Beware of Unoriginal Dork NCCA Football Talking Heads and Their Awesome Slang

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, AndyDisco on Twitter


Much like the previously mentioned, unfortunate early-baseball season phenomenon known as extraploitation, (also noted here), college football season has it's regrettable nomenclature as well.

The slang I am referring to is used most often during blowouts, and is therefore more likely to occur early on in the season. It's is the verb, "hang" in place of "score". As in, "Last time Ohio State played in the Rose Bowl, USC hung 45 on them". I appreciate originality and I was ok with it at first, but now it's just too much. It's one thing if it's one guys catch phrase, but I get the impression that every single 55-year old white dude who says it feels like he's the sexiest, most street-cred laden dude ever. It's the College Football Talking Head verbal equivalent of the white-man's-overbite in tandem with the shoulder bob. It's just time to stop. If you use it, and you shouldn't, just don't think you're hip.

The worst instantiation of this dope slang is the elusive and horrific, "...hung half a hundred on them" in reference to a team scoring 50 points.

While I'm griping, I also really hate when an intereception is referred to as "a pick". It's fine to say, "that pass was picked off" but not, "Eli just threw a pick", "He's got 17 touchdown passes and only 1 pick so far.", "...that pass was just picked!". I've always hated that laziness passed off as slang but it's not the worst.....

The worst? "The Pick 6". I will admit that it is a creative name for it, but I will also admit that it sucks out loud. I hate it for the similar reasons to hating the "hang half a hundred on" slang- every guy that says it thinks he's Captain Slang and is saying it for the first time and waiting to bathed with praise. Just take the time and say he ran it back. It's a horse racing term, let it stay that way. I'd even meet you halfway and be ok with "Pick AND six". I'd also be ok with it being one guy's catchphrase, but it shouldn't be the new phrase for an interception returned for a TD, and I am fearing it is.

I'm trying to set a record for youngest curmedgeon and/or youngest grumpy old man. I'd say I'm off to a good start.







I'm T.R. Slyder, and that's how you Tangueray.