All the Info on Hiroki Kuroda You Could Ever Want

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This chart can be found here as well and is a bit easier to read there.

2008 Pitching Splits
Overall	ERA	W	L	SV	SVO	G	GS	CG	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	AVG
Total	3.73	9	10	0	0	31	31	2	183.1	181	85	76	13	42	116	.253
As Starter	3.73	9	10	0	0	31	31	2	183.1	181	85	76	13	42	116	.253
Opponent Batting	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	HBP	SO	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
Total	715	85	181	35	1	13	76	42	7	116	7	2	.253	.296	.359	.656
By Breakdown	ERA	W	L	SV	SVO	G	GS	CG	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	AVG
Home	3.68	6	2	0	0	14	14	2	88.0	81	38	36	6	14	62	.241
Away	3.78	3	8	0	0	17	17	0	95.1	100	47	40	7	28	54	.264
Day	4.42	0	4	0	0	7	7	0	38.2	38	21	19	4	14	26	.242
Night	3.55	9	6	0	0	24	24	2	144.2	143	64	57	9	28	90	.256
Dome	4.50	1	1	0	0	3	3	0	14.0	17	10	7	0	3	6	.298
Open	3.67	8	9	0	0	28	28	2	169.1	164	75	69	13	39	110	.249
Grass	3.73	9	10	0	0	31	31	2	183.1	181	85	76	13	42	116	.253
Right / Left	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	HBP	SO	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
vs. Left	361	0	94	23	0	9	45	22	3	43	4	2	.260	.304	.399	.703
vs. Right	354	85	87	12	1	4	31	20	4	73	3	0	.246	.288	.319	.608
By Day/Month	ERA	W	L	SV	SVO	G	GS	CG	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	AVG
July	5.24	2	2	0	0	6	6	1	34.1	39	21	20	1	4	19	.281
August	2.29	2	2	0	0	6	6	0	39.1	26	12	10	2	6	29	.186
September	2.96	2	0	0	0	5	5	0	27.1	32	9	9	1	5	18	.294
Last 7 Days	0.00	0	0	0	0	1	1	0	5.0	2	0	0	0	0	3	.111
April	3.82	1	2	0	0	5	5	0	30.2	35	15	13	3	8	16	.278
May	2.87	1	2	0	0	6	6	0	37.2	33	16	12	2	13	21	.228
June	7.71	1	2	0	0	3	3	1	14.0	16	12	12	4	6	13	.286
Post-All Star	4.14	4	4	0	0	14	14	0	78.1	84	39	36	3	13	54	.271
Pre-All Star	3.43	5	6	0	0	17	17	2	105.0	97	46	40	10	29	62	.240
By Opponent	ERA	W	L	SV	SVO	G	GS	CG	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	AVG
vs. PHI	1.39	1	0	0	0	2	2	0	13.0	4	2	2	0	2	12	.095
vs. CHC	0.59	1	1	0	0	2	2	1	15.1	11	2	1	0	3	14	.204
vs.LAA	4.26	0	1	0	0	1	1	0	6.1	7	4	3	0	2	5	.259
vs. ATL	1.20	1	1	0	0	2	2	1	15.0	8	2	2	1	4	10	.148
vs. CIN	2.25	1	0	0	0	1	1	0	8.0	5	2	2	0	2	3	.192
vs. HOU	0.66	1	0	0	0	2	2	0	13.2	6	1	1	0	4	6	.133
vs. NYM	12.00	0	1	0	0	2	2	0	6.0	15	10	8	3	5	1	.441
vs. PIT	2.08	1	0	0	0	2	2	0	13.0	10	3	3	1	1	4	.213
vs. SDG	5.66	2	1	0	0	4	4	0	20.2	27	13	13	4	7	14	.318
vs. SFO	4.79	0	1	0	0	4	4	0	20.2	27	11	11	0	3	14	.310
vs. COL	7.00	0	2	0	0	3	3	0	18.0	24	14	14	1	4	9	.320
vs. FLA	3.95	0	0	0	0	2	2	0	13.2	12	6	6	2	1	9	.226
vs. ARI	4.50	1	2	0	0	4	4	0	20.0	25	15	10	1	4	15	.291
By Stadium	ERA	W	L	SV	SVO	G	GS	CG	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	AVG
Dodger Stadium	3.68	6	2	0	0	14	14	2	88.0	81	38	36	6	14	62	.241
Dolphin Stadium	3.86	0	0	0	0	1	1	0	7.0	5	3	3	1	0	4	.185
Citizens Bank Park	1.50	0	0	0	0	1	1	0	6.0	2	1	1	0	2	5	.100
Chase Field	6.40	0	2	0	0	3	3	0	12.2	21	14	9	0	4	9	.356
Minute Maid Park	0.00	1	0	0	0	1	1	0	7.0	5	0	0	0	1	1	.208
Wrigley Field	1.42	0	1	0	0	1	1	0	6.1	7	2	1	0	3	3	.280
Shea Stadium	20.25	0	1	0	0	1	1	0	2.2	7	6	6	2	2	0	.467
Turner Field	3.00	0	1	0	0	1	1	0	6.0	7	2	2	1	4	4	.269
Angel Stadium	4.26	0	1	0	0	1	1	0	6.1	7	4	3	0	2	5	.259
Coors Field	7.50	0	1	0	0	1	1	0	6.0	9	5	5	0	1	4	.333
PNC Park	0.00	1	0	0	0	1	1	0	7.0	3	0	0	0	1	2	.136
AT&T Park	0.69	0	0	0	0	2	2	0	13.0	10	1	1	0	2	7	.213
PETCO Park	5.28	1	1	0	0	3	3	0	15.1	17	9	9	3	6	10	.283
By Count	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	HBP	SO	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
Count 0-2	54	0	10	1	0	0	4	0	2	26	1	0	.185	.211	.204	.414
Count 1-0	62	0	21	6	0	3	12	0	0	0	2	1	.339	.328	.581	.909
3-1 Count	9	0	3	1	0	1	2	9	0	0	0	0	.333	.667	.778	1.444
After 0-1	345	0	78	16	0	3	26	7	5	78	4	0	.226	.249	.299	.548
After 2-2	147	0	34	9	0	1	13	12	0	40	1	0	.231	.288	.313	.600
Count 0-1	67	0	13	1	0	1	3	0	3	0	0	0	.194	.225	.254	.479
Count 1-1	77	0	22	4	0	0	8	0	0	0	0	0	.286	.282	.338	.620
Count 1-2	96	0	14	1	0	2	9	0	0	46	0	0	.146	.146	.219	.365
Count 2-0	23	0	9	0	0	1	2	0	0	0	0	0	.391	.391	.522	.913
Count 2-1	55	0	17	6	0	1	6	0	0	0	2	0	.309	.304	.473	.776
Count 2-2	115	0	27	6	0	1	7	0	0	33	2	0	.235	.233	.313	.546
3-0 Count	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	13	0	0	0	0	.000	.867	.000	.867
Count 3-2	48	0	9	4	0	0	7	20	0	11	0	1	.188	.426	.271	.697
Count 0-0	107	85	36	5	1	3	16	0	2	0	0	0	.336	.333	.486	.819
After 0-2	137	0	32	8	0	1	12	4	2	54	2	0	.234	.264	.314	.578
After 1-0	263	0	67	14	0	7	34	35	0	38	3	2	.255	.339	.388	.727
After 1-1	263	0	56	11	0	2	24	14	0	54	2	0	.213	.250	.278	.528
After 1-2	193	0	39	9	0	3	14	5	0	72	1	0	.202	.222	.295	.518
After 2-0	79	0	23	4	0	3	9	24	0	8	0	1	.291	.456	.456	.912
After 2-1	120	0	28	8	0	1	15	14	0	17	2	1	.233	.309	.325	.634
After (3-0)	11	0	3	1	0	1	2	22	0	1	0	0	.273	.758	.636	1.394
After (3-1)	24	0	5	2	0	1	3	16	0	4	0	1	.208	.525	.417	.942
After 3-2	48	0	9	4	0	0	7	19	0	11	0	1	.188	.418	.271	.689
By Batting Order	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	HBP	SO	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
Batting #1	96	0	25	6	0	2	9	3	0	11	1	0	.260	.280	.385	.665
Batting #2	90	0	24	1	1	1	6	2	1	19	0	0	.267	.284	.333	.618
Batting #3	84	0	24	4	0	3	14	5	1	9	1	1	.286	.326	.440	.767
Batting #4	80	0	23	8	0	3	14	5	2	12	2	0	.288	.341	.500	.841
Batting #5	76	0	17	4	0	0	9	9	1	13	1	1	.224	.314	.276	.590
Batting #7	74	0	17	6	0	2	6	5	1	14	0	0	.230	.288	.392	.679
Batting #8	72	0	21	2	0	1	7	6	0	10	1	0	.292	.346	.361	.707
Batting #9	65	0	11	2	0	0	3	3	0	18	0	0	.169	.192	.200	.392
Batting #6	78	0	19	2	0	1	8	4	1	10	1	0	.244	.286	.308	.593
By Situation	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	HBP	SO	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
None On, 1/2 out	242	7	54	11	0	3	3	10	3	43	0	0	.223	.263	.306	.569
None On	430	7	99	22	1	7	7	16	5	81	0	0	.230	.266	.335	.601
On Second	53	14	11	3	0	0	8	7	1	8	1	0	.208	.306	.264	.571
On Third	22	5	6	1	0	0	8	4	0	3	0	0	.273	.370	.318	.689
First and Second	46	25	9	2	0	0	7	1	0	5	0	0	.196	.208	.239	.447
First and Third	22	4	7	1	0	1	17	1	1	3	2	0	.318	.333	.500	.833
Lead Off Inning	183	0	44	11	1	3	3	6	1	36	0	0	.240	.268	.361	.629
Second and Third	6	8	2	0	0	0	5	4	0	1	0	0	.333	.545	.333	.879
Bases Loaded	15	8	4	0	0	0	10	2	0	4	0	0	.267	.353	.267	.620
Scoring Posn, 2 out	76	62	20	4	0	0	24	11	0	15	1	0	.263	.356	.316	.672
None On/Out	188	0	45	11	1	4	4	6	2	38	0	0	.239	.270	.372	.643
Close and Late	37	3	10	2	0	0	3	5	0	3	0	0	.270	.349	.324	.673
Runners On	285	78	82	13	0	6	69	26	2	35	7	2	.288	.338	.396	.735
Scoring Position	164	64	39	7	0	1	55	19	2	24	3	0	.238	.313	.299	.611
By Inning / Pitches	AB	R	H	2B	3B	HR	RBI	BB	HBP	SO	SB	CS	AVG	OBP	SLG	OPS
Pitches 1-15	113	18	28	3	0	3	9	1	1	16	2	0	.248	.261	.354	.615
Pitches 16-30	117	16	26	3	1	1	14	10	1	18	0	0	.222	.287	.291	.577
Pitches 31-45	119	14	30	7	0	3	10	4	0	19	1	1	.252	.270	.387	.656
Pitches 46-60	123	17	33	8	0	3	22	9	5	17	1	1	.268	.341	.407	.747
Pitches 61-75	104	10	32	9	0	1	10	7	0	18	2	0	.308	.336	.423	.759
Inning 1	126	18	33	2	0	3	17	5	1	17	2	0	.262	.295	.349	.645
Inning 4-6	290	31	79	18	0	5	28	12	3	53	2	2	.272	.301	.386	.687
Inning 7-9	69	6	13	3	0	0	3	5	0	12	0	0	.188	.240	.232	.472
Pitches 76-90	92	9	20	3	0	2	7	5	0	19	1	0	.217	.253	.315	.568
Pitches 91-105	39	1	11	2	0	0	2	5	0	7	0	0	.282	.364	.333	.697
Pitches 106-120	8	0	1	0	0	0	2	1	0	2	0	0	.125	.222	.125	.347
Inning 1-3	356	48	89	14	1	8	45	25	4	51	5	0	.250	.303	.362	.666

Glossary Groundball - results vs. "groundball pitchers." Groundball pitchers defined as such before the season begins based on the past five year's performance. A groundball/flyball ratio of less than 1.0 classifies one as a flyball pitcher. A ratio of greater than 1.5 classifies one as a groundball pitcher. All others are neutral. Flyball - results vs. flyball pitchers. Average G:F - results vs. a pitcher classifed as neither a groundball or flyball pitcher. Finesse - results vs. "finesse" pitchers. Finesse pitchers defined as such before the season begins based on the past five year's performance. If the pitcher's BB+SO/IP is less than 0.93, he is classified as "finesse." If it's greater than 1.13, he's classified as "power." All others are neutral. Power - results vs. "power" pitchers. Average F:P - results vs. a pitcher classified as neither a finesse or power pitcher. Close And Late - results in the 7th inning or later with the batting team either ahead by one run, tied or with the potential tying run at least on deck.

Stats provided by STATS LLC

More Fun With The Names of Dodgers Pitchers

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Tonight L.A. trots out Hiroki Kuroda.

I can't help but think how it sounds like the Napolean Dynamite coined word "decroted". As in, "Why don't you go eat a decorted piece of CRAP?" (far right, 5th from top)

Well tonight the Cubs are gonna eat a Kuroda piece of crap. They eat pieces of crap like Kuroda for breakfast.

Dumber Ass: O.J. Simpson or Lawrence Phillips?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


It looks like we filled up the backfield for the All-Time Dumbass Football Team.

Both morons were in legal news today. O.J. was convicted for the 1994 murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman armed robbery, among other things and Lawrence Phillips was sentenced to 10 years in the hooey for armed robbery.

What I learned from all of this is that it's not a very good idea to punch a woman, drive a car onto a football and hit three kids, murder your ex-wife and her friend, or to commit armed robbery while being audio-taped. These are all innocent mistakes we make all the time without even thinking about them. But I hope their convictions make people stop and think about them now. I know I sure will.

One final thought: This conviction makes me question 2Pac's psychic ability. I gave him a free pass for not seeing his drive-by demise coming, but in the song "Picture Me Rollin'" he declares himself "Free like O.J., all day.". This really changes things for me.

Just to Recap: Schoolhouse Rock's I'm Just a Bill

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Don't be proud, we all could use some brushing up on our political process. Check it out.






See how your Congressmen voted on Friday's Bailout Bill HR 1424

Overview of the Earmarks in HR 1424

See who voted no on the first Bailout Bill, HR 3997

The Bailout Bill, HR Bill 1424, Passes in the House: See How Your Congressmen Voted Here

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


About time. It passed 263 to 171, I'll try to get the names of the 171 House Reps. whose mother's drank while pregnant with them.

UPDATE: The votes of each House Rep. can be found here.

Here are the Nay Votes from Senate (copied from here), in alphabetical order, The Asses are as follows:

1. Sen. Wayne Allard [R, CO]
2. Sen. John Barrasso [R, WY]
3. Sen. Samuel Brownback [R, KS]
4. Sen. Jim Bunning [R, KY]
5. Sen. Maria Cantwell [D, WA]
6. Sen. Thad Cochran [R, MS]
7. Sen. Michael Crapo [R, ID]
8. Sen. Jim DeMint [R, SC]
9. Sen. Elizabeth Dole [R, NC]
10. Sen. Byron Dorgan [D, ND]
11. Sen. Michael Enzi [R, WY]
12. Sen. Russell Feingold [D, WI]
13. Sen. James Inhofe [R, OK]
14. Sen. Tim Johnson [D, SD]
15. Sen. Mary Landrieu [D, LA]
16 Sen. Bill Nelson [D, FL]
17. Sen. Pat Roberts [R, KS]
18. Sen. Bernard Sanders [I, VT]
19. Sen. Jefferson Sessions [R, AL]
20. Sen. Richard Shelby [R, AL]
21. Sen. Debbie Ann Stabenow [D, MI]
22. Sen. Jon Tester [D, MT]
23. Sen. David Vitter [R, LA]
24. Rep. Roger Wicker [R, MS-1]
25. Sen. Ron Wyden [D, OR] <------ Benefited from the Bow and Arrow earmark. The biggest asshole of HR 1424 by far.


You can see the votes of the first bailout bill here

Revised Bailout Bill to go to Vote in the House Later Today

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Since this topic of bailout has been a huge source of frustration, I'll share with you the only good news I've read about it. TheDrudgeReport ran a headline that "Billy O'Reilly blasts Barney Frank over Fannie Mess". That's Rep. Frank (D-MA), the Chairmen of the House Committee on Financial Services, and male prostitute (prostidude?) connoisseur, regarding his alleged role in the Fannie Mae debacle. Whether it was a dig at his previous scandal, an inadvertent pun, or an allegation that he looks like the kinda guy that often has a messy fannie, you Gotta love puns on the DrudgeReport.

Ok, fun's over. The vote today on the revised Bill, HR 1424, is of massive importance, and had better pass. When the original bill (HR 3997) was shot down earlier in the week it had to be re-worked and voted on again because even those that voted "nay" realized something has to be done. As with all things Washington, "re-worked" doesn't mean that the plan was drastically re-rewritten and fundamentally altered, it means that it's still pretty much the same but with a ton of earmarks* attached. Just because passing HR1424 is pretty much a national emergency, does that mean that it's such an emergency that it can't be kitted-out with some pork? Hell no. Just ask Senator Ron Wyden (D-OR). He had time to see to it that a provision (i.e. earmark) were attached to the bill that helped out the makers of wooden arrows (yes, as in "bows and arrows"), and would be worth about $200,000 for Rose City Archery in Myrtle Point, Oregon. Classy move, Asshole.

Now, you might be saying, "Wow, Ron Wyden sure sounds like an asshole alright. But, I'm a NASCAR fan and surely, you'd agree that NASCAR-related tax breaks are as important as a national financial bailout. Are there any earmarks in the bill related to that?" The answer is yes. You are in luck. Taxpayers For Common Sense reports:

"Creation of a seven-year cost recovery period for construction of a motorsports racetrack: Track owners currently follow a seven-year depreciation schedule and write each year's depreciation off their taxes. The IRS wanted to increase the depreciation timetable to 15 years, which would mean the track owner's depreciation would be cut in half. The measure in the keeps the seven-year depreciation schedule for two years and would cost taxpayers $100 million."

Oh good. I wasn't able to find the congressman that added that crucially important earmark, but I hope that information surfaces in the coming days. If you're a mashochist and would like to read more on pork going along for the ride with HR 1424 you can check the following: The previous link to Taxpayers for Common Sense- CNN and the NYPost and probably every other outlet covering this appears to be just be making footnotes to TFCS article. It reads a bit like a textbook, but is very detailed. This CNN article does a good job of making it easier to take in and is a link from this article, in which all of the links in it are pretty useful. http://financialservices.house.gov/ is the homepage of the committee sponsoring the bill (and has a hot pic of your boy Barney Frank). Lastly, Today's NYPost covers it in tradition Post fashion- easily digestible but not too in-depth.

Lastly, I'll make a self-indulgent side note. As you either know or can figure out easily, this blog is not exactly on the radar of national media. No, it's ok to snicker at that, don't feel guilty. But after I ran this article where I display the names of all the congressmen that voted against the original bailout bill, I've gotten over 20 hits from Congressional computers to my blog. Congressmen (or their handlers, more likely) have Googled themselves and wound up here I have also had hits that were linked to here via email- meaning that someone emailed their congressman that page, or someone a congressional representative passed it along to a fellow rep. and probably said something like, "Even a-hole bloggers are calling us out. We probably ought to vote yes, and include less pork this time." That's how you know this bill is a big deal. People in Congressional offices are reading this blog.



UPDATE: Get the Vote Results here.
********************************************************



Footnotes:


*= Earmarks, or "pork" or "pork barrel spending". What happens too often in Washington is that a Congressman is writing a bill that he needs to pass because he promised its contents to his constituents and he has to grease the skids to get it to pass. He may need just one more vote for to get it to pass, so he'll approach a fellow congressman that he knows will be voting on that bill, who probably doesn't care about that bill one way or the other and ask, "What is it I can do to this bill to ensure you vote in favor of it?" And the congressman will say "Well, I'm about to buy a ranch in Montana and retire there. So if you can add a page to the bill saying "The taxes of all purchases on Montana ranches should drop from 8% to 7.4% that would guarantee my vote." And then it's done. Some bills require more than one earmark from even greedier congressmen.

"Fannie mess" hehehehe.

Fat Fall Friday

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Kind of a slow week for Fat Falls.






What I like about this one is that it appears that the fat faller isn't a friend of the cameraman. It looks like he was looking out his window and then thought, "Wow, fat guy on a little motorbike! I better go get my camera."

Four Cases of Florida Being WhereCrazyHappens

By: Polekat $lim


Exhibit A: Firstly, this is VERY UN-SAFE for work. Check out the license plate in the picture. Yup, it's Forida.

Exhibit B: This little number. Note to all the guys out there: Don't do what this guy did. It's just gonna increase her ego and she'll use it to her advantage next opportunity she gets.

Exhibit C: I bet there was some major jigglage going on when that happened.

Exhibit D: This is just white trash.



-Polekat $lim

Being a Cubs Fan is Like Being in Brokeback Mountain

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


It's true. Being a Cubs fan is like being in Brokeback Mountain: I wish I could quit them, and all they do is B.F. me.


Why Fukudome was in the lineup is something I will never understand. And how he is fooled by breaking balls 100% of the time is even less excusable. Kosuke, how about you sit on a breaking ball and not on a fastball sometime? Seriously. If I saw a three year old girl look as bad swinging and missing as you do on off-speed pitches, I'd tell her to quit baseball immediately.

Lee, Ramirez and Soriano- We should call you The Halloween Hookers, because you guys do a LOT of laying down in October- and make a LOT of money doing it too. Good god. Eli Manning's goobery hangdog face is more confidence-inspiring than the looks on your loser faces in the playoffs. I would be legitimately excited if I saw all three of those chokers benched on Saturday. I have had enough of seeing them look like beaten men in the playoffs.

You guys are gonna give Ron Santo an H.A.

Lookalikes 13.0: Ryan Howard and Tracy Morgan

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Congress Votes on the New Bailout Bill on Friday

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


You can check here tomorrow to see how your Congressman voted. Just to recap, here is the list of the derelict Congressmen that voted "No" earlier on HR 3997, the bailout/rescue bill.



NAY 228

Abercrombie Aderholt Akin Alexander Altmire Baca Bachmann Barrett (SC) Barrow Bartlett (MD) Barton (TX) Becerra Berkley Biggert Bilbray Bilirakis Bishop (UT) Blackburn Blumenauer Boustany Boyda (KS) Braley (IA) Broun (GA) Brown-Waite, Ginny Buchanan Burgess Burton (IN) Butterfield Buyer Capito Carney Carson Carter Castor Cazayoux Chabot Chandler Childers Clay Cleaver Coble Conaway Conyers Costello Courtney Cuellar Culberson Cummings Davis (KY) Davis, David Davis, Lincoln Deal (GA) DeFazio Delahunt Dent Diaz-Balart, L. Diaz-Balart, M. Doggett Doolittle Drake Duncan Edwards (MD) English (PA) Fallin Feeney Filner Flake Forbes Fortenberry Foxx Franks (AZ) Frelinghuysen Gallegly Garrett (NJ) Gerlach Giffords

Gillibrand Gingrey Gohmert Goode Goodlatte Graves Green, Al Green, Gene Grijalva Hall (TX) Hastings (WA) Hayes Heller Hensarling Herseth Sandlin Hill Hinchey Hirono Hodes Hoekstra Holden Hulshof Hunter Inslee Issa Jackson (IL) Jackson-Lee (TX) Jefferson Johnson (GA) Johnson (IL) Johnson, Sam Jones (NC) Jordan Kagen Kaptur Keller Kilpatrick King (IA) Kingston Knollenberg Kucinich Kuhl (NY) Lamborn Lampson Latham LaTourette Latta Lee Lewis (GA) Linder Lipinski LoBiondo Lucas Lynch Mack Manzullo Marchant Matheson McCarthy (CA) McCaul (TX) McCotter McHenry McIntyre McMorris Rodgers Mica Michaud Miller (FL) Miller (MI) Mitchell Moran (KS) Murphy, Tim Musgrave Myrick Napolitano Neugebauer Nunes

Ortiz Pascrell Pastor Paul Payne Pearce Pence Peterson (MN) Petri Pitts Platts Poe Price (GA) Ramstad Rehberg Reichert Renzi Rodriguez Rogers (MI) Rohrabacher Ros-Lehtinen Roskam Rothman Roybal-Allard Royce Rush Salazar Sali Sánchez, Linda T. Sanchez, Loretta Scalise Schiff Schmidt Scott (GA) Scott (VA) Sensenbrenner Serrano Shadegg Shea-Porter Sherman Shimkus Shuler Shuster Smith (NE) Smith (NJ) Solis Stark Stearns Stupak Sullivan Sutton Taylor Terry Thompson (CA) Thompson (MS) Thornberry Tiahrt Tiberi Tierney Turner Udall (CO) Udall (NM) Visclosky Walberg Walz (MN) Wamp Watson Welch (VT) Westmoreland Whitfield (KY) Wittman (VA) Woolsey Wu Yarmuth Young (AK) Young (FL)

Getting the Cubs Back on Track: An Open Letter to Lou Piniella

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Lou,

I'm a Cubs fan, not a masochist. With that in mind, let's get right to it.

1. Don't lead off Soriano ever again. If he isn't in one of his twice-a-year hitting streaks, he kinda sucks. He says that he feels most comfortable leading off. Based on his flailing failures at the plate last night, would you use the word "comfortable" to describe him? Me neither. Since he's 0% comfortable, bat him 7th or 8th so he his discomfort can be swept under the rug a bit more, instead of ruining the top of order.

2. Bench Fukudome. You can put him in for defensive purposes later in the game to protect a lead, but let's actually try to acquire a lead first. And it's been difficult as of late to acquire a lead with him in the lineup and Soriano leading off. Put DeRosa in right, and Fontenot at second. I realize DeRo isn't 100% but he's a gamer, he'll be fine. Even if he makes a 2-base error, it can't be worse than what Fukudome does at the plate.

3. Make sure Zambrano is hydrated tonight, and doesn't get his Matt Foley on and drink coffee in the clubhouse for 4 hours (1:22 mark) before the game.


That's it. Do those and keep doing what you've been doing.


Awesome Regards,


T.R.

Wait...The Dodgers Are Pitching WHO?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Apparently the Dodgers are sending a Chad Billingsly to the mound today against the Cubs. No seriously. Chad Billingsly. Anyone with any concern for the awesome knows that Los Angeles has room for only two Billingslies in town, and both slots are occupied. *Ugh,*I'll break down what should already be known.

1) Barbara Billingsly. Pop Culture Icon June Cleaver on Leave it To Beaver. She will forever be the quintessential homemaker and famously battled the also quintessential duplicitous teenage snake, Eddie Haskel. More modern pop-culture junkies will be interested to know that she voiced "Nanny" on Muppet Babies. Any respected judge of television-mother-awesomeness ranks Barbara Billingsley's June Cleaver amongst the likes of Claire Huxtable, Carol Brady, and Lois Griffin as the coolest television mothers of all time. Anyone claiming to be a better Hollywood Billingsley is blasphemous. She is THE Hollywood Billingsley.










2) Peter Billingsley.

Just when you think your city has met it's quota for awesome Billingsleys, this guy comes along. Barbara had long been known as THE Hollywood Billingsley, much like Jean Shepherd long been hailed as THE story-teller of his day. Yet no one could have foreseen that Shepherd's book In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash would one day become a movie that would change a young Peter Billingsley's life and launch him into pop-culture iconography. He'd go onto play Ralphie Parker, the lead role the film adaptation of Shepherd's book; a movie called A Christmas Story, which would go on to be the most popular Christmas movie in Hollywood History. That movie is now a househould staple, and "Ralph Parker", thus forever linking him with Barbara as the only Billingsleys of import in the history of Los Angeles.


So like all good icons, what happened to them? They were copied. The Beatles had the Monkees, Diff'rent Strokes had Webster, Nirvana had Pearl Jam, and Bill Hicks had Dennis Leary. So it's logical to assume that Barbara and Peter Billingsley would one day be copied.

Apparently that day is today. The Dodgers of Los Angeles are trotting out their latest in icon knock-offery, someone named Chad Billingsley. Who does he think he is???? Much like how I would never allege that France needs more black denim wearing guys with B.O.. And I'd never wish we had more Boy Bands to rival the legacies of 'NSync and the Backstreet Boys; America, much less L.A., has no need for another Billingsley. We just don't. L.A. has produced two inconic Billingsleys, and we need to make room for other last names to achieve iconic status. Cheering for Chad Billingsley or the Dodgers on Thursday would be like cheering for someone who called himself Kurt Cobain II, or a band called The Next Beatles; we're content with the prior namesakes, but thanks anyway. So be a good American and vote No for the L.A. Dodgers in tomorrow's election.

How to Maintain Your Title as a Past-Your-Prime, Trite, Self-Engrandizing Asshole "Journalist". By: Rick Reilly

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com (P)Rick Reilly


Dear Little People Whom I Talk Down To, But Whose Patronage I Rely Upon, Ironically,


I guess you know by now, I'm an asshole. Since I've always sucked as a writer, I was always swept under the journalist rug and relegated to the puff pieces that were 500 words or less (or crap like the video that appears below). I was jealous of journalists who had something to say and were actually intelligent, news-breaking wordsmiths. My self-defense mechanism for being relegated to puff-pieces was to try and convince people that the work I did was the cool, hip, work and I was the standard-bearer of awesomeness. I told the real writers that everyone else was merely a practitioner of "your great-grandaddy's journalism" I was to cool to stoop to that level. But obviously I wanted to be them. It's like how when the youngest kid in a family of three half-heartedly shouts on the way to their parents car, "I call the middle seat in the back!".
It's also true that I wasn't making as much money being a puff-piece-producer, so I cranked out some lame-ass golf books to remedy that, that way I could drive a Benz like the big-boy journalists. Why golf? Because golfer's wives have disposable income and will buy my book for their husbands because it says the word "golf" on the cover! Did any of my books matter to anyone? Of course not. But do I care? Hell no, I got paid. I drive a Benz!!!

You know the hot chick in your high school class that was always a total bitch to everyone, and never gave any good guys the time of day because they weren't on the football team? Then 10 years later she wouldn't give good guys the time of day because he wasn't pulling down 100k a year? But then after her second kid out of wedlock, she realized that guys who did make that much money didn't date girls like her anyway? Then at age 35 she realized that she's not even hot enough to rely on her old shtick of being hot, then she's hit with the reality that her life has just passed her by so she just becomes a bitter, old crusty bitch, at an early age?

I'm that bitch.

Back when I was hip and off-beat, I was like the bloggers of today- a little different, a fresh voice not doing what everyone else was doing. Only now I'm not quite as cool, hip or necessary. As a young journalist writer, I told established writers they were lame. I told anyone who'd listen that I was hip and doing something different, even if my work was the literary equivalent of a Big Mac. While real journalists were busy unearthing poignant stories and actually making news, I was two-steps behind commenting on those stories in snarky 500 piece essays. I wasn't George Will. I was Perez Hilton. But now I'm the high school bitch whose looks left her world when her third kid out of wedlock entered it. I'm not even today's Perez Hilton anymore. I'm Perez Hilton at age 60. Sure I'm bitter about it. You would be too if decades of shallowness just hit you in the face.

Since I have no journalistic credibility, and I can no longer play the "Trust me I'm cooler, just get out of my way" card, I decided to talk down to the younger, newer generation that Darwinism dictates will replace me. I'll glibly say out of the side of my mouth that if they were real writers, they'd write for actual publications, like I have. Then I'd tell them how I was the Bob Dylan of my era, knowing full well that I was more like Phil Collins. So when the young bloggers ask "Who the hell is Phil Collins?" I say "Exactly! if you're not old or hip enough to know who Phil Collins is, how can you be more hip than me??!" I'm just witty like that. But what's awesome is when the bloggers come back with "Hey even Sir-Mix-A-Lot understands that people nowadays would rather listen to Lil Wayne than him." I say, "For shizzle." To prove that I am still relevant and hip(!!!).

So I'm still not a journalist, and I'm definitely not the coolest kid on the block anymore. So how do I make a living? I do utter crap like this:



How sweet was that video, Dog (or is it Dogg?)?? I did my own YouTube video (but on text messages they we say "u2ube")! Not only that, but I re-re-re-re-re-re-re-hashed how the Cubs haven't had much success in the post season!! How tight is that, Broseph? Did you see what I did there? I took a team that hasn't won a championship in 100 years, as all of America knows, and I somehow managed to articulate that it appears they haven't been lucky!! Dude, Grantland Rice- WHAT?? Bill Nack, Peter Gammons, and Will McDonough- You can hate me now (to quote brothers Nas and Puff Daddy)! Never mind that I mispronounced Kosuke Fukudome's firstname (allegedly it's pronounced "Kose K" and not "Ko-Soo-K". whateva4eva!) I did that vid in a t-shirt!! On the YouTube!


G(eezer)s Up Bloggers Down,


Rick Reilly, IDriveABenzAndBloggerzDont@aol.com

Cubs. Hurt Me. Badly.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I kinda feel like giving the Cubs an earful like Alec Baldwin gives his daughter on this voicemail.

"Cubs, you have humiliated me for the last time!"

This Shocked Me

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I took a walk into Wrigleyville today and this is what I saw on the corner of Addison and Clark. It isn't that I disagree, but I thought this was in kinda poor taste. Only someone totally low class would write and display such a negative message.

Cubs vs. Dodgers Series Prediction: A Photo Essay

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I curated this photo essay comparing Los Angeles and Chicago in preparation for tonight's Cubs vs. Dodger's game. I'm wondering whether I can use these photos as a tool to predict the winner of the series. So we'll keep score throughout the essay contest and see which city, if either, seems to have a cultural advantage over the other, which could then be parlayed into a series victory.

First off, this is what resulted when a few Chicago guys visited L.A:






This is what happened when an L.A. guy came to the Chi:



Chicago: 1, Los Angeles: 0.


Round 2: Here's The Icon of the Dodger franchise and another prominent Los Angelino:






Menacing Indeed. Now let's see what the Chicago contigent has to offer:



Oh wow, that one wasn't even all that close. Chicago: 2, Los Angeles: 0.



Still not convinced?


Here is a musician that blew up in Chicago:



This was once the most popular band in Los Angeles (but the band below them was FAR WORSE!!!! [better Ms. KH?]):


Chicago: 3, Los Angeles: 0

This isn't a joke, it's just Los Angeles. Go Cubs.

Cubs Emotion-o-Meter 10/1 Edition: Playoffs Game #1

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Just to make sure everyone is awake out there in Cubland we're gonna do a brief word puzzle. What popular phrase do these three pictures make?





I'm sure you were able to figure it out. But I just wanted to make sure you were intellectually limber while getting focused for the Cubs game tonight.

Tonight's game (6:30 ET on TBS) is the one that scares me the most, from a Cubs fan's perspective. The Cubs starter is Ryan Dempster, and the Dodgers send Derek Lowe to the mound. Righty Derek Lowe is pitching against a Cubs lineup that has a lot of right-handed hitters, and it's a lineup that might even be a bit rusty after having rested so many of its big hitters for so long. Lowe has had success against the Cubs in the past few years, and if he can keep the Cubs righties off-balance, it could possibly set the tone for the series, much like what happened with Brandon Webb and the Cubs last post season. In that series the Cubs were anemic offensively and never got the ball rolling. A good pitching performance can put an entire team in a slump for a few games after that.

That being said, Dempster is an absolute beast. His numbers are consistently better than Lowe's all season, despite Dempster pitching in a hitter's park, and Lowe pitching in a pitcher's park. Dempster has also came up biggest for the Cubs when it has mattered most all season, and he'll have the unanimous backing of the crowd which will probably sound like they have have been drinking coffee, snorting coke, smoking meth and contracting rabies, collectively, for the last 10 hours. I'm not worried about Dempster showing up, but I am mildly concerned that the Cubs' bats won't.

But I still like the Cubs to win. Ordinarily, I don't try to predict the score but since I know so many of my readers are gamblers and bet the over/under I'll venture a guess tonight, since it's the playoffs: Cubs 87, Dodgers, 2.

Weng Weng Wednesday (Belatedly)

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I had a lot going on yesterday and forgot about Weng Weng Wednesday. So to make it up to you, I'll post two videos. They'll be the first installment of 1982's The Impossible Kid. There's actually a part at about the 3:30 mark that isn't safe for work. Weng Weng sees some boobie action while repelling down the side of a building and inadvertently looking into a window. The plot so far is that Weezy Weezy works for the Malaysian branch of Interpol and his assignment is to prevent terrorist militants from killing a prominent industrialist that they're holding for ransom. Dun-Dun-Duunnnnn.

Part 1 of 10



Part 2 of 10



Did you notice around the 5:30 mark of the second video, the eerie similarities betwixt Weng Weng hiding out in the sand pit, and Bin Laden's hiding in caves??!! This movie basically predicts the war in Afghanistan! You can tell that Bin Laden studied Weng Weng film before the invasion, much like how Norman Schwartzkopf studied Erwin Rommel during Desert Storm. Move over Plato's Allegory of the Cave, there's a new Allegory of the Cave in town...

I still can't believe the audacity that the James Bond franchise showed all of those years, making shameless knock-offs of Weng Weng movies. And they thought they'd sell better just because Bond was white and of normal height. Disgusting.

White Sox vs. Twins Live Blog

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


The first half inning is over. Not much happened. Harold Reynolds, Ron Darling and Dick Stockton have the announcing duties on TBS. I guess this falls under the category of a playoff game, so TBS has the honors. I think Stockton is pretty terrible, and Darling brings zero to the table, but I'm interested in hearing Reynolds. I hope he makes reference to his desire to hug women in an inappropriate fashion at a Boston Market.

The big news so far is that this is going to be the first look of TBS commercials that I will quickly grow to nauseate me. Apparently, Frank TV hasn't been canceled yet and his new season starts later in October. Last year the Frank TV and Dane Cook "There's only one October!" commercials were so overplayed they made me want to boycott the shows they advertised. Frank TV is off to a good start this year at repeating.
******************************************************************

More pertinent to the action: So far both teams put the leadoff man on, hit into a double play, then had their #3 hitter fail to reach base.

End of First. Score 0-0.
***********************

That brings Justin Morneau to the plate. I hope his teammates call him "Justin Mornography". He just struck out swinging. I guess I never noticed before how "struck out swinging" could be a double entendre. I suppose "struck out looking" also could be too, if you ask a chick out and she catches you looking at her boobs while you ask, so she declines. The Twins went 1,2,3 in the top of the second.

Jim Thome lead off with a walk, Konerko flew out to the warning track, and Griffey whiffed. Alexei Ramirez was greeted to a hero's welcome when he stepped into the batter's box. As well he should after last night's huge grand slam. This guy is scary good already as a rookie. Ramirez walked. First time tonight a team has a player in scoring position. On the next pitch Pierzynski grounded out to end the inning. The White Sox showed some offensive life with Konerko's fly out (he has a history of home runs in big games), and two walks.

Score still 0-0 End 2nd.
***************************************************
Third Inning

Top: Glens Falls, NY's own Brendan Harris leads off the third. I hope Linda Cohn doesn't call him "B. Hair.". That being said, B. Hair. just grounded out. If Harold Reynolds has one signature move, it has to be ending a spat of laughter with an "ahh, oh my goodness.". Nick Punto walked. Carlos Gomez popped out to the shortstop to bring up Denard Span, as all of you Spanish scholars know- Denard is Spanish for "of nard". Of nard grounded out to 1B to end the inning. Danks has a no hitter through 3 innings with his pitch count at 50.

This looks like October baseball so far, not much cooking offensively thanks to some quality pitching and defense.

Bottom: Juan Uribe got his groundout on to B. Hair. at third base. The guy with the only hit of the game, grounded out 3 pitches later, and DeWayne wise popped out two pitches later. That was like a 6 pitch inning.

Score is still 0-0, Danks has 50 pitches, and Blackburn is at 40.
********************************************************
4th Inning

That Bon Jovi "I love this town" commercial looks like it has a lot of potential for being excessively annoying in the days to come. I'm sure you'll hear more about that later in the week.

Top: 1 pitch, 1 out to Alexi Cassilla. There is an Alexi and an Alexei in tonight's game. Not sure if I've seen two Alex(e)is in a game before. That just proves Dane Cook's theory: There's Only One October!!! Danks just struck out Mauer for the second time. This guy is locked in. Mornography fouled out on the next pitch. That was a 9-pitch inning. Pitch count at 59, No hitter still in tact.

Bottom: Jermaine Dye leads off with a single to left. Jim Thome whiffed on a full count. He very nearly held his swing, but the third-base umpire ruled it a strikeout. That brings Konerko to the plate, we'll see if his last at bat showed that he's locked in or not. Apparently not. Konerko hit what should have been a double-play ball, but Konkero was safe on a throwing error to first base. Griffey fouled out. The leadoff single was squandered.

0-0. Danks pitch count is 59, and Blackburn's is at 53.
**************************************************
5th Inning

Before the game, Sox fans were issued with black towels. I didn't think they'd stoop to the towel-waving level. What is cool however, is that tonight's game was ordered to be a "Blackout" with all the fans wearing black. The fans did a good job of going along with it, an all-black-wearing crowd is pretty sweet to see.

Top: The TBS broadcasters just made their first mention of Danks not having given up a hit. What happened next? Michael Cuddyer leadoff with a double. They went from being no-hit to threatening to score pretty quickly. Delmon Young hit a sac fly to Griffey in center, Cuddyer advanced to third with one out. He's the first baserunner to reach third base for either team. Still only one out. WOW. Brendan Harris flew out to Griffey and Cuddyer got thrown out at home. That was a bang-bang play. Pierzynski took a hit and held on to the ball. Good play all around. Decent hitting, great throw, great catch and block, and pretty good baserunning. Gotta love fundamental baseball.

Bottom: Ramirez and Pierzynski went down pretty quickly- groundout and strikeout respectively. Uribe flew out. Another quick inning.

0-0 still, Danks is at 72 pitches and Blackburn at 62.
****************************************************

6th Inning

I'll admit it. TBS has done a good job of not overplaying any commercials just yet. I'm shocked too.

Top: Bonus points to Ron Darling for giving a shout out to Old Style beer. I think I'm gonna stop with the batter-by-batter commentary until there's action enough to justify it. That being said, the first two Twins- Punto and Gomez, were out pretty quickly. Span walked and is threatening to steal, drawing 3 straight throws over from Danks. Casillas whiffed, and Span was never able to steal. Danks count is at 87

This is kinda nice. Instead of taking us to commercial they just took us to Ernie Johnson at the front desk with Cal Ripken Jr. and Dennis Eckersley. Eck is still looking as porny as ever. If I had to bet my life on someone driving a sports coupe with the license plate "Swinger" it would definitely go with Dennis Eckersley. No question.

Bottom: Another boring 1,2,3 inning which is a testament to Blackburn being in command. His count is at 71.

Still 0-0
***************************
7th Inning

Oh sweet, new Sonic commercials. I love the commercials with the blond dude and the fluffy-haired dark-haired dude. Those are some of the best commercials I've seen in a long time. Another thing I feel obligated to point out: I'm not changing between channels this time because 1) my remote batteries died earlier this evening, and 2) I consider commercials part of the blog since I usually, resort to watching commercials during playoff baseball since I don't want to miss a pitch. Loyal WhereAwesomeHappens readers will recall that I spoke against commercial watching in my article about the rules of remote handling.



Top: 1,2,3 inning again. Danks' pitchcount at 93.

Bottom: JIM THOME LEADS OFF WITH A HOMERUN TO CENTER. Wow. Thome obliterated that pitch to VERY deep center. If it's any consolation to Twins fans, that HR was not a cheapie. No outs. Konerko grounded out. Griffey short-hops the wall for a 1-out double. Brian Anderson pinch-runs for Griffey and Alexei Ramirez was intentionally walked to set up the double-play. The Twins make a pitching change and bring in lefty Jose Mijares. If you were in my living room with me, I'd probably make some kind of "Jose, My hair is...." joke, but not now. It's too intense, and I'm trying to keep this blog up-to-the-inning with publishing in it to the web. No time for joking around this inning. (Unless it involves fat women). Pierzynski enters the box with guys on first and second and one out. A.J. grounded out to the first baseman and advanced the runners to second and third with two outs for Juan Uribe (if the game weren't so close I'd point out how his name sounds like "Won Your Ebay" then probably make a joke about someone who saying "Congratulations! You Juan Uribe bid, and are the proud owner of a refurbished iPod!" but not now). Uribe flew out to right field to end the inning.

White Sox 1, Twins 0. Danks at 93 pitches
***********************************************************

8th Inning

Top: One pitch one out. Delmon Young flew out to right. Brian Anderson replaced Griffey in centerfield. Twins manager Ron Gardenhire can't be thrilled that Young swung at the first pitch in this situation. Brendan Harris singled to left field. That's Minnesota's second hit of the night, he's on first with one out. Matt Tolbert is pinch running for Harris. Danks is over 100 pitches. Double play!!!! The 6-4-3 variety. The White Sox got out of the inning unscathed. Danks finished the inning with his pitch count at 103.

Bottom: Defensively, Tolbert takes over Harris' duties at 3B. Both closers- Joe Nathan and Bobby Jenks- are up in the bullpen. Or as the Sox announcer, Hawk "The Hick" Harrelson calls him "BubbyJinxssss". Cabrera and Wise are retired without much of an incident.

Pitching Change: Joe Nathan comes in with two outs to face Jermaine Dye. Dye singles to left center, bringing Jim Thome to the plate. Alarmingly, the crowd didn't forget that Thome hit a home run last at-bat, and gives him a huge ovation. Thome just swung and missed on a 0-1 pitch, he's swinging out of his shoes again. I'm thinking he's either gonna strike out or hit an HR here. I was wrong, Thome flew out to left center to end the inning.

Sox 1, Twins 0. Last chance for the Twins coming up....
***************************************************
9th Inning

Top: Jenks is on to close it. Jason Kubel is pinch hitting for Carlos Gomez (the 9th hittier) to lead it off. To follow him will be the top of the order- Span and Casilla. Kubel strikes out swinging. One out. Denard Span is now at the plate. Span grounds out. Minnesota is down to their last out.
Brian Anderson made a fully-laid out. diving catch to end the Game. Sox Win!!! Sox Win!!! Sox Win!!!


White Sox win 1-0. John Danks gets the win, and Nick Blackburn is the tough-luck loser, and Jenks gets the save.

Both Chicago teams are in the playoffs.


Twins: 0 runs 2 Hits O Errors (I guess that wasn't a throwing error earlier like I said)
Sox: 1 5 hits 0 Errors

HR: Thome (34)

Tuesday Afternoon Cat Coke Poster

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


While I don't promise the use of cocaine, or the use of cats, I still think this poster is funny.




Now go home and do coke off a hooker's ass! Don't do hard drugs, everybody!

Wondering If Your Congressmen Sucks?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Here's the list of the 228 Congressmen that voted "No" on the bailout bill HR 3997 yesterday (the list including the YES votes can be found here). The "No" list could also be titled "Congressional Suck List" because whatever partisan squabblers voted against this have no idea what's going on and is another indelible example of why this congress has an approval rating of 10%. Kudos are also not in order for John McCain who, so maverick-ly suspended his campaign to pass this bill, failed to rally his party enough to pass this bill. Maybe if you'd been in Hanoi for longer, you'd have more respect among your own party, or something. Thanks for coming out, John. Better luck with political posturing next time, I guess.

One can be certain that this was a case of political egos getting put before the best interest of their constituents, because Sen. Minority Leader John Boehner cited House Speaker Pelosi's partisan speech as a reason the vote was killed. With that language, Boehner is saying that the no votes were out of spite, and not some fundamental disagreement with the bill. What a scrotum. Oddly, Boehner voted for the bill to pass, yet failed to express disappoint when it did no pass. Way to cover all angles, Johnny. Have fun waiting for a spine and/or balls donor, because it's obvious you have neither.

Thanks to Boehner and other iconoclasts of logic, we've successfully told the rest of the world that America is finished being the economic leaders of the world.

So here's the list. Republicans are in italics, Democrats in standard Roman font, and Independents are underlined.


NAY 228

Abercrombie Aderholt Akin Alexander Altmire Baca Bachmann Barrett (SC) Barrow Bartlett (MD) Barton (TX) Becerra Berkley Biggert Bilbray Bilirakis Bishop (UT) Blackburn Blumenauer Boustany Boyda (KS) Braley (IA) Broun (GA) Brown-Waite, Ginny Buchanan Burgess Burton (IN) Butterfield Buyer Capito Carney Carson Carter Castor Cazayoux Chabot Chandler Childers Clay Cleaver Coble Conaway Conyers Costello Courtney Cuellar Culberson Cummings Davis (KY) Davis, David Davis, Lincoln Deal (GA) DeFazio Delahunt Dent Diaz-Balart, L. Diaz-Balart, M. Doggett Doolittle Drake Duncan Edwards (MD) English (PA) Fallin Feeney Filner Flake Forbes Fortenberry Foxx Franks (AZ) Frelinghuysen Gallegly Garrett (NJ) Gerlach Giffords

Gillibrand Gingrey Gohmert Goode Goodlatte Graves Green, Al Green, Gene Grijalva Hall (TX) Hastings (WA) Hayes Heller Hensarling Herseth Sandlin Hill Hinchey Hirono Hodes Hoekstra Holden Hulshof Hunter Inslee Issa Jackson (IL) Jackson-Lee (TX) Jefferson Johnson (GA) Johnson (IL) Johnson, Sam Jones (NC) Jordan Kagen Kaptur Keller Kilpatrick King (IA) Kingston Knollenberg Kucinich Kuhl (NY) Lamborn Lampson Latham LaTourette Latta Lee Lewis (GA) Linder Lipinski LoBiondo Lucas Lynch Mack Manzullo Marchant Matheson McCarthy (CA) McCaul (TX) McCotter McHenry McIntyre McMorris Rodgers Mica Michaud Miller (FL) Miller (MI) Mitchell Moran (KS) Murphy, Tim Musgrave Myrick Napolitano Neugebauer Nunes

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A Few Things to De-Lame-ify Your Workday

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

One time my buddy The Diamond and I were jobless and I was crashing on the couch of he and our mutual friend. We were broke, had nothing to do and no money to do it with, our spirits were kinda low and we spent a lot of time trying to amuse ourselves with random crap found on television (GUTS on Nickelodeon, Even Stevens on Disney, American Gladiators, etc.) and the internet. Specifically, one particular YouTube clip, and two sound-byte pages.

The YouTube video is this. (it's probably NSFW, as it contains one dirty word).





The two sound-byte pages are the following:

Napoleon Dynamite: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/ndsound

John Wayne: http://www.aeonity.com/ab/soundboards/celebrity/john-wayne.php

(for your benefit there are similar pages for other funny tv/movie characters: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/soundboard/)


The links featured above are pages with a bunch of funny soundbytes from Napoleon Dynamite and John Wayne movies. When you click on a phrase, it plays that audio clip from the movie.
So what the Diamond and I did was bring up both of these pages in separate browser windows (You can do this by right clicking the links then by selecting "Open link in new window"). Then we'd go back and forth between pages and try to make conversations between Napoleon and John Wayne. Some recommendable examples are:


ND: Did you take a dump in your bed last night?
JW: Unfortunately, Yes
*********************

JW: Well sister, the time has come for me to ride hard and fast
ND: Pedro Offers you his protection
JW: Take Down your Pants
ND: Lucky!!
JW: Are you gonna take down your pants or do I have to do it for ya?
ND: Yesssss
JW: You aint such an early bird, yourself
************************************

JW: Short, fiesty fella, nervous, quick gotta messed-up lower lip
ND: But my lips hurt real bad
**************************

If you get bored you should check it out and poke around, it's pretty amusing.


Lastly, this YouTube video is a doozie.