Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Talk Derby to me: Steve Haskins' top 10

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Bob Ross Steve Haskins is at it again. He ranks his top ten horses in an article published today. He has my boy Quality Road as third, which is understandable. For the neophytes, the first name (using #1 I Want Revenge as an example) is the horse's name, followed by his trainer- Jeff Mullins in this case. The next names probably won't mean much to you, but would to a big horse racing afficionado, it's the name of his sire (or dad), followed by his dam (i.e. mom), in this case it's Stephen Got Even and Meguial, respectively. The last horse listed, Roy here, is the horses' maternal grandfather.


Steve Haskin's Derby Dozen

Updated: April 7th

1.I Want Revenge Jeff Mullins; Stephen Got Even—Meguial, by Roy

Is there anything this horse can't do? His remarkable victory in the Wood had Aqueduct abuzz and stamped him as something special. His five-eighths come-home time in :59 4/5 and last eighth in :12 flat into a strong headwind was sensational, especially considering all the trouble he had and having to stop his run and alter course.

TR says: True enough But like I've always said- it's easier to beat horses that totally suck.

2. Pioneerof the Nile Bob Baffert; Empire Maker—Star of Goshen, by Lord At War

Pioneerof the NileThis winning machine just goes out there race after race and gets the job done even with having to run counterproductive to his best running style. He can adapt to any pace scenario and is so smooth and light on his feet he's a joy to watch. It would be a surprise if he didn't handle the dirt just as well or better, but he still has to go out and do it.

TR Says: I can't endorse this horse at the #2. He's talented, but he's only Haskins' #2 based on the assumption that he handles dirt very, very well (i.e. as well as he does synthetic). I'd rather base my second pic on a past record, than future optimism. We just don't know how he'll handle it. Great horses don't love every surface. Curlin lost on the grass last year. It can happen.

3. Quality Road Jimmy Jerkens; Elusive Quality—Kobla, by Strawberry Road

Quality RoadHe makes up the Big 3 who for now will vie for favoritism in the Derby. He no doubt has the potential to be a superstar. Physically, he is an imposing specimen. The only thing separating him from the top two is that he's demonstrated only one running style, which is to be on or near the lead, but boy is he fast. He's dealing with a quarter crack issue that in itself shouldn't hamper him, but if it causes him to miss a work then he may have a problem.

TR Says: Can't fault Steve here. I still like this guy to win the Derby, but I can understand the logic behind others being more favored. I don't mind his early on-the-pace style, as very few Derby winners come from more than 4 lengths back from the leader at any time in the race. However, I'm not thrilled about the crack in his hoof.

4. Dunkirk Todd Pletcher; Unbridled’s Song—Secret Status, by A.P. Indy

Saturday was a big day for him, as the three stakes winners and two of the runners-up were already ahead of him on the earnings list. This keeps him at either No. 17 or 18. He needs similar results next week. The feeling here is that he'll get in and will be extremely dangerous. I'm still not crazy about the three starts, but he is so gifted he just may be able to overcome that, just as Big Brown did last year. Come to think of it, make that the Big 4.

5. Chocolate Candy Jerry Hollendorfer; Candy Ride—Crownette, by Seattle Slew

Chocolate CandyThis is my Derby dark horse. I listed all the things he has going for him in various columns and how well the Santa Anita Derby shaped for him. It was a perfect prep, and with that race under him he should now be ready to peak on Derby Day. This definitely is a horse to watch.

TR Says: I haven't seen much of this horse. But when Steve says stuff like this, you should listen. It's not unlike when in the song Fatty Girl Ludacris says, "N*&ga, shut yo' ass up when you hear a pimp talk."

6.Friesan Fire Larry Jones, A.P. Indy—Bollinger, by Dehere

Friesan FireWe know he's extremely talented, but he'll have to be an exceptional horse to win the Derby off a seven-week layoff and never having run farther than 1 1/16 miles. If he pulls it off, you can officially toss the history books.

TR Says: I haven't seen anyone rank this guy lower than third or fourth. Gutsy call by Steve, but he makes a very good point that no one else has made regarding his distance. A lot of columnists were awed by his talent and overlooked that.

7.Desert Party Saeed bin Suroor, Street Cry—Sage Cat, by Tabasco Cat

Desert PartyI still have to stick with him. There are major questions about him returning home after some four months in Dubai, but there are enough positives to take out of his UAE Derby defeat to suggest he could be a legitimate contender. He needs to get back here and start training at Churchill Downs. He'll also need a new jockey.


8.Old Fashioned Larry Jones, Unbridled’s Song—Collect Call, by Meadowlake

Old FashionedThere is going to be plenty of pace pressure in the Arkansas Derby and he has to settle and relax off the pace and kick in down the stretch. He can certainly be excused for his last race, and he should be much tougher this time. With the Rebel under him, he is capable of anything on Saturday. He's tight and fit and there shouldn't be any excuses.

Did you notice that he's Dunkirk's half-brother? He was the Derby favorite a month or so ago, then got beaten by a longshot (who is the #9 horse on this list), and others have surpassed him for favoritism. He still has the same amount of talent, just threw in a clunker in his last race.

9.Win Willy McLean Robertson, Monarchos—City Fair, by Carson City

Win WillyRight now, this is my longshot special. Unless the Rebel was a fluke, he is going to be a major factor in the Arkansas Derby, and it would come as no surprise if he runs another bang-up race. There's a lot to like about this colt, and if he does duplicate his effort in the Rebel, people better start taking him seriously.

You might be interested to know that his dad won the KY Derby in (I think) 2001. I was at that Derby. The most memorable part of that day for me was when I purchased my first pair of molester sunglasses in a KY gas station on the way to Churchill Downs. That really started it all for me.

10.Hold Me Back Bill Mott, Giant’s Causeway—Restraint, by Unbridled’s Song

Hold Me BackIf I had a No. 2 longshot special it would be him, despite his one bad race on dirt. He just was so visually impressive in the Lane's end Stakes the feeling here is that he's grown up physically and is a much better horse now. We won't know for sure about him regardless of what he does in the Blue Grass, but the unknown factor will keep his odds pretty high in the Derby.

He is technically, the uncle of Dunkirk. Although, I think Dunkirk must have over 100 uncles at this point, some of which are younger than him.

11.Musket Man Derek Ryan; Yonaguska--Fortuesque, by Fortunate Prospect

Musket ManHe's improving with every race, has won at four different tracks, and has now turned in back-to-back big efforts in graded stakes, both over surfaces that can get a little quirky. He's already defied his pedigree by winning impressively going 1 1/8 miles. He hasn't met horses of this quality, but anyone would love to have him in their barn.


That is some Haskins altruism at its finest. He doesn't tell you that the 3 of the 4 tracks are total dog tracks (Philadelphia Park, Tampa Bay Downs, and Hawthorne) and his win at Belmont was a maiden race in October. That doesn't mean this horse stinks, but takes a bit of the luster off of his 4-track Tour of Awesomenss.

12.West Side Bernie Kelly Breen, Bernstein—Time Honored, by Gilded Time

West Side BernieHe bounced back off his Lane's End debacle with a big second in the Wood Memorial against the Derby Future Wager favorite. A mile and a quarter against these horses is still a tall order, but he has the right running style and he's earned his chance to try.


Steve Haskins, ladies and gentleman. He'll be here up until the Derby. Don't forget to tip your waitress.



Monday, April 6, 2009

D-bag Scavenger Hunt


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Now that the first day of the Major League Baseball season is over, be on the lookout for played-out D-bag behavior on the second day of the MLB Season.

It is what I call Statistical Extrap-loitation, combining, of course the words "extrapolate" and "exploit", while at the same time giving a veiled tip of the hat to Blaxploitation.

Anyway, it's where someone "hilariously" extrapolates a players first game statistics over the 162 game season. For instance, Alfonso Soriano hit a home run today. Tomorrow some D-bag is gonna be at the water cooler and say "Yeah, did you see Soriano went long? Christ, at this rate he'll finish the season with 162 home runs!" then he open his mouth to illustrate hilarity has just been achieved, and he'll ravenously look the other three water-cooler dwellers in the eye for comedic approval. My friend Hairy (a nickname due to excessive bodily hair) made the "look of approval" famous, but even he never succumbed to the temptation of Statistical Extraploitation stupidity.

The ideal breeding ground for Statistical Extraploitation is of course, a huge first game offensively- Like two homeruns, or 5 RBI or 3 stolen bases. I was busy watching the NCAA game, so I'm not sure if anyone fits the bill, but all it really takes is a home run, and plenty of them were hit on Monday.

Keep an eye for Extraplotative D-Bags. You'll find 'em. And when you do, tell 'em TR Slyder says they're an unoriginal Douchebag.



Some Chicago Awesomeness

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I stole this from the Chicago Sun-Times. This really hurts that, "Everyone drinks responsibly in Wrigleyville" adage.

Drunken bar patron charged with punching paramedic

Comments

April 6, 2009

An Edgewater neighborhood man originally from Ireland is scheduled to appear in court later Monday after being charged with punching a paramedic in the face during a drunken disturbance at a Wrigleyville bar late Saturday, police said.

Anthony O’Sullivan, 35, of the 6100 block of North Winthrop Avenue and who was born in Ireland, was charged with aggravated battery to first aid personnel, a felony, according to a police report. He is expected to appear in bond court later Monday.

O’Sullivan was arrested at 12:05 a.m. Sunday outside the Irish Oak, 3511 N. Clark St. after police officers responded to a call of a drunken disturbance, according to the report.

A bar employee told police while he was attempting to escort O’Sullivan out of the bar, O’Sullivan allegedly struck him in the face with a closed fist. The employee then hit O’Sullivan in the chest in self-defense, causing him to fall on the ground and hit his head, according to the report.

While inside Chicago Fire Department ambulance 31 being treated O’Sullivan allegedly used his right fist to strike a paramedic below the medic’s right eye, causing abrasions and swelling. O’Sullivan was placed into custody and was taken to Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center for treatment.

The paramedic and the tavern employee refused medical treatment. Belmont Area detectives are investigating.


More Florida Awesomeness

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



When your kid finds your stash of The 'ornography. Don't do this.

Andy yes, it took place in Tampa, FL. The home of Polekat $lim.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I Wanted It, You Got It. More Talkin' Derby

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



This weekend featured one and a half meaninful Derby prep races- the Santa Anita Derby, and the Wood Memorial at Aqueduct. The Santa Anita Derby was the more ballyhooed of the two races because it pitted formidable foes against one another- ThePamplemousse and Pioneer of the Nile. Unfortunately for race fans, ThePamplemousse scratched before the race and is now off the Derby Trail, and is going to rest for 6 months. So that took a lot of the luster off the Santa Anita Derby, which was later won handily by Pioneer of the Nile, who is shaping up to be a major Derby contender, despite never having raced on dirt. The KY Derby is run on dirt, and Santa Anita runs over a synthetic surface. Most horses prefer one to the other and there is no way of predicting how any horse will take to a new surface.

One horse that ran fairly well on synthetic then ran freakishly on dirt was I Want Revenge, who won the Wood Memorial on Saturday. He ran so well in his last two starts (his only on dirt), that he is now considered to be the Derby favorite. Below is the video of his race in the Wood on Saturday. Getting off to a flat-footed start (it looked like the worse just wasn't paying attention or something), he appeared to have no shot to win it. After fighting on gamely, he found himself behind a wall of horses on the home stretch and managed to swing outside and still have energy left to pass the remaining horses. It's a very impressive race, visually.

Given that the Derby has 20 horses in it, the track is always crowded and adversity is the only certainty. So when a horse has a race like this, showing that he is able to overcome adversity and traffic problems, it bodes very well for his Derby chances.



While I think it was an awesome race for a very sound horse, I am not rushing to the betting window for I Want Revenge just yet. Formidable though he is, I haven't seen him beat any top-tier horses on Synthetic or Dirt. Had he raced against Quality Road or Friesan Fire in the Wood, I think we'd be talking about an impressive last-to-second place finish for I Want Revenge.

The other race I mentioned was the ThePamplemousse-less Santa Anita Derby. That is four wins in a row for Pioneer of the Nile, two of them were over I Want Revenge, albeit over synthetic and in December and February. If Pioneer of the Nile puts in a solid workout at Churchill Downs the week of the Derby, he will be a major, major contender.

The knock on him is that, although he wins, he doesn't do so in eye-popping time. Below is his victory in Saturday's Santa Anita Derby.





That win looked a lot like all of his others- nothing fancy. You don't drop your jaw and look at the person standing next to you. Just a very workmanlike win. Every time it looked like a foe was gaining on him he just kicked them away and sped off. Much like Milton Berle, he pulls out just enough to win.

As legitimate of a contender as Pioneer of the Nile is, I just can't feel confident in betting on him until I know how he'll react to the dirt. Last year was Santa Anita's first year using the synthetic surface, so most of the west coast horses coming to the Derby were racing on dirt for the first time, and no one knew how their synthetic races would translate to dirt. Well, they didn't translate very well. It could just be that the dirt horses were better horses than the west coast, synthetic-raced horses, but it wasn't pretty. I lost money betting on synthetic-specialist Colonel John, and vowed to never bet on a Derby horse that had never raced on dirt. Winning the Derby requires an outstanding horse, and getting a few breaks during the race- everything has to go right. Racing a horse over a new surface diminishes the odds of everything going right, in my opinion.

So after this weekend's racing, the Derby stage is pretty well set. Next week there are two prep races, but they are more glorified prep races.What they really are is a last-second cash-grab for horses who don't yet have the requisite earnings to enter the Derby. Racing next weekend will give a horse only three weeks of rest before the Derby. For most horses, having only three weeks to lead up to a race is too short of an interval to produce their highest quality racing. So the top tier horses already won their prep races and have earned some time off, the horses running next weekend probably lost to the aforementioned horses and need to scare up some cash in order to be eligible.



Friday, April 3, 2009

You are in Luck- I'm Talking About Horse Racing Again





















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

One of the best parts about the weeks leading up to the KY Derby is reading what Steve Haskins has to say about it. He is back in the habit again, I am glad to say. All you really need to know about him is that he's like the Bob Ross of horse racing. As knowledgeable as he is gentle.

Another thing I admire about Steve is that while most horse racing writers tend to grow bald as they age, Steve still has a thick, full head of hair. As you can plainly tell from the picture, you can see continuous strands of hair from one side of his head to the other, therefore, it is impossible that he is bald, otherwise you'd just see bare head.


KY Derby Earnings

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I robbed this from thebloodhorse.com. I highlighted (highlit?) Dunkirk at #20 for two reasons. One is that the 20th spot is the cutoff for Derby eligibility (inclusive), and 2) to illustrate where Dunkirk was- since every racing fan wants him in the Derby. Since the odds for Dunkirk remaining in the 20 slot for another 3 weeks are terrible, Dunkirk enthusiasts will have to hope that there are a lot of Derby defections- horses being eligible but opting not to run in the Derby, thereby allowing the horse with the 21st most winnings to enter, etc.

By my un-scientific calculations, there are 7 horses racing this weekend that are behind Dunkirk in earnings. I have italicized their names. I hope none of them earny any money this weekend.



Kentucky Derby Graded Earnings for Major Contenders (through 03/31/09)
Rank Horse Trainer Graded Earnings
1 Regal Ransom bin Suroor, Saeed $1,250,000
2 Square Eddie O'Neill, Doug $774,981
3 Pioneerof the Nile Baffert, Bob $743,250
4 Desert Party bin Suroor, Saeed $641,667
5 Quality Road Jerkens, James $600,000
6 Friesan Fire Jones, J. Larry $570,465
7 Terrain Stall, Albert $410,830
8 Old Fashioned Jones, J. Larry $330,000
9 I Want Revenge Mullins, Jeff $324,000
10 Hold Me Back Mott, Bill $288,000
11 West Side Bernie Breen, Kelly $235,160
12 Chocolate Candy Hollendorfer, Jerry $220,000
13 Bittel Road Pletcher, Todd $211,000
14 Musket Man Ryan, Derek $200,000
15 Crowded House (GB) Meehan, Brian $195,020
16 The Pamplemousse Canani, Julio $180,000
17 Win Willy Robertson, McLean $180,000
18 Papa Clem Stute, Gary $160,000
19 Charitable Man McGlaughlin, Kiaran $150,000
20 Dunkirk Pletcher, Todd $150,000
21 Mine That Bird Woolley, Bennie $138,705
22 Theregoesjojo McPeek, Ken $133,063
23 General Quarters McCarthy, Tom $130,645
24 Munnings Pletcher, Todd $105,000
25 Flying Private Lukas, D. Wayne $94,000
26 Cribnote Violette, Rick $90,000
27 Flying Pegasus Nicks, Ralph $90,000
28 Join in the Dance Pletcher, Todd $67,500
29 Imperial Council McGaughey, Shug $50,000
30 Procede Bee Gestes, Terry $47,000
31 Atomic Rain Breen, Kelly $40,000
32 Take the Points Pletcher, Todd $40,000
33 Feisty Suances Vienna, Darrell $40,000
34 Bear's Rocket Baker, Reade $36,000
35 Poltergeist VonHemel, Donnie K. $30,000
36 Lime Rickey Alexander, Frank $30,000
37 Uno Mas Asmussen, Steve $28,000
38 Gone Astray McGaughey, Shug $27,500
39 Nowhere to Hide Zito, Nick $27,000
40 Rendezvous Hollendorfer, Jerry $24,000
41 Jeranimo Pender, Michael $24,000
42 Parade Clown Ball, Katherine $23,500
43 Patena Dutrow, Rick $20,000
44 Soul Warrior Asmussen, Steve $18,000
45 Ventana Baffert, Bob $16,600
46 Captain Cherokee Asmussen, Steve $15,000
47 Brave Victory Zito, Nick $14,833
48 Al Khali Pletcher, Todd $0
49 Mayor Marv Baffert, Bob $0
50 Omniscient Asmussen, Steve $0

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Dear G20 Protesters in London,


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Come one guys, this again? We get it. You weenies do this every year. You don't like the G20 Summit, we get it. It's a lot less shocking when everyone expects it and cops in riot gear are awaiting you. You get "violent" in the street. And by "violent" I mean you break a window at a financial institution or an American-based fats fast food restaurant. Really epic shit, you guys. Seriously. And it's working, too. I just heard Gordon Brown say, "As much as I like your proposal, Mr. Sarkozy, I've just been informed that a scrawny man with a patchy beard and dreadlocks recently threw a rock at a KFC window a few blocks away. Therefore, I am unable to accept your plan." Power to the people!

You school-girls need to up your game or just stay home, eating fish and chips, watching a spot of footie on the telly, and making sure you don't brush your teeth while you listen to Oasis. Is saying, "Financial greed is rubbish! It's total bollocks, innit?" to a cop without a gun really that macho? Blow some shit up for once, get some molotov cocktails out, take some hostages, use a flamethrower or drive a hummer through a McDonalds or Barclay's window or just stay the hell home.

Go big or go home. Christ, FRANCE is better at rioting than you tosspots. You have the balls to celebrate the memory of Guy Fawkes every year, and call this rioting? He'd be ashamed of all of you. You either protest peacefully or you riot. You don't "half-arse" rioting.




Epilogue: As a solutions-oriented complainer, I offer you would-be-protesters a very useful heuristic for shocking people: I call it TR's Oh Ma Gaaaa Shock Heuristic. If you are not 100% that when a woman from the Southside of Chicago witnessed your shocking act would say "Ohhh ma Gaaaaat (i.e. God)" while covering her mouth, then it isn't truly shocking. Let this serve as a carrot to your ass.




Wait...

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



What if April Fools fell on an Opposite Day? Then what would happen? Damn...






Joe Paterno is afraid to be un-P.C., and I think it's great.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

April Fools. Watch what he says about basketball when he grew up in NYC.






This is not funny at all. In fact it's depressing.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



April Fool's! It's hilarious. It's potentially NSFW cuz the victim says the f-word at the :53 second mark and I think at the :59 second mark as well. So I'd recommend listening to the first 30 seconds or so, then muting it if you are at work.




Same goes for this one basically. When the guy falls, he swears. So if you're at work watch the volume.





Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Man Busted for DUI- on his Motorized Bar Stool


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


You read the headline correctly. A man in Newark, Ohio crashed his motorized bar stool while he was stinko and suffered injuries as a result. When an officer arrived on the scene and asked what happened the man replied, "I wrecked my bar stool".

As an alumnus of an Ohio University, I am able to shed some light on a few things here for my readers. 1) Newark is pretty close to Columbus, and is a literal breeding ground for Ohio State fandomonium, and 2) Newark is in Licking County. You read that correctly. The county its in is Licking.

So congratulations on all of your vehicular success, OSU fan in Licking County!




Monday, March 30, 2009

A Putdown I Cannot Wait to use


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


"If your mother had a toilet on her grave, I would upper-deck it." (the link is NSFW)



43 things I don't care about that the media wants me to care about.


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


1. octomom
2. regis philbin
3. zach braff
4. paris hilton
5. american idol
6. dancing with the stars
7. shows about fantasy sports
8. what was just said on "The View"
9. what was just said on a has-been celebrity's blog
10. which media personalities and/or celebrities are on twitter
11. Angelina adopting foreigner kids
12. Madonna adopting foreigner kids
13. Where Cayleigh is
14. How Valerie Bertenelli is less obese now
15. Lindsay Lohan
16. AIG
17. D.L. Hughley
18. Award Ceremonies
19. The political opinions of people who play make believe for a living (i.e. actors)
20. Brett Favre
21. Terrell Owens
22. Alex Rodriguez
23. The Yankees
24. Yankees-Red Sox rivalry
25. Dick Vitale's screaming
26. Anything Chris Matthews Screams or Says
27. Anything pro-democratic party on MSNBC
28. Anything anti-Republican Party on MSNBC
29. Anything pro-Republican Party on FoxNews
30 Anything anti-Democratic party on FoxNews
31. Any elimination-style dating reality show where the grand prize is a next-time- won't you-sing- with-me list celebrity.

32. Any diet that bears the name "Rachel Ray" (seriously I see an advert for that on every website)
33. Scientology
34. Glenn Beck
35. Spencer and Heidi (though that has mercifully quieted down lately)
36. Anything written or spoken by Rick Reilly
37. " " John McCain's daughter
38. " " Jamele Hill
39. Jay Leno's monologue
40.Anytime a CNN or any newdesk anchor reads any reader comments, emails, tweets, etc.
41. Any CNN, MSNBC, Headline News, ESPN or any other show where there are more then three people talking at once live via satellite.
42. How Kanye West acted weirdly
43. Ashton Kutcher

To be continuned (probably)....


UPDATE: 44. Jamie Foxx and 45. Wanda Sykes too. Can't believe I forget them.




Say Cheese




















By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Today's Trib posted 19 other similar smiley photos either taken by or inspired by artist Ruth Kaiser. I thought they were kinda cool. I thought it might be good for a Monday during a recession.





Saturday, March 28, 2009

Congratulations, Redhawks!


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Congratulations on making the Frozen Four, boys. You will win it all. It is your destiny, I am positive! It's very simple- it is your destiny.




Up Yours With a Broomstick, Dubai

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I know you don't like horse racing, but you kind of hate Dubai and would feel schadenfreude towards them if they screwed up, right? Perfect. Below is footage from their $6,000,000 ostentatious Dubai World Cup.

It's like their Kentucky Derby, but different. In the last decade or so, sheiks from Dubai have started buying up damn near all of the American stud horses (sounds funny, but in this instance I mean "stud" literally). They have made it their personal jihad to purchase nearly all the available quality horse stock and fly it back home to breed their own super horses. After doing so, they decided to make a spectacle of their riches and host a summit of racing every March, culminating the worlds richest race (by far) the Dubai World Cup, where the victor is awarded $6m. Ideally it was designed to be an embarrassment to their riches, where they would be flattered and humbled, maybe even embarrassed, by how amazingly their multi-million dollar horses ran.

Essentially, they buy the Ivan Dragos of the world, and we bring our Rocky's over and eat their lunch every damn year. Last year it was Curlin. This year was Well Armed who HUMILIATED the field by 14 lengths.

I luh dat. Here it is.







Friday, March 27, 2009

Have You Ever Paid for a Prostitute, Kissed her, Then Punched her? The Sham-Wow guy has.



By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


That is correct. Last month in a Miami nightclub, the ShamWow guy met a chick at the bar of a nightclub where she propositioned him for prostitutey sex. He agreed to pay $1,000 for sex at his hotel. They went back to his hotel and started kissing (wtf?), and she allegedly bit his tongue and would not let go, so he started punching her until she did. Then she ran out of the hotel room and he ran after her and they were arrested in the lobby. It was also noted in the police report that the ShamWow guy is 44. He looks kinda like Tucker from There's Something About Mary, once he is dressed in his pizza delivery guy attire.

I'm not even going to make any kind of "wow!" related joke here, but a few things warrant mentioning. 1) Who kisses prostitutes? Isn't that part of the reason you are paying for it? That and so she'll leave right away. 2) How pissed off would you be if you broke down and paid for sex, then realized that she was crazy and you were faced with the decision of punching her repeatedly or losing your tongue? Especially if you're fairly famous. 3) What was the prostitute hoping to gain by not letting his tongue go? 4) What the fuck happened to this guy because he looks much worse for the wear than she does. I'd like to think if I initiated a punching competition with a woman and "repeatedly punched" her, she'd have a jacked-up face. 5) Did you notice how my headline was, technically, a trick question? 6) Hi-OOOO.


7) more like "ShameWow". 8) I guess I kinda lied in the first paragraph's first sentence.



UPDATE:



This is the actual mugshot of her. I guess the other pic was her, but from a prior arrest. Hey ShameWow guy, what do you tell a hooker with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice! The facial expression in the pic on the right really sums up an overall bad night for both of them.











Big Derby Prep Race to be on ESPN This Saturday


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


The Florida Derby, the best Derby Prep race to date will be on ESPN from 5-6 ET on Saturday, 3/28. Now we're getting into the mid-to-late stages of Derby prep races, which means that good horses will start running against one another instead of avoiding eachother. It's kind of like the middle rounds of the NCAA tournament- where #1 seeds play #4 seeds, and you have a matchup that's actually good, instead of seeing one good team humiliate an inferior team.

Saturday's Florida Derby features three horses to get excited about: Dunkirk (pictured above), Quality Road, and Theregoesjojo.

Dunkirk




Abovemost is his first race, below that is his second race. He is by far the most intriguing of the group. In 2007 he was the most expensive yearling (i.e. one year old) purchased at auction for the entire year- at $3.7 million. He didn't race at all as a 2-year old (only two Derby winners were unraced at 2) and is 2-for-2 in his starts this year. He was the favorite in both races in which he ran, and won impressively in both, as you'll see. So the story on him is that he has all the potential in the world but has yet to beat any competitive horses. Most directly in his way is....

Quality Road



Above is his latest, and by far most impressive race. Regardless of how you think it compares visually to Dunkirk's impressive wins, it should be known that Quality Road beat a litany of very qualified horses in that race. He went off at 6-1, and that was his third race. It looked like he got a great ride from his very talented jockey and then had the talent to ride to the wire in the lead. The only knock on him is that he may have ran so quickly and been so finely-tuned for that race, that he may not have as much stank in the tank for this Saturday's race. That could be the case, or it could be that that was the first race of a super horse. What that a trend or an aberration? Will he be a one hit wonder? The next horse in this race worth taking a closer look at is the horse that finished right behind him that race.....


Theregoesjojo

The race you saw Quality Road win was the Fountain of Youth Stakes on February, 28th. However, what you didn't hear was that just one month prior to that race, in an allowance race on January 10th, Theregoesjojo beat Quality road by nearly three lengths. (Quality Road beat Theregoesjojo by 4 lengths in the Fountain of Youth). So the question here then is- who will win the rubber match? Is Theregoesjojo the better horse, and just got off to a slow start in the Fountain of Youth? Or did he get lucky on 1/10? Even if he is better than Quality Road, can he hold off the regally bred Dunkirk?

*Queue the music* Dun Dun DDuunnnnnn. We'll have to tune in Saturday to find out.

My prediction is that Dunkirk will win because his second race was ran at a mile and an 8th, which is what the distance will be on Saturday. Quality Road's win took place at only a mile. The difference may sound negligble for horses, but it actually does matter quite a bit. Quality Road's win was very impressive to be sure, but Dunkirk looks like he can be driven like a car and it didn't look as though he even tried to win either race, despite having horrible trips (being 6 wide during turns in each race). It's also wishful thinking because I want Dunkirk to win because he'll be undefeated and will maybe draw some media attention that only undefeated horses can (like Smarty Jones, Barbaro and Big Brown). I want him to be an unbeatable freak superhorse. But realistically, I would not be surprised at all if either of the other two horses soundly defeated him.

Thickening the plot (or, boring you even further) is that this will be Dunkirk's last race before the Kentucky Derby. Which may not sound like a big deal, but it actually is. Only the top 20 Graded Stakes (i.e. very good races) earning horses are eligible to be in the Derby. Graded Stakes just means "top tier" races. Quality Road beat Theregoesjojo in a "Graded Stake" race, so they both earned a good deal of money toward their total. Dunkirk however, has yet to race in one. If he wins Saturday's Florida Derby, he will have enough to safely remain in the top 20 and be Derby eligible. If he finishes in second place though, it's less likely he'll be Derby eligible, and if he finishes third, he has no chance. He is allowed to enter races between Saturday and the Derby in order to get his total earnings up, but his owner and trainer don't want to do that because they don't want to over-race such a valuable horse. So if Dunkirk does not win on Saturday, he probably won't be in the Kentucky Derby, and would then probably race next in the Preakness or the Belmont.

Either way, I am very excited to watch the race and I hope you are too.


UPDATE: Good race. Quality Road won an impressive stretch run with Dunkirk. Quality Road looked him the eye and then ran by him. As they turned for home Dunkirk took the lead from Quality Road for a bit, and then Quality Road quickly regained it. It's very rare to see a horse re-take a lead from a horse that just passed it.





Mr. Fantasy out of Wood


By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



That was a headline on the Daily Racing Form today- "Mr. Fantasy is out of Wood". It means that the horse named Mr. Fantasy is no longer going to run in the Wood Memorial on April 4th, a key prep race for the Kentucky Derby. Since this greatly derails his chances of making it into the Kentucky Derby field, maybe the could have added, "-Don't Expect to see him Near KY Anytime Soon." to the headline.