You'd Probably Like These. Perv.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


These are some sports photos that have been taken out of context, so to speak. They're funny, and could be construed for having sexual overtones.

WhereAwesomeHappens Lookalikes 20.0

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Drama Dyrdek and Steve Blake.

WhereAwesomeHappens Lovechild Investigation 10.0

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

Greg Kinnear + Graham Norton = Buster Olney

Kanye Will Do Anything For a Blonde Dyke

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I just put these two together. I remember hearing that Kanye West's girlfriend is rumored to be either lesbian or bi. I guess some celebrity gossip people are in a tizzy over how their relationship may be a possible publicity stunt- maybe she's lying to Kanye about being into guys in order gain fame, maybe Kanye is gay and she's his beard, maybe they really are a real couple, maybe she is into guys but is just using Kanye for publicity anyway, etc. I never got too concerned since I don't know either of them.

But I was listening to Kanye's song Stonger today, I totally forgot about these lyrics when I first heard these rumors, but in it he sings the following:

This is Louis Vuitton Don night
So we gonna do everything that Kan like
Heard they'd do anything for a Klondike
Well I'd do anything for a blonde-dyke
And she'll do anything for the limelight
And we'll do anything when the time's right

Sounds about right.

I'm Not Making This Up

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Yesterday while walking to the Fullerton El stop, I overheard to female DePaul University students talking. The first thing I thought when I saw this was "I bet they are bashing guys", since that seems to be what I overhear women doing. What I heard was much more frightening.

"So then of course we fought over the clean Snuggie"

To the girl crossing Fullerton, heading south that said that: Sorry to hear that you lost at the game of life. Stay positive.

Putting a Rumor to Rest

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




Lately a lot of people have been asking me if I was singing backup vocals on the track, "If You Wanna Be Happy" by Jimmy Soul. Specifically, the portion of the track that starts at 1:49 where the vocalist sings "yeah yeah yeah yeah" then does so at regular intervals throughout the rest of the song.

I get this question a lot. And I will take the answer to the grave with me, sorry enquiring minds.

Jockeys

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I couldn't decide which picture to use. So I used both.

As you may know, I like horse racing. I can highly recommend the reality show on Animal Planet about jockeys at the Santa Anita race track. The show is cryptically titled: Jockeys. The show is well done and the jockeys they portray are some of the best jockeys in the world, which makes it much more enjoyable.

You can check out the show's homepage here, and can watch full episodes as well.

Two News Stories

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I'll start by saying that both of these are tasteless. So if you fancy yourself a person with a modicum of decorum, I discourage you from watching the YouTube clip and also from clicking the following link.


And The Heartless Genius who is behind this had to have enjoyed their job way more than you enjoy yours. But for all the wrong reasons. Please recall me saying that this is tasteless.



I can't believe you laughed at that! You really are tasteless. Wow.

I Know How Ya Feel, Little Fella

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

I robbed this picture from Deadspin. It's a television screen-grab from a hockey game and requires no further explanation.

Well, it's True.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I was as disappointed to hear about Chris Brown punching Rihanna as anyone else who doesn't know either of them. Now I hear she is taking him back. This is when Rihanna needs a good friend like me to pull her aside and say the following:


Rihanna.....





Well, it's true.

Linkin

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I thought this list was kinda cool. It's from PopEater.com and it's the Top 10 list of songs that were passed over by musicians, and then became huge hits for other musicians.

That brings me to my next point: When will American Idol just sack up and start calling itself America's Next Has-Been? Speaking of which....that gives me another excuse to run this picture.

Is This a Triple Entendre?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


This is really fucking pathetic, but I wanted to see if I could think of a triple entendre, and I think I did. It's really, really lame, but I think it technically fits. Let me know if you think it qualifies.

Say I am an inventive and well-respected dessert chef. My "signature dish" (1st usage) is actually a dish of ice cream where the dish is also edible. The dish itself, is actually made of chocolate sauce that's cooled and molded. However, the chocolate sauce dish isn't in just a regularly shaped dome- it's my signature. In other words, if I took Hershey's Syrup, and signed "TR Slyder" on a cool baking sheet, cooled it that so that I could mold it, then molded it into a dome to make a dish, it would literally be a "signature dish" (2nd usage).

THEN when that dish got to be world famous I wrote a tell-all book about my Signature Dish (the literal signature dish) and I titled that book "My Signature Dish (3rd usage): Dishing the details about my signature dish- the Signature Dish".

Pathetic as all hell, I know. Now lets never bring this experiment up ever again.

Why I Love LSD

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Lake Shore Drive. Not the hallucinogen. Not sure if this is an old ditty or a nudity new ditty, but I kinda like it.




I also don't know a thing about the trio that performs this song. But I'd bet that at least one of them is 1) a dude, and, 2) Is bald with a ponytail. I'd be pretty bummed out if that weren't the case.




Update: I just saw this video too. Same song, different video. Since you're probably wondering- I live about 4 blocks to the West (or to the right, in that POV) from where it's shot at the :40 mark. I think this video is more entertaining, but also a bit more likely to induce nausea.

It is Officially Time to Panic: Wall Street Doesn't Agree With Obama's Policies

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


As anyone with any finance or economic policy acumen knows, the whole point of having a President of the United States, is to cowtow to Wall St. That is the President's only role. They'd also tell you that Economics is only about the short term. No finance expert ever says "Buy stocks, and hold on to them.", they say "Buy them, and see if you can turn a quick profit in a couple days time, sell them, and try to do it all over again."

So when Obama unveils an economic policy, and the Dow goes down again, it's 1) Obama's fault and 2) the surest sign that the policy has no chance of success.

It's refreshing to know that the talking heads on CNBC and the rest of the media forgot who got us into the current economic mess: Wall Street greed. They were unregulated, ran amok, got stupidly greedy, and now the world is paying for it. So why should I believe that the DJIA is the pureset measure of Presidential policy? They got us into the mess, what the fuck do they know? If they knew everything, as the media seems to imply, wouldn't more Wall St. firms not be collapsing or laying people off? So they screwed up, yet their still the experts?

How is that unlike a 14-month old giving you advice on how NOT to poop your pants? It kind of reminds me of when I overhear overweight people celebrating their weight loss and giving eachother advice. Call me rude AND studpid, but I'd rather get that advice from someone who is currently in shape. I'm just that crazy. If you're and a friend are driving from Chicago to Indianapolis, and while he is holding the map, you wind up Mexico, chances are, you aren't interested in his advice on how to get back on track. You're going to take the map and tell him to shut the hell up.

It isn't that I think no one should disagree with Obama. I'm all for a multitude of input and opinions. But until our economy is trending in the right direction, I couldn't care less what the Dow and Wall St. think about Obama's current policy proposals. You guys had your chance. And you you obesely pooped your pants in Mexico.

Once Again: We Salute You, Florida

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Florida once again contributes to our country's achievement in intellectualism. This vigalante legal maverick attempted to extend the powers that the police have over commerce. It failed badly.

Some good came out of it though. Now we know the answer to the decades-old debate: Should you call 911 if McDonalds is out of Chicken McNuggets?

Updated: The Best Invention Possible: Snuggie + ShamWow= The SnugWow

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


If you could make a Snuggie out of ShamWow material, it would be not only the best invention of all time, but I think the best invention possible.

No matter what you spill, you will never have to get up to get paper towels. In fact, you wouldn't even have to get up to use the restroom.

Why didn't you think of that? Anyway, you are welcome.


UPDATE:

Another "invention" that needs to happen is making Swiffer socks. I guess you could just be ghetto and tape Swiffers to the bottom of your shoes and walk around, but it would feel much more refined, if you could either buy foot-shaped Swiffer pads, or if they came with laces on them.

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Live Blog

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



I love Conan and was as critical of Jimmy Fallon on SNL as anyone else was. But I figured I'd give him a shot.

9 minutes in, so far, so good. The writing so far from the dialogue has been good. He joked about Rush Limbaugh calling him to hope he fails on his new show. He also joked that Obama agreed to bring the troops home in 16 months (or however many it is until 8/10), but the troops said "no thanks, the economy is better over here." He then had a guest make some kind of comment after a joke and Jimmy deadpanned, "Ok, please have that man removed. I hate when my dad drinks." I thought that was pretty decent ad-libbing. As I was typing all of that, he and his band, The Roots, did a funny piece which I assume will be a new running segment called "Slow Jammin' the News" where he took a news story and the Roots played a really R&B sexxed up beat (Think Keith Sweat, Isely Brothers, Isaac Hayes- some grown folk, baby makin' music) and they sang a news story as a song, complete with a lot of double entendres to make it sound like a sexy ballad. I was pretty amused.

Fallon struck me as playing the part of a tv show host a lot better than I thought he would. He didn't come out in a Salvation Army sweater with messy hair trying frat/stoner humor it up. He seemed like a believable host with a great house band and good writing. That's about all I ask for. I don't wanna stay up for every guest but his lineup this week might be the best week of guests in late night television history. It's basically a week of NBC telling every A-lister, "You owe us a favor, now come in and do Fallon's show." Or the converse of, "Would you like to do NBC/GE a favor and be in the good graces of one of America's largest companies? You would? Great, come on in and sit on Jimmy's couch, and we'll write you and I.O.U.."

After the monologue, he began a new game-show style show called "Lick It For $10", where 3 audience members come up, lick something, then return to their seats. The first guy just licked the motor part of a lawn mower. Then they showed a replay of it in slow-mo, while the roots laid down another great, baby-makin' lick (I was kinda happy with that pun. I hope you enjoyed it). The next chick had to lick a copy machine. Then the he asked the audience which part she should lick- and the audience voted on the glass part, where you put the actual sheet you are copying. Then after each guest earns their $10, Jimmy pays them out of his own wallet. The last gentleman is now required to lick a bowl of goldfish. Job well done and Jimmy paid the man.


I tried to embed this video, but embedding was disabled by YouTube. So I will have to send you a link to Jimmy Fallon's Idiot Boyfriend video. If you have never heard of the video, it came out about 5 years or so ago, and is pretty entertaining. If you're reading this blog, lets face it, you've got time to kill. So check it out. I'd like to dedicate the link to a very special who lives in Astoria, NY, who I know for a fact will be happy to click on the link.

Robert De Niro is on and Jimmy is pretty smiley and awe-struck, but it's his first interview, and it's a pretty huge get, so I can't blame him a ton just yet.

Ok, now Jimmy's being a little Jimmyish. He joked that he and De Niro have had similar careers. De Niro was in the Taxi Driver, and Jimmy was in Taxi. He then did a giggly impression of De Niro, and asked De Niro to recite a line from his movie, to which De Niro adopted a girly falsetto and said "Ohhh, I'm Jimmy Fallon." Non-hilarity ensued and they went to commercial. Everytime I've seen De Niro of Jack Nicholson on a show, the host acts awestruck, then talks about how he's so much more of a hardass then the he (the host) could ever hope to be, then De Niro/Nicholson busts on them, and the host giggles sheepishly. Way to switch it up Jimmy. The commercial break came at a good time.

Back from commercial, Jimmy sarcastically asks if De Niro remembers the movie they did together. Shockingly, they have a clip from that movie. Oh good, Jimmy giggled before his first line of the movie. So far, Jimmy plays a poontang, and De Niro a hard ass. Good thing I was seated for that one. Mercifully, it ended after about 15 seconds. That was the whole segment. Coming up after the break "The amazingly talented Justin Timberlake".

Justin Timberlake came out. If Fallon calls him "Mr. J.T." I'm never watching this show again. Mr. J.T. did a pretty funny impression of John Mayer's singing. It was good because he never said anything along the lines of "He's a good friend, but I bust on him anyway." Jimmy made a PC comment to the effect of, "obviously, we both know and like the guy and aren't trying to take the piss out of him." to which Timberlake said "Yeah...we make fun of him...cuz....we....like him *shoulder shrug*", which led me to believe he maybe doesn't like him. I can respect that.

Aaaaand scene. After the break, I think Jimmy Said Van Morrison is coming out. Tomorrow's musical guest is Santogold, if you haven't heard of her, but you like M.I.A.'s music, you should check her out.

I'll be damned it is Van Morrison. He's singing his new song apparently. Wow, Van Morrison looks like Zoot from the Muppet Band, if he were paler than an albino's ass and very fat. Seriously.

"Stay tuned for Last call with Carson Daly, everybody." Oh good idea. In fact, put me down for a "Hell no", Jimmy.

Ok, bedtime for T.R..

This Year's Kentucky Derby Trail

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


After watching Saturday's Fountain of Youth Stakes at Gulfstream and Santa Anita's Sham Stakes, I feel pretty good about the 2009 Kentucky Derby field.

I haven't seen every Derby hopeful yet this year, but the 5 or 6 I've followed have impressed me moreso than the top 5 or 6 in recent years.

As a starting point for the discussion of the top 3-year olds can be found on the left margin here- Mike Watchmaker's "Watchmaker Watch". The top two horses, Old Fashioned and Dunkirk, I have not seen, but if they're atop the list, I have ever reason to believe they're flat out beasts. The third horse, Pioneer of the Nile, I watched a few weeks ago in the Robert Lewis Stakes at Santa Anita, below. Check it out for yourself. That's an impressive ride from a jockey who knew exactly how much horse he had left, and didn't ask his horse to do any more than he had to. You get the feeling that if the jockey wanted to send Pioneer of the Nile much earlier, he could have won by 6 lengths.



Next on Watchmaker's list is the winner of the Breeder's Cup Juvenile, Midshipman. He is off the Derby trail due to a recent injury. I hope to see him in the Travers in August at Saratoga, as I don't think we've heard the last of him yet. Friesan Fire is ranked 5th on the Watchmaker Watch and I have not seen him either. In 6th is Vineyard Haven who had a very impressive two-year old campaign on the East Coast. He ran a clunker in Dubai recently, but his work as a 2-year old still looms. Here's his impressive win in the 2008 Champagne Stakes at Belmont Park.




Coming in 7th place in Watchmaker's Watch is the horse that inspired me to write this article, who is pictured at the top of this article, and who won me $70 on Saturday- The Pamplemousse.

It is worth noting that he was heavily, favored in this race, however he didn't even show an inkling of concern for the others in the race (like Pioneer of the Nile did, for instance). It looks like the jockey said "Ok other horses, my horse is better and will run his race and let you guys run yours. And "yours" is gonna have a view of The Pamplemousse's hiney the entire time. You really aren't any concern to us. Good luck out there." The visual evidence is below.



The last three ranked horses on the Watch (Capt. Candyman Can, Notonthesamepage, and This Ones For Phil) all raced in Saturday's Fountain of Youth Stakes at Gulfstream. The field in this race was very deep, and I found other horses in the race very likable as well (Theregoesjojo, and Beethoven, most notably). The winner of that race? A horse named Quality Road. So of the 5 horses I liked a little bit in that race, none of them won. Quality Road won impressively and is still on the Derby Trail, as well as Theregoesjojo and Beethoven. The three horses from Watchmaker's Watch that entered this race, appeared to be the horse racing equivalent of a one-hit wonder, as often happens with young horses hoping to enter in the KY Derby. Here's the Fountain of Youth from Gulfstream.

"That's the bad guy" -Tony Montana in Scarface

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Remember in the mid-to-late 90's when everyone was making Lawyer jokes? It was en vogue at the time to label laywers as all greedy, corrupt, unscrupulous swindlers? In the wake of our awesome economic times, have investment bankers officially replaced them now? I kind think so.

Rush to (bad) Judgement

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


For being obese, Rush Limbaugh sure is a small person. Despite being the Alpha flag-waving conservative, he still wants to see Obama fail.

Is this revenge for some comment circa 2000 I'm unaware of where Obama wished Rush got more obese, more bald and addicted to Oxycontin? I wasn't reading a lot of news back then.