the All-Stars.
Lovechild Investigation: 7.0
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Don Flamenco + Steve Carell = Martin Gramatica. Sorry the presentation is so ghetto, but it's the only way I could get them on the same row.
Loyal WhereAwesomeHappens Readers will note that this means that 1) Steve Carell cheated on Janet Reno, and 2) Martin Gramatica is now the half brother to the Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich. Small world.
Other Lookalikes:
David Wright and Steve Eigenberg
Jane Velez Mitchell and Adam Rich
Amy Poehler and Cindy McCain
Louis CK and Jim Cramer
Stephen Colbert and Jamie Gold
Dana Bash and an Afghan Dog
Fred Thompson and a Shar Pei Dog
Bristol Palin and Shawn Johnson
Brandon DiCamillo and Paul Scheer
Steve from Married with Children and The Dad from Calvin and Hobbes
Ryan Howard and Tracy Morgan
Roger Clemens and Uncle Joey's Puppet
Seth MacFarlane and Mauro Ranallo
Keep on Keepin' on, Florida.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
A "Bra Bandit" has been accused of stealing over 160 bras from a Victoria's Secret in Bonita Springs. What state is Bonita Springs in? Florida. Duh.
Chicago 10/7 AM News Roundup
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
University of Chicago does it again- Another professor of theirs has won a Nobel Prize. Yoichiro Nambu won half of a nobel prize, for his role in discovering something called spontaneous broken symmetry in subatomic physics. I mean, I'd known about those for years (we'd call them SBS for short), but I never told anyone about them for fear of sounding like a heretic.
Today is the last day to register to vote. Technically. For info on how to register, get your click here on. Unless your vote will cancel out my vote. Then it's probably best you stayed unregistered.
An image of the CTA bus shooter/murderer. I hope authorities are able to catch him at his job at the Disgusting Coat Store. That dude picked himself out a real winner.
The White Sox are doing the cry-and-wap alongside the Cubs now after their loss last night at US Cellular.
Guess which of the two city newspapers is providing a downloadable bingo card, to de-intellectualize the debates?? How did you know it was the Sun-Times? Um, nice guess. I hope the Red Eye follows suit and make a drinking game.... Tonight's debates is at Belmont University. If that name sounds familiar to you it's because they're one of the NCAA teams that is a 16th seed every three years along with Rider, Mount Saint Marys, Sienna, Iona, American, and Mouthy Bobs Oral Roberts.
R. Kelly was awarded $3.4 million in a settlement against a former tour promoter. Since only the loot can make him happy, he'll most likely be having a party at the Rock n Roll McDonalds to celebrate. After the party it's the after-party, and after that it's the hotel lobby, where he will have you singin' like a mocking bird. Word.
Here's what Metromix says is going on today
Barack: "Oh, Baby!"
I thought this was funny.
If I ever meet a presidential candidate, I'm totally gonna try to put my fingers in their mouth.
It kind reminds me of the old joke (which could be a derivation of a Rodney Dangerfield joke): "You're so ugly when you go to the proctologist, he puts his fingers in your mouth."
More Florida Awesomeness
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
So my friend and occasional WhereAwesomeHappens contributor, Polekat $lim lives in Florida. His frequent email forwards were the inspiration for this recurring column about Florida's awesomeness. Then tonight he sent me this picture taken with his camera phone.
"Now you lookie he-uh, I aint leavin' this he-uh office until you fill up ma empteh whiskey jug with peroxide, ya he-uh?"
Can you beat that caption? Let me know in the "Comments" section. I'll take on all comers! be eager to see what you write.
He's like the dude Crystal Gale of NASCAR.
Monday, October 6, 2008
The Fort Wayne Tincaps
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Wow. My hometown's single-A baseball team just changed names for no reason. They used to be the Fort Wayne Wizards. Now they are the Johnny Appleseed homaging- Tincaps. Above is their logo. No seriously, that's their logo. Way to keep it greezy, Fort Weezy.
I just hope their motto is: "Hide the Women and Children: We're Coming to Your Town to Spread our Seed."
My long-winded rant on their new appellation: I don't get team names like that. When you name your team after an object (or person) that exists in your city, you do so when there is a plurality of them. Take the Florida Marlins, for instance. Florida has multitude of Marlins, so it makes sense to name them the MarlinS, plural. Their team represents all of the marlins in Florida. But if your city has one of something, you can't name it that name plural. It would be stupid for Chicago to have a team called The Sears Towers, because there is only one Sears Tower- you are pluralizing something singular and it doesn't work- if anything, you're diluting the cache of the one existing Sears Tower by claiming that you're fielding an entire team of little Sears Towers. Conversely, the Florida Marlins aren't cheapening the marlin population in the wild, because there are already so many of them.
Fort Wayne calling themselves the Tincaps is an homage to Johnny Appleseed who famously wore a tin put on his head during his Midwestern sojourn. No one else in Fort Wayne has ever worn tin, in any form, as a hat since him. So why pluralize something unique? But what's even dumber is that material of the Tincaps' caps is 85% acrylic, 15% wool! How the hell can you have such reverence for tin caps if you, yourself refuse to wear caps made of tin??? The White Sox wore actual white socks, and the Red Sox wore red socks back when socks were officially part of their uniforms. And the Red-winged Blackbird is an actual black bird with red wings!
So what makes Fort Wayne think it's so special that they think they don't have to abide by the precedents of name/uniform truth? Cuz I'm from there, baby.
Chicago PM Wrapup
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Fatburger comes to Chicago. Yes, the Fatburger- the one name-dropped in Today was a Good Day by Ice Cube.
Chicago P.D. will form a new gang-unit called the Mobile Strike Force, comprising 115 officers.
Congress is finally stepping up its efforts to make trains viable in the US. They authorized $13.1 billion (for the next 5 years) to help create a high-speed passenger corridors and to improve existing tracks, and plan on making Chicago the hub of the revised system. As everyone who has ever been to Europe is thinking: It's about damn time.
WhereAwesomeHappens Best Bet to do Tonight: Deathscribe.
The New Must-Have Winter Coat
Pierre Cardin, you Sir, know exactly what Chicagoans want in a winter coat. Complete mastery of form and function.
The Humiliation of Kimbo Slice and Its Similarities to Mayweather vs. Hatton
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
I thought about making this headline "Kimbo takes too many head blows, blows the fight.". Make sure you aren't trying to text while watching this. You'll miss the entire fight. Thanks for comin' out Kimbo.
The first punch that stunned Kimbo reminded me of Floyd Mayweather's knockout of Ricky Hatton. It's hard to see Petruzelli's first landing blow in real time, but they do a good job of showing it on the replay. In the Mayweather fight, Mayweather caught Hatton with, what I learned from Mayweather's post-fight interview is called a "check-hook". When the guy is closing in on you, he's focused on your face and isn't thinking about his peripheral field quite as much and is vulnerable to a hook. Even if you don't knock him down, you'll at least impede his process a bit and be able to regroup.
Going Chicago Style
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
For this week I thought I'd take this site in a nude erection new direction. I realized that Chicago doesn't have a great, hip website to talk about Chicago. I don't need to re-invent the wheel, put the arms on the Venus di Milo, gild the lilly, or use cliches, just get some Chicago news out there in one site. I hope you all enjoy my nude erection new direction. So we'll see how it goes.
I even booked Kanye West for the launch party. (you can see the actual video here)
AM Chicago News Roundup
The big non-sports news of the weekend is that a 17 year old girl was killed on the far south side. She was killed while riding a CTA bus, the victim of crossfire that occurred ON THE BUS between two of the worst people ever. Great jobs guys.
In pervert-related news: Authorities have learned that a sick, sick bastard man in a clown suit has been approaching schoolchildren in East Garfield Park as they walk to and from school. Granted, that is shocking news. But here's what isn't shocking- the kind of vehicle he drives: You guessed it. A van.
Blagojevich is the slimiest politician ever. And he still looks like the lovechild of Steve Carrell and Janet Reno (proof here).
The Trib. ran this list of the hotels where celebrities stay when they visit the Chi. I'd say the Trump International still has a ways to go before it catches up with the Peninsula.
Mayor Daley's proposed 99-year, privatized lease of Midway Airport is up for its first vote today. If passed this would raise $2.52 billion. If the bill were to be passed, most of the money would have to go toward infrastructure or pension obligations, and would leave roughly $100 to be spent however he wishes. And by "however he wishes", of course I mean "on the Olympic bid"
During a 5k Run in Bucktown, 137 cars were towed and the towees are complaining that there were no signs telling them that they couldn't park.
Police on high alert at Foreman High today after Friday's classes ended early from rampant violence resulting in 24 arrests. "Nearly a dozen officers, along with a patrol wagon." I can't believe they didn't just call it the Paddy Wagon. You don't the chance to say "paddy wagon" everyday, so you have to take advantage of it whenever you can. Paddy wagon.
Random Chicago Links
Things look good for Obama according to this really interesting political site.
Do you hate your Time Warner cable service? Then you'll enjoy this.
Why the price of your weed has gone up
Today's Chicago Events
Ghost tours are underway in the second city.
Chicago Art Open at the Merchandise Mart begins today
See the original scroll on whichJack Keruouc wrote On the Road. Bonus points if you can name the two Chicago streets mentioned in that book. (Answer: Clark and Halsted. I get bonus points)
Wine tasting on one of the streets mentioned in On the Road. The D.O.C. offers a bi-weekly wine tasting and tonight is the night. Just to avoid any confusing "a bi-weekly tasting" is MUCH different than a "bi weakly tasting". I found that out the hard way.
The rest of the Metromix list for things to do today can be found here
The Chicago Reader's Early Warnings of upcoming music concerts and gigs.
Hi-Tops is open again. This time in Lincoln Park by DePaul. Finally, a place for kids to binge drink in Lincoln Park.
Previously in Chicago News:
Girl in Elgin, IL. had to remove her Kosuke Fukudome jersey, because it could be construed as foul language. Good to know the cosmopolitans in Elgin have a healthy respect for global integration. Oh, and ignorance of their hometown team. Foreigners can be sooo foul!
Thank God! CTA prices may finally go UP. I was sick of paying only $2.00, anyway.
The city is expected to ban texting while driving. If enforcing the ban on talking on your phone's handset is any indication, this will be enforced at least 7 times a year.
Classes were dismissed at 1 pm at Foreman high on Friday. Why? Because there were so many fights that 24 students were arrested, and the school was deemed unsafe.
In related news, Chicago Public Schools PSAT scores are down. Funny coincidence.
More Florida Awesomeness
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Carnival ride. Mother dropping kid. Florida. Busch Light. (I am guessing about the last one)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Is a Bizarre Japanese Porn Star Influencing the NFL?
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
This post is the least worksafe entry I've ever posted. It can be found here.
Peyton Manning's Team
Maybe you were at home watching football today. And Maybe you were watching a team that won't be making the playoffs this year- like, Peyton Manning's team.
Update: Holy Moly Buttholey. That was the most unlikely comeback I've seen in any sport in a long time. Wow. I posted the above right before Sage Rosenfels' helicopter fumble. I'm still keeping the post up though because, 1) I think it's funny. And 2) The Colts are still underachieving despite Houston bequeathing this game to them.
That was the worst quarterbacking possible. Literally. Wow, that was hilarious. Thanks for the memories, soon-to-be-ex-NFLer Sage Rosenfels.
Lookalikes 15.0- Seth MacFarlane and Mauro Ranallo
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
The MMA announcer and Family Guy creator.
Lookalikes 14.0: Calvin's Dad and Steve from Married with Children
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
The Dad from Calvin and Hobbes looks a lot like David Garrison, or Steve from Married with Children.
Glory Hole Park
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
While I was writing the entry about the Cubs, my friend texted me this from Aspen.
Worst NFL Pregame Moment Ever
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
I usually avoid NFL Pregame shows but I decided to give them a shot today. I've been so wrapped up in the baseball playoffs that I had no idea what was going on in the NFL, and thought I could benefit from watching. So I flipped to Fox just as it was beginning and James Brown began the show by saying, "Have we got a great show for you today!" then as the camera panned out to show all of the panelists, Brown reached under the desk and announced "But first, with the Iron Man DVD coming out this week, I had to pick up some copies for my guys." And proceeded to distribute DVDs to his fellow panelists as they feigned excitement and poured over the DVD.
I changed the channel and watched Face the Nation. I still have no idea what's going on in the NFL. That was the worst of the worst.
On the Cubs Defecating the Mattress
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Even though I'm a huge fan, I'm not going to let the choking of a bunch of multi-millionaires I've never met ruin my day. After all, I didn't suck, they did. I'm all for watching sports to escape dwelling on work, or less-fun parts of your life, or watching sports so you and a few friends have a better excuse to get together at a bar and drink for an afternoon- those things can legitimately improve your quality of life. But I'm not about to let sports do the opposite and put me in a foul mood for three days.
My dissociation from the Cubs at their time of suck reminded me of my Capstone class in school as a Psychology Major. The class was the Psychology of Sports Fans, and it met once a week for 3 hours. It was one of those classes/fields of study where you think, "I didn't realize someone made this an academic discipline, I'd just always thought this kinda stuff on my own while watching games with friends." Most of it was really intuitive and other stuff was surprisingly insightful. What I took away from the class most was BIRGing and CORFing.
BIRG is an acronym for "Basking In Reflected Glory", for your team. When your team wins and you're feeling great about the win, razz your friends who cheer for the vanquished opponent or wear your team's jersey to work the day after a big win, you are BIRGing.
The opposing of BIRGing is CORFing, or Cutting Off Reflected Failure. My opening sentence about multi-millionaires is an example of CORFing. Sometimes these constructs are referred to as the- "We won, but they lost phenomenon".
Now that my Superego got that off its chest, time for the Id to rant a little.
As I stated in an earlier post: I never want to see Soriano lead off again. Ever. He's a mistake pitch hitter with huge holes in his swing. He'll never be anything different. Of every major leaguer I've seen this year, Soriano strikes me as the player that thinks the least on the playing field. On top of that, he insists on leading off- yet he sucks. That's like if I were having dinner at your house and all the sudden felt nauseated and announced that I might be getting sick, then you said "Ok well, lets get you to the restroom...." and me responding with, "No, I'm fine right here. I'd feel the most comfortable throwing up on the dinner table." Who cares where you're comfortable? Try to quarantine your crap so it upsets as few people as possible. What a joke that guy is.
It was such a team-wide collapse that I hardly think it's worth trying to distribute blame to a select few. Soriano was putrid, but it wasn't just his fault. If he hit .500 they still would have lost. If Zambrano had pitched game one, the Cubs still wouldn't have gotten any hits off Lowe. With the exception of Zambrano, the Cubs didn't pitch, hit or field well collectively.
While the Cubs get to search their souls for answers, I'm gonna be watching the Bears and CORFing up a lung.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
A Meta-Compilation of Falls
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
You never see any of these women falling in front of a Mercedes or at a country club or at a board meeting. It's always done in the woods, near an El Eamino or in a trailer. Funny how that works.
There are a few overlapping videos with this one, but it's just more of a good thing.
You can probably guess the subject material for this one too.
This one is more about the "wipeout" I'd say, but it's still awesome nonetheless. The first clip isn't one I find funny, but the rest are.
Great music selection here.
The first few clips I didn't find hilarious, but it gets better. I'd also recommend turning the sound off for this one. This music doesn't go with it and detracts from it. Also the last minute is a montage that's in an earlier video of this meta-compilation.
This one is kinda Polekat $lim-ified (i.e. it's "extreme" and set to metal music. Like a Mountain Dew commercial on steroids), but some of the clips are outstanding.
Please note the irony around the 2:34 mark. This awful driver is wearing a Dale Earnhardt shirt. So this guy loves NASCAR yet drives like a total anus, apparently.
Drunk Monkey Video!
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
If you hate stuff that is awesome, this is not the video for you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
