I tell you what else pisses me off: Perceived News

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter



The worst type of headline by far is the type that asks whether or not we should be outraged: "Were Glenn Beck's Comments Sexist?" or "Is that Billboard Offensive?". If you are not totally totally outraged within .0005 seconds of hearing it, it isn't shocking or offensive. Outrage is never the result of sitting around like Rodin's Thinker then, in light of all the evidence you have weighed, you are outraged and offended.

What these headlines are really announcing is, 'Slow News Day!' or, 'We're trying to make a scandal for you, America, but we just don't have the materials. Stay tuned!'. It's petty, it's lazy and it isn't a story. It's like a fat lady in bikini, we know what you're wanting to do, but you don't have the goods necessary to do so, let's go with Plan B.

The headline I hate the second most, I'd categorize under then heading of, "uhhh, I don't know. Everyone is talking about him/her/then, so I thought I'd put them in a headline". Case in point: That missing Jonas Brother, Justin Bieber.

Today the Huffington Post had a story that I didn't click on called something like, "6 Justin Bieber Quotes That Remind us he is Still a kid". My first reaction was to be insulted that my home page's editor assumed that I sit back and 1) think about that guy and, 2) while I am thinking about him I think, "man, it seemed like yesterday he was a squeeky-voiced, annoying corporate automaton with a laughable hair(non)cut trying to sell black music to white girls and who seems to be all over Twitter and everywhere else. But now he is so grown up and adult-like. I guess I should just admit he's a grown man now. Doesn't he have a PhD or something? Wait, is he older than me??"

There is no way anyone at the Huffington Post cares about that guy. And they should be positive zero of their readers do too. Their editor got lazy again and thought, "Well, I mean his name is everywhere. I guess we'll put him on our page."

Stop. That kinda thinking is the difference between him being another, predictable, dispensable, cyclically-occurring, and a media sensation. As soon as there is a void in the tween demograhic someone will fill the void- New Kids on the Block, NSync, Backstreet Boys, Hanson, Justin Timberlake, Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, etc. There is never a vacuum because that's Disney money out the window. There is always one, and it's currently his time for another two years.

It's like the Ecuadorian president. Sure we know there is one at all times, and I'm sure people closest to there find it to be a big deal, but that doesn't mean I need to start caring. The HuffPo got lazy and said, "well we don't care. And you probably don't, but if you do, here's some stuff on this annoying guy your daughter screams over." I don't call that news.

The job of a newspaper is to say, "Hey guy on the street. While you were working we searched around and unearthed this story. You will want to read it because it affects you and you'll be better for this knowledge." not, "Hey, here's this lame-o story. If you care. I mean,I don't personally care, but you might cuz everyone's talking about it. I don't know."

That's called Infotainment and it makes our country dumber. You know how our country's kids are stupid and so are nearly all adults? That kinda crap is why.







That's how I roll.

Two Ideas for ORIGINAL News Talk Shows

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


A lot of stuff sucks and daytime news television is among them. One of the biggest problems is that they are all the same- every show from 12 until 6 on ESPN is the exact same. Same is true for the time slots on CNN, MSNBC and Fox News. Same topics, same/similar guests. As Donna Brazille recently said, daytime news needs more stories and less pundits out scoring points everyday for their respective teams (i.e. political party). I have two ideas.

1) Have a show called News You Didn't Hear Yet Today. If that show were to air here is what it would not talk about today- The oil spill, don't ask don't tell, Immigration legislation, Bipartisan failures. Even ESPN could use this. Instead of recapping last night's games, predicting tonight's games, talking about the latest scandal then in a moment of failed levity talking about pop culture they could actually, oh, I don't know, unearth a story. Not in that lame-o Human Interesty way that ESPN360 tries to do. Talk about the sports that don't get coverage- horse racing, tennis, soccer, iditarod, cycling or any college sport other than baseball or basketball.

I feel like my learning curve for television watching really flattens out about after 19 minutes of daytime tv. Why would I watch Dylan Ratigan, Chris Matthews, then Ed Shulz on MSNBC? they're the same show. What are you laughing at FoxNews? You do the same exact thing.

2) A news show that interviews regular citizens and allows them to discuss how current stories affect them. It could maybe be kinda like Larry King, but with less softball type questions. Like if Rachel Maddow sat in for Larry King one night. I wouldn't even mind if they talked about all the rehashed topics listed above- it would at least be something I wouldn't tune out. I enjoy hearing fisherman in the Gulf tell their stories about how the spill affects their lives. They could interview people affected by the proposed Arizona immigration legislation, people affected by don't ask don't tell, the new health care, etc.

I'd rather hear it from them than I would from Wolffe, Dick on Countdown with Keith Olbermann telling me how this will affect real citizens. Here's an idea- forget the wussy, and just interview the real citizens. Seriously, that guy is on at least 14 times a week.

With all of this punditry going on today, it's hard to take people at their word. They are either trying to score points for their team, score points with the host so they can be back again to promote their new book, or trying to be outlandish for the sake of self-promotion. Most startlingly, they could actually be telling the truth this time. We just don't know. Ordinary citizens would still probably do that to some extent, but much less so.

Oh and get rid of Rick Sanchez on CNN. Holy Moly Buttholey is that guy unwatchable. His ratio of people he's drunkenly murdered vehicularly to minutes I have enjoyed his show is: 1:0. The ideal ration would closer to 0:400.





That's how I roll.

when news isn't news

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

I think I've posted this before but it bears repeating.

When the world's oldest person dies it is NOT news.

Huffington Post, this is news I cannot use. How are they not the most likely person in the world to die? And it isn't like I knew anything about the old person, either. What the headline really says is, "The most predictible thing imaginable happened on the other side of the world to someone you have never heard of."

It's almost as non-newsy as the headline, "middle east peace talks fail". You know what media? We EXPECT that.

However, there is one circumstance I would find the death of the world's most likely person to die newsworthy: If it was foretold by the death cat!!! Dun Dun dunnnnn!!!!!!






That's how I roll.

My Kinda Woman: Update

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, AndyDisco on Twitter

Remember when I posted this awesome video of a news anchorwoman swearing when she thought she was at a commercial break?



She was back in the news today because she said she used to drink before newscasts in the '80s. She's like a female Ron Burgundy, and still my kinda woman (but was even moreso in the '80s.)








That's how I roll.

My Kinda Woman

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, AndyDisco on Twitter

This contains the f-word, so it's probably NSFW but this made me laugh so hard I teared up. You just have to watch and listen.










That's how I roll.

A Shoutout to Myself

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, AndyDisco on Twitter

After reading about the California Wildfires I was thinking about that's just something we should assume is always the case- like violence in the middle east or drama with Jon and Kate and Brett Favre.

Please note the third paragraph in my posting from 12/08.








I'm T.R. Slyder, and that's how you Tangueray.

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!: Israel and Hamas Still Are Not Getting Along!!!!!!!!!!!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I don't find the Israeli/Hamas conflict to be funny in any way. But I do find it funny that the media expects me to jump out of my seat and convulse with shock that they're feuding again.

Let's think about the word "News". The root word here is "new". In fact, "the news" is the polar opposite of "the olds". So when something happens, that is literally one of "the news". If I were to report that I am respirating, books have words, or that squid continue to live in the ocean, that would fall under the category of "the olds". We already knew that.

When Hamas and Isreal are at odds with one another, or a peace accord is broken, or one bombs the other, that is literally not "news". That's "olds". Other similar such pseudo-news: California wildfires, The Cubs come up short in October, Tom Cruise acts bizarrely, the San Diego forecast looks sunny, etc. I am familar with what a "slow news day" is and how it can affect the news coverage that day, but lets try to remember what the word "news" actually means.