Trying out Something New: Grammar Call Outs

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Bad grammar annoys me more than it annoys most people. Also, I am stupid enough to read the Comments-section occasionally for web articles that I enjoy. Inevitably, these are a breeding ground for the worst of the worst grammar on the internet. So I decided to start posting examples of extra-bad grammar.

Here's today's entrant. It's from this quasi-article on the Daily Racing Form's website. In the rant, this guy, "Race" sounds off about Kent Desormeaux, a jockey he dislikes. Let's have a look, shall we?

race says:

To "Prozackjack"---I agree hold heartely with your comments with Desormeaux---He's a head case, and cannot be trusted. My wife keeps telling me to let it go, but after he blew the Belmont with Big Brown with enough room for a Tracker Trailer to go through on the rail, I swore off him--and yes, he had to leave California go to another Country, and now he's riding high--Believe me---he'll show his color's soon in a big race, he already does every other day and it's head scratching, but not a big enough race to get any ink, and those in California will say "I told you so"----race

Posted by race Apr 11, 2009 12:14:15 PM

Congratulations "race"---- You don't understand life-----How does "hold heartely" make more sense than "whole"? By the way, you are allowed to use periods-----instead of "-----" dashes. I forgot to tell you that earlier.

It's Getting to be That Time of Year

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Bananas, Melonas, yeah.

As I always feel obligated to point out- the most underrated part of the video is the "yeah" at the :54 mark.

Fun With Names: Mark Teixeira Edition

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I bet Mark's parents wouldn't like Mark Teixeira bed with a man.

Passin it Along

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

To my Chi-town people people.

Chicago Chapter Frozen Four Hockey Game Watch Location: Sully's House, Tap Room & Lounge 4/11/2009 6:00 PM Contact: Dante Fiocca Join alumni, friends, and fans to cheer on the RedHawks in the final game of the NCAA Hockey Tournament. Don't miss the opportunity to see Miami in the Frozen Four! Join Chicago Miami alumni on Saturday, April 11 at 6:00 pm at Sully's House, Tap Room & Lounge. There will be drink specials and $2 off any pizza if you're wearing Miami Redhawk gear. No need to RSVP. Attendees will be responsible for their own food and beverages. For more information contact Dante Fiocca at (847) 915-0105 or dafiocca@yahoo.com .

Miami University
725 E Chestnut St
Oxford, OH 45056
If you wish to be removed from this group's mailing list, click here

Here is Sully's page on Metromix. It's in Old Town.

I'm Just Gonna Say it

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This is the Angels pitcher that was killed by a drunk driver in a hit-and-run the other day. Trust me, I think it's as sad as anyone else.

It's just that I'm not mature to ignore that his fly is down in that pic. That's all. I'm compassionate, sympathetic and empathetic, I just never said I was mature.



When reached for a photographic comment on this picture, a 3-year old boy in the park offered the following reaction:

I Know I Should be the Bigger Person, But Sometimes I Can't Help But Bemidiji

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Good work dispatching Bemidji State 4-1, Redhawks.

Keep your ducks in a row and you'll have no problem workin out those Departed-watching, Derek Jeter-hating, silly Bostonians.

We Keep it Real Crunk Around Here

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Keep it Greezy, Like They do in Fort Weezy

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

If you're like most Americans, you're asking "Does a former mayor of TR Slyder's hometown ever blog on the Huffington Post?" For years, I refused to answer that question publicly, but after a recent series of tragedies (the Cubs lost last night, I mildly irritated my knee while running, I accidental bet a wrong exacta combinaiton for the Derby, etc.) I've re-evaluated things and decided to break my silence.

Yes, at least one of them does. Paul Helmke posts a lot of articulate and difficult-to-argue-with pieces about gun control. In this instance "gun control" means limiting the number of them in the public, and not merely hitting your target. Here's a sample of Helmke's work.

One warning before you read this though: This former mayor of Fort Wayne, Indiana is a white man. So don't me startled by his pic in the byline.

P.S. When I was looking for a picture to post for Fort Wayne, I wasn't sure what to use, since nothing really symbolizes Fort Wayne all that well. I don't think there's one image that every Fort Wayne resident would identify strongly with, so I just went with Coney Island. After Googling Fort Wayne I came upon the picture at right. It's for Fort Wayne Living magazine (you can faintly see the "Fort Wayne" atop the cover. Eagle-eyed readers may notice that is not Fort Wayne. What does that really say about Fort Wayne? "Fort Wayne- where you can read all about cooler places!" Do you think Fort Wayne was on the cover of March-April 2008's Las Vegas Living magazine? How pissed would you be if you lived in Vegas and subscribed to FWL, only to find that cover, telling you what you already knew? I'm gonna have to demand better from you, Fort Wayne Living.

For The Paranoia Enthusiasts

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Anytime you see this headline in the Wall Street Journal, you have to be excited

Electricity Grid in U.S. Penetrated By Spies

The article can be found here.

The first thing I thought of when I saw that headline was this macabre ending to George Carlin's Life is Worth Losing Special on HBO. If I'm not mistaken, it was his last special on HBO. Anyway, check it out. You can start at the 4:00 minute mark for the full lead up, or just start right in at the 5:00 mark and figure out what you've missed. I'm glad I found this on YouTube. It goes hand-in-hand with the article above.

Holy. Moly. Buttholey.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Wow o wow o wow o wow.

Here's how you know your blog has jumped the shark. It's safe for work, but not safe for anyone respecting their intellect, or human decency.

I'll give you a hint it's one of these two people. Seriously.

Ok fine, it's Justin Gwarweenie. Can you believe that the Huffington Post lets him blog there? Those bloggers are allowed to blog about whatever they want, whenever they want. I'm not sure I'd want that guy having that kind of access. What I'm saying is, when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep and log on to the Huffington Post, don't be surprised if you see him blogging about how he can't sleep either after all that Amyl Nitrate and the natural high he got when he bought those fabulous new boots. You heard it here first.

Turkish Blackface

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I'm sure you've all see this by now. My biggest problem with this is that the guy doing it is Turkish! If I am not mistaken, those unibrowed, rug-selling, fez-wearing, hookah-smoking, fur-covered, camel-eatering, B.O. bastards aren't exactly aryan themselves. Maybe he shouldn't have quit his day job of being an extra in James Bond movies.


P.S. I think most Turks are Muslim. So I hope you guys are enjoying the Dutch cartoons of Muhammed going on sale soon. But seriously did you see Muhammed's turban in those? It's the bomb. I'll be here all week.

Chick Chimps Like Chimp Dudes who Bring the Meat

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Female Chimps mate most frequently with male chimps that frequently share portions of meat with them over long periods of time, according to Germans. That sounds about right.


Women.

Chicago 2016

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I took that picture myself. Pretty cool, huh? Well, I took it from this page all by myself. History scholars will note that the fountain pictured there is indeed Buckingham Fountain, which was made famous in the intro of Married With Children.

When asked what the French Delegation of the IOC thought of the cityscape's 2016 motif he said "Eet iz very, how you say, a-shiny"

Jesse Jackson Jr. is Well on his way to Being as Stupid as his Father

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

The Chicago-Sun Times today is reporting that Jesse Jackson Jr.'s actions are being reviewed by Office of Congressional Ethics. These actions stem from his alleged involvement with ex-IL. Governor Rod Blagojevich's attempts to sell Obama's vacant Senate seat. To make a long story short, Blagojevich was trying to sell something illegally (the seat) and Jackson allegedly showed interest in purchasing that seat (illegally). Jackson and his people are going to say, "Of course I was interested in being the Senator, but I never discussed doing anything illegal to obtain the seat or engaging in any 'pay to play' activity." The Sun-Times, and Blagojevich's previous investigation seem to hint that there is cause to believe that Jackson had more-or-less begun negotiations for obtain the seat (illegally).


When reached for comment regarding the investigation, Jackson said: "I look a lot like Herschel Walker. Furthermore, my dad was with MLK when he got shot then used that fame to run a glorified Ponzi scheme for 40 years. Clearly, I have done no wrong."

KY is for Horses, and I'm Gonna Talk About That

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




My man Steve Haskins has spoken and I listened. My Derby horse, Quality Road is healing nicely from his potentially-harmful cracked hoof. Thank God and Baby Jesus. I didn't want my Derby horse to sit out the Derby or go in gimpy. The slight was crack looks increasingly non-threatening and we are nearly out of the woods with the injury.

I borrowed this from the link above:

Quality Road Quarter Crack Not Serious

By Steve Haskin

Updated: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 12:06 PM
Posted: Monday, April 6, 2009 2:44 PM

Foot specialist Ian McKinlay, who was in the news last year dealing with Big Brown ’s quarter crack prior to the Belmont Stakes (gr. I), is back on the Triple Crown trail once again, treating a lesser quarter crack suffered by Quality Road in the Florida Derby (gr. I).

McKinlay said he’s optimistic Quality Road will be able to make the Kentucky Derby (gr. I). The main priority right now is drawing out the heat that is lingering in the foot.

“He got patched down in Florida, and it was only on for two or three days before the foot started heating up,” McKinlay said. “They had already drawn on it with Animalintex, which draws out the infection. There’s no sensitivity up at the hairline, so basically we just put a bar shoe on him to stabilize the quarter, and then we put a set of wires in, almost carbon copy of Big Brown, just so they could move him a little bit and keep him out of trouble.

“I figured his foot would be ice cold today, but it was a little warmer than I thought. We had planned on patching him on Wednesday, but we’re going to be cautious, that’s all, and wait until the end of the week. They’ll just draw on it again with the Animalintex. This isn’t anything huge, that’s for sure. It’s just that I was looking for a simple one, but they never seem to be when you’re dealing with good horses. This one is basically pretty easy, but I was hoping it would be really easy.”

McKinlay said Quality Road’s quarter crack isn’t anywhere near as bad as Big Brown’s.

“Big Brown had a pretty large abscess blow at the top, but with this one there’s no soreness at all up at the hairline,” he said. “It’s just a little pocket. Believe me, if his foot was cold today we’d be patching him on Wednesday. There’s just a little bit of heat that I don’t like. It could him moving around or just a little lingering infection, which the Animalintex should pull out along with any soreness.”

That is good news for the TR Slyder camp, as I have $20 worth of Derby Futures Exactas with Quality Road in them.

Philipino Fisherman Catch Rare Shark, Eat Rare Shark

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Great job guys.

From the AP: MANILA, Philippines – Fishermen in the Philippines accidentally caught and later ate a megamouth shark, one of the rarest fishes in the world with only 40 others recorded to have been encountered, the World Wildlife Fund said Tuesday.

What you guys were running short on cats, so you had to eat a rare shark? It's coincidental that I heard this only two weeks after Jim Rome reported that Manny Pacquiao's falling out with his father was caused by Manny's dad getting drunk and hungry and subsequently, killing and eating Manny's pet dog.

P'yongyanging With Mr. Cooper

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I didn't read the captions, but apparently a European vacationer spent some time in P'yongyang and got out with his life and some cool pictures too.

Danger, She Smashed the Homey!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This was HILARIOUS from For the Love of Ray J. This totally made my month.

On last night's episode Ray J had the skanks meet his homies. This scene focuses on the crazy broad, Danger (The one with a face tattoo who looks like a latino version of early-Madonna) and her interaction with the aforementioned homies. As coincidence would have it, Danger has a history with one of the homies. Sing-song hilarity ensues. You are welcome.

She is one hunnit percent. Skanky. I mean, she smashed the homey!

P.S. the dude in the white zip-up hoodie is my favorite.

When Drugs and Diners DO Mix

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




You know how diners love giving their dishes funky, offbeat names? Do you know of any diners that refer to a fried egg as "Your Brain on Drugs"? If I saw that name somewhere, I'd go there everyday for the rest of my life.

Oh yeah, I Should Mention This

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I inspired myself to get Statistical Extraploitation on UrbanDictionary.com. Check it out. And be on the look out for them today! I heard Stu Scott be an Extraploitative D-bag on Sports Center last night. What a D-bag.