Big Brown Retires in Predictibly Poontang-ish Fashion

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Big Brown was retired today after allegedly suffering an injury during a workout. This comes as no surprise to anyone familiar with Big Brown's bizarrely handled racing career. Since Big Brown's loss in the Belmont Stakes, the much-hyped Big Brown has avoided any race featuring a race horse with any chance to beat him. Big Brown is like the Kimbo Slice of horse racing, if Kimbo Slice were to have fought only 11-year old girls then retired before ever fighting a legitimate fighter.

You might say, "Wait a minute, he won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, for crying out loud." And you would be right, but the competition in those two races was at near all-time-low levels. Admittedly, that's not the fault of Big Brown, but it detracts from his achievement all the same. Secondly, with the advent of increased synthetic and polytrack surfaces, several horses were entering the KY Derby having hardly ever raced on dirt before. Not only was Big Brown's Derby and Preakness competition historically weak, but the weak horses were also racing on what was to them, a new surface. In none of the previous 133 Kentucky Derbys were any horses unfamilar with a dirt surface.

The timing of the "injury" and subsequent retirement are especially conspicuous. Big Brown was scheduled to appear in the Breeder's Cup Classic in two weeks, which is unquestionably the most competitive horse race in the United States, and arguably in the world. To revert back to the Slice analogy, that's like Kimbo Slice beating up on 11 year old girls, then telling the press he's sick of the rumors about fighting pushover opponents and announcing his plans to fight the best fighter available. Then two weeks before his first real fight of his career, he gets injured and retires. Real shocking shit, Big Brown.

In an attempt to preserve Big Brown's "legacy", his (greaseball) owner and (sleazeball) trainer, have done a disservice to race fans and to their horse. He will be remembered as a tremendous talent who was managed by two assholes, who never picked on anyone his own size, much less, beat them.