Lovechild Investigation 8.0

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Pete Wentz + Don Flamenco = Tim Lincecum. Proof:
















(I also realize that's the worst web editing of all time)

Farley on Letterman

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This is rather unspectacular but it's Farley on Letterman so I thought I'd post it. It was filmed when he was fat.

I don't know if everyone was more innocent then, or if I was just young and clueless, but if this happened again in today's age I think everyone would say, "um, this guy's a coke fiend". When he died I remember thinking "This guy had a drug problem? Really? Wow, that's so sad" then when I watch him I can't help but think "Wow, this guy is loaded. Like really bad."

Bearsss.

Now testify/come up in the spot lookin' extra fly

Hello. I'm Mike Ditka.
Arrrggghhh
Ooohhh can ya feel it, baby? Ow!
Well hello there.
Ooohh, that's the way I like it, baby.
You goddamn sonofabitches!
I get this right here for ya.


Does it hurt to be THIS goddamn sexy? Yeah, kinda. But I deal with it.

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Ditka. Polish Sausages. Bearss. Ditka. Ditka.

I don't know a ton about him as a person, but he is easily the best Chicagoan of all time. He is probably the best American of all time, and he could very well be the best man of all time. The more I look at his pictures, the more I realize that a man just has to have a mustache. He just has to. Michael Ditka is by far my favorite guy to look at pictures of. No homo.

Let the Obama Racism Begin!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

First I'll start it off with a video.





Secondly, we'll head over to Europe where Italy's Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi said that Obama was, "Young, handsome and even tanned". Which is maybe not racist per se, but is still stupid as hell.


Thirdly, the backup Center on University of Texas' football team was kicked off the team for posting this on his FaceBook page:

"all the hunters gather up, we have a #$%&er in the whitehouse"

Hilarious! Why wouldn't you voluntarily add that to your FaceBook. Why confine ignorance to just your private life? Why not let your ignorance get you kicked off the team of your school where you were receiving a free world-class education?

You might be asking yourself if his first name is Buck. Yes. Yes, it is.

Idea for an Indian Porn

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I think there should be a porn that takes place in India, about a guy named Sanjay who does it with a lot of women. It would be called Sanjay Goop'd Ya and the part of Sanjay would be played by a pornstar named Fudgepak Chopra. I don't think a pornstar of that name currently exists, so it would be necessary to make one, much like when Voltaire said, "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."

Directors of Indian 'ornography, make this happen!

Where Awesome Happens Look Back: Tyler Benchfield

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com
















For my money, Tyler Benchfield will always be the be ultimate mulleted, hunky jock, who dates the sister of the down-syndrome stricken lead character. He was so good in Life Goes On that you can't even say he was "often imitated, never duplicated". Why? Because no one had the balls to try to follow up his act, that's why!!!

He was like a cross between Ben Stiller from Something About Mary and A.C. Slater. They don't make 'em like they used to. They really don't. They really don't.

Who Says National Defense is no Laughing Matter?

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Certainly not the person that came up with the name AIM-132 ASRAAM for their missile.



Big ups to Polekat $lim for bringing this to my attention. Way to keep it greezy, Polekat $leezy.

Where Awesome Happens Book Review 2.0

Butterfly in the sky? I can go twice as high!




Where Awesome Happens Book Review 2.0: And The Hippos Were Boiled in Their Tanks by Jack Kerouac and William S. Burroughs.


This book was an uber-doozie. It's also my favorite kind of book. Namely, the kind of book that is about a topic you had never heard of, and after the book is over makes you want to go research that topic and read 4 other books about it.

Before I get to the review itself, I'll set this up a bit. Kerouac and Burroughs are two of the "Big Three" Beat Generation writers, (Allen Ginsburg, being the other) and this book was published in 2008, despite Burroughs dying in 1997 and Kerouac dying in 1969. So for this book to be just coming out, is like what it would be like for Jazz fans if a collaboration between Louis Armstrong and Billie Holliday were just discovered. The book was written in 1945, while these two writers were still completely unknown and was rejected by publishers. As Burroughs was quoted in the Afterward, regarding no publishers being interested, "And it hindsight I don't see why they should have been. It had no commercial possibilities. It wasn't sensational enough to make it [...] from that point of view, nor was it well-written or interesting enough to make it [from] a purely literary point of view. It sort of fell in-between. [It was] very much in the Existential genre, the prevailing mode of the period, but that hadn't hit America yet. It just wasn't a commercially viable property."

Further pushing back the publishing date is that this is a VERY slightly fictionalized account of an actual murder, between two friends of theirs. In short, what happened was that the murderer (Lucien Carr), who remained friendly with both authors all his life (and theirs), outlived both of them. The estates of Burroughs and Kerouac both promised Carr that the manuscript would not be published in his lifetime. After doing 10 years for the murder, Lucien Carr went on to be a regular family man and hold down a successful job as a news publisher, where virtually no one who knew him was aware of his murdery past.


To me, all of that was just as interesting as the book itself. It was kinda like watching the new Star Wars movie where you're thinking "Wow, a NEW Star Wars movie that not everyone has seen yet!". The book is written in short chapters that alternate being written by Burroughs (from his character Will Dennison's point of view) and Kerouac's (from his Mike Ryko point of view). Much like on Dragnet, the names have been fictionalized to protect the innocent. Well, and the guilty, too I guess. It takes place in WWII New York in 1945 and is basically a biography of a group of beatnik writer friends who never have any money but somehow keep finding enough money to get drunk and party-hop, nonetheless.

Reading the book with no a-priori knowledge of the ending, you'd never know it was a book about murder. Which I suppose, is probably very realistic in a lot of deaths in life- you don't always see the writing on the wall for months leading up to it. Sometimes they surprise you. This wasn't much different; you get some young drunk kids, one of which seemed to be an annoyance to the other, and strange things can happen under those circumstances. The murder occurs in about the third-to-last chapter, then the final chapters deal with how the murderer should turn himself in and that's it.

Like a lot Beat Generation writing, this isn't so much about plot intricacies or surprise endings, but about how it was written, the imagery and the pace of the book. It's fast, hip, crisp, lots of dialogue and makes you feel like you are actually there with them, and not having a boring author report to you in a flowery way about the events. It serves very well as a period-piece for 1945 New York City.

In regards to the actual events of the murder. The afterward does a better job of expanding upon it than I will here, but it happened when they were all very young. Kerouac was like 22, Ginsburg 19, Carr was 17, and Burroughs was 30. Ish. Then the guy that got murdered was like 33-ish. So they were all very young, and the murder had a significant impact on the future writings for Burroughs, Kerouac and Ginsburg, and it more or less represented an enormous loss of innocence for all parties involved.

I'd label this book as highly recommendable. If this were purely fiction by two authors I'd never heard of, it would still be a good read. But given it's authors, it's half-century delay in writing, and the interesting story it tells, it all makes for a great story outside of the book as well.

Where Awesome Happens Book Review

Butterfly in the sky? I can go twice as high!



By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com




Where Awesome Happens Book Review: Bram Stoker's Dracula



Bram Stoker's Dracula kicks effing rear. The reason I felt obligated to call it "Bram Stoker's Dracula" and not just "Dracula" is to indicate that Bram Stoker's is the original Dracula. Stoker made up Count Dracula and vampires. Since then, as you know, there have been countless other stories about Dracula, and I wouldn't want you to be confused as to which book I was talking about.

The book was a lot different than I thought it would be. I thought it would be more of the horror/action genre where a group of guys were always getting attacked by Dracula, or there were a lot of physical encounters. It turned out to be much different than that. Since this was the first Vampire book, it assumes the reader had no idea what a vampire was or who Count Dracula was, or what they did. So the bulk of the book is about a group of 5 people trying to compile all the their facts about this shady Count Dracula character, and see how they can put an end to his misdeeds before it's too late.

Stoker's writing style for the book was as original as his subject. The entire book was written as a compiled series of diary entries and letters of correspondence, among his 4 most main characters. That convention heightened the urgency for the reader since the reader was able to know exactly what the characters knew or didn't know. I found that convention to be much more original and dramatically exciting than the often used omniscient narrator. Being that the book was mostly written as diary entries, it provided great characterization in a short amount of time, and let you in on the characters secret fears regarding Count Dracula that they dare not let on in front of their friends.

Dracula, was also a much faster read than I had anticipated and wasn't at all burdened with the usage of any kind of Dickensian-era English whatsoever.


As far as recommendations go, I can recommend this highly. I'm not a big horror/sci-fi fan, so it certainly helped for me that I read it right before Halloween. But after having read it and being surprised at how un-horror-y it was, I think anyone could enjoy it at anytime of year. I was very impressed by this book.

An Important Contribution to our Visual Arts

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


While viewing this artwork, I ask that you keep not only an open-mind, but an open spirit and idealism. In the midst of being a nation at war, miring with our feet at the top-step of a downward economic escalator, this artwork is a breath of freash-air. While viewing this, let it not be a time for high-mindedness, but rather a welcoming gaze out the window into an alley of celebration of the human spirit. That being said, go on with backin' that thang up and droppin' it, big gurl! Do yo thang!

Where Awesome Happens Election Night Oddsmaking

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



The odds that Obama wins AND in his speech says, "Yes We Did!": 80%

The odds McCain says the word "fight" in his speech tonight: 95%

The odds McCain says the words "my friends" in his speech tonight: 135%

The odds that McCain admits that Joe the Plumber was a campaign consultant: 15%

The odds that Sarah Palin wears red tonight: 85%

The odds that Sarah Palin says "...good people" at some point tonight on camera: 55%

The odds that McCain/Palin win, and in their victory seech say "About the campaign that promised 'Yes We Can'....well hear this friends- Oh no they di'n't!": 3%

(The odds that I want that happen: 100%)

The odds that Biden gets carried away to a Kid-on-Christmas-Day level annoyance: 60%

The odds that the election is NOT decided before Midnight ET: 5%

The odds that Chris Matthews says something so loudly tonight that you think "Was it really necessary to scream just then?": 98%

The odds that he spits, or has saliva visible in the corners of his mouth and looks as though he is rabid: 88%

The odds that someone on NBC, or MSNBC makes reference to how Tim Russert would have loved this and/or, how they wish they could hear Russert's opinion of tonight: 99%

The odds that CNN's Candy Crowley's hair is parted, and straight as can-be: 100%

The odds that Obama wins and while they interview an ordinary citizen that is a black, senior citizen to put this in perspective they say "Ohh ma gaaad": 15%

The odds that Florida has the most talk of voter fraud, or general voter dissatisfaction: 50%

The odds that voter intimdation is most rampant in ONE of the following cities: Philadelphia, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Miami, Tampa, St. Louis (including East St. Louis) or Gary, IN.: 50%

The odds that Obama wins then in his victory speech admits that he is, in fact, a radical muslim: 85% (I borrowed that one from a Texan oddsmaker).

The odds he wins and declares he is a muslim, but not a radical one: 15%

The odds of CNN's Paul Begala looking hetero the entire night, and not beaming like a Broadway actor during the first curtain-call after opening night: .11%

The odds FoxNews's coverage is Pro-Obama: No one should watch Fox News to find out. That was a trick question.

Over/Under on # of mentions of The Bradley Effect on CNN: 20

" " on MSNBC: 18

" " on Fox News: 125 (But you still shouldn't watch)


Odds that McCain/Palin wins and Rachel Maddow gets misty and says she is so proud of Sarah Palin: -77,000%


Odds of Obama winning and you hearing reference to calling the White House "The Black House" at some point in the next 48 hours: 65%

Odds Obama suggests changing his middle name. To "Osama": 6%






Leave your odds in the comments section.

This is Election-Related and Kinda Awesome

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Check out this cool site. The Freakonomics blog linked to it a few days ago, and it's pretty sweet. It's a map and a timeline basically, and the timeline scrolls from 1840 to 2004 and shows how every state voted in the elections. I'd recommend scrolling down all the way, so you can see the years and then hit the Pause button if you want to check it out. It's a doozie.

Don't Billy-Club Me, Bro

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


Apparently, if you stand in front of a polling station dressed in all black with a billy club, you will displease not only ivy league student journalists, but also police. Who knew?

Put On Your Voting Caps, America!

Hell yeah.

Free Starbucks if you Vote Today!

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


http://www.bizjournals.com/washington/stories/2008/11/03/daily25.html

Don't forget to hit them up. They can afford it.

Song Lyrics I Can't Listen to Without Singing Aloud

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com


I think there are a million lines I love to sing, but these are my favorites that I could think of off the top of my head. Or "I spit these straight from the dome" as us freestylers say rap.

Song title (Musician): Lyrics



Last Christmas (Wham): "I wrapped it up and sent it, with a note saying "I love you" I meant it"

The Girl is Mine (Michael Jackson feat. Paul McCartney): tie "Paul, I think I told you. I'm a lover, not a fighter." and Michael saying "I don't belieeeeeeve it"

Here Comes Santa Claus (Elvis): The opening line- "Here comes Santa Claus, uh-here comes Santa Claus."

Contagious (R. Kelly featuring Ron Isley): "Drive me crazy....drive me wiiiiiiiild" AND "I'm about to catch a caaa-aassse." Ok, really this is the best song ever to sing along with. All the lines are great.

Mack the Knife (Louis Armstrong): "Tsuki Tawdry, Jenny Diver, Lottie Lanyard, Sweet Lucy Brown, Ohhhh the line forms on the right, dear."

The New Style (Beastie Boys): "I roll up the woolie and I watched Columbo"

Pour Some Sugar on me (Def Leppard): "Do you take your sugar one lump or two?"

Rebel Yell (Billy Idol): "In the Midnight hour, she screamed 'More, more, more'"

Don't Mean a Thing (Louis Armstrong): "It don't mean a thing-a if it aint-a got-a that-a swing-a."

100 Miles and Runnin' (NWA)- "A 100 Miles from home and yo, it's a long stretch. A little sprintin' mutherfucker that they won't catch."

Gangsta Gangsta (NWA)- "My homey Dre will fuck you up in a minute with right, left, right, left you're toothless then you say 'Goddamn they ruthless' "

Strangers in the Night (Frank Sinatra)- "Love was just a glance away, warm embracing dance and play."

Frank Sinatra (Miss Kitten and The Hacker)- "....we talk about Frank Sinatra. Do you know Frank Sinatra? He's dead....ha ha...dead."

You Rock My World (Michael Jackson)- (in the beginning part with Chris Tucker and Michael are talking) "...she is bangin'....she looks good, you're right" Real believable, Michael

Notorious Thugs (Just Bone n' Biggie)- The entire song, but especially when Puff Daddy does the voiceover where he misquotes scripture and says "Please forgive me, for you know not what you do." to that end, I also love his voiceover in Big Poppa "Tell your friends, to get with my friends, we can be friends. We can do dis every weekend? Dat aight? Dat aight wichu?"

Hey Ma (Cam'ron)- the telephonic conversation between Killer Cam and his friend "L"

"Yo L., I hit it."
"What else?"
"Plus dome."
"Say Word?"

Starry Eyed Surprise (Paul Oakenfold feat. Shifty): "Ladies of the evenin' drinking booze and minglin' "

Welcome to Atlanta Remix (Jermaine Dupri feat. Puff Daddy, Nelly, and Snoop): "St. Louis is the Truth like Sojourner/ Don't need to burn 'er, we learned from Ike Turner/I tried to told you/Don't cross that bridge without permission from the St. Lunatics"

My Two Favorite Politically-Themed Videos

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Thomas Jefferson once said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." I don't think any American has ever embodied that fighting spirit, can-do American spirit quite like this guy. No, he wasn't a WWII Veteran from Guadalcanal or an American Revolution war hero. He's something which much more cunning, dignity, fortitude and above all, success.




And lets not let time fade the memory of the this gem. Man, I love this video still.

A Welcome Break From All The Election Coverage

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com

This is actually worksafe.




The guys that did the voiceover for this are my role models.

Florida is Getting an Early Start on Election Stupidity

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com



Why wouldn't you stand in the middle of a freeway?


And check out which city this was from. I REALLY hope these aren't the people making my butter.

This is Kinda Awesome

By: T.R. Slyder, TRSlyder@yahoo.com