Beavis and Butthead

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Don't expect me to hate that lookalike pairing.

Have You Ever Paid for a Prostitute, Kissed her, Then Punched her? The Sham-Wow guy has.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


That is correct. Last month in a Miami nightclub, the ShamWow guy met a chick at the bar of a nightclub where she propositioned him for prostitutey sex. He agreed to pay $1,000 for sex at his hotel. They went back to his hotel and started kissing (wtf?), and she allegedly bit his tongue and would not let go, so he started punching her until she did. Then she ran out of the hotel room and he ran after her and they were arrested in the lobby. It was also noted in the police report that the ShamWow guy is 44. He looks kinda like Tucker from There's Something About Mary, once he is dressed in his pizza delivery guy attire.

I'm not even going to make any kind of "wow!" related joke here, but a few things warrant mentioning. 1) Who kisses prostitutes? Isn't that part of the reason you are paying for it? That and so she'll leave right away. 2) How pissed off would you be if you broke down and paid for sex, then realized that she was crazy and you were faced with the decision of punching her repeatedly or losing your tongue? Especially if you're fairly famous. 3) What was the prostitute hoping to gain by not letting his tongue go? 4) What the fuck happened to this guy because he looks much worse for the wear than she does. I'd like to think if I initiated a punching competition with a woman and "repeatedly punched" her, she'd have a jacked-up face. 5) Did you notice how my headline was, technically, a trick question? 6) Hi-OOOO.


7) more like "ShameWow". 8) I guess I kinda lied in the first paragraph's first sentence.



UPDATE:



This is the actual mugshot of her. I guess the other pic was her, but from a prior arrest. Hey ShameWow guy, what do you tell a hooker with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice! The facial expression in the pic on the right really sums up an overall bad night for both of them.

Updated: The Best Invention Possible: Snuggie + ShamWow= The SnugWow

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


If you could make a Snuggie out of ShamWow material, it would be not only the best invention of all time, but I think the best invention possible.

No matter what you spill, you will never have to get up to get paper towels. In fact, you wouldn't even have to get up to use the restroom.

Why didn't you think of that? Anyway, you are welcome.


UPDATE:

Another "invention" that needs to happen is making Swiffer socks. I guess you could just be ghetto and tape Swiffers to the bottom of your shoes and walk around, but it would feel much more refined, if you could either buy foot-shaped Swiffer pads, or if they came with laces on them.