Thursday, July 16, 2009

Debate for the Ages: Hogzilla vs. Catfishzilla. Who ya Got?


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

She caught that. She's 4'10'' and weighs 86 lb.s, it's 9'0'', 193. That is, if you believe a woman when she tells you her weight. Anyway, the point is, that's a pretty impressive haul for an a 11-year old. (you can read about it here). But what I am wondering is: Is it more impressive than this? Hogzilla, the Holy Grail of child-hunting booty, (that could be taken out of context).


Although since that pic was a hoax, it maybe isn't a fair comparison. It would be like asking if you think Usain Bolt can run faster than the Flash. The pic was Photoshopped, but the pig was still pretty damn big, just not as big in proportion to that kid as the pic would have you believe.

It's still too close to call. Maybe a juxtaposition will help clear it up.


I gotta go with the girl and the fish, since she had to use her own brute strength to haul it in, instead of just sit back and pull a trigger. She captured the fish and hauled it in alive by over-powering it, the kid just spotted it, then let modern ballistics do the rest.

Rachel Alexandra's Next Race Will Be The Haskell


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Rachel's is pointed to the August 2nd Haskell Invitational at Monmouth Park, where she will again race against the boys. The race is run at a 1 mile and an 1/8th.

The other horses that are being pointed toward the Haskell include Papa Clem, Summer Bird, Atomic Rain and Munnings. We know what Summer Bird can do at a 1.5 miles, but I'm sure that 1 mile and 1/8th will flatter his talents. Munnings is the same, but the opposite, so to speak. His success has come via sprint races, where the Daily Racing Form's Mike Watchmaker currently has him listed on his Watchmaker Watch as the 2nd best sprinter in the country. His best distance appears to be 7 furlongs (where he has posted Beyer Speed Figures of 108, 110 and 111 in consecutive races since May 1st, which are similar to Rachel's Beyers at 1 mile and 1/8th.) , and the Haskell will be at 9f. So he has the talent to stay with Rachel, it's just a question of if his talent can be stretched out over 9 furlongs.

Should be a doozie.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I Can? Why, Thank You.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

It Humbles me to Admit This/Ask This...

I'm sure you've all seen these Rogaine commercials that they play during sporting events. Sometimes while watching TV, and not wanting to change the channel, yet not wanting to watch commercials either- I'll just get up and do something quick for the two minutes during the commercials. Something menial like take my garbage out, or floss my teeth, or something. Anyway, so when the TV goes to commercial I'll stop paying attention to the TV and focus on what I'm about to to do. Then the first thing you hear in this commercial is very loud and abrupt. It's *silence, silence, silence, * then speaker belt out, "You can buff up...". So I hear that when I'm not paying attention, and I'm like, "Wait, did that guy just say, 'You can b@ttf&*k..'?" Then after listening to the next part I realize he didn't swear in the first part.


Oral Lookalikes: Sonya Sotomayor and Keira Knightley, as well as Brett Favre and Bobby Brady

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Sometimes two people don't look very similar but have the same shape mouth. Bobby Brady and Brett Favre, and Michelle Wie and Beaker come to mind (I thought I'd posted about Bobby and Brett before but a check of the archives indicated that I hadn't, so I included them below).
After seeing pictures of Sonya Sotomayor smiling today, I realized she had the Keira Knightley smile- where the corners of your mouth don't curl upward and they just wrinkle their nose and I imagine them to be making the sound you make in the back of your throat when you imitate taking a huge big out of an apple. The evidence:




























































If there's one thing TR Slyder knows, it's dude's mouths. Wait, that didn't come out right...

Lookalikes 25.0- TJ Houshmanzadeh and a Pirate from a skit from Amazon Women on The Moon

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This is the first ever video look alike. Seahawks wide receiver TJ Joushmanzadeh and a pirate, played by William Marshall in Amazon Women on the Moon.



I Just Don't See It.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

How are white people considered to be corny, uphip, lame and lacking soul? Apparently they haven't seen this video.

This is Joey Travolta. John's brother. This video is the whitest thing I've ever seen. Joey Travolta makes this video look like a 2LiveCrew video.

Joey Travolta: White People's image :: Flava Flav: Black People's image

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Don't Ask Me To Hate This

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Big ups to Dr. Kevin for showing me this doozey, he is no quack when it comes to YouTube recommendations, that's for damn sheezy. Ostensibly, this is what the Chuck E. Cheese bands play after hours. Who knew they had so much range?



For those of you who enjoy singing alternate lyrics to songs, I'd like to humbly suggest substituting, "I wanna make love in this club" with, "I wanna make love to this butt".

Friday, July 10, 2009

MICHAEL JACKSON DID THE WHITE MAN'S OVERBITE!!!!!!!!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Holy Moley Buttholey!!! I don't know what to say. I clicked a link saying that Michael Jackson was dancing to R. Kelly. I really like both of them, so I thought this clip couldn't miss. In fact, to my friend The Diamond in Denver, you could argue this would be the best video clip possible (maybe if Tiger were playing golf with the picture-in-picture feature).

So I clicked it and it sucked. But it did worse than sucked. The best dancer in history did the worst dance move in history. That's right. The White Man's Overbite. It's at the 1:05 clip. I don't even know what to think now. Does he suck? Are all White Man's Overbitters good dancers?

This sucks. Don't watch it.



I'm so confused. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm not angry, I'm disappointed. But I'm also angry. I feel lied to. I feel like laughing. Then laughing maniacally while I cut my hair off with a knife in the mirror then cut myself and taste my own blood, then laugh more, then go cry and fall asleep. But at the same time, I also don't really care because he's a molester and was probably too muscularly relaxed to do any real dance moves.

The point is, I'm ambivalent.

New Link Added

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I go to this site a few times a day. Popurls.com. It's a news aggregator and shows the top news stories (or story for some) from a LOT of different news sites of just about every genre. It's kind of a snapshot of all the recent news goings on. It's also a great way to find random news that you maybe would be unlikely to find at your normally visited sites.

Another Plea to Techies


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

We all know that infomercials are really cheesey, and what I think is the single cheesiest component of them is the black and white "Before" scenes/pictures. They could maybe be called something like, "Life without our product" scenes.

You know what I'm talking about. There was one that stands out for me, it was for some kind of spatula that did it all, and they show an attractive woman smiling while flipping pancakes for her smiling kids. Then the "before" video was her with messy hair, in black and white, it was filmed like a horror movie on a hand held camera, and she was frying either fish or eggs in like an inch of oil and trying to flip it over, but it just broke apart, and the pieces flew over the pan causing oil to splash.

Anyway, my plea to the techies is for a compilation of all of these "Before"s. Beauty products are always great, I love how the before is always black and white, with frumpy clothes and they're alone in their room. Whereas the "after" has them in a cocktail dress on a date at a swanky restaurant.

Thechies, you ignored my plea to make a mashup of the Perez Hilton Getting Punched/Don't Taze Me Bro videos, but please do the right thing this time.

I Accidentally Thought of This and I'm STILL Disappointed in Myself


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Since Chastity Bono is getting a sex change operation to become a man, I think she should change her name to Chaspectoraly Bono.

I won't elaborate on that one, but I will apologize.

I'm sorry you had to read that.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Brenden Fraser is BACK!!!!





















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I've said it before and I will say it again: The three biggest cinema stars in my lifetime are Frankie Muniz, Johnathon Brandis and Brenden Fraser.

Fraser is back in a new movie starring Brooke Shields called "Vengence". Here is a description of his juicy/meaty role:

Brendan Fraser is playing the lead in Roger Kumble's film, which centers on a real estate developer who gets more than he bargained for from a band of raccoons when he pushes too hard into more pristine territory. Shields will play Tami Sanders, the wife of Fraser's character.


I am sure there are some people out there with no eye for cinematic genius that think that this role sounds lame, befitting an actor of Fraser's status, but that's not the case. Its such a challenging role to make this character awesome, that the casting agent KNEW that there was only one man alive (not named Frankie Muniz) that could bring this humble character to, not only life, but to the Mount Olympus of historic characters in cinema. That man is Brendan Fraser.


Here he is acting like a scrotum on drugs in a setting where he does not belong.

Fatness in the News Today


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Tim Magazine asks Why Are Southerners So Fat?

Today's Chicago Tribune had a link saying, "1 in 4 Illinoisians Declared Fat", which brought you to the page I linked. The link has a different headline, but the teaser from Tribune page had me thinking.

I wonder if they were declared obese like from medical testing measured against a standard definition for obesity, or if someone dressed up like a king with a red, velvety cape, a crown and scepter and walked around Illinois "declaring" people obese right off the street. The "King" could make it sound all regal, and use a stuffy British accent to make his very loud and bold public declaration, preferably starting with "Hear ye, hear ye...". I hope they also announced the date in super long form like, "It is on this 9th day of the 7th month of the Solar Calendar, in the year of our Lord that is the Two thousand and ninth, the I do declare, under auspices of the Queen, myself and the Incorporated State of Illinois...."

Then maybe he could boldly proclaim his rationale for his declaration, "Due to a buttocks that is reminiscent of a sack of wet laundry, triceps that could feed a cannibalistic tee-ball team, and waist line that would not fit inside of an inner tube, I, the King, declare you obese!"




For information on my Fighting Childhood Obesity Iniatitive, click here

Question

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Why does every rapper want to get into acting, but no performers in any other genre want to?

Happy Birthday and Anniversay, Sarah

Happy Birthday!


Happy Anniversary to you and Michael!


Limpet

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

My Baloney Died


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Oscar Mayer died today.

He died at home of natural causes. He was brought to the hospital but was DOA. He also had a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.

In a related story- One time I was in New Jersey with my cousins when we got a flat tire. While walking along the highway to get to a tire store, we heard a car honk at us. It was a rude, "watch where you're going, asshole!" honk, it was a friendly, "hey, I know you!" honk. That type of honk surprised us because we didn't know anyone in New Jersey and were just visiting. We turned around to see it was the Wienermobile. That's my best New Jersey memory.

Destino: Salvador Dali and Walt Disney Collaboration

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I had no idea this existed. This is pretty effing rad.



You can read a bit about this surprising collaboration here.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

New Website That Kicks Fanny

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Dan Abram's new website Mediaite kicks hiney. It's all about the media and the business of the media. It's kind of a meta-look at the media. It's good. I recommend checking out the PowerGrids.

One disclaimer: If you don't like websites about the media that kick hiney, you won't like this website.

A 'Little' Theory About Semantics


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Semantics are a big deal in our society.

For instance: I'm convinced that semantics are the only hangup with the passing of gay marriage legislation. Why? Because here is every gay marriage argument ever.

ProPerson: Gay Marriage should be legal.
ConPerson: No. Marriage is between a man and a woman, the bible says so.

If instead of "marriage" they called themselves, "Contractual Homies", the Con argument would fall apart. The bible never says anything about Contractual Homies. It doesn't harm the sanctity of "marriage" because being Contractual Homies isn't the same as marriage *wink*. Problem solved.

The reason I mention that is because a group of little people is asking the FCC to ban the word, "midget" from the airwaves. I'm ok with that, if the majority of little people are offended by that, then that word should be banned. It's easy enough to call them 'little people' instead. No skin off my nose.

But I was trying to figure out why that word is offensive. It doesn't have any inherent connotation that 'little people' couldn't later adopt. The words 'moron', 'idiot', and 'imbecile' originated as clinical words used for different classifications of mental retardation- they eventually morphed into pejoratives. I'm afraid that little people are likely to always be considered an 'outgroup' and be regarded as oddballs, comedic or something slightly less than human.

That's where I think semantics can help. I think part of what makes the literal word "midget" pejorative is the ending. What other words end in -et, (or at least that sound)?

Nugget, cutlet, marionette, pipette, kitchenette, etc. I'm sure I'm forgetting plenty.

The point is they're all dimuntives- a little cut, little pipe, little kitchen, (nugget is different, and I have no idea what "Marion" is in French, but you get the point). The word "midget" just sounds like it denotes something little.

I think we should think of a new word to replace "midget" but something menacing- like the names of groups of bad guys/things in movies or like a dinosaur- something with a K sounds or two, or a V sound and ending in -or preferably. Like Klovaktors or Rokalktors or something. That's just a menacing sounding name. If you heard that every Wednesday from 9-midnight a bar had Rokalktor Tossing, at first you'd think, "Dayyyum! You'd have to be a bad mother fucking to throw a Rokalktor!!" then you'd realize that it means little person, and you'd think, "Eh, I guess most people could throw one. But man, that sounds difficult."

Giving little people a bad ass nickname would be like semantic reparations. We can do this.

New Nickname Proposal to Replace "The Governator"
























By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

How about, "The Moronator"?

How is the media not calling him out more? What state would be more difficult to bankrupt that California??? They have every taxable revenue a state can possibly imagine: countless varaties of agriculture- both terrestrial and aquatic, major tourism, an impossible concentration of super-wealthy residents to tax (not to mention they're a left-leaning state who doesn't mind higher taxation), and nearly the entire movie and music recording industry, several major professional sports franchises, a thriving alcohol-producing industry and I'm sure I've left tons out.

You can't take all of that and keep the state un-bankrupt? Are you fucking kidding? This has got to be some kind of joke.

A New Sub-Species of Monkey was Discovered in Brazil

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

It's pretty ugly, but it's still a monkey.

Great PR Week for Goldman Sachs


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

First this convincing article that assert that Goldman Sachs is responsible for engineering and profiteering from every major financial bubble, and its subsequent bursting, since the depression.

Now it's top-secret trading algorithm has been purloined.

Good luck with all that, guys.

Still Don't Think That Silvio Berlusconi is Awesome?


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Then how would you explain this??

Berlusconi taking for topless model to escort him to G8 Summit.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I Accidentally Thought of This.


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

You know those Sex and The City t-shirts that say "I'm a Charlotte" or "I'm a Samantha"? I think they should have a line of those shirts for the Facts of Life.

I still can't decided whether I'd rather rock the shirt that says, "I'm a Tootie" or, "I'm a Mrs. Garrett". But I'd totally rock one of them. Maybe I'd buy both and wear one over the other depending on my mood. Like if I were gonna rollerskate I'd go with the Tootie tee, but if I were gonna discipline a bunch of teenage girls in school uniforms I'd go with Mrs. G.

But if I were gonna smoke me a li'l good-ass weed, I'd probably go with "I'm a Tumpy"

My Favorite Michael Jackson Cover

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Amy Winehouse and Charlotte Church singing Beat It. (previously mentioned here).


Blind Stupidity Yields Undesirable Results: The Breeder's Cup Story

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


The below headline and accompanying article (taken from here). Actually made me glad. As much as I love horse racing, I cannot imagine a sport, or any commodity for that reason, managed more poorly than the sport of horse racing. Last year's Breeders' Cup as well as this years, were/will be held at Santa Anita, a track with a synthetic racing surface, as opposed to traditional dirt. This befuddling decision left many (many of the few remaining, that is) to either drastically decrease their wagers, or abandon betting on the Breeders' Cup altogether. Just as you would feel less comfortable betting on a football game played on gravel, the betting contingent felt equally as hesitant to part with their hard-earned cash over a surface where many horses had never ran.

Worse yet, can the horse racing decision makers even be surprised by that? So what did they do remedy that problem? Ran it at Santa Anita again. You deserve these problems, Horse Racing.

Breeders' Cup Faces, 'substantial deficit'

By Matt Hegarty

LEXINGTON, Ky. - The Breeders' Cup is operating at a "substantial deficit," according to its top official, and it is becoming increasingly likely that purses for its top events and supplemental stakes program will need to be cut to return the organization to financial stability, according to several of its directors.

The question of how to address the deficit is the backdrop to an election Thursday to fill six of the board's 13 seats. Ten candidates are vying for the seats, including four members whose terms expire that day.

The Breeders' Cup weathered a near revolt among its nominators late last year when it attempted to suspend a $6 million supplemental purse program, but the sustained recession leaves purse cuts as one of the few options to control expenses without further dipping into its depressed reserves, board members said. The Breeders' Cup expects to distribute $30.5 million in purses this year. In 2005, purse distribution was $21.8 million.

"There's no way we can continue operating our company with the deficits we've had," said Terry Finley, the owner of West Point Thoroughbreds and a director of the company. "There's obviously going to be some changes to the business and tweaks to the model. We're all of the same opinion that everything is on the table. We wouldn't be doing our jobs if that wasn't the case."

According to the organization's financial statements for 2008, the Breeders' Cup had negative cash flow last year of $7.5 million, reducing its cash balance to $1.2 million by year end. In large part, that reduction was caused by a fall-off in the value of its investments, a change that reduced net assets to $28.2 million, down from $40.9 million at the end of 2007. In response, the Breeders' Cup tapped a $10 million line of credit for $5.9 million to operate this year.

Greg Avioli, the chief executive officer of the Breeders' Cup, declined to answer direct questions last week but said in a statement that the group was operating at a "substantial deficit." Previously, in a letter to nominators that accompanied the group's annual financial documents, Avioli projected a $5.6 million budget deficit this year. In the statement last week, Avioli said that Breeders' Cup officials "expect that our 2009 results will be consistent with the budget."

"We will be in a better position to comment on long-term financial matters after we have completed 2009 foal nominations, which we believe will be the most direct indicator of the effect the recession will have on finances in future years," Avioli said in the statement.

Approximately 40 percent of Breeders' Cup revenues are derived from fees paid by owners of foals and stallions. According to officials, revenues from those sources are expected to drop by at least 20 percent, largely because stallion nominations are tied to stud fees and book size, which have fallen significantly.

Satish Sanan, a board member whose term expires next year, said that the $6 million line of credit was not an indication that the Breeders' Cup position had become precarious. Instead, Sanan said, tapping the line of credit is a prudent strategy to cover expenses at a time of little revenue - between the year-end championship event and the collection of nomination fees in late summer.

Sanan, the owner of Padua Stables, has been an outspoken critic of the way the group has managed its investment funds. He said he was preparing a strategic plan that would allow the Breeders' Cup to realize additional revenues from sponsorships and the year-end event. He also said that purses appear to be destined for cuts.

"The logical place to start is the purses," Sanan said. "You don't have to have a $5 or $6 million Classic; horses will still come if it's worth $3 million or $4 million. But that is only short-term."

Sanan would not comment further on his strategic plan, which is to be presented to the board on Thursday.

The recession has had a crippling effect on sponsorship revenue in other sports, and some Breeders' Cup directors said that revenues from the year-end event will likely be less than last year, partly because of a compensation requirement to Santa Anita Park. The requirement is part of a two-year agreement to hold the year-end event at the track, which guarantees Santa Anita specific returns. The Breeders' Cup did not hit those returns last year and will need to compensate the track this year accordingly, one director said. In 2008, revenue from the year-end event was $21.2 million, down 9 percent compared with 2007. Since then, wagering on domestic horse races has declined just over 10 percent, including a 17 percent drop in June. The bulk of the event revenues are collected from wagering.

E. Duncan Taylor, a co-owner of Taylor Made Farms who is a candidate for one of the open seats, said that it was possible to increase revenues from the year-end event and possibly avoid purse cuts. He said it would take "foresight and brainstorming," and he also said that it would be nearly impossible to extract more revenue from nominators. The nominators provided $21.5 million in fees in 2008 compared with $29.5 million in purse expenses and awards. Fees are expected to be only approximately $16 million in 2009 compared with the $30.5 million purse distribution.

"You can't ask the nominators to put up more money," Taylor said. "They've already primed the pump. And they are going through tough times."

Robert T. Manfuso, a director who is up for re-election, said that he does not anticipate that the bloodstock market will rebound anytime soon, citing the persistence of the economic doldrums affecting markets worldwide. As a result, he said, the Breeders' Cup has little to no chance to grow its revenue, and purse cuts have to be considered, no matter how much resistance nominators may offer.

"There are constituents out there whose concerns we will have to address," Manfuso said. "How we address those, and how we maintain our focus on our mission, is the big question. But sometimes people forget that the mission of the Breeders' Cup is to raise awareness of Thoroughbred racing. It's not just purses. That's our job, and when we do our job right, everyone benefits."

Time for Hypocrisy

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

After having posted the preceding post, this may seem hypocritical. It isn't that I care about celebrity lives, or even care to meet any of them, but I do find articles about them behaving badly to be amusing, just as it amuses me when people I know behave badly.

That being said, if you are similar, you will waste 3 hours at this site. (click the "older posts" link at the bottom of the page)

It's a blog called Crazy Days and Nights that has for years been providing "blind items" about celebrities. I'd read them on Gawker.com which offers blind items every day, roughly have of them are from this particular blog. Well today Crazy Days and Nights decided to provided the "answers" for years of their blind items, revealing who they bits were about. It's amusing so I wanted to pass it along.

Steve McNair Death Edition Soundoff


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

It's too bad that he died and in such grisly fashion.

But the media is being moronic yet again. Their coverage is also poor because it reminds us all too well that all sports journalists are still conrtolled by their inner 11-year old self, who idolizes their sports heroes, assumes they're great men and would make great dads, and fall asleep in their sports-themed pajamas every night.

Get over it guys. I hear sports talking-heads saying things about McNair's death to the effect of, "Wow. You know, we thought we knew this guy. I mean, he was a great family-man, did so much for the community, and no we find out that he was murdered by his girlfriend. Who knows what other kind of shady activities he may have partaken of. Sadly, this doubt will tarnish a legacy of a great man.". When I hear that kind of dumb crap it reminds me of when someone (usually women) come to your place for the first, or any place new for that matter, and say, "Oh wow. This is totally different than how I pictured it!" The first thing I think when I hear that is, "Why the HELL did you bother to imagine my apartment?" Was any good going to come of it? Was there any chance you'd be 100% correct? If so, who cares? Do you really have THAT much spare time? I mean, really. What the hell?

That's how I view "getting to know" celebrities or atheletes. Who cares? Even if you loved how Steve McNair threw a football to a man wearing pads, a helmet and spandex pants, why do you care if he was having an affair? Why did journalists bother to try to carve out this man's identity and feel they knew him? Now they're finding out that the information they imagined/assumed/were fed by McNair's handlers didn't reveal every dark nuance of his life and I'm supposed to care that they're pajama-wearing, jersey-sniffing asses were surprised that they didn't know everything about him and are saddened?

Don't assume we're all as stupid and celebrity-worshiping and fame-blinded as you are.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

T.R. Salutes: Ghoulies


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Best movie poster of all time. I remember seeing this on the shelf at the video rental place when I was Kindergarten and just being mesmerized. I had no idea that adults could have ideas that were as disgustingly silly as the ones my friends and I had. I never wound up seeing the movie, but it could never live up to my expectations that the poster created. I don't want a story arch, static and dynamic characters, rising action, protagonist, antagonist, falling action, a love interest, a beginning, middle and an end.

I just like green dudes coming out of toilets hinting that they'll bite your buns. That's all I need, really.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Is the Most Interesting Man in the World a More Interesting Man, than Joe Camel is an Interesting Camel?




















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I could really go either way with this one as they both have the obvious merits. However, I've met and heard of a lot of men I thought were interesting, with TMIMITW being chief among them, but Joe Camel is the ONLY camel I've ever found interesting. He's a good four standard deviations above the mean for camel interestingness, whereas TMIMITW is probably closer to two or three for man interestingness.

Plus Joe Camel was banned. What's cooler than being so dangerous that you're banned? Plus he was banned for tempting underage kids to smoke. You know who else encouraged underage drug use? Wooderson from Dazed and Confused- the coolest character in the whole damn movie.

Put, to play Beelzebub's apologist (that would be a sweet name for a punk band, btw), you have to give TMIMITW credit for, ostensibly playing by the rules the whole time yet managing to stay so goddamn interesting.

I guess it really comes down to whether or not you like the rebel or the straight man. Dylan McKay or Brandon Walsh? Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin? Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston? Pee Wee Herman or the ex con he picked up who has got a real bad temper and cut the tag off of a mattress?

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.

Suggestion to Improve the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest
















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

The pregame introductions at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest are the best introductions in sports- whimsical, entertaining, and mildly educational. The antithesis of this is the introductions at professional soccer matches, especially in Europe, where the players walk out holding hands with children, then exchange flags, and a bunch of other pomp and circumstance that reminds me of the introductions on Iron Chef.

Soccer just needs to abandon all that foolywang, but I think the hot dog eating competition intros would be even funnier if they came holding holding hands with random Coney Island kids during the introductions as seen below.



Friday, July 3, 2009

Lookalikes 24.0- Tim Lincecum and Mitch Kramer from Dazed and Confused

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

WhereAwesomeHappens loyalists/documentarians will recall my posting about Tim Lincecum looking like the offspring of Fall Out Boy and Don Flamenco (Note that his relation to Don Flamenco, also makes him related to Steve Carrell and Martin Gramattica). Now that Lincecum has his hair longer, he reminds me a lot of Mitch Kramer, the kid from Dazed and Confused (Played by Wiley Wiggins).

In addition to their uncanny physical similarities, they also act similarly. Remember the scene in that movie where the Seniors stake out Mitch at the baseball game and wait for the game to end so they can paddle him? Do you remember which position Mitch played? Yup, he was a pitcher as well.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find a picture of Mitch pitching, or in his baseball uni, for that matter, so we'll have to make do with these.











































View all WhereAwesomeHappens Lookalikes

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Dooey Decimate System

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I'm hearing a lot of PSA's now to prevent drunk driving over the 4th of July weekend. I'm all for it, driving drunk is terrible. I'm also not afraid to call a DUI a "Dooey". Therefore, I think that the PSA's against drunk driving should simply say,

"Get a Dooey, go to the hooey."

Two Brassy Boys. Very Brassy.


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I read this article on TheBloodhorse.com about the highly-touted 2-year old, Brassy Boy, returning to the races on Saturday.

**********
UPDATE: I'm dumb. The race is Tonight, July 3rd. NOT on Saturday. Post time is 6:24pm. Up until post time, you can get the Past Performances here.

TheBloodhorse article was the first I'd heard of Brassy(, Very Brassy) Boy. After checking out the PP's he underwhelmed me. For being 5-1 on the morning line, he's a little light in the Beyer Speed Figure department, and may just be a mud lover. But he does love the Churchill surface. Here's hoping he wins.
**********


I know what you're wondering- Does that remind me of any famous lines from a TV show on the Disney Channel from a few years go staring Shia LaBoeuf? Funny you should ask. Yes it does.

It's as 6:52 of Part 2. If you have the time, you should check out Part 1 though as well, the show, and this episode in particular, are pretty awesome.

Part 1


Part 2

Thursday, July 2, 2009

More Than Just a Good Punk Band Name- It's Also Good For You: Super Tuna
















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I think regular Tuna is pretty super, imagine how much I'd like Super Tuna! If it's as super as I think it would be, I'd get on my knees and thank Baby Jesus AND Baby Allah (why all the talk of Baby Jesus but not Baby Allah? That doesn't seem fair.).

If you read the article, you'll be re-re-re-re-reminded of how much of a mongoloid Sting is. In an effort sound intelligently and sanctimonious he ballsily signed a petition to end the serving of Tuna. Who did he petition? The ridiculously powerful Reverend Moon? Maybe a commercial fishery like Chicken of the Sea, Bumblebee, or Starkist?

Nope. Celebrity chef Nobu. Not the people Nobu buys his Tuna from (like the aforementioned Moon), nor a major, major fishery. A celebrity. Probably the only person that Sting knows that sells Tuna.

I digressed with the Sting bashing. The point is, Super Tuna is gonna be awesome.

Ass-men Need not Apply

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


While checking out jobs on LinkedIn.com I noticed this job posting. If you have an account with LinkedIn you can view the posting here. Otherwise, just check it out below. I thought the wording was funny.



Sr. Web Developer- Front End at Playboy

Location: Greater Chicago Area

URL: http://www.playboyenterprises.com

Type:
Full-time
Experience:
Mid-Senior level
Functions:
Information Technology
Industries:
Online Media, Internet, Entertainment
Posted:
June 5, 2009
Pay Description:
commensurate with Experience

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Beavis and Butthead


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Don't expect me to hate that lookalike pairing.

United Airlines Attendant Honoring Michael Jackson

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Click here to see the innovative way one gentleman chose to mourn the loss of Michael Jackson.

The New "Ledge" on the Sears Tower Skydeck is Now Open


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

The Tribune has a good, brief write up about it with another picture.

This isn't the most non-gross thought ever, but if they had a toilet with a clear tube going down all 103 floors, and cameras on like every 5th floor beaming the image up to a huge wall of monitors where you could chart your urinary freefall- would you pay $5 to use it? Then maybe like $4 more for a DVD copy of your journey? I'd probably pay the 5.

Where the Wildly Obese Things Are




















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

The results are in. Drumstickroll please. The fattest state in the United States for the fifth year in a row and still champion, Mississippi! Congratulations Mississippi, your adult obesity percentage of 32.5% took the cake.

Update: Sorry if that mislead any Mississippi readers- that was just a figure of speech. No cakes were awarded.

Here's the breakdown of the results.

1. Mississippi- Adult Obesity %- 32.5
2. Alabama- 31.2%, which is up from last year. Way to dig deeper, guys. Into the fried chicken bucket, that is.
3. West Virginia- 31.1%. Country Roads, Take Me to McDonalds.
4. Tennessee- 30.2%. Nice to see the Volunteer state was volunteering to have seconds and thirds of dessert.


Here's Where Bad Parenting Comes Into Play- Childhood Obesity Rankings.

1. Mississippi- 44%
2. Arkansas 37.5%
3. Georgia 37.3%


Where Chubby-Chasers Fear to Tread- states with the lowest % of obesity
1. Colorado- 18.9%
2. Massachusetts- 21.2%
3. Connecticut- 21.3%


What's especially puzzling is that Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas and Georgia- the fattest states for adults and kids, all voted for John McCain in the 2008 election.

Phrased differently, the fattest states all voted against the candidate who ran on the Health Care For Everyone platform. If I were obese, I'd probably want free health care. I guess these states really don't want Obama's handouts, unless of course, they're wrapped in bacon.


To see my video compilations of fighting childhood obesity, click here

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Why I Call him "Al" Instead of "Reverend" Sharpton




Shake that Rev-Rear-End, Al Doggie!!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


What is the definition of "Reverend", any? According to Merriam-Webster it's?

1: worthy of reverence : revered


Well that makes sense. What about "reverence" then?


Main Entry:
1rev·er·ence           Listen to the pronunciation of 1reverence
Pronunciation:
\ˈrev-rən(t)s, ˈre-və-; ˈre-vərn(t)s\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin reverentia, from reverent-, reverens respectful, reverent
Date:
14th century
1: honor or respect felt or shown : deference ; especially : profound adoring awed respect2: a gesture of respect (as a bow)3: the state of being revered4: one held in reverence —used as a title for a clergyman

synonyms see honor



Hmmm. It's not that I expect everyone to be models of nobility every instant of every day, but when your title is "Reverend" and it's part of your name, you should refrain from pelvis-on-pelvis activity in public if you expect anyone to find you reverend.

Doin' the loose booty while publicly celebrating the life of a child molester isn't engendering my "adoring awed respect" for you, Al.

Good Write-up About Zenyatta and Rachel Alexandra

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Brought to you by Dan Illman of the Daily Racing Form

06/29/2009

Rachel vs. Zenyatta?

Like a large locomotive slowly building momentum, Zenyatta crept up to the leaders entering the far turn of Saturday's Vanity Handicap. Despite her undefeated record and 3-10 post time odds, one could feel the tension in the steamy simulcast facility.

"She's too far behind," exclaimed one punter.

"She doesn't look comfortable," chimed in another.

"What's Smith waiting for?" asked one more worried fan.

The concern was contagious. For a moment, no one spoke. Then, Zenyatta did the talking. If Mike Smith was a conductor on the big train, he would have blasted the horn. Zenyatta dropped her massive head, and picked up steam. For the eleventh straight time, she circled her foes, and then passed them with a minimum of fuss. For the eleventh straight time, she crossed the wire in front. For the eleventh straight time, she returned to the winner's circle to bask in the wild cheers of her home crowd.

Less than thirty minutes earlier, and 3,000 miles to the East, the main challenger to Zenyatta's claim as best horse in North America, Rachel Alexandra, absolutely crushed two overmatched foes in the historic Mother Goose Stakes. Rachel is younger, more tactical, and arguably more exciting than Zenyatta. She's frenzied dance music to Zenyatta's classic rock. Different strokes for different folks, but true aficionados enjoy the best of both genres.
Rachel Alexandra won the Mother Goose by 19 1/4 lengths. A remarkable feat to be sure, but the margin of victory still fell a length shy to her amazing performance in the Kentucky Oaks on the first Friday in May. Rachel Alexandra has won her last three starts by a combined 40 1/2 lengths. The combined margin of all eleven of Zenyatta's wins stands at 26.
They are two of the best thoroughbreds we've seen in recent years, and they couldn't be more different. Zenyatta likes to lope along at the back of the pack, and doesn't kick into gear until the final three-eighths of a mile. She has won on dirt, but is the poster girl for synthetic racing.
Rachel Alexandra likes to be near the action from the opening bell. Sure, she "rated" in the Mother Goose, but only because her opponents engaged in cutthroat fractions in front of her. No doubt, Rachel likes to hear her feet rattle, and she can keep that pace up for a long time. Plus, she earned her reputation by beating the best males of her year in the Preakness Stakes, the second jewel of racing's hallowed Triple Crown.
Will they ever meet? The odds are against it. Racehorses are fragile creatures. One misstep in the stall can cause a multiple-month respite from competition. Zenyatta will likely retire at the end of the year. Rachel's connections won't ship to Zenyatta's home base to run on a synthetic surface. But, if they do. If they do. It would be the battle racing fans, denied a Big Brown vs. Curlin clash last fall, have demanded for years. There's nothing like star power to sell a heavyweight bout. Zenyatta vs. Rachel? A racing fan can dream.

So, who would you take?

Timothy Stephen Rogers of Reading, Massachusetts saw This Movie in the Theater

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Sadly, Mr. Rogers plays the same "stupid cop games" that our diminutive cop friend does as well. You'll see what I mean.




Monday, June 29, 2009

Ian Schrager to Purchase Chicago's Once-Lengendary Ambassador East Hotel and its Pump Room Restaurant

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

If the name is familar, it may be because you knew him as the business-oriented half of the two owners of Studio 54. This will be his first Chicago property.

You can read about it here in Crain's Chicago.

This Dude is my new Role Model

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Karl Pilkington.

Monday Morning News Roundup with Acronyms/Initials


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


B.M. to get BF'd in prison for 150 years.

A medical examiner said it's likely B.M. (a different B.M. than the previous one) died of an H.A., not Natasha Richardson style. It would take a LOT of might putty to mend my broken heart.

Mahmeezy Amadinajeezy vows to find the real killer of Neda. You'll know he's serious about it when he enlists OJ to help.

Phil Rogers of the Chicago Tribune effectively says about Zambrano: You S a lot of C. Time for you to leave, take your high ERA with you.

Random thought: Did MJ get his gayness from his Dad, JJ? Sure he's married, but that doesn't mean he never a got a BJ through a GH on the DL.