By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
You know how a skinny person can't call a fat person "fat", but a fat person can call a fellow fat person "fat"? I just learned today that it's also ok for a Middle-Eastern Muslim Jihadist to call a black American politican a "house negro". Just ask Ayman.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Apparently Having Hussein as your Middle Name Isn't Enough to Endear you to This Gentleman
Lookalikes 18.0- Three Way Edition
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Domenick Lombardozzi- Who plays Dom on Entourage, and was also a shady cop on The Wire.
Jim Leyritz- This (alleged) drunken vehicular homicide specialist is, the second most famous New York Yankee to be involved in a drunk-driver-caused car accident. (second to Billy Martin)
Brian Urlacher- Meat-eating Chicago Bear linebacker.
Other Where Awesome Happens Lookalikes:
Roger Clemens and Uncle Joey's Puppet, Woodchuck
David Wright and Steve Eigenberg
Jane Velez Mitchell and Adam Rich
Amy Poehler and Cindy McCain
Louis CK and Jim Cramer
Stephen Colbert and Jamie Gold
Dana Bash and an Afghan Dog
Brandon DiCamillo and Paul Scheer
Bristol Palin and Shawn Johnson
Fred Thompson and a Shar Pei Dog
Steve from Married With Children, and Calvin's Dad, from Calvin and Hobbes
Buck Martinez and Carl, from Billy Madison
Brandon DiCamillo and Paul Scheer
Mauro Renallo and Seth MacFarlane
Charles Barkley and Bald Bull
When You Think the Opposing Goalie may not be Hetero
(Nice bikini briefs, brah)
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
This was from a soccer game in Italy's Seria A game on Saturday betwixt Torino and Catania. If you look closely you can see one of the players from Catania (blue and red striped jerseys) drop his pants to distract the opposing goalie immediately before the free kick.
At around the 3 second mark, Catania sends 4 men between the wall of white-clad Torino players, and the goalie. Around the 6-second mark you can see the Catania player that is third from our left drop his pants (it's not super easy to see, but you can tell that he is). The goalie was then distracted by the sight of his buns and gave up a goal.
Leave it to the Italians.
How Cool am I? Try "Cool as Ice". Word.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
I wasn't sure how to start this entry so I'll try both starts and let you decide.
1) the straightforward: I recently saw on HBO a movie I've always wanted to see, Cool as Ice starring Vanilla Ice. I had always assumed it was like this really cheesey, awkward, outdated-while-it-was-being-made movie written by white people for white people about a guy who acts black. And thank Sweet Baby Jesus, I was right. It was the best/worst movie I've seen in years, maybe ever.
or
2) the roundabout: People ask me all the time why it is that I like awesome movies. Usually when I tell them that I think they're better, generally speaking, than crappy movies, they agree with me. So with that approach to movie watching in mind, I put down my remote control the other night when I saw HBO was playing Cool As Ice, starring Vanilla Ice.
I think 2 was probably better.
Anyway. So I knew that the movie was gonna be awful/awesome, but what I didn't know was that it's actually supposed to be a hip-hop version of Rebel Without a Cause. I caught only the second half of Cool as Ice, and I haven't seen all of Rebel Without a Cause either, so I wasn't able to see just how parallel the two movies are. But I didn't need to.
Another enjoyable aspect of this epic is that it serves as a great period piece for what I think was the worst era/genre of dress during my lifetime: early 90's hip-hop. I'm talking like Skidz, The Merry Go Round store at the mall, Z. Cavaricci jeans, Cross Colors. Think like early TLC videos, In Living Color, wearing the shorts/suspender combos, but with one or BOTH straps down so they functioned just as shorts. I mean, all that is captured in this movies. So is that odd "fad" that never caught on of dudes wearing ball-hats that had like flat metal on the front of it. That never really took off.
In that last paragraph I almost felt like one of those sweater-and-khaki wearing dweebs from Time-Life commercials talking about how wonderful and timeless this collection is to help you fall in love all over again with era that made you fall in love: The crappy Hip Hop clothing era. It's all here in this one-part DVD titled Cool As Ice. There's no obligation, and you can cancel at anytime. Then my Susie Homemaker wife could enter the room, give me a perfunctory kiss, look at the camera and chime in with a "T.R. and I met during that era. It's where we had our first kiss, and fell in love. When he told me about this Time-Life offer, I had to have it immediately. It's like we're wigger-loving 16 year old suburbanites all over again. *sigh*"
Anyway, here are some more things you will need to know before you begin your journey down memory lane.
Here's the IMDB page for the movie (again), and the Wikiepdia page.
Every good movie with a cheese-dick rebel needs not only a goodie-two-shoes love interest, but she has to have an over-protective wussy dad to go along with her. I know what you are asking yourself, and yes, her dad is played by Michael Gross, who many of you know as Alex P. Keaton's dad on Family Ties.
You might also be saying, "Big deal, T.R.. I like movies only if they involve horses reacting to motorcycles." Well, you might want to watch this clip then.
In all seriousness, this was where the movie was I when clicked on it. You can see why I was hooked. I mean, when was the last time you saw Vanilla Ice's areolas?
Check out the :52 mark. You can see the sleeve of his coat it says "sex me up".
This is the movie's intro. How Vanilla never had legitimate street-cred is beyond me. I couldn't decide which line of his from his rap intro to single out and make fun of, so just listen to all of it. Changed my mind. "Ice don't panic, he just gets romantic." is the big winner.
Stop this one :20 seconds in and just think about how excited you are to see how it unfolds. If you're ever gonna write book called "Turning That Mother Out 101" this scene would have to be heavily cited. (please note that they do speak English in the movie, but French in this clip). Vanilla is a many splendid man, but multi-lingualism is not one of his splendors.
If you are still undecided about whether or not this movie is for you, I hope you're wearing steel-toed-boots. Because, Ice doesn't be droppin' mad knowledge, kid.
You man let's get outta here. Word to your mother.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Encore Presentation of Roger Clemens and Mr. Woodchuck
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Since my friend Kevin gave a shout out to me today about the Roger Clemens and Mr. Woodchuck comparison, AND Kevin was popular in high school, that counts as "popular demand". So, I present to you, back my Popular Demand*, and in a newly YouTubed format, Roger Clemens and Mr. Woodhchuck.
* denotes Kevin
What's up with the Miami University Shirts in this SNL sketch?
As a proud alumnus of Miami University I am concerned about SNL's portrayal. I visited a lot of classmates' parents' houses and only like 50% were like this. (Or wait. Maybe it was 0%. I majored in Psychology, cuz math isn't really my thing).
As far as I know, Miami U. has never been mentioned on Saturday Night Live. So it was doubly random that in last week's episode not only were two playersportrayed in a sketch as Miami freshman, but one of them was a member of a sexually bizarre household. Furthering the oddity, Miami University was never mentioned by name- the students simply wore Miami t-shirts.
Your thoughts?
As far as I know, Miami U. has never been mentioned on Saturday Night Live. So it was doubly random that in last week's episode not only were two playersportrayed in a sketch as Miami freshman, but one of them was a member of a sexually bizarre household. Furthering the oddity, Miami University was never mentioned by name- the students simply wore Miami t-shirts.
Your thoughts?
P.S. If Miami's portrayal somehow implies that its reputation in academia is anything short of sterling, I would like to present this video to refute that assertion.
All you armchair academicians please note: When the camera
P.P.S. When was the last time you witnessed a student body applaud more heartily at the very presence of law enforcement? Ostensibly, these students put aside their studies for 10 minutes or so one night, just to applaud the efforts of the Oxford P.D. and the Miami University P.D.. This is what people mean when they say "Midwestern Values".
Other Miami University related post- All I Want For Christmas
Illinois Tax Revenue Quiz
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
My state is 49th in funding for education. It is also $4 billion in debt, and is expected to be $5 billion in debt by March. We set aside $70 million, for a very special cause. Here's the question:
What was this money set aside for?
A. Paying the salaries of 600 teachers
B. Modernizing infrastructure, namely Amtrak and Metra trains throughout the state
C. Paying down the state debt
D. Tax breaks for the poorest 5%
The answer is: Ha, it was a trick question. The answer is actually that the money is going into the horse racing industry in the state of Illinois. You are soooo gullible.
The best thing that our governor has going for him is that he is likely to be the love child of Steve Carrell and Janet Reno. Other than that he's awful at his job.
Tupac and Dr. Dre's Prophecy has Come True: Englewood WAS up to no Good
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
A dog fight was broken up this weekend in Englewood, IL. You will no doubt recall the lyrics from Tupac's California Love featuring Dr. Dre, where Dre raps "Inglewood (sic), Inglewood (sic) always up to no good"
If you're like me you're asking yourself, "Boy that sounds great. But would they let me girlfriend attend, even though she is pregnant?" That answer is yes. As you will read in the first paragraph, a pregnant woman was in attendance at the time of the bust.
There was no word yet on whether Hollywood was tryin to get a piece, baby. Or whether Oakland was in the house at the time of the arrests.
Mark Cuban to Stock Broker, "Psssst....Meet me Inside. We'll Trade There." or Something.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Potential Chicago Cubs owner, and current Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban was charged by the SEC today for insider trading. I thought you might not believe you, so I brought proof. This link to the Wall Street Journal article about it.
Let this be a lesson to you all: Do all of your trading outside next time.
Human cheapness knows no bounds. This guy is a billionaire and his alleged insider-info-based stock dump saved him $750,000. That's like you committing armed robbery for a cup of coffee. Which is worth it, I guess.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
This Has to Stop.
(Photographic credit: Polekat $lim. Great work, my friend)
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Ending a declarative sentence with the word "Yo" should never happen, under any circumstances. It's awful. It does NOT make you sound as hip as you think it does. TRUST ME.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Awesome Scrapped ESPN Ad Campain
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Big ups to my homey Dr. Kevin for passing this along to me.
(copied and pasted from right here)
ESPN drops ad campaign that was to portray college stereotypes
| Updated 17h 44m ago | Comments 38 | Recommend 8 | E-mail | Save | Print | Reprints & Permissions |  |
ESPN canceled plans Thursday for a TV ad campaign touting its college basketball coverage after learning that the actors were to depict sometimes crude stereotypes of students at specific colleges.
A leaked memo from Anomaly, a New York agency that has produced past ESPN ads, described a casting call for actors in which it sought someone to portray a Tennessee student as "a slutty girl who would hang out at the cowgirl hall of fame" and a Notre Dame student who is "an Asian kid ... who's always fighting."
The concept of the ad was to have students working at an ESPN call center, representing their schools as they phoned people to try to get them to watch ESPN college basketball coverage.
The campaign was killed as soon as the memo leaked. "Our marketing department just learned of this casting call today," said ESPN's Mike Soltys. "The language and approach reflected in that document were not approved by us and in no way represent ESPN or the respect we have for the college community."
In the memo, which first appeared on awfulannouncing.com, the "defining characteristic" of the Marquette student is that "you don't really remember her." The Kansas student "takes great pains to point out that Kansas is very cosmopolitan." Syracuse would need a "Jewish kid" who loves college — "all you can eat buffets in the cafeteria, who knew?"
FIND MORE STORIES IN: Oklahoma | Tennessee | New York | Kansas | Notre Dame | Purdue | Marquette | Mike Soltys | Anomaly
The Purdue student needed to look 14 and the Oklahoma student needed to be "wide-eyed, as naive as they come."
The content of the memo is reproduced below.
***
ESPN
Promo
SAG
PAY RATE: SAG PROMO RATE
Director: Matt Aselton
Casting Director: ERICA PALGON
Interview: Thurs 11/13 and Fri 11/14, Mon 11/17
Fitting: 11/21
Shoot: 11/24, 25
Location: New York
SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY LIZ LEWIS CASTING PARTNERS
EVERYONE MUST BE STRONG WITH COMEDY/IMPROV. PLEASE WRITE ANY ADDITIONAL NOTES, IN THE NOTES PAGE, ABOUT ACTOR'S COMEDIC/IMPROV EXPERIENCE/TRAINING, THAT WOULD BE HELPFUL IN LOOKING THROUGH SUBMISSIONS
All roles are ages 18-22 yrs old. WITH THE EXCEPTION of PERDUE.
T.R. Slyder interjection- Um, ESPN guy, that isn't how you spell Purdue.
The concept: The spots take place in the ESPN College Basketball Call Center (CBBCC). All of these guys are there representing their schools, calling people on the phone to get them to watch more College Basketball. Basically they are selling college basketball.
SEEKING:
[ DUKE UNIVERSITY ]
MALE. Our guy for Duke UNIVERSITY is a smart, with it, young WHITE male. He's handsome. He's from money. He is, in short, the kind of guy, everyone can't stand. He is the kind of guy everyone wants to be.
[ NORTH CAROLINA ]
FEMALE. She's a Southern bell. She is the counterpoint to Duke. Being young and pretty everyone wants to be around her. She's charming. Not a dingbat, she's sharp.
T.R. Slyder interjection- Hey chief stereotyper- great spelling of "belle". If you're gonna act awesome enough to stereotype, at least know how to spell them, thanks.
[ TEXAS ]
MALE. Straight out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, Texas is a young man's man. He is the kind of guy that could field dress a deer and then take you to the debutante ball in 20. Polite, farm boy. He's good at everything. Except call centering.
T.R. Interjection- Um, when I stereotype Texans I just go for fat, loud and stupid. Maybe that's why this promo got canceled.
[ KANSAS ]
MALE. Kansas is straight off the farm. However, he takes great pains to point out that Kansas is very cosmopolitan, as witnessed by their record, their burgeoning tech industry, and their hybrid corns (bonus: modified by fish genes!)
[ CONNECTICUT ]
MALE. Connecticut is all things Connecticut. He's a little bit older. He's a little bit thicker around the waist. He's WHITE. He's also competitive. Very. Waspy, blue blood.
T.R. Interjection- Since when has WASPy been portrayed as "thicker-around-the-waist"? Aren't they always like 6'3'' and lanky as all hell? He really sucks at stereotyping.
[ OKLAHOMA ]
MALE. Oklahoma is awesome and he thinks everything is awesome. He's very enthusiastic about all things call center and all things life and he wants to share this contagious enthusiasm with everyone he meets. Wide-eyed, as naive as they come.
T.R. Again- Wait, isn't every non East Coaster the same so far?
[ LOUISVILLE ]
MALE. Louisville is very true to place. He's short. He's HISPANIC. And one day he hopes to carry on in proud Louisville tradition and race thoroughbreds.
He's obviously been to Louisville on several occasions and visited their sprawling Little Mexico section. When I think Kentucky, I obviously think of Hispanics. Maybe our trusty stereotyper is transposing the words "Hick" and "Spic" in his brain.
[ TENNESSEE ]
FEMALE. Tennessee is orange crazy. The ice tray in her orange fridge, that freezes the water she dyes orange, is that orange. The party girl cowboy hat she wears is a white and orange zebra print. The tattoo on her lower back is Pantone 3 for that Tennessee orange. The only thing that's not orange is her dog, which is the mascot Smokey. Did we mention she's crazy? A slutty girl who would hang out at the cowgirl hall of fame.
[ PURDUE ]
MALE. Child prodigy. 14-year-old. Or open to an 18-year-old who looks 14. Aeronautical engineering. Wiz kid. Think McLovin from Superbad.
I'm from Indiana. Since this stereotype involves intelligence, I'll take what I can get here. I know some smart kids that went there.
[ VILLANOVA ]
MALE. Villanova is the poor man's Duke — he's not quite as handsome, he's not quite as rich, he's not quite as dapper. After 2 or 3 beers though, who cares? As he's friendly enough.
Wait kids were gonna be drinking in your ad campaign? That's pretty thorough characterization there, Stereotyper. Besides, everyone who has every been to Vanillanova knows that it leads the nation in squirrels-per-acre on campus. Have you noticed how at ESPN all the East Coast stereotypes are all detailed and nuanced, but the Midwestern ones are just all hicks, and the West Coast has been totally ignored? Sounds like an ESPN Memo.
[ NOTRE DAME ]
MALE He's an ASIAN kid who is in to all things Notre Dame, ridiculously so. Oh, and he's always fighting. Every time we encounter him he always has some words or another, be it the faint traces of a black eye, or a scab or whatever. He epitomizes the fightin' Irish.
Wrong again. Everyone who has been to Notre Dame knows that 88% of its student body is from New Jersey. It's weird, but it's true.
[ PITTSBURGH ]
FEMALE. Pittsburgh is a tomboy. She obviously grew up in the neighborhood and isn't going to take any guff from anyone and she'll wallop you in the eye with a crowbar if you suggest different. So don't. Think Tina Fey type.
[ SYRACUSE ]
MALE. Jewish kid from Long Island that is loving the college experience. It has opened up a world he never knew existed. All you can eat buffets in the cafeteria — who knew? To Syracuse, everything is a party.
[ GEORGETOWN ]
FEMALE. Georgetown, a 4.36 GPA who's lived in 9 world-class cities, but all the time in her sister's shadow (her GPA is 4.37). She's sort of the female Duke, except most people like her. Think Reese Witherspoon.
[ GONZAGA ]
MALE. No one knows what Gonzaga looks like because no one knows where to find him. He is still stuck in the grunge look, reckless, in from the wild. Flannel look. Chews tobacco. Guy that would go to school in the Pacific Northwest.
This doesn't sound like it was based on multiple visits there, or extensive knowledge of that school. Just sayin.
[ MARQUETTE ]
FEMALE. Marquette, on a scale of 1-10, she's a six. A B-, C in every category you can define a person by. Her defining characteristic is you don't really remember her. You're not breaking your arm to get to her, but you're not chewing it off to get away. She does have a winning personality though. Midwest, sweet girl.
[ MICHIGAN STATE ]
MALE. Blue collar to the core. Michigan State is one tough kid that grew up by putting a few down. That's just Michigan State's way. Big beefy kid.
Admit it, Stereotyper- this stereotype is based 100% on Michael Moore always wearing a Michigan State hat, Stereotyper? Come on....admit it.
[ MEMPHIS ]
MALE. What can we say about Memphis? He's a southern BLACK kid, really culinary and polite. He's artistic, and draws comic books really well.
"And by 'really culinary' I mean 'barbecues a lot'. That's all I know about Memphis."
[ MARYLAND ]
MALE. He plays lacrosse. A dude. Low key. Mid Atlantic, wears baseball hats and chinos.
[ OHIO STATE ]
MALE. He looks like Jim Tressle (head coach of Ohio State football) in the dress code. Red sweater vest. Always. Doesn't care for swearing either — of course we never really test this out as they are commercial advertisements and no one swears in them, but it's true nevertheless. A Republican.
[ ILLINOIS ]
MALE. African-American. Young Obama. Think Toofer-the straight-laced, Harvard grad writer from 30 Rock (Keith Powell)
Right. No black kids at state schools in Illinois go to school in Chicago, they prefer the charms of the rural, central part of the state.
[ OKLAHOMA STATE ]
FEMALE. She's a fun loving girl, Oklahoma born and bred. Decided not to travel out of State so she should be closer to home. She's a flirt. She's a hot chick.
Again with the characterization. "born and BRED"? Was this commercial series going to discuss where eachother's parents conceived them? I mean, that's VERY extensive characterization, especially for commercials. That are about sports. Yikes.
[ TEXAS A&M ]
MALE. True to the region, Texas A&M is one tough dude. He's not big physically, but he is imposing. He's an ROTC kid and his 100-yard stare lets you know it.
[ BAYLOR ]
MALE & FEMALE. Baylor is not one people but two. It's a couple. In fact, we're not even sure which one goes to Baylor. We only know they are madly in love. Their world is each other, which is really sweet or really sickening, depending. Think Sheri Oteri and Will Farrell as the cheerleaders.
MORE California Wildfires? Seriously??
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
How the hell does this happen 44 times a year? I think this bear should be on the California flag
Instead of this one...
Olberman Being Footloose and Fancy-Free Again.
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
To paraphrase Uncle Rico: You look like an obnoxious, young pup. Why don't you go ahead and act more obnoxious and self-important than Keith Olberman does.....Don't hurt yourself, now... You can't do it. So, how does the Dealy-o sound?
To Those Who Hate Japanese Moped Commercials Featuring Michael Jackson....
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
You won't like this video. It's a Japanese moped commercial featuring Michael Jackson. It's from when Michael was actually cool too. He went from cool,to "Bad", to kinda weird, to molesty. Again, this was from the "cool" phase.
This is the making of the video. For those of you with finely-tuned Gaydar, check out the full-force of the gayface at the 1:20 mark. He's the only gay black dancing phenom to combine the gayface with the white man's overbite at the same time. I know you read that and are thinking "Whaaat? I really doubt that." Trust me.You'll agree. I think what Einstein did for kids getting back grades, (e.g. "What? Einstein got bad grades as a kid, he turned out just fine."), Michael Jackson just did for the white man's overbite (e.g. "What? Some of the best dancer(s) in history do it! And it isn't just a white thing either, ya know.").
At first I was gonna ask you to watch the videos only once. But on second thought: Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough! Do-do-do-loo-looo-looo-looo-looo.
Guess Who's Rumored to be the Next Head of State....
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
What better way to belatedly celebrate Diwali than Hillary Clinton making the lamest attempt at a joke I have ever heard. Literally. Other than watching physical harm being inflicted on someone, I can't imagine a video making me more uncomfortable than this one.
Ladies and Gentleman, the woman rumored to be our next Head of State......
One of my favorite genres of YouTube clips has got to be Hillary Offending Indian people. No offense, Indians.
Underappreciated Baby Got Back Line
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Everyone has their own favorite line from Baby Got Back. My favorite line is "L.A. face with an Oakland booty".
I never knew what he was saying there (I kinda thought he said "I kinda like gays with the open booties" but assumed I was mistaken). Then I decided to see if a friend of mine (name withheld) had a myspace page. My friend did not. But someone with her exact name (which is not a common name at all), who lives in Oakland had a MySpace profile and that was her tagline/catchphrase/headline thing.
So that line has special meaning to me.
Cubs to Kerry Wood: Don't let the Door hit 'ya Where the Good Lord Split 'ya
(That's me on the left, by the way. Just kidding. A man can dream though, can't he?)
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
This was one of those "Yeah but still..." baseball moves. Wood was still good, but probably not a savvy baseball investment. When I heard he was traded, I had this argument with myself:
T.R.'s Heart: What? Kerry was the longest-tenured Cub!! He was a good closer! We can't just get rid of him!
T.R.'s Brain: Yeah, but he wasn't worth the price, and he'd want a few years more than he'd be worth. We can't just keep him on the payroll because he had 20 strikeouts in 1998 and is a good guy.
T.R.'s Heart: Yeah but still....
-End Scene-
Now the longest-tenured Cub? Carlos Zambrano with 8 years. Next is Aramis Ramirez with 5 and a half years.
Kerry was the first Cub to play in three different playoff series with the Cubs since, like the 40's or something. Maybe even before. I half-assedly tried to find it on Google, but gave up. I heard that at the beginning of this playoffs. He and his wife were active in the Chicago community as well. Farewell Kerry.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
When Lars met Jean-Michel
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Metallica drummer and Napster-o-phone, Lars Ulrich just plunked down $13.5 million at Christie's for Jean-Michel Basquiat (Bass-Key-ah)'s 1982 Untitled (Boxer). The original Christies estimate was $16m.
Since I have posted in a while, and was looking for something, I'll put in my two cents about Basquiat. He has to be the single best example I can think of an artist being in the right place at the right time. He came to artistic quasi-prominence in the late 70's from his graffiti. Just as millions of Americans were learning what the word "graffiti" meant, the art scene was starting to ponder its commercial viability. His work was undeniably fresh, hip and different. And he certainly looked the artistic part- multi-ethnic black guy, dreadlocks, spoke little English, major league body odor, dressed uniquely- in short he looked the part of art superstar. If these drawings came from a kid in Tulsa, Oklahoma they'd be derided as loud and garish. But he looked the part and was soon being sold by early Warhol patron Larry Gagosian. His works were sold with other then-fledgling art god's Keith Haring and Julian Schnabel.
Once a member of the art cognescenti annoints you as cool, you go from subjectively cool to "objectively" cool. Basquait was thus anointed in the early 80's. No longer comments like, "I'm not sure I like that dude's work. It's a little loud and out there." met with, "Yeah no kidding. I wish I could turn down the volume." Instead they were responded to with "No? Larry Gagosian disagrees with you. People used to say that about his proteges Warhol and Lichtenstein, now who's laughing? I think his pieces are daring, and reflect the institutional suppression of the urban black experience of today. People thought Hendrix was 'loud and out there' at one point too. Or were you too busy listening to Buddy Holly at the time? He challenges the viewer."
In other words the nod from Gagosian or Scharles Saatchi takes your work from, "Yeah. I don't like it." to "Well, if I want to sound in-the-know, I better start lying about how I love it." I think Basquiat is the prime example. I get Picasso, Klimt, Van Gogh, Dali, Lichtenstein, those are some of my favorites and their price points make sense to me. But with Basquaiat, I think he came along in from the right place, New York, in a time when there was a void in the who-will-be-the-new-art-superstar-now-that-Warhol-and-Licthenstein-are-no-longer-new? era. And I think the NYC art scene was ready for a non-white face to be the Jimi Hendrix to Andy Warhol's Bob Dylan (the Warhol/Dylan metaphor is a bit of a stretch, but they are both fairly plain-ish and clean, nothing overly controversial with their content or jarring on the surface).
When I was an art consultant, everyday I'd hear someone say something like, "I don't get why some of those paintings get auctioned off for tens of millions, when they look like a bunch of scribbles to me." Or, "How come when Andy Warhol copies and colors a picture of Marilyn Monroe, he's a genius and it sells for millions, but if I did that, it would sell for $7." Or the occasional, "That painting there is selling for $12,000 , I like that better than those Lichtenstein comic-book-looking paintings that sell for $80 million. Why the difference?" The answer is that the guys selling for millions:
1. Didn't come from the midwest, they came from New York, L.A. or London.
2. Look the part. They don't look like Howdy-Doody. When you see them you don't think, "This dork did that cool painting?", you think "Damn! This dude is out-there. I'm not sure I'm smart enough to see the world as he sees it. I'll leave the artsy stuff to him, and he can leave actuarial science to me!"
3. Are connected. When your painting is hanging in the gallery of someone with the clout of Gagosian or Saatchi and/or Mick Jagger starts collecting your works, you just became an art rockstar. Done deal. If my dorky uncle just got named the lead in a Spielberg movie, he just became a movie star. Whether he deserves to be or not is no longer relevant, Spielberg decided, and it was so.
Basquiat hit all three of those criteria out of the park. So remember that when you look at art with someone who doesn't get art, because they're favorite first comment in the museum is going to be, "Now why is that worth $60 million?". Regurgitate my 3-point list and they'll shut up, and stop their aw sucks belief that their art ignorance makes them holier-than-thou.
Breaking News!!!: Nancy Grace Still Doesn't Know Where Caylee is!!!
By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
Or do you think that Nancy does know but is just keeping it a secret for ratings? Who would put it by Nancy, I mean really? When was she accused of being warm and/or endearing? She totally knows.
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