It's Nice to Know I am Being Heard

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


Chicago Tribune beat writer Paul Sullivan just released this article stating that the Cubs suck. He goes on to mention that they suck by any definition of the word, but suck grandiosly when their high payroll and ticket prices are considered. None of that is new, but what Sullivan reports that is new is that the Cubs front office is finally aware of this.

For the record, I am smarter than the Chicago Cubs because I posted this on 4/10, this article on 4/13 and this article on 5/11. You know who else is smarter than the Cubs? Every single person on Earth. I don't read any Cubs blogs, but I have reason to suspect I wasn't the only Cubs fan making similar points.

Was this realization really all that diffult to foresee? It was like the Cubs front office was juggling plastic explosives in a boat and thought it was totally reasonable. Then after a few botched juggling attempts they kept at it. Only after another drop, a hole in the boat and the ship retaining gallons of water did someone think, "Wait....hang on a minute here.....this hole in the boat is actually a BAD thing.....now just hear me out on this one, you guys...."

It's one thing to field a lousy team. It's another thing to command high ticket and concession prices, but you can't do both. Even Cubs fans will turn their backs eventually. If you're dating Halle Barry and she cheats on you, you might do your best to work through it and see to it that it doesn't happen again. But if the chick from Precious cheats on you, you tell her to get the fuck out.









That's how I roll.

Is Kendry Morales Wussier Than Bill Grammatica and that Soccer Celebration guy?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter



















That's how I roll.

A Name for the Israeli Relief Boat Raid

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

I'm leaning toward Bay Of Latkes right now.

That's how I roll.

Quality Road Hiney Kicking Chronicles: 2010 Met Mile Edition

(Quality Road photographed above, Vladimir Putin up. Seriously, that's Quality Road. Ok, fine it's not)

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Quality Road did it again, winning the 2010 Metropolitan Mile at Belmont on Monday.

Now, I'm not a licensed equine Psychologist (though I still practice), but it has been said before that when all you have is a hammer, eventually everything looks like a nail. Now put yourself in Quality Road's horse shoes for a minute: All Quality Road has are 4 hooves, and eventually every other racehorse looks like a hiney and he just kicks them. Every single one, every single time in Chuck Norris-like fashion.

That's my theory anyway. How else could you explain that a horse runs fast?






At the 16th pole Quality Road said, "Oh hi, Musket Man. Say, that musket sure is shiny. Now excusve me while I kick your hiney."

All kidding aside, Musket Man ran very well. He's turned into a really nice horse and one of the best horses ever to come out of the Illinois Derby.

That's how I roll.

Kobe or LeBron? or Jordan? Answer that question and you are dumb

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


The Kobe or Lebron debate needs to stop. Not just because I think one player is clearly better and it isn't a discussion, but because the discussion is pointless.

Who cares? Even if you could theoretically "win" that debate and convince your fellow arguer that one of the two is better, what have you gained?

If I could go to a lab and prove objectively that one is better than the other, then broadcast my findings to the world, ending all debate on that topic forever, how would your life be different tomorrow?

Would LeBron or Kobe's life be any different as a result? No.

Everyone loves talking about it. Problem is, no one likes listening to it. Do any of your friends ever say, "Shhh shhhh shhh, guys shut up! Matt Weiner and Linda Cohn are arguing about whether LeBron is better than Kobe!"? or, "I'm going to bed. Wake me up if someone debates LeBron vs. Kobe. See you in the morning."

Ditto for Jordan talks. That guy's name is on Sports Center every single time I watch it (which is about never, I'm not a masochist). For what? It's a lazy reference.

You are journalists. If you think Kobe is historically great, tell us that and explain your rationale and give us some statistics. Don't lazily say, "Is Kobe better than Jordan?". Do your job as a journalist, do some research, break down some salient points and articulate them cleverly for us the reading consumers.

Then tackle important debate topics like: Hot dog vs. hamburger, mustard vs. ketchup, chocolate vs. vanilla and dogs vs. cats. And please hurry. I am absolutely dying to hear all of your opinions on such pressing, fact-based debates.








That's how I roll.

I Just Came up With my Competitive Eating Alias

(photo courtesy of this flickr page)
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

After seeing Dario Franchitti win Indy yesterday, I felt inspired.

Inspired to call myself Dario FrankEatty if I ever compete in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition at Coney Island on July 4th, that is.









That's how I roll.

Sip it and tip it: Gary Coleman

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter





That's how I roll.

Ancient Chinese Riddle, in Association with TR Salutes, Presents: Cub fan Beer Catch

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


One day a few thousand years into the future, someone will assume this was ancient chinese riddle:

Is the guy in the movie a Gentleman or a Dude? I mean sure he's a dude. No question whatsoever. He's highly rated on the dude scale. But I mean, isn't that the most chivalrous, and thereby gentlemanly thing you can do? Like what Jack Donaghy or The Most Interesting Man in the World or James Bond would do in that position?












*GONG*












That's how I roll.

Article Link Corprolalia: Matt Taibi, Lionel Messi, a Shakespear Imposter, Banksy, M.I.A., and a Rap Song about Harold's Chicken Shack

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

This should be two posts but I'm making it one just so I can be the only blogger of all time to put these together.

First two great articles I read today. And one yesterday. And it took me damn near all day.

1. Matt Taibbi's very important read about our impotent congress grabbing its ankles for wall street and their lobbyists.

2. Sports Illustrated's awesome article about the LeBron James of soccer- Lionel Messi and his relationship with his coach, and is the Babe Ruth of Argentinan soccer, Diego Maradona (pictured above as Lego). If you more or less know most of the story, this article is well-researched (and yes, long) enough to still teach you a lot of new stuff and if you are excited about the World Cup but aren't too familiar with who is good or any storylines, this might be a good place to bone up on your knowledge to make the World Cup more interesting.


3. Not to drink too much of the haterade, but the NYT Magazine coverstory on M.I.A. is good. She had it comin.

4. these two banksy articles. This one on Slate and this one on Salon.

5. This truth-is-stranger-than-fiction story about a teenager who forged a Shakespeare play in England in 1795 and it was made into a play and totally busted because it sucked. It's a sweet article. It's at SmithsonianMag.com


Now the video goods: The Chi doin big thangs in their homage to Chicken Noodle Soup, shown below.

you're welcome.





Dear TR,

They're eating chicken wings on the dance-floor, how playa is that mang?


-Delonte West.








I love that she's wearing Stan Smith's in the very beginning!








That's how I roll.

Two Ideas for ORIGINAL News Talk Shows

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


A lot of stuff sucks and daytime news television is among them. One of the biggest problems is that they are all the same- every show from 12 until 6 on ESPN is the exact same. Same is true for the time slots on CNN, MSNBC and Fox News. Same topics, same/similar guests. As Donna Brazille recently said, daytime news needs more stories and less pundits out scoring points everyday for their respective teams (i.e. political party). I have two ideas.

1) Have a show called News You Didn't Hear Yet Today. If that show were to air here is what it would not talk about today- The oil spill, don't ask don't tell, Immigration legislation, Bipartisan failures. Even ESPN could use this. Instead of recapping last night's games, predicting tonight's games, talking about the latest scandal then in a moment of failed levity talking about pop culture they could actually, oh, I don't know, unearth a story. Not in that lame-o Human Interesty way that ESPN360 tries to do. Talk about the sports that don't get coverage- horse racing, tennis, soccer, iditarod, cycling or any college sport other than baseball or basketball.

I feel like my learning curve for television watching really flattens out about after 19 minutes of daytime tv. Why would I watch Dylan Ratigan, Chris Matthews, then Ed Shulz on MSNBC? they're the same show. What are you laughing at FoxNews? You do the same exact thing.

2) A news show that interviews regular citizens and allows them to discuss how current stories affect them. It could maybe be kinda like Larry King, but with less softball type questions. Like if Rachel Maddow sat in for Larry King one night. I wouldn't even mind if they talked about all the rehashed topics listed above- it would at least be something I wouldn't tune out. I enjoy hearing fisherman in the Gulf tell their stories about how the spill affects their lives. They could interview people affected by the proposed Arizona immigration legislation, people affected by don't ask don't tell, the new health care, etc.

I'd rather hear it from them than I would from Wolffe, Dick on Countdown with Keith Olbermann telling me how this will affect real citizens. Here's an idea- forget the wussy, and just interview the real citizens. Seriously, that guy is on at least 14 times a week.

With all of this punditry going on today, it's hard to take people at their word. They are either trying to score points for their team, score points with the host so they can be back again to promote their new book, or trying to be outlandish for the sake of self-promotion. Most startlingly, they could actually be telling the truth this time. We just don't know. Ordinary citizens would still probably do that to some extent, but much less so.

Oh and get rid of Rick Sanchez on CNN. Holy Moly Buttholey is that guy unwatchable. His ratio of people he's drunkenly murdered vehicularly to minutes I have enjoyed his show is: 1:0. The ideal ration would closer to 0:400.





That's how I roll.

I'm Going Sappy on you

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


This picture hung in my room as a kid and I just saw a pic of it on the internet. Its hard to see in this picture but it says, "If you love somebody show it".

It's as obvious as it is simple, but I am always surprised at how few people follow such easy-to-follow common sense.

Robert Hunter wrote and Jerry Garcia sang, "Sometimes the cards aint worth a dime if you don't lay 'em down".





That's how I roll.

It Looks Like You Just Got Yourself a new Favorite Racehorse

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Sorry this is in French, but there isn't a whole lot I could do about it.




Above is Goldikova, the Euro equivalent of Rachel Alexandra or Zenyatta, only better*. Her 2010 season got off to a perfect start with a 1/2 victory in the Grade 1- Prix D'ispahan at Longchamp (further reading can be had here). Along with Zenyatta, it's great to see a champion horse racing well into horsey adulthood at age 5. Any European horse that is 2 for 2 in Breeders Cup races, and is still racing automatically cracks my top 5 favorite European horses of all time. Great story any way you slice it.

Oh, but she isn't the horse I was implying will be your new favorite. Our new favorite horse was actually the German horse that finished third in that race. His name is Wiener Walzer.





Here he is winning the 2009 German Galop Derby. Start listening at the 2:02 mark. Stop giggling probably never.






* denotes- it makes for a great horse racing debate, but what is not debatable is that she is a total monster.



That's how I roll.

You Want More Graffiti? Ok.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

watching this stuff never gets old to me.






That's how I roll.

Lookalikes v. 36.0 Rand Paul and Mayor Carcetti from the Wire

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


Old boy Randy is on the left.






That's how I roll.

Chicago men Straighten out a Doofus

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


I won't put in my $.02 about Hanley Ramirez's dumb actions, but I will quote two other guy's two cents. Both former Cubs. Both referred to physical confrontation. Sadly, only one of them has a jheri curl. But hey, it's better than zero.

First, Rick Sutcliffe was quoted on Marlin's beat-writer Joe Capozzi's Twitter page: Ex-pitcher Rick Sutcliffe re: Hanley's loafing-I don’t know if I could woop Ramirez or not but after watching that, we would’ve found out.

Love it.

ESPN reported this about Hall of Famer Andre Dawson's conversation with , fellow hall of famer Tony Perez and Hanley Ramirez, "Dawson said he did most of the talking, according to the report. He said he started the lesson this way, with Perez at his side: " 'I'm not going to say a lot, because if you say the wrong the thing to me, then you might wind up on the floor on your rear end.'


The city with broad shoulders, baby.




That's how I roll.

Hey Kids, Would you Like to use Your Creativity to Help Your Community and the Gulf Coast??

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

We all share the Earth, right? We share our Gulf Coast with BP, and BP shares their headquarters and gas stations with us. We are all on this planet together.

All you need to help with the Gulf Coast oil spill is a cardboard stencil, some paint, a hooded sweatshirt, a hat and a friend to be a lookout. Here is the link to a map in the picture above. These areas need your help, as do thousands of others across the country.

Silence is consent- speak loudly. Or as the Chicago Transit Authority instructs its passengers, "If you see something (suspicious), say something". Besides, haven't you always wanted to be more politically active?



From Banging Your Head Against a Brick Wall by Banksy-
A Beginner's Guide to Painting With Stencils:

• Draw or copy your image on a piece of paper.
• Glue the paper onto a bit of card(board) using good glue.
• Cut straight through the drawing and card at the same time using a very sharp knife. Snap off blades are the best. The sharper the knife the better the stencil looks. As the Grim Reaper said to his new apprentice: "You must learn the compassion suitable to your trade- a fucking sharp edge."
• Ideal card should be about 1.5mm thick- much fatter and it's too difficult and boring to cut through. Any thinner and it gets sloppy too quick.
• Find an unassuming piece of card as a folder to hold your stencil in and leave the house before you think of something more comfortable you could be doing.
  
• Get a small roll of gaffa tape and pre-tear small strips ready to attach stencil to wall.
• Shake and test can of paint before you leave. Cheap British paint is fine but some brands bleed more than others. Matt finish comes out better and dries quicker.
  
• Apply paint sparingly.
• Wear a hat.
• Move around the city quickly. Acting like a sad old drunk if you attract attention.
• Pace yourself and repeat as often as you feel inadequate and no one listens to a word you say.

Thing globally, act locally. The sea turtles would thank you if they could talk. And weren't dead from suffocating from the crude oil in their respiratory systems.















That's how I roll.

Mayor Daley is Dumber Than 95% of Zoo Inhabitants

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter


You've heard of Chicago, right? The city whose leaders have speculated whether or not we need the National Guard to come save us from ourselves and our vomit-ably bad government? The city whose Mayor uses TIF slush funds to channel floods of cash to his cronies while the poor live in a DMZ? And the worst city in the world north of Juarez in which to be the Superintendent of police.

Mayor Daley just suggested he take a pay cut.

In related news, $25 for an 18" x 40" print of the image above seems pretty reasonable. Good lookin out, Ray.


"Deride and Conquer" -Banksy







That's how I roll.

My Mock-Mock Draft Blog

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

Last night the NBA held their annual draft lottery. Equally as traditional, and far less fortunate, is the next day when every sports website that blows offers their mock draft. Sports websites, television shows and the like offer up a lot of hot air, but mock drafts may be the hottest.

Maybe Mel Kiper and Jimmy Clausen ring a bell. Or maybe Darko Milicic sounds more familar.

Many of my readers are familiar with the definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over and expecting a different result. Allow me speak from soapbox of sanity: No one will accurately predict the draft lottery. Ever.

Mock draft boards exist because sports media has to talk about something. They need a new headline on their website, they need a teaser on their radio show to get you to tune after these not important messages. The truth remains that 0 readers have benefited from a mock draft. Much like weathermen, but less altruistic, the blowhard "journalists" know that they don't have to be correct in their picks because all they have to say to their criticis is, "Give me a break! Like you could do any better! You cannot reasonably expect me to predict it accurately!"

Therein lies the rub.

Furthermore, the draft "debate" is inane because we will know the answer in a few months. The draft will happen, and every question will be answered. Rational people save heated debate for the theoretical, or things that are not provable: should we have bailed out the banks, was Warhol good or bad for modern art, was Bob Gibson's prime better than Koufax's, could Secretariat beat Gallant Fox, etc.

To revert to my weatherman analogy- no one debates the weather. While meteorologists may vary in their opinion of tomorrow's forecast, they don't pontificate with their selections. They give their rationale, give their informed opinion, they shut the hell up afterward. And those are scientists! At least when horse racing experts give you their predictions, their accuracy can make you money.

Sports "journalists" have the balls to think the following: 1) we should take their guesses as fact, 2) that only their draft board is the correct one, 3) that this sort of thing is able to be predicted with any accuracy, 4) this is an intellectual endeavor worth undertaking.

We WILL know the answer in a few months. Why speculate or get your hopes up/down for your team based on some scrotum's prediction?

Lastly, while presenting this argument to the aforementioned predictors they would most likely respond with, "give me a break. I am in the entertainment business. We have 800 words to write/3 hours of airtime to fill. We gotta talk about something." To which the rational counter is: Then maybe your column/radio show shouldn't be so long.

If you have so much free time that hearing a grown man play Sports Nostradamus entertains you, I invite you to not reproduce, although your velcro shoes are lovely.








That's how I roll.

Putting it Down for my People People in 513

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

I just found out that Freekbass did a song called "Reds Fan". I wish they had more songs on YouTube, but I will take what I can get for now.

In honor of the Reds being in first place in the NL Central (for now), I thought I'd post it.



And this saaaang belaaaaaannnngs to the Reds.





That's how I roll.

Florida Being Florida.....Again

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com, @AndyDisco on Twitter

To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy: If you've ever tased a Wendy's employee for incorrectly processing your order, you might be a Florida resident.

The taser became enraged when she wasn't given what she thought was the proper amount of mustard and mayonnaise packets, proving once again that you gotta fight for your right to obesity.

Update: Police have confirmed the woman was tased and not Toews'd.

Update update: Authorities now speculate that one way to avoid a fats food employee screwing up your order is to make your own food.







That's how I roll.