Can't Hate This One

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

It's the Dick In a Box sequel pretty much.

P.S. It's about sexual intercourse.

If You Aren't Crunk Don't Bother

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Chicago Hip-House. 1989. Get ready for the comeback. You heard it here first. Well, I mean, unless you heard it here first. Or here.

Talkin Politics Without the Snark or Name Calling

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Without putting in my specific political beliefs, here's what I think is wrong with the Republican Party: They haven't yet grasped that the country is moving to the left.

Not left in the sense that we have a democrat in office, or a president who opposes war, and seems to favor gay-rights and bigger government, but left in global terms.

Ask anyone European what they think of American politics and what they'll tell you is that on the global stage, the US is the Mississippi of modern world. As liberal as Fox News may want you to believe the country now is, we are still the Mississippi of the G8.

With that being said, the Republicans have been trying to prevent this shift by trying to nail down their base at its most conservative extreme to prevent losing them. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened- they lost all of the "swing vote" centrists who could go either way and the supporters they were left with are somewhere between hardened believers in Christianity, and hardened disbelievers in evolution- hardly an accurate representation of our country. It's just difficult to have your party's intelligence taken seriously when 3 of 10 of the debaters at a Presidential Campaign Debate raised their hands when asked "Which of you do not believe in evolution?". Sen. Sam Brownback, Gov. Mike Huckabee, and Rep. Tom Tancredo, I'm looking in your direction.

For the RNC to think they need to trot out fundamentalists (what are those "fundamentals" anyway?) to try to salvage their base is awful strategy. What they should say is, "If you don't believe in evolution, 1) you are helplessly moronic, and, 2) you're gonna vote republican no matter what anyway, so don't expect any of us to propose legislature where we lie to our kids about evolution." If you don't believe in evolution, you will never vote deomocrat, so why cater to them?

George Clooney could go out with any fat chick in America, and everyone knows that- so why would he go on Oprah and pander to them?

While I agree with the frustration of the Republican party that they recent setbacks aren't the result of an inherently flawed party, but rather a current vacum of energizing leaders. But they can't keep trying new pundits out on weekly basis and hoping the public likes them. It reminds me of a Carrot Top routine- he stands up there, reaches into a huge chest, pulls something out, says some stuff, no one is amused then he says, "No? Ok, well about this thing right here...?" then the audience reacts apathetically to that as well. Between Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber, Megan McCain, Glenn Beck, that chick on the view who is the non-ugly one, enough already guys. I get you don't have anyone that's hot at the moment, but you don't have keep trying new people out and hoping for the best.

You're right, as a party, to realize that Rush Limbaugh's vitriol has grown rude, petty, and tiresome and that Fox News' infotainment doesn't "reach across the aisle" in the living rooms of America, but don't keep trying out new insta-leaders on the fly like you have been, because it makes you look desperate. Just hang back against the ropes, take a few body blows for a few months while you formulate a game plan then come out swinging. If you keep parading around uneducated opponents of the separation of church and state like they're an elephant at an Indian wedding, people will never take you seriously when you actually DO have a plan and a galvanizing leader.

The country is moving to the left and your people that are farthest to the right are getting left behind. They better catch up, or they'll be left for good because this boat is too big to turn around and save them. Cut your losses and move forward before it's too late and you're joing your friends in the water, watching this ship sail away from you and out of sight forever.

Some Horse Racing Odds and Ends

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Calvin Borel will NOT ride Mine That Bird in the Preakness. Since superfilly Rachel Alexandra declared she'll be in the Preakness, Borel opted to ride her. After riding her to a 20-length blowout in the Kentucky Oaks the day before the KY Derby, Borel said that she is the best horse he has ever ridden. No one can blame Borel for that. Rachel Alexandra is likely to one of the best horses, male or female, in history and seems to have several more high-stakes wins ahead of her, and at this point, the same cannot be said of Mine That Bird. It wouldn't be shocking for Borel to regain any (non-conflicting with Rachel Alexandra) future mounts on Mine That Bird. We'll have to wait and see.

A full-brother to Curlin was born on April 29th. So be on the lookout for him in the Derby in three years.

Steve Haskin wrote his follow-up to the Derby. Labeling this article a "must-read" would be a misnomer, but it's ok.

Exhaustion

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I just read that a reality show chick went to the emergency room for "Exhaustion", but it's widely believed to be a cocaine overdose.

What's the over/under on amount of time before people start calling cocaine "exhaustion", or "exhaust", or "exhaustion powder"? I'm going with 4 weeks.

This Gave me Some Derby Closure

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Horse racing Yoda, Andrew Beyer wrote this great article explaining how the unlikely Derby result was the product of a perfect storm. I plagarized it below. I took it from here.

Don't look for Mine That Bird to win the Preakness, however. Rachel Alexandra's connections just announced that she will run in the Preakness Stakes. The boys are in a LOT of trouble. Anyway, the Beyer article is below.

Many factors led to eye-popping win

By Andrew Beyer

WASHINGTON - After Mine That Bird won the Kentucky Derby, all reports of the race noted the 50-1 payoff was the second highest in the race's history. Even so, most casual fans probably did not appreciate the magnitude of this incomprehensible upset.

Because many people blindly bet on longshots in the Derby, even hopeless horses rarely go off at odds higher than 50-1. Mine That Bird deserved to be 200-1. This was one of the biggest upsets in the history of American racing. In my four decades of covering the sport, it ranks as one of the two most mystifying results in a major stakes race, along with Canonero II's victory in the 1971 Derby.

For devotees of speed figures - which usually have been a reliable gauge of Derby horses - this result was especially hard to explain. Since the publication of the Beyer Speed Figures, the weakest horse to win the Derby was Giacomo, who had never earned a figure higher than 98 before he scored his 50-1 upset in 2005. Yet Giacomo looked like a superhorse compared with Mine That Bird, whose best lifetime figure was the 81 he recorded while losing an obscure stakes race in New Mexico. His figure of 105 in the Derby represented a 17-length improvement.

How did it happen? I put that question Sunday to a few of the people whose opinions I respect the most: professional handicappers Maury Wolff and Paul Cornman; New York Racing Association TV analyst Andy Serling; and ESPN commentator Randy Moss. With their help, I have tried to fashion an explanation for Saturday's events.

It's not a simple explanation, but as Moss said, "What happened was a perfect storm of situations that added up to give you a wacky result."

These were the elements of the perfect storm:

* The Derby field was weak and the best horses delivered poor performances on the sloppy track.

* Racing on or near the rail was an advantage at Churchill Downs on Saturday, and jockey Calvin Borel took advantage of the conditions by keeping Mine That Bird on the rail.

* Mine That Bird obviously relished the sloppy track, and he evidently possessed more talent than his past performances indicated.

* The two outstanding members of the 3-year-old crop, I Want Revenge and Quality Road, had been knocked out of the Derby by injuries; I Want Revenge was scratched on the morning of the race. In their absence, nobody possessed rock-solid credentials.

Even in a normal year, few horses deliver peak performances in the Derby - it's an extraordinarily difficult and stressful race. Over a sloppy track, even fewer horses fire their best shots. On Saturday, Friesan Fire, the favorite, barely picked up his feet and lost by more than 40 lengths. Dunkirk, the second choice, lost by more than 20. Almost nobody besides the winner ran well. If Mine That Bird hadn't been in the field, the winning speed figure for the Derby would have been 95 - by far the lowest ever for a Triple Crown event.

Besides having trouble with the sloppy track, many of the horses in the Derby were compromised by the bias of the Churchill racing strip. Most of the winners Saturday spent all or part of their journeys near the rail, and nobody won by circling the field. This was no secret: ESPN's commentators were talking about the bias all afternoon and asking jockeys about it. But few of the riders in the Derby tried to take advantage of the rail, except for Borel, whose propensities have earned him the nickname "Bo-Rail." His performance was almost a duplicate of his rail-skimming ride aboard Street Sense in the 2007 Derby. Wolff observed: "With any other rider, Mine That Bird doesn't get that trip."

The bias wasn't so strong that it was propelling bad horses to victory. There hadn't been any absurd results on the Churchill card before the Derby. In the Derby, jockey Kent Desormeaux also stayed on the rail with his mount, Hold Me Back, and he made a strong move down the backstretch and into the turn before his mount faltered badly. So the winner needed some talent to take advantage of his ground-saving trip.

Presumably Mine That Bird improved because he relished the sloppy track - something no handicapper could have anticipated before the race. But the gelding may have also been a better horse than he looked on paper. After the Derby, I reviewed the films of his previous races. In both of his starts this spring at New Mexico's Sunland Park, his jockey had made ill-judged, premature moves to vie for the lead. In both races he fought tenaciously before he faded in the stretch. I would imagine some handicappers in New Mexico were eagerly waiting to bet him the next time he ran. However, no rational handicapper could have considered these trips a harbinger of a victory in the Kentucky Derby.

Mine That Bird's win will be popularly regarded as the result of a once-in-a-lifetime perfect storm. Probably this opinion is correct; probably the gelding will never win another major race. However, I can remember that the other utterly implausible Derby winner, Canonero II, was regarded the same way. Two weeks later he won the Preakness and forced all of the doubters to revise their opinion that the Derby was a fluke.

(c) 2009, The Washington Post

Mongy Ramirez and the Hall of Fame Question

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

You know how some people preface their argument with, "I'm sorry but.."? I'm not one of those people.

I just read an ESPN poll that asked the question:

With the news of his suspension, does Manny Ramirez get your vote for the Hall of Fame?
A) Always had my vote
B) Doesn't have my vote anymore
C) Never had my vote

While I think that is a very good question, and the answer choices provided are good choices, I was disappointed in America's answers. 50% answered A, 31% went with B, and 20% chose C.I'm sorry but, 71% of those answers are not acceptable. C is indefensible and A is not much better.

If Mongy has cloudy piss, and you still put him in the Hall, then what is the point of testing? If you believe in science, then you necessarily believe that Mongy cheated. For those that voted for option A, I think their rationale is something like this, "He may have flunked one test, but that doesn't prove he cheated for years on end. He passed numerous tests and for all we know, he could have taken a banned drug one time. That shouldn't erase a career's worth of work". Believing that statement is a perversion of logic. No one can deny that steroid tests have historically been rife with false-negatives (e.g. a guilty player taking a designer steroid that the tests cannot detect, resulting in a passed test), but who believes there are any false positives? If you believe in false positives, then the testing process has no legitimacy whatsoever.

What perplexes me is why do so many people feel that players are entitled to be in the Hall of Fame? If you believe cheaters belong in the HOF, what's the point of having a Hall of Fame? In response to the Mongy apologists who claim, "One failed test should not ruin a career's work" I say this, "You are wrong. It absolutely should." Much like I'm unable to prove that one flunked test doesn't necessarily mean there was a lifetime of cheating, apologists cannot prove that he did NOT cheat for a career. Positive tests create doubt, and the Hall of Fame should be doubt free. I could not care less if no player is inducted into the HOF for the next 15 years, the point of the HOF is to honor the best of the best, with the honesty of their achievements being assumed in the definition of "best of the best".

Already, I can anticipate the criticism to my argument- I claim we must have faith in testing, yet I am willing to discredit all of Manny's previously passed tests. According to my line of rationale, Manny's positive test should prove that he started taking steroids sometime after his last negative test, right? Wrong.

Mongy tested positive for a female fertility hormone, a banned substance (hCG) that is used after a steroids cycle to kickstart one's system into making its own testosterone again. No rational athlete would take such a system-jarring drug like that, especially if it were banned, if they were not taking steroids. An ESPN article states:

Ramirez's case was set off when a test in spring training revealed he had elevated levels of testosterone in his body. MLB followed up with a more comprehensive test that confirmed the testosterone had to come from an artificial source, the sources said........The hCG use, a doping expert told ESPN, would have been separate from the use of the artificial testosterone reflected by MLB's testing.

So in the Spring he had too much testosterone, and a recent test confirmed he still had artificial testosterone in his system that was different than the kind of testosterone found in the Spring. That defeats the theory that Mongy was a one-time user. Does that prove he had used performance enhancing drugs in any previous season? No, but it proves he is a cheater; by definition, cheaters cannot be trusted. So if you want to take your kids to the Hall of Fame, pay $16.50 to get in, shouldn't you not have to hope that the inductees' statistics are legitimate?

Would you pay to go to an art museum if you knew that all of the works were forgeries? What if only some were forgeries, but you weren't sure which? I'm in favor of removing all doubt. Mongy Ramirez has raised such doubt.

Mongy Ramirez: I got it poppin, and got the panties droppin' with Gonadotropin

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I stole this quotation from this ESPN Link

However, two sources told ESPN's T.J. Quinn and Mark Fainaru-Wada that the drug used by Ramirez is HCG -- human chorionic gonadotropin. HCG is a women's fertility drug typically used by steroid users to restart their body's natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle. It is similar to Clomid, the drug Bonds, Giambi and others used as clients of BALCO.

You're a very fertile woman, Manny.

Request and Dedication Hour, With Your DJ TR Slyder

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I got this letter from a special gentleman in Chicago, Illinois it reads,

"Dear TR,

Mongy Ramirez is a GD 'roid monkey like I've always suspected. He helped steroids break the Curse of the Bambino, and he helped keep holding the Cubs down. He is a juicing liar, a fraud and a general fucking mongoloid all around. Classy of him and his agent to take Los Angeles hostage in their contract talks, only to see LA give in to the PR pressure and capitulate. Then Mongy stabbed them in the back with being a roid fiend. What a colossal dickbag.

So TR would you please play request and dedication? I want to dedicate Biggie Small's "Juicy" to Mongy Ramirez. You know what TR? It's like Biggie says, "And if you don't know, know you now, nicka."

Signed,

Tito Swanson"


Tito, thank you for your moving letter, and I'll do you one better with the Biggie/Mongy lyrics- "Spread 'roids it's the BX way." Anyway, It would be my honor to play that. Since this email was about a juiced-out 'roid monkey, I'll even change my tagline for my dedidacion-
Tito, keep a needle in your ass, your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars! Here is your request and dedication.

Manny Ramirez Got That Cloudy Tinkle

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Manny Ramirez failed a drug-test and is now suspended 50 games. I told my Red Sox-loving friend that Manny was a juicer. He entered the league as a solidly built guy, and he eventually became a hulking pile of muscle. Thanks for cheating to sweep the Cubs out of the 2008 postseason, anus.

Remember how he and his agent Scott Boras held out for so long in their contract talks, demanding more money? Who knew it was possible for Boras to be more hated? Thanks for making sure you won't be (sweeping the Cubs) in the postseason, Manny! I tried to find a clip of Manny leaning over the plate, flicking out his bat and hitting a 430 foot home run to center field, but couldn't find it. This was the runner-up clip.



What was the last good thing to come out of Los Angeles? Anything?

Here is a pic of the aforementioned home run. Does this look like a prototypical home run swing? Bent over the plate and about to fall over? There's a reason you don't see many home run swings like this- much less, home runs to center field- most players aren't 'roid monkeys.

In fact, I've just called him Manny Ramirez for the last time- from here on out it's Mongy Ramirez exclusively.

Hot Tip For Making Me Think You Are a Dork

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Do all three of the following:

1. Go to a coffeeshop
2. Bring your Laptop
3. Do nothing but fool around on Facebook the entire time.

Denial of Cubbie Lovin'

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Good Cubs article from John Kass, a great Chicago journalist. He takes a pretty accurate reading of the temperature of Cubs fans. Well, not anally. Or orally or anything. I guess what I mean he is, he understands their emotions well, even if he is a White Sox fan.

Shock: There is White Trash at Yankee Stadium

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I know, I know. I didn't believe it either until I saw an obese guy in a Jeter jersey shirt with a blond ponytail flying kick a guy. Plus I think he was wearing high-tops.




The New Yankoff Stadium: The House that Dignity Built

Oh Ma Gaaa. Oh Ma Gaaa

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Vincent Van Gogh didn't cut off his own ear!!! His roommate Paul Gaughin did!! According to this report in The Guardian. A German report that went on for 10 years concluded that Gaughin cut off Van Gogh's ear in a drunken fight. Aweshome.

Update on America's Finest Intellectual Mind

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Joe the Plumber doesn't want "queers" anywhere near his plumbing, or his kids.

New Wing at the Art Institute of Chicago

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Looks like a doozey. Check it out here.

*Sigh* My Derby Recap

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I got humiliated. I admit it. At least my misery has a ton of company on this one.

While I have noticed an inverse proportion between how much you follow horse racing and how much you enjoyed this Derby, I can't really call this Derby a fluke.

It's a fluke in that there was ABSOLUTELY no way one could have bet on this horse, and was impossible to see coming. But it was not a fluke in how it won. That may sound obvious, but horseplayers know what I mean. There wasn't a pace meltdown, the top 5 horses didn't all get boxed in or interfered with, there wasn't a horse that ran into tons of traffic early on but was running the faster at the end, but just ran out of room, etc. What I don't enjoy admitting is that Mine that Bird was the only horse running at the end. No one ran remotely as well as he did, and no other horse has an excuse. Sure the sloppy track conditions were a hinderance, but every horse was hidered equally, and a horse like Friesan Fire would have preferred the slop.

A few other things worth noting: Mine that Bird covered the mile and a quarter in 2:02:4/5 (two minutes, 2 seconds and 4/5ths), for which he received a Beyer Speed Figure of 105. In 2004 Smarty Jones, regarded as a borderline superhorse won the Derby over a sloppy track in 2:04 and received a Beyer of 107. 1994 was the next-most-recent Derby over a sloppy track, it was won by Go For Gin in 2:03:3/5, for which he received a Beyer of 112. In order for Mine that Bird to be assessed a Beyer of 105 indicates that the track was running faster on Saturday, than it was for the 2004, and 1994 Derbies, but the raw time itself lends credibility to the Bird's performance.

Taking away from Mine That Bird's glory is that Rachel Alexandra's Kentuck Oaks race the day before was given a Beyer Speed Figure of 108. This Steven Crist Blog article compares the two very nicely. Comparisons like this have several horseplayers lining up to point out that Rachel Alexandra should have raced against the boys in the Derby, and she surely would have won if she had. The brilliance of Rachel Alexandra shouldn't cast a shadow over MTB's performance, nor is she obligated to race against boys, but the discussion of "What if Rachel Alexandra ran in the '09 Derby" will probably remain a footnote in Derby lore for years to come.

Plenty of race fans are admiring Calvin Borel's masterful ride, and rightfully so, but many also assert that his ride was so good that he could have won with any horse on Saturday. That's taking things much too far. Mine that Bird was the only horse running at the end. As fantastic as Borel's ride was, I don't think he is responsible for all 6 3/4 lengths that MTB won by. Unquestionably, Calvin Borel was the best jockey in the Derby, but even though I don't enjoy admitting it, he also had the best horse that day.

Some Summertime SudAmericano Flava

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I'm not even sure I spelled the Spanish portion correctly. Anyway, this by Tanghetto, it is from Argentina and is an Accordion playing trippy house-type music. It's probably not even technically "house" music, but it is to my un-hip ass. The rest of their stuff is pretty cool too. Great music for outdoor summertime relaxation. Especially if you are on drugs. They also cover a lot of 80's songs, which is pretty cool.

Joe, in Westminster, CO. You won't like this music. Too white for you.

Ask Marilyn, then TR Will ask you

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This question is a doozie. It appeared in Sunday's Parade Magazine's Ask Marilyn. Here is the question:

What do the following have in common: Aberdeen, Albany, Akron, Algiers, Angola, Augusta, Brazil, Cairo, China, Cincinnati, Cuba, Delaware, Denver, Dublin, Florence, Geneva, Georgia, Holland, Houston, Ireland, Lisbon, London, Manhattan, Memphis, Mexico, Miami, Nashville, Nebraska, Nevada, Paris, Peru, Philadelphia, Reno, Rome, Santa Fe, Scotland, Vermont, Vienna, Warsaw, Washington?
—William Baker, Virginia Beach, Va.

subtle hint to very few: If you grew up with TR Slyder, you are at an advantage to guess this. The answer will be posted in the Comments section below.

Move Over Fred Astaire and Michael Jackson. This is the Best Dancer of All time

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


If you aint gon' ride fly, then you might as well hate. (this isn't all that worksafe, but the audio is worse than the visual).




As a bonus, he looks a ton like Dave Chappelle in that one, "Great Moments in Hookup History" sketch, where Ashley "Smashley" Evans gave him "Pac-man Fever". nomnomnom.

I don't even know where to begin with the comments.

This is totally gonna be my first dance at my wedding.

This is what they mean when they say "tear da club up"

I hope when I'm reincarnated I come back to Earth as one of those two lowlifes holding that broad when homeboy does his pedestal leap. Those guys are classy.

Do they teach that dance at Cotillion?

UPDATE: I just found the YouTube page to the DuttyFridaze parties. Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.