MICHAEL JACKSON DID THE WHITE MAN'S OVERBITE!!!!!!!!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Holy Moley Buttholey!!! I don't know what to say. I clicked a link saying that Michael Jackson was dancing to R. Kelly. I really like both of them, so I thought this clip couldn't miss. In fact, to my friend The Diamond in Denver, you could argue this would be the best video clip possible (maybe if Tiger were playing golf with the picture-in-picture feature).

So I clicked it and it sucked. But it did worse than sucked. The best dancer in history did the worst dance move in history. That's right. The White Man's Overbite. It's at the 1:05 clip. I don't even know what to think now. Does he suck? Are all White Man's Overbitters good dancers?

This sucks. Don't watch it.



I'm so confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. But I'm also angry. I feel lied to. I feel like laughing. Then laughing maniacally while I cut my hair off with a knife in the mirror then cut myself and taste my own blood, then laugh more, then go cry and fall asleep. But at the same time, I also don't really care because he's a molester and was probably too muscularly relaxed to do any real dance moves.

The point is, I'm ambivalent.

Good News Today For Sufferers of White Guilt Regarding Barack Obama

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Score a victory for white people today!

After hearing report after report about how Sen. Obama's race is likely to deter some white voters, it's pretty easy to feel some white guilt. So today when I read this article in the Chicago Sun-Times about a man in police custody after the Secret Service caught him near Obama's Chicago home with a gun, I immediately thought: I really hope this guy is not white. Yes, it's scary and you certainly hope that nothing ever happens to Michelle and the girls, but my first thought was still how awful it would make our country's state of race relations look if this were a crazy white hick.

Well, I got my wish. It wasn't a white guy! So us whitefolk dodged a white-guilt bullet today. Now let's celebrate by doing the White Man's Overbite while doing the Cabbage Patch to Brass Monkey!!!