The Most Important News Possible: Michael Jackson Inspired Milton Bradley

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Wow. Check it out here. This is probably the least necessary article of all time.

It also contains one of the best lines ever to take out of context:

"....by the time I started understanding and realizing it as a young kid, I had the glove, I had the jacket, I did the whole "Beat It" routine for my sister's friends when they came over to the house for entertainment."


-Milton Bradley








I'm T.R. Slyder, and that's how you Tangueray.

MICHAEL JACKSON DID THE WHITE MAN'S OVERBITE!!!!!!!!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Holy Moley Buttholey!!! I don't know what to say. I clicked a link saying that Michael Jackson was dancing to R. Kelly. I really like both of them, so I thought this clip couldn't miss. In fact, to my friend The Diamond in Denver, you could argue this would be the best video clip possible (maybe if Tiger were playing golf with the picture-in-picture feature).

So I clicked it and it sucked. But it did worse than sucked. The best dancer in history did the worst dance move in history. That's right. The White Man's Overbite. It's at the 1:05 clip. I don't even know what to think now. Does he suck? Are all White Man's Overbitters good dancers?

This sucks. Don't watch it.



I'm so confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. But I'm also angry. I feel lied to. I feel like laughing. Then laughing maniacally while I cut my hair off with a knife in the mirror then cut myself and taste my own blood, then laugh more, then go cry and fall asleep. But at the same time, I also don't really care because he's a molester and was probably too muscularly relaxed to do any real dance moves.

The point is, I'm ambivalent.

United Airlines Attendant Honoring Michael Jackson

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Click here to see the innovative way one gentleman chose to mourn the loss of Michael Jackson.

By Far The Best Article About Michael Jackson I've Read Yet

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This one kinda addresses everything, and appears to be very credible.

A List of Party Favors

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Do you have what it takes to be the next Michael Jackson? I'm not talking about singing or dancing capabilities- can you handle all these?


It's similar to a Long Island Iced Tea, but with pharmaceuticals instead- I call it the MoonwalkerThriller, it's delicious.

Good Interview About Michael Jackson

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This interview is one that doesn't sugarcoat Jackson and tells it like it is- which has been all too rare in the death coverage. I hope VH1 replays their documentary on Michael Jackson that they did last year or two years ago. I think I'm the only person in the world that saw it, but it was very in-depth and really interesting.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Apple Stock Doing Well After Michael Jackson Got His Croak On

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Above is Apple's stock today (as of 2pm EST). Jackson's death has caused a downloading frenzy that has only helped Apple and Amazon, as mentioned in this article.

In other MJ news, The Sun is reporting that he died of an overdose of the morphine-like drug Demerol. I'm sure we'll be hearing much more about that in the days ahead. Primarily because the LIVE-IN DOCTOR that could not be found after Jackson's death.

Which Michael Jackson Song Will you Cry and Wap to?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

For a briefing on the Cry and Wap, click here. Otherwise, the picture above ought to provide some incite.


We're all sad Michael Jackson died. The question is, which song will you cry and wap to while missing him? I have a poll in the margin for you to provide your answer.

If you selected the "I'll Cry and Wap to Another Michael Jackson Song" option please feel free to name your song in the Comments section below

Michael Jackson Now Drinking Jesus Juice Straight From the Source

(Photography courtesy of T.R. Slyder)
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Pretty weird.

And no, I didn't even have him in my Death Pool that I'm not in but made my draft list for anyway. I should have though.

UPDATE:
Word out of heaven is that Jacko asked to see the Lindberg baby upon his entrance to heaven.

Update #2:

don't forget to use this opportunity to drop the two best Michael Jackson jokes on unsuspecting people/victims:

1) Knock Knock
Who's There?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson

2) Q: What's the difference betwixt Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson B.F.s little boys.

(Editor's note: After the jokes you may want to consider going with a 'Hi-oooo', 'Hel-LOooooo', or a simple 'OW' accompanied by a leg kick. Trust me.)

Update #3: I'm listening to Black or White right now and just heard the part where the rapping dude says "I'm not gonna spend my life being a color" Since white isn't technically a color, I guess Michael Jackson lived by that credo.

To Those Who Hate Japanese Moped Commercials Featuring Michael Jackson....

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


You won't like this video. It's a Japanese moped commercial featuring Michael Jackson. It's from when Michael was actually cool too. He went from cool,to "Bad", to kinda weird, to molesty. Again, this was from the "cool" phase.




This is the making of the video. For those of you with finely-tuned Gaydar, check out the full-force of the gayface at the 1:20 mark. He's the only gay black dancing phenom to combine the gayface with the white man's overbite at the same time. I know you read that and are thinking "Whaaat? I really doubt that." Trust me.You'll agree. I think what Einstein did for kids getting back grades, (e.g. "What? Einstein got bad grades as a kid, he turned out just fine."), Michael Jackson just did for the white man's overbite (e.g. "What? Some of the best dancer(s) in history do it! And it isn't just a white thing either, ya know.").



At first I was gonna ask you to watch the videos only once. But on second thought: Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough! Do-do-do-loo-looo-looo-looo-looo.