If God is so Good, Why Is Mark Brunell Brizoke?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


Ex-NFL QB Mark Brunell filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy.

A few years ago my friend, while working for a high-end suit company, was at a store when Mark Brunell came in and my friend was dealing with him. He said Brunell is as Jesus-tastic as one can be, and uses his perceived position with god to be an a-hole. My friend, who had zero reason to lie to me, told me this years ago and said that Brunell was 1. just a prick, and 2. would bless people. Like literally make the sign of the cross and act like he was bestowing some sacred gift upon them. It seemed like Brunell himself felt Christ-like and was gifting everyone with his sanctity- whether they wanted it or not. My friend it was condescending, unwelcome, creepy, annoying, unintelligent and just plain rude and annoying. Apparently everyone there found his pious philanthropy to be selfish and just making a scene and was acting like the most annoying Bishop of all time.

Apparently he forgot to bless his bank account. It makes one wonder why Jesus doesn't bankrupt every non-believer. Or why, if Mark Brunell truly did have a hotline to God as he seemed to feel he did, does he have zero legacy in the NFL.

How about this Brunell, how about anyone with an asset/debt ratio of LESS than NEGATIVE $19.2 mil, blesses YOU instead of you blessing them. Because, let's face it, Jesus obvious likes that person a lot more than he likes you. But if/when Brunell meets someone with debts of $19.201 or higher, he is then allowed to bless them.

Thanks for coming out, Mark.






That's how I roll.

Thanks for Comin out, Illinois

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


Quick history lesson: Politicians used to be old, successful retirees who used their battle-tested-and-proven wisdom to steer the less-accomplished populace in the right direction. This is how our first few presidents got elected. They achieved, their achievements were recognized and appreciated, and that carried them to office. Our elected officials were kinda like what a company's Board of Directors looks like now: old, accomplished dudes showing the way.

Fast forward to June of 2010 in Illinois's Senate race. In the Republican corner we have Mark Kirk, who is known as the guy who lied about his accomplishments in the Navy. Not particularly classy coming out of the party voted Most Likely to War-Monger in their high school yearbook.

His opponent: Alexi Giannoulias, who is known as the guy who ran his father's bank into the ground when he was in charge of lending, totally shit the bed, quit, and the bank collapsed, partially under the weight of Alexi's poor performance. Now he wants to represent me.

Isn't this the exact OPPOSITE of what politics is supposed to be? Someone who failed to achieve a lot who resorted to lying, pitted against a proven private-sector failure.

Gotta love a bi-partisan system. And to think, I used to wonder why our country has gone to shit.









That's how I roll.

I tell you what else pisses me off: Perceived News

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter



The worst type of headline by far is the type that asks whether or not we should be outraged: "Were Glenn Beck's Comments Sexist?" or "Is that Billboard Offensive?". If you are not totally totally outraged within .0005 seconds of hearing it, it isn't shocking or offensive. Outrage is never the result of sitting around like Rodin's Thinker then, in light of all the evidence you have weighed, you are outraged and offended.

What these headlines are really announcing is, 'Slow News Day!' or, 'We're trying to make a scandal for you, America, but we just don't have the materials. Stay tuned!'. It's petty, it's lazy and it isn't a story. It's like a fat lady in bikini, we know what you're wanting to do, but you don't have the goods necessary to do so, let's go with Plan B.

The headline I hate the second most, I'd categorize under then heading of, "uhhh, I don't know. Everyone is talking about him/her/then, so I thought I'd put them in a headline". Case in point: That missing Jonas Brother, Justin Bieber.

Today the Huffington Post had a story that I didn't click on called something like, "6 Justin Bieber Quotes That Remind us he is Still a kid". My first reaction was to be insulted that my home page's editor assumed that I sit back and 1) think about that guy and, 2) while I am thinking about him I think, "man, it seemed like yesterday he was a squeeky-voiced, annoying corporate automaton with a laughable hair(non)cut trying to sell black music to white girls and who seems to be all over Twitter and everywhere else. But now he is so grown up and adult-like. I guess I should just admit he's a grown man now. Doesn't he have a PhD or something? Wait, is he older than me??"

There is no way anyone at the Huffington Post cares about that guy. And they should be positive zero of their readers do too. Their editor got lazy again and thought, "Well, I mean his name is everywhere. I guess we'll put him on our page."

Stop. That kinda thinking is the difference between him being another, predictable, dispensable, cyclically-occurring, and a media sensation. As soon as there is a void in the tween demograhic someone will fill the void- New Kids on the Block, NSync, Backstreet Boys, Hanson, Justin Timberlake, Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, etc. There is never a vacuum because that's Disney money out the window. There is always one, and it's currently his time for another two years.

It's like the Ecuadorian president. Sure we know there is one at all times, and I'm sure people closest to there find it to be a big deal, but that doesn't mean I need to start caring. The HuffPo got lazy and said, "well we don't care. And you probably don't, but if you do, here's some stuff on this annoying guy your daughter screams over." I don't call that news.

The job of a newspaper is to say, "Hey guy on the street. While you were working we searched around and unearthed this story. You will want to read it because it affects you and you'll be better for this knowledge." not, "Hey, here's this lame-o story. If you care. I mean,I don't personally care, but you might cuz everyone's talking about it. I don't know."

That's called Infotainment and it makes our country dumber. You know how our country's kids are stupid and so are nearly all adults? That kinda crap is why.







That's how I roll.

Kobe or LeBron? or Jordan? Answer that question and you are dumb

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


The Kobe or Lebron debate needs to stop. Not just because I think one player is clearly better and it isn't a discussion, but because the discussion is pointless.

Who cares? Even if you could theoretically "win" that debate and convince your fellow arguer that one of the two is better, what have you gained?

If I could go to a lab and prove objectively that one is better than the other, then broadcast my findings to the world, ending all debate on that topic forever, how would your life be different tomorrow?

Would LeBron or Kobe's life be any different as a result? No.

Everyone loves talking about it. Problem is, no one likes listening to it. Do any of your friends ever say, "Shhh shhhh shhh, guys shut up! Matt Weiner and Linda Cohn are arguing about whether LeBron is better than Kobe!"? or, "I'm going to bed. Wake me up if someone debates LeBron vs. Kobe. See you in the morning."

Ditto for Jordan talks. That guy's name is on Sports Center every single time I watch it (which is about never, I'm not a masochist). For what? It's a lazy reference.

You are journalists. If you think Kobe is historically great, tell us that and explain your rationale and give us some statistics. Don't lazily say, "Is Kobe better than Jordan?". Do your job as a journalist, do some research, break down some salient points and articulate them cleverly for us the reading consumers.

Then tackle important debate topics like: Hot dog vs. hamburger, mustard vs. ketchup, chocolate vs. vanilla and dogs vs. cats. And please hurry. I am absolutely dying to hear all of your opinions on such pressing, fact-based debates.








That's how I roll.

The Worst News Headline That I see Every Week

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I've sounded off before about the "duh" nature of the commonly seen, "Middle East Peace Talks Fail", but that at least is news with some merit, even if it is predictable. But there is a new headline that I've been seeing more and more of that is as inane as it is, self-perpetuating.

"Oldest Person In the World Dies"

Who the fuck is going to care about that? No one knows or cares who the current oldest living person is, so who is going to care when they die? Furthermore, what could be less surprising news? Why not just say, "Most likely person to die, dies"? or, "Most Predictable Death Possible Occurs"?

Is the well-being of the oldest living person really anyone's hot-button topic? We all know someone who has a specific thing they look for in the newspaper- Sports, Obituaries, comics, political news, real estate news, the stock prices, etc. Is anyone's primary concern, or intellectual curiousity really how the oldest person in the world is doing?

Why just people? Why stop there? How about headlines like, "Most dilapidated old barn in Indiana collapses", "Makeshift tree fort made in the 1970's that has been rotting and ignored since 1978 finally falls apart", or "Worlds oldest newspaper clipping so yellow and crinkley that it's unreadable", or "World's oldest transistor radio stops working"? Why aren't those newsworthy?

Short of a scientific or mathematical certainty, what could possibly be more predictable/less surprising/less news worthy than "Oldest Person In the World Dies"? Is that appreciably more entertainingg or surprising than, "Ball Thrown Upward, Lands"?

And besides, it's called the news not the olds. HELLO-OOOOO.

43 things I don't care about that the media wants me to care about.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


1. octomom
2. regis philbin
3. zach braff
4. paris hilton
5. american idol
6. dancing with the stars
7. shows about fantasy sports
8. what was just said on "The View"
9. what was just said on a has-been celebrity's blog
10. which media personalities and/or celebrities are on twitter
11. Angelina adopting foreigner kids
12. Madonna adopting foreigner kids
13. Where Cayleigh is
14. How Valerie Bertenelli is less obese now
15. Lindsay Lohan
16. AIG
17. D.L. Hughley
18. Award Ceremonies
19. The political opinions of people who play make believe for a living (i.e. actors)
20. Brett Favre
21. Terrell Owens
22. Alex Rodriguez
23. The Yankees
24. Yankees-Red Sox rivalry
25. Dick Vitale's screaming
26. Anything Chris Matthews Screams or Says
27. Anything pro-democratic party on MSNBC
28. Anything anti-Republican Party on MSNBC
29. Anything pro-Republican Party on FoxNews
30 Anything anti-Democratic party on FoxNews
31. Any elimination-style dating reality show where the grand prize is a next-time- won't you-sing- with-me list celebrity.

32. Any diet that bears the name "Rachel Ray" (seriously I see an advert for that on every website)
33. Scientology
34. Glenn Beck
35. Spencer and Heidi (though that has mercifully quieted down lately)
36. Anything written or spoken by Rick Reilly
37. " " John McCain's daughter
38. " " Jamele Hill
39. Jay Leno's monologue
40.Anytime a CNN or any newdesk anchor reads any reader comments, emails, tweets, etc.
41. Any CNN, MSNBC, Headline News, ESPN or any other show where there are more then three people talking at once live via satellite.
42. How Kanye West acted weirdly
43. Ashton Kutcher

To be continuned (probably)....


UPDATE: 44. Jamie Foxx and 45. Wanda Sykes too. Can't believe I forget them.

How To Maintain Your Title As Stupidest Player In Major League Baseball

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


If a baseball player wears a huge plastic elbow pad and then gets hit on that pad, he doesn't have the right to become enraged. That's why you have the pad- so you can get hit and it won't hurt. On Friday night Gary Sheffield got hit on his elbow pad by Indian pitcher Fausto Carmona, and proceeded to do what he does best- get angry. Sheffield half-heartedly attempted to get out of the way, and coincidentally, got hit in the only place where he has a pad- on his elbow. Let's not forget Sheffield is a professional athlete and great baseball player, if he wanted to avoid the ball entirely, he easily could have. He intentionally had his elbow lag behind so he could get plunked on his pad where it won't hurt, and take first base. Conversely, Carmona is an All-Star pitcher; if he wanted to hit Sheffield with a ball that he couldn't get out of the way from, he definitely could. Carmona didn't hit Sheffield on purpose, in fact the opposite is true; Sheffield let the ball hit him on purpose. Yet he still got angry.

Gary Sheffield you've done it again. Not content to be merely the stupidest player in baseball, you've somehow put more distance between yourself and the person at #2. Somewhere Kyle Farnsworth is plotting his next to move to inch closer to Sheffield for the top spot.



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