King Latifah? Seriously?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I was just watching TV and noticed Queen Latifah was doing makeup commericals. No, I am being serious. How does that happen? That butch lesbian was the girliest girl that this makeup company could find? Seriously? How does that happen? Was it like the first day on the job for the CEO's son, and just to play a joke and bust balls in the meeting he pitched their new spokes(wo)man should be Queen Latifah, and no one realized he was joking? Then all of the yes-men didn't want to get on the CEO's kid's bad side, so they just assumed he was being serious and went out and signed her? Sure she's an accomplished rapper and has an acacademy award for acting, but that doesn't mean she's not a bit, uh, rough around the edges. And by "rough" I mean "dude-like", and by "edges" I mean "women."

How funny do you think her outtakes are for those commercials? Like she's supposed to ad-lib and accidentally says, " 'This makeup works so well, you won't even look like you're blushing when you're hitting on that hot tattooeed broad with the huge muscles sitting atop that badass 450cc Harley Davidson with dual exhaust....I mean- hitting on the most dashing gentleman at the country club'.....Dammnit!" -"CUT

"You can cry after you play 5 games of pool and this mascara still won't run onto your flannel shirt." -"CUT"

"When I wear this eye-liner, I feel like the toughest dude at the WNBA game!" -"CUT"

"It won't smear your makeup no matter how sweaty your girlfriend's boobs get!" -"CUT"

"The first time I put this lipstick on I thought, "Damn, last time I saw a woman's lipstick lookin' that good I asked her to have sex with me!" -"CUT"

"My favorite mascara color is 'Ebony Essence'. It matches my black Levi's perfectly!" -"CUT"

"Whether you're on your motorcyle, in your Jeep Wrangler, or wearing Oakley wrap-around sunglasses with warmup pants and a v-neck warm-up pullover, this makeup will make you feel like a lipstick lesbian, and not the butch lesbian that you are." -"CUT"