My Hesitant 4th and 5th Cent About Susan Boyle

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Remember in April how I wrote that real buzz around Susan Boyle was that people, (subconsciously, or consciously) thought, "No way! Someone can have such vocal talent but be that ugly!"?

I'm standing behind that still and I think that the latest buzz about her being in the loony bin helps with that. As I'm sure everyone has heard, she lost on her British Idol show and then apparently cracked up and was calling out for her cat while being rushed to the nuthouse. While I understand it's newsworthy because she was such an instant media-sensation, I think part of what gives legs to that story is still our subconscious surprise about her. I think people were still thinking, "this is so weird she's talented and so weird and ugly. Maybe after a makeover she'll be really pretty and this will all make sense."

Then she lost and was rushed to the nuthouse and now people are thinking, "Ohhhhh. I knew she wasn't a true celebrity, or even a normal one of us! Silly of me to think an ugly person could ever leave her caste system. Turns out she's just one of those wacky idiot savants who drools on their sweatpants all day but is freakishly talented at one thing. She probably has like 87 cats too. She totally tricked me!"


And while I'm on the topic of Pop Culture drivel that I just don't understand people's interest in: Is the following analogy correct?

Octomom:Angelina Jolie :: Kate from John and Kate + 8::Posh Spice

I never watch the show or read about it, but I can't help avoid the coverage. I do know that she has a very Nebraska-tastic version of Posh's hair and she seems to think she's one sexy bitch. I could be totally off base.

Lastly, the coverage of this scandal really pisses me off for the same reason that the coverage of the Duke Lacrosse team rape allegation pissed me off: If no one cares about those people (John and Kate, Lacross players) when they're free of scandal, don't expect us to be enraptured in stories about their scandals.

For instance, ESPN devotes about 11 minutes of coverage a year to lacrosse. People just don't care about it. Yet they spent at least 20 hours a week discussing it during the peak of the scandal. That doesn't make sense to me. The buzz with Kobe's rape allegation I get because there is a ton of buzz from a scandal-free Kobe as is, so throw in a scandal and it's huge.

I get the story value of, "Media darling in scandal. Will they be taken down a peg or two? Stay Tuned!" but not when its, "Did those people you don't care about do something immoral??!!! You'll never believe what happened!" There has to be some proportion between the non-scandal coverage and scandal coverage.

Is adultery among people I've never heard of really something I'm expected to care about? If you're gonna talk about scandals that strangers have done at least make them awesome.

The Latest Person We're Supposed to Care About

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Um, you guys go ahead and care about her; I'm not gonna. I guess she is on English Idol or something. I hear her next song will be her interpretation of what Sojourner Truth has taught her, and will be called "I Aint a Woman".

She is a very handsome woman.


Update: I was going to pride myself on not seeing/hearing her sing until a friend sent me the link without describing it. So I clicked on it, then realized it was too late. I had to watch a link a friend sent, so I watched it. She's very talented. So then I was thinking, 'Ok, she's talented. A lot of people are talented, but aren't internet sensations. What makes her a sensation?" Then I realized it: She's a-hole ugly.

And don't call me an asshole for saying she's ugly. The entire reason she is a sensation is because of our underlying ehtos or, "Wait she's really, really ugly, but....she's also talented.....what? Holy shit. I need to send this to my friend!"

When I think of other people with famously big voices, Whitney Houston, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, Mariah Carey, Amy Winehouse, etc. They're all pretty attractive. In fact, I doubt a female can get signed to a record contract unless she's very attractive. So the shock with this woman isn't that she can sing, it's that she can sing despite being ugly. We aren't celebrating talent, we're celebrating that a woman can have talent in spite of being ugly. Phrased differently, her buzz is in direct proportion to our bigotry.

Real classy guys.